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7/24/11

Happy Pioneer Day to All Mormons!

If you live in Utah, you are enjoying a 3-day weekend this weekend.  For the rest of the world, it will be Monday as usual.

Why?

Today is Pioneer Day.

July 24th is a Mormon Holiday (and a state holiday in Utah) celebrating the entry of Brigham Young and other Mormon pioneers entering the Salt Lake Valley on July 24th, 1847.

The pioneers migrated west because of persecution and general bulling in Illinois and other parts of the United States.  In oversimplifying terms, the Mormons were running away from bullies.

The celebrations did not last for long, however.  Apparently Brigham Young told one too many 'yo mama' jokes as he was leaving.  In 1857, the US Army caught up with the LDS emigrants, and the Utah War began.  President Lincoln eventually intervened, and Pioneer Day was celebrated once again.

Betcha didn't know that Lincoln wasn't only responsible for ending slavery.  He also abolished mormon beat-downs, and probably invented Lincoln Logs as well...

In Utah, Pioneer Day is celebrated with rodeos, parades, fireworks, and tons of congestion.  Many reports from Salt Lake City say traffic congestion (and fatalities) are highest during July 4th and during Pioneer Day.

Those crazy mormon drivers....

For the other 49 states and the rest of the world, it's simply July 24th.  If you feel like showing some props to your mormon bretheren, here are some fun ways to do it:

  • Listen to Donny & Marie all day (I forget, which one's country, and which one's rock and roll?  Does it matter?)
  • No coffee or booze.  Drink lots of lemonade or root beer, and use words like "golly" and "gosh darnit."
  • Watch every mormon's favorite episode of South Park... and sing along!  (dum dum dum dum dum...)
  • Learn some fun mormon facts
Or, you know, just do your normal stuff and don't bother.  That's what I'm doing today...

So if you're LDS, happy Pioneer Day.  Enjoy your festivities, and try not to party too hard.  At least you didn't die of dysentery on the Oregon Trail... that's one thing to celebrate.  I guess...
Please Share it! :)

13 witty retorts:

BigOryx said...

mormons are morons... :p

Bart said...

at first i was like pioneer day, who cares, then it said 3-4day weekend. fuck yeah! thats awesome. long weekend for us next weekend.

LoneIslander said...

I think I should go and see The Book of Mormon on Broadway tonight. I wonder if they are having a special showing to celebrate the event?

Zombie said...

I had no idea today was pioneer day! lol. Thanks for the heads up :)

WhisperingWriter said...

This was an interesting read.

Donnie and Marie scare me a little bit.

Thank, Q said...

Dude, I've never heard of this holiday in my life. Wow. That's a new one. In fact, most of the stuff I've learned on Mormons have been on this site. I'm not sure if that is good or not.

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

I've never actually heard of this holiday, so thanks for enlightening me. Now I know the best day to teepee their houses and give them pamphlets on monogamy.

....Just kidding. Some Mormons are REALLY good looking and I would never screw my chances with them. lol.

Mynx said...

You are truly the guru on all things Mormon

my day in a sentence said...

Well, happy Pioneer day, everyone! :D

Not the Hero said...

I have a confession. I had no idea about this holiday. This may not be that big of a deal except I was raised Mormon. I even served my mission in England. I've read the Book of Mormon three times cover to cover. I still didn't know about pioneer days. Probably because I'm Canadian. (I blame a lot of shit on being Canadian)

Is it just me or does seeing a cart and oxen make you have flashbacks of dying of dysentery and being buried in the desert.

Shutterbug said...

This is the first time I've heard of this Pioneer Day. I learn something new each time I visit your blog! :)

Mama Spaghetti said...

Oh Pioneer Day! I sort of miss the small, Mormon-filled town I grew up in... (In NV, not UT, so I never did get to celebrate Pioneer Day.)

I wish I was in a religion that got to create holidays for an extra day off each year!

Alice X said...

I'm always on the lookout for alternative expletives. Gosh darnit seems like a good one. My personal favourites at the moment is Dagnabbit or Holy Shibblets.

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