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6/7/11

The wide world of lame sports

When I was waiting for my flight at the Spokane airport (during my 18 hour flannel-filled ordeal), I decided to plop down at the airport bar and enjoy a drink.

I'm not sure if the channel was turned to the Speed channel or ESPN 12, but the denizens of the bar were watching a monster truck rally.

I was amused, to say the least.  Not only was the stadium packed to the gills, but the announcers kept referring to the show as a "sport."  I see a monster truck jam like I do professional wrestling.  Entertainment?  Sure.  A sport?  Hardly.

I sat and watched this nonsense for a good 45 minutes before my flight was ready to board.  Was there Bigfoot?  No.  Gravedigger?  Nope.  Any of the 'big name' monster trucks from the 80's and 90's?  Not a one.

They all had lame names like "Rocky's Rockin Rig" and such.  There was no gimmick, no flair.  Just little dudes in big trucks, running around in circles.

Truckasaurus was nowhere to be seen.
The announcers and the drivers were taking this 'sport' way too seriously.  Gone were the days of breathing fire and smashing VW Beetles.  Gone was the hype.  All that was left was a touney-style bracket of racers.  They had to do two laps around a lame circular course, and the slower of the two was eliminated.

So, in essence, it was like NASCAR but less laps.  And bigger trucks.  Maybe it's the 21st century version of NASCAR for people with ADHD??

As you can tell, I was disappointed.  I think, of all the lame sports, I could find (or improve upon) something else and make it more exciting than Monster Truck Racing.

For example, hacky sack.  While the basics look boring, you can add some 'extreme' into the mix.  If you are passed the sack and drop it, you're eliminated and thrown in a "Fear Factor" style pit of ants or grubs or something.

Every 5 minutes of game time, Zinedine Zidane comes out and charges/headbutts a random player.  You better react fast!  If it's your turn and Z knocks you out, you're gonna get the pit...

Add some pro-wrestling hype, scantily clad women, and announcers who like to overreact, and you may have a decent sport on your hands.

Speaking of scantily clad women, check out what an Italian Restaurant at Vegas' Caesar's Palace has done to bocce.  Meet the bocce bellas.  Not only do they teach you how to play the game, but they will cheer you on as you *cough* handle your balls with skill.

Imagine watching some 50's+ men playing bocce with these two jumping up and down going "yaaaaaay!!"  Who needs viagra now??  Not those guys.

So what say you, oh blogging nation?  Do you like to watch Monster Trucks?  If not, what 3rd-rate sport would you pick to watch instead?  None of the big name sports... I'm talking badminton, snooker, or extreme chess here... 

Let the world know by leaving a comment!
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40 witty retorts:

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

I like this new layout. :D

I would watch extreme Chinese chess.

I mean, like, there's a WHOLE TV channel dedicated to that sport in China. And some of the dudes aren't half-bad looking.

GamerGanz said...

"Lame spots" and "monster trucks" doesn't go together! :S

NASCAR: "They're making a left turn! They're making a left turn! I wonder what will happen next!"

The Angry Lurker said...

Monster trucks has gone the way of wrestling, no real personality and definitely not a sport.

Annabelle said...

I get sucked into the Strong Man contests and the STIHL Contests with the dudes with those monster chain saws. Frikkin awesome.

I'd like to take my soon to be 5yr old to a monster truck show, i think he'd enjoy that.

Do love the new look btw.

BigMike said...

Girls softball

Ally said...

NASCAR is so ghey. I once bought this shirt from busted tees that said BORING in the NASCAR logo. I wore it to our local bar on NASCAR night.

Zombie said...

it always makes me wonder why people love monster truck rallies. lol.

Lady Estrogen said...

Awe crap. My boys love it - I just KNOW I'll be dragged to one - I'll be wearing ear plugs.

Not the Hero said...

I'd watch ladies beach volleyball. I know some of the women look closer to a skeleton but those are usually the pros so I'll stick to watching amature. Sure there is less spiking more more jiggle.

Xenototh said...

HAH, ADHD Nascar. THAT I will have to remember.

Bart said...

hell yeah game 7 = more beard. and i love monster trucks. always have. im pretty good at hacky sack too, in steal toes. frizzbee is alrite at times, and badminton can get quite competitive at times. who doesnt like smashing birdies.

The Simple Dude said...

I am a sports nut and can watch almost anything, but NASCAR has got to be the most boring crap around.

I'd rather watch midget golf.

SD
www.TheSimpleDude.com

JamieGraham09 said...

nice post :P but I do like the idea of going to a monster truck rally haha

Melanie said...

One of the ESPN incarnations broadcast the National Spelling Bee. Now explain to me how THAT is a sport?

Derrick O said...

lol i could come up with many more

Vince^_^ said...

We don't get those over here in the UK! :(

Adsila said...

My Dad could sit all day and watch golf. I don't get it... Is poker a sport? My hubby is always watching that. As for me, I don't really watch any unless you consider the cat fights between the Real Housewives a sport.

Kicking Rocks said...

they monstertruck rallies here in florida but the commercials are too cheesy, they looks like something that came out of the simpsons..... truckzillla...wtf is that...

The Minute Man's Wife said...

I don't think I agree with anyone more than I agree with Adsila! She definitely targeted the two worst "sports" to watch ever!

I would take Monster Trucks over golf any day!

In fact, I think it beats out basketball too!

It's not a sport unless something is getting destroyed or the players are wearing something tight.

Dale said...

Great new layout. So this post is really funny and brought up a couple things, first I don't get how Monster Truck Racing is a sport, although I took a race car driving course once and I was sweating and super sore because your whole body is tense and it's mentally draining (surprisingly). Everytime I watch the Olympics I see sports that seem silly and that I've never heard of. haha, I haven't seen Hacky Sack in a while.
-Dale

duffboi said...

I'm going for the strong man competitions too. Kind of entertaining for some reason.

Al Penwasser said...

Naked Twister, Naked Jenga, Strip Parcheesi...you know, the classics.
And womens beach volleyball.
With me naked.

D4 said...

I'm not a fan of monster trucks. There's gonna be a monster truck festival about a quarter mile from here. Literally. I am NOT looking forward to it.

I'd also watch hacky sack tournaments if they were on. That's my kind of game.

squatlo said...

I'm not even sure I'd consider NASCAR a sport. Entertaining? Sure... and it's always good when you can get 75,000 rednecks in one place... easier to keep an eye on 'em.

Jay Reid said...

I would like some Bocca Bellas right about now.

Skankin_Pete said...

Reminds me of the time I was at a Buffalo Wild Wings and they had bull riding on the TV. The difference of course is that they know how to give the bulls exciting names, I mean who could forget a name like Clinically Insane?

Astronomy Pirate said...

When I was a kid, those announcers had a way to draw you in. I hated wrestling, but I would drool at monster truck commercials. Also, bocce is fun, my grandpa taught me and more people should give it a shot.

As far as lame sports that need to be known about: Planking. (you could do a good Idaho Planking adventure)

Handflapper said...

I can't think of any sport I'd want to watch on TV. Demolition derbys are way cooler than monster truck rallys, though.

Bunny Hill said...

I wouldn't mind Zinedine Zidane head butting a few hipster. Great idea.

Ana said...

I don't usually watch tv...but I would see a snooker game :)

Jewels said...

I'm still dying to see extreme Mahjong and to go to my first Curling Tournament Live! hehehe.

Alright...I will admit that in an attempt to meet guys I have seriously considered going to one of these monster truck or motorcross events...but then shake myself and realize that is not really the kind of guy I want to meet. No offense but if they like it enough to go, and they meet me there, they'll probably want me to keep going with them...no thanks!

JewelsTurning30

ed said...

i dont consider these sports

Colin Biano said...

i loved monster trucks as a kid

The Frisky Virgin said...

I've never really gotten into the whole monster truck thing...but I do love me some NASCAR. lol

Hmm, 3rd rate...maybe dirt track racing, although I don't really know if that qualifies. Huh. Maybe I'm just a big sports snob?? lol

Thank you so much for the kind words you left on my blog--I'm elated you found me, so I can now read your blog...I can already tell I love it!!!!

Mike said...

I like the dinosaur monster truck, that's badass.

Neon said...

I love watching snooker on TV, really shows the professionalism of the individual player, and not the team.

Empty said...

hecky sack... :o i like this...

Drake Sigar said...

Great comparison, pro wrestling also sucks now because the show’s creators take the ‘sport’ way too seriously. Now colourful comic book characters are the exception instead of the rule.

And hey! I liked snooker. I once wore my snooker waistcoat on non school uniform day. Those knuckle prints still won’t iron out.

Thank, Q said...

I'm not sure what Bocce is, but I have a sudden urge to learn how to play. As for the sport I'd choose... Strongman competition! Nothing passes the time better at 3 AM than seeing two men picking up cruise boat anchors and running up the side of a mountain or something. I keep thinking to myself that I'm going to see someone die on TV when watching it.

Alyssa said...

Piano competitions.... practically a sport! Taken way too seriously enough to be considered a sport haha

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