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Father's Day Weekend - Why I'm Not Sending My Dad a Tie This Year...

Actually, if anything, I'll be sending this coffee mug to him instead.  It sends a message of "I love you dad, but that doesn't mean I have to like you."

But then again, I doubt he's expecting anything from me.  We haven't talked since early 2009.

Why?  Well, if you ask him, it's because I'm ungrateful.

If you ask anyone else in the world that knows him, it's because he's a grade-A jerk.

I blogged earlier about my mom, and how she is finally living a life of a promiscuous 20-something at the age of 49.  Well a lot of it was because she married my dad young, and he was a d-bag from day 1.  When she turned 16, she bought her own car.  A 1977 Trans-Am, brand new, all the bells and whistles.  It was her dream car, and she loved it.  She married my dad in 1980, and the first thing he did was sell her car.  Why?  In his opinion, "it wasn't the car a married woman and mother should be driving."  Did he consult her?  Nope.  He just did it.

And that's how he lives his life.  He knows best, and he's always right.

Dad hasn't worked a consistent job since about 1995.  But he plays the lotto on a daily basis.  He plays all the different types:  Draw 3, draw 5, the big lotto, and he keeps a log.  He has hundreds of pages of graph paper with lotto results from the last 15 years, and LOVES to talk at length about how the California lottery is monitoring HIM, and making sure his numbers never come up.

Yes, I'm completely serious.  The California State Lotto is watching my dad like a hawk.  If he plays 2-7-2 on a pick 3, they will make sure he's always 1 number off.  Even if the number drawn is 8-4-5, he can find a way to justify it SHOULD HAVE BEEN his number.

See, folks?  This is what happens when you don't work.  You go crazy.  It completely made sense when my mom left him about 5 years ago.

Another big issue I have with my dad is his racism.  He's a hard-line Democrat, and I was raised in a neighborhood where I was pretty much the only white boy on my block.  Racism doesn't thrive well in those scenarios, but my dad finds a way.

According to dad, all the bad drivers on the road are Mexican.  Ok, ok, in Southern California that's a safe bet statistics-wise, but still... when you're 15, and you're dad his hanging his head out the window of the car yelling "CHOCO LOCO!!!" it's a bit of an embarassment.

Speaking of car stories, he's a chain smoker.  He smokes in his car, with the windows rolled up.  Growing up, I was definitely a somewhat addicted second-hand smoker.  When I cough, I sound like I've been smoking a pack a day since I was 12... Thanks dad, for fucking up my lungs and not caring.

He was finally evicted from the home I was raised in, and is now living with his parents in Arizona.  I feel sorry for Grandma and Grandpa.  Talking to them, he's pretty close to being homeless, because dad is treating them like dirt... even though they are giving him a place to stay rent-free.  Go fig.

Dad only cares about himself.  He has gotten TV and phone service in my name by using my Social Security Number, because his credit is so screwed up.  His solution was to take advantage of his boys... first my brother and then me.  Isn't he great?

On the bright side, dad has taught me a valuable lesson:  Don't be like him.  I make an effort every day to be as NOT like him as possible.  I don't judge, I don't exploit, and I try to put others first.  So, in a way, thanks dad for being such an asshole.
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11 witty retorts:

Al Penwasser said...

I have one JUST like him. Well, to be more accurate, I HAD one just like him. Dear Old D-Bag went to his maker in November after succumbing to "morbid obesity" (I'm serious, that's what the death certificate says) in November. He was cremated without a ceremony and his ashes were scattered in Long Island Sound (as if that body of water doesn't haven't enough problems). A combination Ralph Kramden-Fred Flintstone-Archie Bunker, he is proof that evil eventually dies.

Annabelle said...

My hubs dad was an abusive alcoholic. I can't think of one happy memory story I've ever heard from him or my in laws.

Trying to be the opposite of that man, in every way he can, has made him a terrific father.

Good for for learning what not to do and how not to be. Your boys are going to be amazing because they will have learned from someone who has seen both sides.

Charlene said...

My dad died when I was 8 so I have no clue what he would have been like. The guy you describe is a sad sad example of human. Remember what the Al just ended his comment with! That's true. SMILE

Salted Plum said...

You can tell a significant amount about a person by asking whether they "play" the lottery or not, I think.

Rob said...

Sounds bad man, enjoy your Fathers Day with your sons instead, I'm sure that'll make up for it.

Autumnforest said...

I really believe people teach us good and bad lessons. I have a notebook and each page has someone in my lifetime's name and one side of the page is all the good things they taught me, the back side of the page is all the things they taught me never to do. My son found it one time and told me, "mom you do all the good things and none of the bad." It was the greatest compliment and showed that we need them all in the world. I told my son too, "we need those assholes on the road, they keep our driving skills up." Your father is one of those assholes on the road of life, it sounds. You can see why my freedom is so hard earned. I'm just a year younger than your mom and my ex was extremely controlling (and I had 73 formula firebird with cherry bomb mufflers). Hee hee. I got a sensible Toyota Corolla. So, I too am living my childhood, but not with much abandon because I moved out 8 months go and still haven't had a first date since the prom. I'm so glad you learned from your father's example because so many just figure they can treat women poorly because they lose respect for mothers who put up with that shit.

Jewels said...

It isn't easy growing up with a father like that, I'm sure, but sometimes the greatest lessons people can teach us are who/what we do not want to be/do. I'm sure that you have made sure to never repeat those mistakes with your kids.

Kelly said...

I feel for ya in having a dad like that. It must be hard to have a father that is so self absorbed and has his priorities wrong. My own father is like that now but he wasn't always that way. I can relate.

In any case, I truly hope you're able to see your kids soon. I bet that hurts in many ways.

And sorry I haven't been around much. My busy life doesn't allow for me to post every day or respond to other blogs like it used to. I still don't get how you're able to do it. As for me, I find that blogging isn't as addicting as it was for a few years there. Who knows? Maybe it will be again someday.

Take care. Have a good weekend.

Powdered Toast Man said...

You should buy your mom a Trans-Am for next mother's day. I'll chip in $7.

LilPixi said...

That's really hard, Brandon, I'm sorry. =( You know, it's all about that last paragraph, though! I don't think most people end up like their parents at all. I think we learn from them on what NOT to become. You haven't had it easy, that's for sure. But you're a strong, right-minded, and amazing person by what you've learned from it.

Squatlo said...

Good post, Brandon. My own dad was a piece of work, ask anyone. But compared to yours, he was Fred McMurray of My Three Sons.
Unfortunately, my three sisters insist that I'm just like him now... dammit.

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