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6/25/11

It's All About the Spelling. (guest post)

I am off camping (joy...) so please enjoy a guest post today from Lady Estrogen.  You can find her and her amazing stories at Adventures in Estrogen.  I warn you though.... once you go there, you'll never be the same.  But in a good, slightly more twisted way.

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Over the past couple weeks, I have become privy to a magical bit of information – which is that Tori Spelling is my hero.

Now, I would never have thought that before, nor did I go searching for this epiphany like I was some sad second-rate version of that Laura Croft be-yatch. Besides, I’m much more of an Indiana Jones girl, but I digress.

So, I was searching for a quality image to use for a post that eloquently discusses crotch sweat. Like any logical “Googler” I typed in: crotch sweat… low and behold, Tori Spelling appeared on page 6.


I thought that was mildly humourous – after all, she’ll be the original 90210 grenade for all time. 

I had a giggle and moved on.

Next, I thought I’d try searching for: boob sweat.
Wha-pow! Hello there, again! Not first over-all, but first on page 4. Look at those boobs – I’m sure daddy Spelling paid handsomely for those. Mmmm, sweaty.


Then, my laughter grew and it was evident that Google was truly entertaining me… during work hours, of course.

A few days had passed and I was on to my next project. Of course, I’m back on the image hunt, but this time the key words are: dumb blonde. Well, duh! Perhaps this wasn’t exactly ground-breaking news, but it was nice to see her familiar face pop up, and on page 2, nevertheless. Once again, I chuckled and stored that tidbit of information away in the ‘poor taste archives’ of my brain.


Finally, just the other day, I was searching for a fantastically cruel and bitchy photo for myself to use in lieu of my own pregnancy photo. I typed in: ugly & pregnant. Done. Hi Tori!


But wait! She’s only 4th on page 1? That shit just ain’t right. She’s so close yet so far. Google and your quirky word-arrangement glitches – surely we could do better than that! So, I typed in: pregnant & ugly. Voila! BAM! Numero uno on page 1. What a fucking accomplishment, truly.


Although it did take some unplanned research over a span of time, I am extremely happy with this realization that I have stumbled upon. Perhaps one day, I too, could have my photo emerge on such a plethora of key words and phrases.

But then again, that’s the shit only my dreams are made of.

Please Share it! :)

17 witty retorts:

Lady Estrogen said...

YAY!! Thanks for having me over - it was fun :) *muah*

Mooner Johnson said...

Lady E. Too fucking funny. OK, so i thought I'd give it a whirl and Googleated "ugly TV women".

First hit "20 Ugliest Celebrities", so I clicked on that, and voila-- number 18 was Ms. Spelling.

This could be a game, sort of like Six Degrees of Bacon Sandwich or one of those dealies. But it makes me feel dirty and rude. Which reminds me, I really like how you look sitting on that stool. Are you holding a whip?

Fuck Rick Perry.

The Angry Lurker said...

Poor spelling, good guest post.

Random Girl said...

Perfect pick for a guest post! You two are kindred souls I tell ya! Poor Tori...well not really.. because I laughed me evil laugh when I saw her continually coming up on unflattering searches. But let's be real, ugly, sweaty or otherwise, she has more $ than I will ever see so I guess she wins and loses at the same time.

Lady Estrogen said...

@Mooner
I'm actually disappointed in Tori - I thought for sure she had it in her to make it to the Top 10 on that search. Damn you, Google!

Zombie said...

hmmm... maybe I should do guest posts...

Liss said...

Great guest post! I laughed ;)

D4 said...

I find this hilarious. Especially the part where I suddenly want to google 'boob sweat'.

CURIOSITY!

in bed with married women said...

Meanwhile, after reading this, Tori's at home Googling "foxy pregnant blondes," no, not there, damn.
"enviable fake boobs," crap! not that either.
"non-creepy bulging eyes," oh man! no luck.

poor tori.

jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com

Technosauce said...

Classic.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Lady E, you're a legend. xoxo

*Off to Google to type in random words and see if Tori pops up.*

Mynx said...

Very funny, I will have to look out for her next search I do

JoJo said...

you are so funny!!! xxx

Bart said...

i'd still hit it.

The Minute Man's Wife said...

Are you sure you're not being stalked by alien loving Tori Spelling fans that have secretly screwed with your computer searches so you would become a fan like one of them and they could beam you up to the mother ship - which is apparently Tori's enormously pregnant belly???

Leighann said...

Only you would make this connection.

Shona said...

Oh god, she showed up everywhere LOL

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