I am off camping (joy...) so please enjoy a guest post today from Lady Estrogen. You can find her and her amazing stories at Adventures in Estrogen. I warn you though.... once you go there, you'll never be the same. But in a good, slightly more twisted way.
Over the past couple weeks, I have become privy to a magical bit of information – which is that Tori Spelling is my hero.
Now, I would never have thought that before, nor did I go searching for this epiphany like I was some sad second-rate version of that Laura Croft be-yatch. Besides, I’m much more of an Indiana Jones girl, but I digress.
So, I was searching for a quality image to use for a post that eloquently discusses crotch sweat. Like any logical “Googler” I typed in: crotch sweat… low and behold, Tori Spelling appeared on page 6.
I thought that was mildly humourous – after all, she’ll be the original 90210 grenade for all time.
I had a giggle and moved on.
Next, I thought I’d try searching for: boob sweat.
Wha-pow! Hello there, again! Not first over-all, but first on page 4. Look at those boobs – I’m sure daddy Spelling paid handsomely for those. Mmmm, sweaty.
Then, my laughter grew and it was evident that Google was truly entertaining me… during work hours, of course.
A few days had passed and I was on to my next project. Of course, I’m back on the image hunt, but this time the key words are: dumb blonde. Well, duh! Perhaps this wasn’t exactly ground-breaking news, but it was nice to see her familiar face pop up, and on page 2, nevertheless. Once again, I chuckled and stored that tidbit of information away in the ‘poor taste archives’ of my brain.
Finally, just the other day, I was searching for a fantastically cruel and bitchy photo for myself to use in lieu of my own pregnancy photo. I typed in: ugly & pregnant. Done. Hi Tori!
But wait! She’s only 4th on page 1? That shit just ain’t right. She’s so close yet so far. Google and your quirky word-arrangement glitches – surely we could do better than that! So, I typed in: pregnant & ugly. Voila! BAM! Numero uno on page 1. What a fucking accomplishment, truly.
Although it did take some unplanned research over a span of time, I am extremely happy with this realization that I have stumbled upon. Perhaps one day, I too, could have my photo emerge on such a plethora of key words and phrases.
But then again, that’s the shit only my dreams are made of.