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11/18/11

Fun With the Homeless

I recently walked into a coffee shop on a cold, snowy afternoon.  A homeless man had set up camp at the entrance, and was introducing himself to everyone who walked in.

"Hi, I'm %^&*(@ and I'm trying to get a hold of such-and-such company in a city that's 200 miles away.  It's cold, and I don't want to walk anymore, so I want to call them for a ride...."

Over and over he tells people this, and finally one guy offers to help him.  He looks up the business on his phone, and no such business exists.

"The owner's name is chuck.  See if chuck is there..."

"I'm sorry sir, I can't even find the business, let alone a number to call..."

This sets the homeless guy off.  He's been called a liar, and all he wants is some dude that lives 200 miles away to pick him up and give him a ride into town...

....yeah.

I silently sip my coffee (in the opposite corner) and watch the drama unfold.  He asks to borrow another person's phone to call his friend chuck.

...but he's never operated a phone.  Doesn't know how to dial.  "Which button is for the operator?"  Now he won't give the nice man his phone back...

I finally got up and left when the manager called the cops.  As entertaining as it was, he was harassing every person who came through the door.  Bad for business, and all that jazz.

But I do feel sorry for the guy.  It was 15 degrees out and pounding snow.  And he's 200 miles away from his final destination?  Sucks to be him.

If he weren't so smelly and confrontational, I may have given him a ride.  I stayed at a hotel in his goal-of-a-town, and slept like a baby.

Oh well....  off to work!
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14 witty retorts:

Lady Estrogen said...

Never operated a phone - umm... wow.
It's like a guy I had to talk to in the UK that didn't know any part of his own address. He HAD one, that of which, I'm sure.
Which reminds me, I must rehash that someday. Good times, darlin'

Haven said...

Honey works better than vinegar. I guess if you don't have either you forget what they taste like.

Bart said...

u guys have snow down there already? we just got our first storm of flurries yesterday.

aamedor said...

Im pretty sure the place he was thinking of was more than 200 miles away, fantasyland is a billion miles from everywhere

the Tsaritsa said...

Operator? Sounds like he was either just fooling around or he lost his marbles. When was the last time the job of "phone operator" was actually a job? The 70s?

Pickleope said...

Was the homeless dude's name a curse word? My favorite homeless story goes as such:
I leave work early with an eye infection, as soon as I get out of my building, a homeless guy in a suit jacket missing a sleeve and missing pants, comes up to me and asks in a "do you have any Grey Poupon" accent, "Excuse me sir, do you have any hamburgers?" Strangely, I didn't have a single hamburger on me. I took off my sunglasses and one look at my infected eye all red and swollen he steps back and says "Great googly moogly" and quickly walks away.
~Fin~

Annabelle said...

what a heartwarming holiday tale.

; )

Adsila said...

One time I had a homeless man ask for money for food. I offered to buy him a burger and he got pissed because he wanted the money. I guess he wanted to drink his dinner. Needless to say, I gave him nothing. (Ungrateful bastard)

Dale said...

I see so many people like this in San Francisco and I don't mind homeless people asking for money, but it's the ones who frantically approach people on the streets with elaborate lies saying they need $1 to get somewhere or their "pregnant" wife is somewhere and they have to get to her. It's so insulting. Sounds like you saw a guy like this, hopefully he lands back on his feet somehow. Being freezing cold and homeless sounds awful, way worse than living on the streets in Cali. Have a good weekend! :)
~Dale

Lil Dreamer said...

That's sad and I suspect his destination was a place that only existed in his own reality. But at least the cops came. Maybe they arrested him and gave him a warm place to sleep for the night...

Al Penwasser said...

While I sympathize with many of the homeless (I do), I've always wondered why there are any of them in Northern cities. If I was homeless, I'd be heading to Key West. No subway grates to sleep on to keep warm there. But, then again, no need to keep warm.

Melanie said...

i am just not very nice. at all. i probably would have skipped my coffee or got it later or elsewhere.

Autumnforest said...

Sounds like he was a few screwdrivers short of a full toolbox. Poor guy. Remind me to never be homeless in the north country.

D4 said...

Kinda just feel bad for the guy. I would've stayed though. Sounds like a pretty awesome show.

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