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If we can use gum as currency, why not sex?

"Of COURSE you can pay me in sex!!"
(This post was partially inspired by Lady Estrogen... surprise surprise... THIS is why we can't have nice things!)

Most TV watchers have seen commercials for Trident Layers gum, where people are being paid in gum instead of money.

Babysitter:  "Of COURSE you can pay me in gum!"

Sad phone repairman:  "I wish they paid ME in gum..."

So it got me thinking, since I'm a dirty-minded guy:  What if you could use other forms of payments instead of money?

Thanks to this commercial, the first thought in my mind was "cum."  It rhymes with gum, and if you do a quick word transfer, the Trident commercial takes on a WHOLE new meaning!  The look in the babysitters' eyes makes it even funnier.

Oooh, she's getting paid in CUM!
But cum is kind of messy, and how do you accurately measure it for a form of currency?  I took that basic idea, and changed it to "orgasms."

They're easier to measure, and married couples have been using O's as a transaction for many years.  I myself, when married, had a few conversations that played out like this:

"Hey Brandon, can you replace the brakes on my car?  They're going bad, and I'm afraid to drive like this..."

"Sure, if I get a bj for it..."  Guys have been using O's as bargaining chips since the stone age, and I think it should be given a fair market value.

After all, the Orgasm is more stable than the Euro, can be universally traded like gold, and has a value everyone can appreciate.  I mean, who doesn't like orgasms?

I wish they paid ME in sex...
But sometimes an O is hard to give.  Guys can get them without blinking, but the female orgasm is a tricky beast.

I personally think every female O should be worth 3 male O's, but my point of view could be a little biased...

Ultimately I decided on sex.  Sex is an easy alternative to money, and people do chores and tasks for sexual favors all the time.  In fact, there's been a few occasions where I've helped out friends and neighbors where a quick "wham bam" would have been an acceptable payment.

So, I ask you:  Would you rather be paid in gum, or in sexual favors?  Or is cold hard cash still the method of choice?  Feel free to share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.
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14 witty retorts:

myjoyproject said...

Personally I love this idea. Although I think it should be an option to cash, just in case the cable repair guy is 350lbs with a hair lip or something.

Now, if I could have paid the guy who built my deck in the spring in sex.... mmmmmm.....

Fair enough?

Anonymous said...

you can pay me in cum did she said?

Autumnforest said...

I don't know. I'm thinking that considering how mind-blowing I am in bed, I might have some men staring hungrily at me when they've already been paid and I'd have to keep saying stupid things like my parents used to say, "What? Do I look like a bank?"

Lady Estrogen said...


Well, I *would* offer my opinion, but it'll cost you an O.


Anonymous said...

If given an option of cash or sex I'd still pick cash...but in the matter of gum or sex...well then sex always wins out!

disclaimer-the $ before sex answer depends entirely on who would be "paying".

D4 said...

It depends on the person. I mean, maybe if I was bi it'd be the way to go.

Gum though. Holy crap, gum is amazing. That trident layers stuff? Woah.

Mynx said...

Seriously, not a gum fan. So that leaves sex or cash. Hmmm, ok, first we forget I am married ok. Can I choose to pay my hot plumber in favours but the spotty teenage boy at the supermarket in cash? I need choices to be available

Astra said...

Depends on the situation and the individuals involved.

I am not a big fan of Gum unless im on an airplane.

Shutterbug said...

you can pay me in bacon! ;)

Alice X said...

Can it be selective cum? I'm not sure i'd want to paid in that by everyone.

Alice X said...

Can it be selective cum? I'm not sure i'd want to paid in that by everyone.

Alice X said...

Can it be selective cum? I'm not sure i'd want to paid in that by everyone.

Al Penwasser said...

If the sexual favors come from Danny DeVito, Madeline Albright, or Scooby Doo, I'm going with Trident every time.

Thank, Q said...

I like cash still. With cash, I can cum and buy gum. I wonder if they could put coochie on the stock market? I wonder what the symbol for it would be? Lol! Sorry. Randomness.

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