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Dear Idaho

Dear Idaho -

Yes, you're a dentist.  Yes, you went through endless years of schooling, to call yourself an 'educated' man.  You bestow your opinions on everyone else, always assuming you're right, and arguing your stance until the other side gives up.

Well, Doctor:  When you say "I thought a farrier was when, you know, you have more than one gay dude, and one is farrier than another..." and you're totally serious?  I just lost a little respect for you.

Also, asking if racism still exists is laughable.  No, black people should not just "get over it and let it go."  If it were that simple, the issue would have been dropped long ago, but it's not.  Sorry.  For an educated man, you're more or less an idiot.

Dear Idaho Teens and Twenty-Somethings -

Yes, I know you're trying to separate yourself from your peers.  Identity is key in the 21st century, and you have to make sure to stand out from the herd.

But come on, leave the fedora in the 40's through 60's.  It died out for a reason, just like wearing a suit to work has died out for the majority of the nation.

We are no longer a generation that 'suits up' every day, unless your name is Barney Stinson.  The fedora looks great with a tailored suit, but not with a popped-collar polo.  You're not Indiana Jones, you're not Don Draper.  You're a douchebag, and you're trying to hard.

Hats are accessories.  If you don't know how to properly accessorize, you're going to fail when you put one of these on.  And, although we're not laughing in your face, I promise we are giggling inside.

Dear Medical Professionals of Idaho -

When going through med school, you did a lot of disgusting things.  You learned to put your morals aside and follow the hippocratic oath.  The human body is your playground, and your job is to keep that body well.

But why is it, that when a woman comes in for an infected mammary gland due to breast feeding, you get all flustered?  Do you treat her?  No.  Silly Mormon, you tell her that you don't feel comfortable looking at her breasts, and tell her to come back when a female doctor is on staff, thus letting the infection worsen because you can't look at a booby.  You might be compelled to, you know, touch it...

I'm sorry, and I know this goes for a lot of people in a lot of areas, but some people in Idaho are just plain dumb.  It surprises me how many of those dummies have "Dr." in front of their name, and let their personal beliefs influence their practice (something they were taught against in school).
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11 witty retorts:

Lady Estrogen said...

WOW! Are you SERIOUS about the docs? That's really awful... and UNPROFESSIONAL. Yikes.

LOVE the teen in the Fedora. Are you sure that's not taken from Preston?

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I love a guy in a hat. Takes a confident man to wear a hat. I'm talking about a hat - not a cap.

D4 said...

... A doctor will seriously turn a patient down because they're uncomfortable? Can they honestly keep their licence like that? I'm.. skeptical here..

Mooner Johnson said...

Brandini. Missed you over to BlogCon2011. I'm just back and catching up on my reading.

Most doctors are in the "One Percent" for starters. Add the Mormon crap, and they can be exported to Iran, in my humble opinion.

Religious fanaticism is the worst variety. Therefore, FUCK RICK PERRY!

Melanie said...

mind...just..blown...and I am also laughing my ass off as I work with doctors!! and see lots of douche bags wearing fedoras (and funny little side note, just got the little local paper, and they had a story on the elections in which our mayor (who has been in office since right after i graduated from high school - which was a LONG time ago) wears a fedora, always. except he is old. and probably wore one in the 40's.

the Tsaritsa said...

A doctor who won't look at an infected breast should have their license revoked. That is total bullshit.

Mooner Johnson, Doctor of Breastial Examinations said...

B'don. I forgot to say that I'm quite the expert and will be more than happy to provide free breast exams for all you ladies. You can send me pics (I'll need shots from every angle and from three different ranges) or we can do a Skype session.

I guess I can also provide my services to men, but I'll need the price of a sixer of cold Carta Blanca. I'll need to get numbed before handling a man's breasts.

Al Penwasser said...

Dear Idaho,
Your potatoes suck. Ours are much better. Plus, we have fewer Mormons. And more lobsters. But, George Bush has a vacation home here. So, it's probably a wash. Still, there's that potato thing.

Zombie said...

There are a very select few who can pull off the fedora.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Guilty conscience anyone? A REAL doctor will look at the breast because it's just another part of the human body. No sexual gratification whatsoever. If you feel uncomfortable looking at it, there's some kind of underlying sexual issue there.

Also, thanks to Barney Stinson, half of the male population now wants to be him, but none of them know how to actually dress like him. Thus the fedora with a polo.

Bart said...

yeah i dunno, if ppl are going to see doctors there is clearly something wrong with em,i only go in to stitch up lacerations. other then that i stay away at all costs

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