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Halloween is Quickly Approaching

Ah, Halloween.  Where girls strive to dress as skimpy and slutty as possible, and guys either wear humorous costumes or outfits that draw attention to their dicks.

Or, you know, both.

I love this Holiday.

In a town with little to do, Halloween becomes a sacred drinking holiday.  Costumes, alcohol, and lots of exposed skin always make for an interesting night.

Some examples of costumes I've seen from my circle of female friends in years past:

  • Miss America Rejects (kicked out for being sexual deviants or criminals)
  • Slutty Fairy Tale Characters
  • Belly Dancers
And much much more.  When corsets are a main part of the costume, and you're making sure your underwear matches (just in case) you know it's going to be a damn fun night.

Last year, I went as a Geek Squad Technician.  If not for the little badge I printed, I'd have looked like a geeky Missionary that got lost and stumbled into the bar.

...white shirt, black tie, etc... Maybe I should just get a book of mormon and do THAT this year?

No, even in the bar scene, I'd get my ass kicked.

Two things you don't go as in this town, if you value your life:  A Mormon (don't you DARE make fun of the Mormons) or Barack Obama (that's just begging to get your ass kicked in this red little town...)

So, what to do this year?  Do I get one of those penis-esque costumes?  Like the magic lamp costume, where if women rub the lamp they're really rubbing my junk?

As fun as that sounds, being rubbed off by total strangers, I think I found my costume.

What do you think?
Please Share it! :)

19 witty retorts:

Lady Estrogen said...

Wait. You DRESSED UP for the Geek Squad costume? Bahaha.
Just kidding darlin'... perhaps.

My friends did a 'In Poor Taste' themed Halloween once - that was the best. The more offensive, the better.

Pickleope said...

You can do Angry Bird. But now you can also dress as Nancy Grace's exposed nipple. It will take a bit more craftsmanship but so worth it.

Paige said...

yes please please please be an angry bird! i personally am going for "slutty Dora the Explorer"

Adam said...

Angry bird costume FTW

Shutterbug said...

I think angry birds will be the "it" costume this year...get one while you still can! :)

Autumnforest said...

You need to hire as many girls under 12 as possible and go as a Mormon and his wives.

MRanthrope said...

I think dressing up as Jesus would probably be more dangerous in RED America than anything else.

Random Girl said...

Oh Halloween, the one night a year that an upstanding pillar of moral society can get as slutty as they want in public and claim it is just a costume...

Al Penwasser said...

Good thing Barack Obama isn't a Mormon (that I know of).
They'd never find your body.
In lieu of a poltically provocative costume, you can never go wrong going dressed as a huge penis and hanging out (pun intended) in front of the Ladies Room.

Bart said...

im gonna be a drunk dinosaur

my day in a sentence said...

I love it when the girls dress up into those costumes! ;D

Zombie said...

oh hell yes!! the angry bird costume is awesome!

Smart Ass Sara said...

If I had money to dress up this year I was going to be Flo from Progressive. Because I can fucking NAIL her whole schtick. It's basically every day of my life at work. :)

According to Jewels said...

What no outlet and plug with the girlfriend? No matching costumes like bacon and eggs?

I suppose angry birds will work. I myself will be going for slutty goddess, slutty bridesmaid (have to re-use my dress somehow), slutty military, or slutty blogger. I'm still debating...

Technosauce said...

Caustic amounts of booze engage.

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

I went as a nerdy school girl last year.

Which means, I just went as myself.

Happy Halloween!

The Frisky Virgin said...

You and Girlfriend should totally do the matching costume thing. Cam Newton and a Panthers cheerleader, maybe? ;)

I haven't dressed up for Halloween in years. The one time I tried to go all sexy, I kept getting, "You look so cute" and "You look so sweet." Yeah. Haven't dressed up since.

Now, I just indulge in candy corn.

Brandy @ Let's Grab a Coffee said...

If you're going as an angry're going to need to act the part.

Maybe your gf could operate the slingshot?

Thank, Q said...

Geek Squad? LOL! Nice! Unfortunately, I have to go as the Mayor of Munchkinland for my job. Ugh.

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