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9/12/11

My Cat Is Making Me Insane

I have blogged about my cat Weeble before, but she may be dead soon.   If she keeps up her current pace, she's bound to have an "unfortunate accident" and be strangled  by unknown forces...

You see, she likes to fuck with me.

I haven't been sleeping well lately, but Weeble doesn't care.  If was 5am, and she was out of food.  Can she wait a little while longer, when I naturally wake up?  Of course not...

First, she climbs onto my bed, and starts purring and rubbing against me, to wake me up.  Nothing.  She adds her cute little 'squeee' into the mix, saying "Wake up, daddy... I'm hungry..."

Still nothing.  I turn over, brush her off the bed, and go back to sleep.

Around the time I start falling back into a deep sleep, I hear *crrrrnch crrrrnch crrrrnch*

It's her.  And a plastic bag.

*crrrrnch crrrrnch*

She took a plastic bag out of the kitchen, brought it to the bedroom, and placed it on the side of the bed, near my head.  She's playing with it, as loudly as possible....  *crrrrnch crrrrnch*

After a few attempts at swatting her away (didn't work) I finally get up.  She trots to her food dish, looks up to me, and starts purring...

At this point, I'm severely miffed.   I feed her, curse at her for a second, and make my way back to bed.  I toss and turn for a few minutes, trying to find a comfortable position and drift back to sleep.  Just as I started floating back into dreamland........

*BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP*  The alarm goes up.  Rise and shine....

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22 witty retorts:

Tony Van Helsing said...

I make mine sleep downstairs at night. i've tried lettng them sleep upstairs and it all starts of cutely with them asleep on the bed until I get woken at 2am with them swinging off my shirts in the wardrobe.

Pickleope said...

Perhaps a squirt gun next to your bed would help? Or cat murder, either one.

Autumnforest said...

Don't you know by now, you can never trust pussies.

AllenTesch said...

Cats honestly have to be evil. I just know they do that to get back at us for picking them up when they are trying to go about their business.

Golden Girl said...

I don't have a cat and never have, but I have to admit, I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed to feed it, I would have made it wait. Kudos to you.

J.Day said...

My cat starts the same way, purring, being all sweet. Then she alternates between creepily staring at me doing a creepy "meow" (like I should worry about my life), or pouncing on my head. Several times that little shit has been thrown (not tossed). When I finally do get up, there's plenty of food and water. Bitch is just fucking with me.

LogAllot.com said...

My cat keeps me up on a nightly basis. I think its her way of getting back at something I said that she didn't like. She loves walking over my pillow and it drives me nuts. I think I need to do something to make her happy because I can't get any sleep!

Shaw said...

Troll cats are the best cats

Shutterbug said...

And that is why I prefer dogs!

Haven said...

My cat used to do this. Then I got an automatic cat feeder that I can program to feed him at 5a.m.. Problem solved.

Steve Bailey said...

This doesn't happen with snipes.... my preferred pet choice!

D4 said...

Gotta love cats that belong to other people. Sounds adorable, as long as it's not happening to me anyway.

The Lunatic Pope said...

Eris made Cats in her image, and used the rest of the leftovers for humans.
HAIL ERIS
ALL HAIL DISCORD

The Empress said...

Cats really do enjoy effing with people. Definitely look into the automatic cat feeder and also try locking her out of the room at night. After those efforts I doubt you can be held responsible for any actions that later transpire...

Mooner Johnson said...

Brandini. OK, please take a deep breath and put your chin in my hand. Look in my eyes buddy, and listen. Listen carefully.

IT A FUCKING CAT, BRANDON. WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT?

Get a dog--a puppy. Teach it to use the cat's box. Make sure the cat knows it's a purposeful act.

Leeanna said...

I had the same trouble. That's why I tolerate cats but love dogs. My dogs don't bother waking me up they just join me and we all sleep until I feel like getting up. I can be such a lazy bitch at times. I think they like me better than David because of that.

Zombie said...

My damn cat would always wake my butt up every morning with a paw in my face. lol.

Vapid Vixen said...

But that's part of their charm. They're conniving and cunning and if they don't get their way, they'll snub you for a week. The total opposite of dogs, and ya gotta respect that. Plus, they're fluffy and cute.

Thank, Q said...

If I had a house pet, which I don't, then the bedroom is off-limits. And if they scratched at the door, the house would be off-limits. LOL!

Smart Ass Sara said...

Stumpy and Batman try this shit but since I can sleep through most anything once I'm already asleep.. they bring me their fucking bowl. I wake up to a gross bowl on my face and Stumpy rubbing his ass on my head. Every. Single. Morning.

Lady Estrogen said...

We could never be true soul mates until you strangle the cat. Just kidding. (maybe) lol

The Frisky Virgin said...

Okay, I feel bad you have to deal with that (not fun) but...you have one smart cat there.

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