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12/11/11

Muslim Women Banned from Eating Bananas, Carrots, and Other Phallic Food

Bananas.  The phallic fruit.  Used in sex ed classes, and loved by men everywhere when a woman peels one and shoves it in her mouth.

And now, according to news stories hitting the web, banned in Islam.

According to news reports coming from the middle east, an unnamed Islamic cleric is now discouraging women from eating bananas, cucumbers, carrots, and other fruit shaped in a penis-like way.

The reasoning?  This may tempt Muslim women to become sexually active, or put sexual thoughts into their head.

If your Muslim woman loves carrots and bananas, there is still a way for them to enjoy these nutritional (and tasty) foods:

A man (husband, brother, father) is to retire to a place where the woman cannot see, and cut the food into pieces that do not resemble the original phallic shape.

In other words, if it's shaped like a pee-pee, it's not allowed.

Someone sarcastically asked the cleric how they would control their women in the marketplace, where bananas and other 'forbidden' foods are in abundance.  His response?  "That is between them and their Lord."

Since I live in the land of Modesty (thanks to the LDS majority in town), this news report made me smirk.  I can see the mormon church adopting this stance, just because you wouldn't want to taint or corrupt the minds of young women everywhere...

I mean, skinny jeans are banned.... why not carrots and corn dogs?  You'll never see a Starbucks within two miles of a BYU Campus... but come to think of it, you don't see any Weinerschnitzel's either...

What is your opinion on this law?

Is it silly, or can you see the intent behind this decree?

I know a handful of women who have used cucumbers or other foods as sexual objects, when they were young and couldn't buy toys.

Is this the fault of the person or the food?

How long before we see mockers and crazy people taking bananas and carrots to Mosques, and trying to hand them out to Muslim women?

How long before some porn company makes the Ultimate Taboo flick:  A Muslim woman in a Burka, eating a corn dog, surrounded by bananas?

And how long did you stare at that cucumber??
Please Share it! :)

15 witty retorts:

Haven said...

I'm, speechless. Srsly?!? It's so fortunate I was not born in these countries with the personality I have now. Either myself or the country would be burned to ashed by the time I was done exerting my basic human rights and ignoring the rampant stupidity.

Pickleope said...

Well I guess my blog is banned. And so much for my "Eat Only Cylindrical Foods Diet" I was going to launch in Afghanistan.

Nuker Zero said...

I think, that if food like that has the potential to turn you on and actually make you horny as the cleric is implying, then there are more serious psychological issues going on over there. Seriously.

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

Geez, they restrict their women enough over there already... I wonder how the women citizens feel about it. Surely they can eat them in private...

Shutterbug said...

i couldn't take my eyes off that cucumber!

Haven said...

Perhaps this is really an underground feminist plot to get the men of the country to do everything for the women. Whereas before women had to be burdened with the labor of fruit peeling, and chopping, and occasional stickiness, not they no longer need be concerned with such menial tasks.

Josie said...

And they're not concerned about men going gay? What if the young men start shoving pickles up their asses?!

danjor21 said...

That cucumber looks like it has been rode several times! I bet it really gets around!

According to Jewels said...

I do not want to live in a world where I can't enjoy a banana the way GOD intended. God made it that shape so why not enjoy it that way? I love me a banana.

G said...

I feel sorry for him...Imagine being so unsure of your own manhood that you find fruit and veg threatening.

D4 said...

I say if they have to cut bananas before sticking them into their mouth, the same should apply for penises.

Thank, Q said...

Maybe they should allow them to eat these foods, but force them to eat it like corn on the cob. LOL!

Zombie said...

I'm sure that carrot has been used for something other than carrot cake...

Lady Estrogen said...

That is f*cking one of the most backwards, dumb, archaic, maddening thing I've heard in a long ass time.
Wow.
The anger is rising.

Insomniac #4 said...

I didn't even notice the cucumber...but I am very jealous of that banana in Maria Sharapova's mouth. :O

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