Miss Falen over at Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista had a post earlier this week about hooking up two people on a date.
Quick gist, just in case you didn't click the link (click the damn link). Her female friend complains about finding a good guy to love. She's dated a lot of scum in the past, so Falen picks a good, well rounded guy to hook her up with. She ends up not liking the dude because he doesn't have enough 'edge.'
And this is where I went off.
I have been in a few relationships, but two long-term ones. I was married for 7 years, and I have been dating/living with my current female for over 2 years now. One thing I have learned from my experiences with women: They like projects.
My current girl scrapbooks. That is her project. I love her for this. Why? Because most of the other girls (including the ex wife) decided *I* make a good project.
I'm an overall nice guy, but I'm not perfect. I have matured a lot in the past 10 years, but mostly on my own terms. This is a point I'd love to get across to the 'superior gender.' We change when we see fit. You play less of a role in the process than you think.
Back to Falen's post. This chick loves the bad boys, the edgy guys. But she complains about the scum she's been with. This sounds like, to me. She wants a bad boy she can turn into a good man. I'm sorry ladies. We are what we are, and no amount of convincing or sexual favors is going to make us change the core of who we are.
My comment on the post was:
"There's a reason why the saying "nice guys finish last" is still around. Girls want bad boys, so there's some excitement and edge. But they also secretly want to tame them.
Ladies, you can't change us. We are who we are, and no amount of good sex is going to make us start wearing sweater-vests and watching Glee with you. If you want a guy like that, find a guy like that, and let me watch my basketball dammit.
Just for laughs, you should ask her to write down what she's looking for in a dude. Then count the contradictions. She wants a bad boy that is a good guy. Um...."
But it works both ways, gentlemen. When you start dating a girl, and she doesn't like sports, you're not going to turn her into a football fan. It's a penis, not a magic wand.
And guys... trying to be sneaky and thinking like women doesn't work either. Too many times I see a guy (or even girl) try to move in and be friends first. I'm sorry, but I have a handful of female friends. When you're in the friend zone, it's hard to get out. Only one has succeeded and been promoted to the next level. All the others, it didn't happen. It usually doesn't happen. Now, if I were a girl, and a guy has been my friend for X amount of years, I'm gonna feel even more passionately about the friend zone.
Why? For girls, it seems like non-threatening guy friends are hard to come by. My gf sums it up pretty well: "Every girl needs at least one gay guy friend. So you can have a guy friend who doesn't want to sleep with you." If a girl uses the line "You're such a good friend." I'm sorry, but you've now entered... the friend zone. Of which, there is no escape.
Back to the ladies, and the topic of the day. If you want a sweet guy who will buy you flowers, do romantic things for you, and be someone you can take home to mama, find that guy. Don't take any stray off the street and try to change him into what you want him to be.
Haven't there been enough movies and "sex in the City" episodes to show my point on this? Yet women keep trying.... thinking their magic vajayjay will tame the savage beast.
Sorry to drop the N word on y'all, but do you know what that makes you?
Today's moral of the story: People mature. People rarely change, especially when influenced (read: pressured) by others. The tactic of "If you love me, you'll ________" does not work, so stop using it. If you love us, you'll accept our flaws, and let us finish watching the basketball game.