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1/5/12

Separate But Equal Is NOT Equal

This is not a post about same sex marriage, so please don't take this out of context.  To homo/bi/pansexuals, I salute you, but we'll talk about you later, mmmk?

This post is about racism.

Specifically, how some races are perpetuating a 'separate but equal' message while still pointing the fingers at other people, with the balls to call them racist.

When dating, or looking at someone 'attractive' or not, I don't take race into consideration.  I have dated outside my race from time to time, and would like to think the notion of "Jungle Fever" can be left in the 20th century.

60's, 70's, maybe even the 80's and 90's, dating 'other-skinned' people may have been taboo.  But it's fucking 2012.  Get over it.

This rant was mainly prompted by Blackpeoplemeet.com and their commercials.

From their website:

BlackPeopleMeet.com is the premier online black dating service. Black singles are online now in our large online black dating community. BlackPeopleMeet.com is designed for Black dating and to bring Black people together. Join BlackPeopleMeet.com and meet new people for Black dating. BlackPeopleMeet.com is a niche, Black dating service for single black men and single black women. Become a member of BlackPeopleMeet.com and learn more about Black dating online. Black dating works better with BlackPeopleMeet.com!


Ok, firstly.  You're airing commercials in Eastern Idaho.  There aren't a lot of African Americans over here, so spend your money a little wiser, ok?  Secondly, how is this acceptable?  You don't see any 'white people only' dating sites.  God forbid if there were a whites-only dating site, it would be in the news almost immediately.


To me, THIS is what blackpeoplemeet.com looks like.  However, unlike the Jim Crow days, these black people are doing it to themselves.  Separating yourself into a 'we only congregate with our own kind' is exactly what the 60's generation and Dr. King fought against.

I asked a handful of people from all races if they would ever date outside of their race.  Of the 60 I asked, one said she would only date people of the same race as her (and it was "more of a Catholic thing than a latin thing").  Everyone else said race was not an issue.  Some were even mildly offended I asked in the first place.

"What is this, 1965?"  they asked.

And I agree.  I personally have only one discriminating factor when looking to date someone:  They have to be female.  Some people don't even discriminate on sex (props to the bisexuals, woop woop).  We're now knee-deep into the 21st century.  It's time to stop separating ourselves by skin color and just let racism die.

To blackpeoplemeet.com, fuck you.  Fuck you for making a race-related website.  All you are doing is feeding off the 'stick to our own kind' mentality and keeping racism alive.

Fuck you, Kanye West.
To Kanye West, fuck you.  Fuck you for pointing the finger over and over at whites, calling all white people racist, while keeping the word "Nigga" alive in any way shape or form.  In your newest album, all but 2 of the 13 tracks have the word "nigga" in it, over and over.  By keeping that word alive, and for playing the race card over and over, you're helping keep racism alive.

Personally, I think Kanye West is probably the most racist individual in the USA.  But that's just me...

To anyone who discriminates or judges based on race or skin color, fuck you.  Fuck you for being so petty and for thinking people with lighter or darker skin are somehow on a different level than you.

That means fuck you to the white people that do it, and fuck you to the black people that do it.  I'm being equal-opportunity here, after all.

What do you think?  Is a website like blackpeoplemeet.com a smart idea, or is it only perpetuating the 'separate but equal' mantra?  I would love to get some opinions here from both sides, especially from non-whites.


Afterthought:  Blackpeoplemeet.com is owned by People Media, who also run the following singles sites:

  • Big Beautiful People Meet
  • 50+ People Meet
  • Democratic / Republican People Meet
  • and more
I guess keeping to your own kind is profitable?  Lets keep all the geezers and fatties and liberals away from MY dating site... (please note the oozing sarcasm here...)
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35 witty retorts:

Jessica Jenkins said...

I'm not the demographic you were going for, as I'm white, but I feel like anything that helps segregate people (whether it be a dating web-site, a restaurant, music, or a government) is just simply wrong. Personally, when searching for a mate my biggest discriminating factor? A sense of humor. I don't care if you're white, black, Islamic, Hindu, Asian, a member of the boy-scouts (as long as you're over the age of 18), a member of the NRA, or simply a farmer. I wish people would sit back get their head out of the 1950's and just let people be.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Man, I have to say a huge amen to this. In an age where you can create a match.com profile that already specifies what races you're looking to date, we really don't need race specific dating sites.

Also, fuck Kanye West. Seriously, I hate that guy. He thinks he's smarter than he really is, he's a giant douchebag, and he's more racist than any white person I know.

Haven said...

Anything to make a buck I guess.

One some level I understand this. Though in general I find it rather unfortunate. You can't help who you are attracted to and, especially when you've been born and raised with a certain cultural preference, it can be difficult to see outside of what you were told is your norm. If you have a specific idea of what you're looking for, then you might as well go someplace that caters to that specifically. Srsly, if I could find a dating site exclusively for non-hetero gothic/punk chicks I'd be all over that shit. It wouldn't stop me from looking elsewhere or being open to the possibility of dating someone that is other than that specific criteria (for instance I'm dating a man right now, though traditionally I date women), but if you have a certain idea of what love looks there's no reason you shouldn't look for it.

I would hope people could keep an open mind. I've dated all across, race, religion, gender, social class, and whatever. What's important is who a person is. I have found things in my multitudes of experience in the dating world that I know do not attract me. For instance, if you're a right winged bible belt fanatic christian, this ultra liberal, athiest bi-chick isn't going to be incredibly interested in attemtping to settle down with someone diametrically opposed to my lifestyle. I know to stay off Christiansingles.net because odds are I'm not going to find what I want there and knowing that I don't have to waste my time there.

Eh. To each their own. I do hope that I live long enough to see the day when none of this matters.

A Beer for the Shower said...

You hit this one right on the head. And not just because you said 'Fuck you, Kanye West' multiple times. Which of course I love you for. Anyway, yes, this sort of shit would never fly with a whites-only dating site, and I make that argument from the same standpoint as you in that 'I don't want it to fly!' Anything that promotes racial exclusivity is inherently destructive to the very idea of desegregation.

Michael said...

You know I couldn't agree with you more. If there was a "white singles" dating site Al Sharpton and the rest would be ALL OVER IT. But yet you can have a site dedicated to black people only? You can play the whole similar values card but it doesn't make a difference. Reverse racism much? Oh but wait... that's acceptable because it's "different". Give me a break.

Awesome post!

Josie said...

I agree with you 100% I get serious crap from people because I'm a white girl with a Hispanic last name "You married a LATINO?!" Then again, I don't know why I expected much different living in Utah.
I also had a friend my freshman year at college that was totally cool with me as long as I didn't date 'any of her black men'. Apparently, according to her, all the damn white girls were stealing the good black men.

The Tsaritsa a.k.a. Alexandra Naughton said...

Thank you for this. I have always been weirded out by sites like J-date and Christian Mingle, and now Black People Meet? Seriously?

Also, I've never been a huge Kanye fan. I think he's a wanker and a coattail rider.

Fuck racism.

Pickleope said...

Wow, they have quite the farm of "niche" dating sites. Curious of your thoughts about religiously biased dating sites? To play devil's advocate, they're catering to a demand. While I agree that demand for race-specific dating websites is absurd, backward thinking, opportunists are going to capitalize where there's a dollar to be made. Besides, as the proprietor of a "hermaphrodite furrows only" website, I have to cover my own interests.

Mooner Johnson said...

Brandini. Look at you getting all "fuck you" in a bitch's face!

For starters any exclusionary action is bigotry in its very nature. The problem in modern times is that we sometime have trouble making distinctions between the natural, organic differences in people and those that exclusionary and harmful.

Like Haven's comment. Her alternative choice idea is exclusionary, yet any woman could join should she choose the lifestyle.

Likewise, MENSA requires you to be smarter than the average bear.

For me the distinction is when a group has entry requirements that intend to exclude rather than to include.

I think you pointed a finger at some of them.

Damon said...

what a greaaat post love your blog =) follow

Lil Dreamer said...

Pickelope brings up a good point that I myself wondered about. They have Christian dating websites too. So where do you draw the line? I think people just need to be less sensitive. I think THAT would solve the whole racism issue at hand here. People who want to date only inside their own race are entitled to that. This is America land of the free, home of the brave, you know. Next they'll have Homosexual Dating Websites - hell they probably already do!! And you know what I say to that?? Hell yeah! Homo it up all you want!! Do I care? Nope.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

@Lil Dreamer: GREAT comment. With relationships, I believe chemistry and common ground are very important. Some religions (like Mormonism and Catholicism) press their believers hard on finding someone in the same religion with a similar belief system.

I'm ok with this. Morals and values are at the core of who we are, and dating someone with a contrasting core could be toxic.

What I don't agree on is using skin color as a determining factor. It's like people who say Halle Berry isn't 'black enough.'

I like women. I'm not sure if I want to marry again or have kids. I'm a centrist politically, and my religious views aren't that strong. Black, white, asian, if we are compatible we're compatible. Everybody has a list of what they're looking for in a partner. It just bothers me when the color of one's skin plays such a heavy role.

It bothers me even more when people make it a point to stick to their own race, and then point the finger at others for being racist. It's a multi-layered post, and I thank you very much for your opinion. :)

Lost.in.Idaho said...

With that said, faith-based sites make sense to me. My ex is now a uber-Christian, and one thing she looked for in a new boyfriend was someone that shared her new-found religious views.

That's ok.

"I'm white. I only date white people, because I don't like black people" is a little more sketchy. People have a right to their opinions and preferences, but I see this as racially charged.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

And everyone make sure to read Josie's comment. I dated a black girl in High School and people gave me epic amounts of shit for it.

White people for dating outside my race, and black people for 'stealing our women.' Race didn't matter to us, but it mattered to everyone else. And it sucked.

LogAllot.com said...

You know B, when I saw that commercial I started laughing because I can't stand anything that separates people. I date all men and race was never an issue. Being that I lived in California all my life, seeing other races on a daily basis is the norm and dating outside my race isn't a big deal. As long as you don't act like a fool, you're responsible and you have some ambitious, we are cool!

I think it's why I stay on the west coast because I get to see EVERYONE (all cultures) on a daily basis.

When I was in school, a few people made comments asking why I didn't date allot of black men and I laughed and asked why they took so much time out of their life to worry about who I was seeing?

Sometimes some people can be so pathetic with their level of thinking. I mean if all you want to do is think about me, fine, but honestly..spend more time worrying about YOU and then YOU will be much happier. If you don't like who I date...F U and kiss my black A--. Start paying my bills then we might be able to talk, but until then, get over it.

Nice post B! Love u man! You're so dam funny. Sorry had to vent.

Nuker Zero said...

So very sad to see something like this. I mean, what's the real point? I guess some people like what they like. The company behind this is one i'm very interested in finding out more about...

Not the Hero said...

Get ready for this, NtH is going against the grain.

I am not a racist in any way shape or form. This doesn't mean that I find every race equally attractive. I have friends of every race but I only date white girls. I have no idea why I'm only attracted to white girls. I wasn't raised with a whole lot of ethnic diversity being raised Mormon and in a very small Canadian mining town. I guess that might have something to do with my socialization.

That is what kind of bothers me about your article, being biased racially when it comes to attraction doesn't automatically mean that I'm a racist. Who am I to judge a different ethnicity for the same thing.

I don't date different races, I don't date religious people, I don't date people with a different lifestyle than I do. I also don't find foreign accents attractive. What I'm sexually attracted to has absolutely nothing to do with me being a racist or a bigot. I treat everyone the same in every way except when it comes to having sex. I don't judge other peoples choices of who they date/fuck, regardless of whether they discriminate by race, gender, religion, height, weight... etc.

I agree that there is a lot of racism out there and are still a lot of racists but a niche dating site like that isn't inherently racist because it is exclusive to only one race, especially since the company that owns it has several other exclusive dating site for differing niches.

Fuck Kanye West though. That guy is a racist bigot. Seriously the guy should get a large skillet shoved up his ass.

You want to get mad at a dating site that is a little ridiculous beautifulpeople.com would be a good one. You have to get voted in by other people that have already been voted into the beautiful people club. Seems a bit narcissistic.

The Reckmonster said...

Well, how nice it must be to be able to "fit" so neatly into any "singular" little racial box. I want my own "mixed-people meet whoever the fuck they want" website. I've never even had an option to date "outside" my race, because there's so many races competing for superiority in my half-breed ass, I often feel like Sybil. Am I White today? Am I Asian today? Am I Native American today? Who the fuck knows...who the fuck cares. If black people only want to date black people, who cares? If Jesus freaks only want to date Jesus freaks, who cares? If Jews only want to date Jews, who cares? If gay men only want to date gay men, who cares? My point is...why do you care so much? You're giving it a lot more power for caring. If it's not your cup of tea, then don't drink it. At some point, someone has to stop pointing the "That's NOT FAIR!" finger. I'm thinking the onus will be on the smart people. So, B...you're one of the smart people. Stop giving a shit and let it go, mannnnnn....

Lost.in.Idaho said...

...and now I want to join beautifulpeople.com to see if I rate well...

Damn you, NtH!

I see your point, and the way you explained that is valid and well thought out. It's ok for people to have 'deal breakers' but it still irks me when race becomes so prevalent a deal breaker.

Maybe it's because I was raised in more of a melting pot? I dunno. I think racism and segregation still exists because people let race play a factor in their lives. I may be completely off-base, and I may be painting with some pretty broad brush-strokes, but 'exclusion' sites like this bother me.

Again, a 'whites only' website would draw some major flak, so I don't see why this is deemed acceptable.

Thanks for contributing. Just because we disagree doesn't make you wrong, not by any means.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

@Reck: While I agree with you wholeheartedly, I still felt the need to rant, for one main reason.

Ignorance breeds ignorance.

How many albums does Kanye West sell? And how influential is his music to impressionable minds? Hate breeds hate, bigotry breeds bigotry, and just letting it go almost lets them run rampant.

While I'm not calling for a Kanye boycott, or doing a Sharpton and 'burying the N word' I felt the need to share my bitch.

And while not as mixed as you, I have a mix of Greek, Italian, English, Asian and a tiny bit of African (5 generations ago) in my blood. I'm identified as white, so I just go with it, but I bet, if people traced back their lineage, they'd find much more of a mix than expected...

D4 said...

I don't think it's all that bad. There are race related issues, and there are also psychological issues that help feed sites like these. Some people are only used to being around other black people, that's where they feel comfortable, sometimes specifically because there are racists on the other side, wherever that may be. It's because there's discrimination that I can see people avoiding it by just joining a site like that one. Just the same.. I don't think it's necessary either. Like ABftS says, you can choose what race you want to limit yourself if you want the limit. In the end though, it's all about making a profit off a negative mindset. Crude business.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

@D4: Makes you wonder. Was this 'for black people' site founded and managed by black people? Or people of another race seeing a way to exploit for profit??

The Reckmonster said...

B, I get what you're saying, but we all have prejudices - and if you say you don't you're a mother fucking liar. I can't stand Ohio State fans. I totally cannot deal with Southern Baptists. People who do not like animals give me the heebie jeebies. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Bottom line - here is the mother of all bigoted comments to support my whole point and your statement that "Ignorance breeds ignorance" :

IGNORANT PEOPLE HAVE IGNORANT KIDS.

And I have a HUGE prejudice against ignorant people. I don't care if you're fucking pants-saggin' ghetto fabulous ignorant or MIT-educated, Asian-raised "white people are the debilll!" ignorant or if you're collard-green, cornbred fed, Roll-Tide-Toll, "Praise the Lord Jesus Christ..bc if you don't you're going to HELL!" ignorant - I detest you all equally.

But you know what? I'm cool if you want to stick to your "own" - because that just means you're doing me and my genius-assed kid a huge fucking favor and not polluting our SUPERIOR fucking gene pool.

P.S. We're all "mixed." I dare anyone to produce unto me an "I'm 100% homogenous" race card (and if you DO go to the trouble to do that - you automatically seat yourself in the "ignorant" section).

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Best. Comment. Ever.

Seriously Reck, I want to frame this.

Maybe I just have an unrealistic dream? That stupid people should be less stupid?

According to Jewels said...

I can't possibly say it better than Reck so I'll just say that for some people (not me-ever) they really don't like to date outside their race. Like Reck said...let those closed minded stupid shits breed within themselves and leave us open minded folks alone.

Gucci Mama said...

I would probably not date someone who isn't white. In no way does that mean I'm "racist". I wouldn't date an atheist, I wouldn't date someone outside my political party, I wouldn't date someone skinnier than me, and I wouldn't date someone who lived with his mama. It's about preference, not hatred.

Bogus claims of racism are so frustrating. I don't think the site is "racist" anymore than a "white's only" dating site would be, though it would surely be perceived as such; even still, I have little problem with it. It's mildly annoying, I guess, but it doesn't change my life.

There are plenty incidents of racism that are accepted by the mainstream - affirmative action, the fact that the majority of abortions are performed on black women, to name a very few. It is government sanctioned racism we should be concerned with.

This private website only affects us if we choose to allow it to do so. If people don't like it, they won't pay to use it.

Gucci Mama said...

Also,

FUCK KANYE WEST.

squatlo said...

Brandon, I just got over here and found this one, and it inspired a post of my own on the subject:

http://squatlo-rant.blogspot.com/2012/01/wanna-date-left-handed-color-blind.html

Hope you don't mind the shameless self-promotion on your site, but I DID reference this post of yours and provide a link.


Fuck Kanye West would probably make a fine bumper sticker...

The Tsaritsa a.k.a. Alexandra Naughton said...

Maybe it's because I don't believe in religion, but I see the religious-based dating sites to be just as divisive (while maybe not as extreme)as the race-based sites. It's just of people "keeping to their own."

I'm Catholic in heritage and in a relationship with a Jewish guy. Neither of us are religious, so it doesn't matter, but to other people we shouldn't be together. My step grandmother, who is Jewish, told my mother that she wouldn't want any of her daughters to marry a non-Jew.

Values are important, but just because someone subscribes to the same religion as you doesn't mean the have the same set of values.

Jessica ( frellathon ) said...

I <3 you. Thanks for summing up more eloquently that I could exactly how I feel and yes a big fuck you to Kanye can't stand that douche.

Thank, Q said...

Well, I'm late to this party. I kind of agree with Gucci Mama. Is the website segregating a group of people? Yes. But, then again, what doesn't?

Religion and political parties probably cause just as many problems if not more since they separate the country like no other. And gay is the new black.

As a black man, I don't like the idea of black-only businesses because it's basically thumbing its nose to non-black consumers. That's bad business to deter customers simply based on how they look. I've posted on why I hate Bounce TV and BET because of the separation.

So, I can see both sides of this: It makes money, which is the only true religion in this country, but morally, it's wrong.

As for Kanye and the n-word, I personally don't care about the word any more. Kanye, like most, is a musical genius, but he's nuts. Because of rap, there are probably young people in this country who don't even know that word was once offensive because of how it's used.

Oh, last point: I prefer dark skin, but I don't think that makes me racist because I never dated white. I've met some really attractive white women in my day, but at the end of the day, once you go black...

G said...

I think there is a big difference between your personal choice over what you find attractive and sites promoting segregation and are designed to limit that choice...ultimately in another million years the human race will be a cool tanned interbred colour probably worrying about galactic warming...

Anonymous said...

The only criterias that matters to me are compatible values and not finding the person repulsive. Race is irrelevant and should be.

alt com said...

We live in a more diverse society at present and I'd like to believe that race as a criteria in selecting a partner is obsolete.

Hey Monkey Butt said...

Finally a post on this... I hate that commercial for those reasons. Where the frak are the white people?

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