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Thursday Belongs to Mr. T ...fool...

This is not my first post on Mr. T, and I doubt it will be my last.

When it comes to 80's icons, I probably put Mr. T near the top of my list, if not #1.

Which is why I want to talk about him today.

Most of you have heard of Chuck Norris facts, and all the amazing things he can do.  But have you heard of Mr. T Facts?

If not, you fools need to be pitied.  And pity I will, as well as educate.

  • Mr. T cannot be killed by conventional means. The only known method to destroy him is prolonged exposure to jibba-jabba.
  • Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.
  • There was a time when Mr. T didn’t pity fools. That time was called never
  • The wrath of God is outmatched only by the pity of Mr. T.
  • Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called “I Pretty the Fool”. No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.
  • Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
  • Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That’s why he can only kick through doors.
  • Mr. T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80's.
  • Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
  • Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.
  • Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.
  • Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot.
  • Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone, Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool, Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool."
Lastly, Mr. T is so damn cool even the gaming Giant Blizzard could not keep him out of World of Warcraft.  Mr. T made his own character: A Night Elf Mohawk.  He made an item called the Mohawk Grenade which, when thrown at other characters, turned them into mohawk-sporting elves.  Fools were pitied all over Azeroth...

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22 witty retorts:

Inverse said...

Bwahahah! Those "facts" are hilarious!

Zombie said...

I pitty the foo who doesn't like Mr. T!!

Lady Estrogen said...

Best line?
The result was the 80s.

You are awesome, my friend :)

LLA_Princess said...

awesomesauce hahaha

The Simple Dude said...

I've been trying to act the fool most of my life, with the hopes of someday warranting Mr. T's pity.



Adsila said...

Have to get me a Mr. T chia, lol.

D4 said...

I pity my foolishness!

Autumnforest said...

That is the chia pet I would want! Damn, I miss the 80s! I wonder if that'll ever happen again. It was perfect alchemy for a fluffy decade of total decadence and silliness. We surely need that again. Oh, and the big hair was nice--I can't do straight hair.

Melanie said...

I love this..and thank you...I needed the smile!

T Papar said...

awesome facts that i didnt know and indeed should be pittied

Shutterbug said...

haha.. i remember chia pets! :)

Tony Van Helsing said...

Mr T is on the telly quite a bit over here these days. He advertises Snickers and has a show on BBC3 called Mr T's Craziest Fools showing home video clips of people being fools. And the T stands for Teatowel.

Magixx said...

I never liked the commercial with Mr T and WoW ... :S

Drake Sigar said...

Two of the largest gold deposits in the world are Mr T’s neck and Fort Knox. Wisely, the super criminals always opt to steal the latter.

Squiglet said...

Mr T is amazing, gotta love him in the A-team. Best thing ever though is the old adds he did for a computer company in the late 80's, possibly for compaq. Hilarity ensued.

Smart Ass Sara said...

Here's another instance where I show how much I suck: I kind of don't like Mr. T. I never got the whole point?

I realize this takes my coolness down a few notches and I'm OK with that. ;)

meandmythinkingcap said...

I have similar versions of these about south indian actor Rajinikanth.
Some of the facts
8.Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird.
9.Rajinikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 seconds.
10.Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
11.Rajinikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
12.Rajinikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
13.Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
14.Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.
15.Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
16.Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
17.Rajinikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
18.Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
19.Rajinikanth can watch the show of 60 minutes in 20 minutes.
20.Rajinikanth can make onions cry.
21.Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
22.Rajinikanth can build a snowman out of rain.
23.The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.
24.Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
25.Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.
26.Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
27.Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.
28.Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
29.Rajinikanth can drown a fish.
30.Rajinikanth can judge a book by it’s cover.
31.Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
32.Rajinikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
33.Chuck Norris once met Rajinikanth. The result – He was reduced to a joke on the internet.
34.Rajinikanth can speak Braille

MRanthrope said...

Mr. T/Clubber Lang vs. Dolph Lundgren/Ivan Drago = insane nostalgia fantasy boner.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I pity the foo'...

Nadir said...

I'm ordering that Chia Mr.T, that's just too damn funny to pass up

This Guy said...

I pity the fool who didn't get this! I had TWO! Cause TWO rhymes with FOO!

Clueless Dolphin said...

Haha, so Mr. T is the new chuck norris? I'm ok with this... following :D

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