first post on Mr. T, and I doubt it will be my last.
When it comes to 80's icons, I probably put Mr. T near the top of my list, if not #1.
Which is why I want to talk about him today.
Most of you have heard of Chuck Norris facts, and all the amazing things he can do. But have you heard of Mr. T Facts?
If not, you fools need to be pitied. And pity I will, as well as educate.
- Mr. T cannot be killed by conventional means. The only known method to destroy him is prolonged exposure to jibba-jabba.
- Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.
- There was a time when Mr. T didn’t pity fools. That time was called never
- The wrath of God is outmatched only by the pity of Mr. T.
- Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called “I Pretty the Fool”. No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.
- Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
- Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That’s why he can only kick through doors.
- Mr. T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80's.
- Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
- Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.
- Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.
- Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot.
- Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone, Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool, Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool."