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6/13/12

Cards For Assholes - Parenting & Parking Edition

I absolutely hate it when I'm in a parking structure, at a mall, etc and can't find a parking spot.

Oh there are spots available, but that jerk in the lifted truck decided he needed two spots.

In Idaho, this happens all the time.  You can't see parking lines when it's snowing, so you do the best you can.  But in spring?  Summer?  There's no excuse.

Yet you never see these guys getting tickets for their ass-hattery.  What can you, as a citizen, do?

Stick it to them with some snark.


Introducing Cards for Assholes!  You can purchase these 1" x 3" 'skinny' cards on zazzle by the 20-pack, and show your distaste for their half-assed parking job!

On a good day, I could pass out 5 of these.  I think a 20-pack will go rather quickly.

But it's not just bad drivers!  You can stick it to the shitty parents as well!


I have a Facebook friend at Disneyworld right now, and he wished for something like this to pass out to the negligent parents on their iPhone, while their kids run amok.  (Think Bebe's Kids of the 21st century...)

These also come in a 20-pack, and I could easily burn through half of them during an afternoon at the local mall... or the park.  Or the grocery store.

The packs are $9.95 for 20 cards.  Think of it as fifty cents for every time you want to give your two cents...

What do you think?  Are there any other scenarios where a card like this would come in handy?  Look for these designs (and soon to be more) at my zazzle shop.
Please Share it! :)

21 witty retorts:

Mooner Johnson said...

Brandini. I want mine to say, "Great parking job, asshole. Have you always been an asshole?"

That parking dealie is the sort of stuff that drives me bonkers. Like the clueless woman blocking half the grocery isle with her cart and the other half with her FAT ASS!

Random Girl said...

I.Love.This! I need to buy these in bulk! You should do the ad libs version, where there is a blank that people can fill in their own snark as the situations occur. Multi purpose, that's how I roll!

LogAllot.com said...

LMAO! This was great Brandon...I was in tears laughing because I have seen idiots park like this all the time in Cali. I agree at a packed mall during shopping peaks suck when some dick head parks like this! By the way...where is post? You fall asleep? LOL!

Zombie said...

I wanna order a whole stockpile of these! There are so many occasions I would totally use them. lol.

Haven said...

This is amazing! I hate it when drivers park like assholes. I am going to start doing this:

http://nowaygirl.com/photos/transportation/bad-parking-a-spot-just-for-you/

And kids running amok at the mall? Or anywhere while their parents don't pay attention? Hate. Despise. Loathe.

These would be awesome.

How about one for people talking on their cell phones at the check out of a grocery/cafe/whatever?

Autumnforest said...

I usually find the middle finger is pretty effective.

Adsila said...

I need a dart gun with these signs for those bad drivers around here. If a cop sees a car with lots of these on them, he can pull them over and give them a ticket for being a stupid driver. We have those idiot people who park crooked and over the line too.

Super Earthling said...

God how I hate drivers who obviously think their vehicles are more special than anyone else’s.

Unfortunately, Brandon, there are far too many places your fabulous new cards would come in handy. And the parenting cards? Oh hell yes! You should have those made into stickers that can be slapped on offending foreheads. :D

I hope you come out with an entire line of cards for assholes because…well, the world is just so full of them and the a-holey things they do. LOL

Annabelle Archer said...

Well, at the garage next to my office, the lines were clearly painted for all compact cars and motorcycles. Non of the SUVs or even a decent 4 Door will fit in the spaces properly.

Universally, the regulars have all decided to say fuck the lines, let's park feild style. You park, a sensible distance from the car beside you and go about your business. When some newbie comes in and insists on getting the lines right it fucks us all up.

I hate a close parker and will absolutely hit the shit out of their door on purpose. I'm rude like that and I don't give a shit if my car takes a ding because of it.

squatlo said...

Years ago I found a pack of cards in a novelty store that read "No Whining!" and came with a souvenir shot glass as a bonus. We kept those with us when we were drinking at the apartment complex swimming pool and encountered the inevitable whining kid whose mom or dad couldn't be bothered to remind them to behave. One of us (the drunks I partied with at the time) would get up, go over, and hand the "whiner" the card.
It never failed to solve the problem.
In fact, we passed them out at parties whenever someone seemed a bit bitchy, or at the store when someone was complaining about prices or the backed up check-out line.
wish I had a couple packs of those to this day!

The parking cards are great, by the way!

Hey Monkey Butt said...

Yea, I'm diggn these as well. There is more than one occasion I could use these! Awesome sauce!

TortugaRachel said...

Oh I could so make a whole bunch of these. I have often considered keeping cards in my car for things like this, I may just have to buy some, haha!

Youngman Brown said...

Haha what a great idea. I would never leave my car like that, in fear that someone who had to squeeze in next to me would "accidentally" hit my car with their door.

Scarlett said...

LOL love them - need the parking one definitely x

Amy said...

Remember that time I posted something just like you had just posted? I was JUST thinking about posting something very similar to this...

How many fingers am I holding up? :)

A Beer for the Shower said...

I'd use that parking one constantly. How about one for a really, REALLY bad server? I mean, one that was blatantly an asshole and kept ignoring you?

Something like: "Here's your tip - learn how to do your job. It's not hard. It's a tough economy and there's a 16 year old who can and WILL take your job from you."

Too much?

Sweety Darlin said...

I love the ones that say things like. We are truly sorry that you have been diagnosed with colon cancer, but the rest of us don't want to listen to your phone call.

squatlo said...

ShowerBrew, the server card might be a bit harsh, but it would be fitting if somehow servers were allowed to pass out cards to incredibly rude, unreasonable customers who tip poorly. I think there are far more of them out there than lousy servers... which explains why some servers are lousy at their jobs: they've had the 'give a shit' beaten out of them by jerks they serve and jerks they work for. Wanna handle someone else's food all night, and then clean up their messes after they leave? Shit, just have about thirty kids and you've got the idea.

Thank, Q said...

Pretty sweet idea! I would love to have some cards for the idiots in SUV's who don't know how to park.

NellieVaughn said...

I love the cards, but I love using profanity when I am angry. I need it. I would pay extra for that.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

@Nellie (and everyone else looking for profanity):

You can actually customize these cards! I left the 'back' blank on purpose. If you want to add your own special "Fuck You" message to the back, you can.

...and I'm always looking for new ideas. I just added a "YOU'RE TALKING TOO LOUD ON YOUR PHONE" one, and am thinking about one for Walmart/Target shoppers who park their carts in the middle of an aisle and wander off, blocking traffic for all...

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