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6/25/12

I Had Motherfucking Buffalo For The First Time And Now I Can't Stop Fucking Cursing

Do you remember my post about the cleanmeter?

(It's ok, go read it.  I'll wait...)

Well, this fucking post is going to break the cleanmeter...

Although I have been living in the 'kill your own meat' region of the US since October 2010, I have yet to try Elk, Buffalo, Venison, Rabbit or any other meat considered 'exotic.'

...until last week...

I went to Jackson on business, and, well, I was done with my day about 2 hours earlier than expected.  Worse, I was with a vendor rep.

So, yeah.  A little disheartening.

But I'm Mister Bright-Side.  We decided to make the best of our evening and hit up the best steakhouse in Jackson Hole, the Gun Barrel Steakhouse.  It was a great atmosphere, with fantastic liquor.

...oh yeah, and good food too.

While we were waiting to order, there was a loudmouth cowboy.  I swear to you his name was Tex (or should have been).

A fairly accurate depiction...
"I want a fucking STEAK!" said Tex, loud enough for half the restaurant to hear.  When the waiter took his order, it was "I want the fucking buffalo prime rib, with the best fucking bourbon you have!"

I loved it.  Apparently buffalo makes you curse like a madman.

...so of course I had to try the buffalo prime rib...

Actual photo of my food.
I was amazed when I LOVED it.  I was expecting something gamey or tough.

It was fucking bliss.

Like heaven in my fucking mouth.

...and now I can't stop cursing...

...shit.

I guess the fucking bright side is now I can properly wear a gigantic belt buckle with my jeans.  This means I may be more liked with my Montana customers...

But back to the buffalo steak, it was fucking fantastic.  If bison are going to be the new 'cow,' I am more than fine with that.

And of course, I highly recommend the Gun Barrel if you're ever in Jackson.  This isn't a sponsored post.  They're not paying me for it (but for over $100 for the two of us, they fucking should be...) so this is completely sincere.

...Fucking A.
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23 witty retorts:

AccordingtoJewels said...

Oh wow...starting off my morning looking at bloody meat...not great. So glad that you loved your buffalo steak though.

AccordingtoJewels said...

PS...of course you had to link to the clean meter and I just HAD to go back and score myself again. Gosh that thing is fun.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

MMMMMMMMMM that buffalo does look fucking awesome. I can't believe you never had venison or rabbit you city slicker. Come on down to North Cackalacky. I make a fabulous squirrel pot pie!!!

Lady Estrogen said...

Hahaha. Awesome. Fuck the cleanometer.

A Beer for the Shower said...

My mouth watered at the very word. Whenever we have a little extra money, I buy buffalo. Burger, steak, doesn't matter. So. Damn. Good.

Sweety Darlin said...

As a lady of the south sir, I do declare your language is down right dirty. We have deer, gator, crawdads, rabbit, squirrel, raccoon, opossum, all kinds of fish, bear, bison, wild hog, and anything else that happens to get killed in the woods or water.

I have never sir felt the need to send such evil things through my proper southern mouth.

WHo the fuck am I kidding?! HELL FUCK YEAH Buffalo makes you wanna slap yo mammy!

Pickleope said...

Holy fucktasmic shit, that shit looks damn ass tasty! Sorry, I don't cuss all that often in print so I'm a tad rusty. Maybe the meat is injected with Tourettes.

Chris Bird said...

Son-of-a-motherfucking whore that's a damn good looking meal. It looks cockwhalloping filling, and spunktastically tasty. Great post, if for no other reason than I love swearing.

squatlo said...

That does look fan-fucking-tastic, Brandon.

Hey, we tried to order your book, but had some issues... they took our money and never sent the email we were supposed to get to download your book from. No customer service phone, just an email support group that seems to be ignoring us.
My lovely (and dangerous) wife is being quite patient about her two or three dollars... for now.

Let us know when you get one of those hats, man!

Kenja Purkey said...

There's buffalo chicken, is there buffalo buffalo? If not, there should be! Dang it! Well, you can tell I haven't had the buffalo.

Karen said...

Hilariously fucking funny! Enjoyed!

G said...

If ever I'm in the area I'll check it out.
Actually at some point I want to drive across the states so you never know...

Wily Guy said...

And you gotta get that shiznit rare or medium rare. Did you know that bison is leaner than turkey? (Stephen A. Smith moment) let me say that again becawse it's impawtant. Bison...is leaner than...turkey.

So eat well and be well!
WG

the Tsaritsa said...

Buffalo is de-lish. Never tried buffalo prime rib, but I buy ground buffalo all the time to make burgers-- it's leaner, and you would never know it wasn't beef.

Thank, Q said...

I had a bison burger once and it was awesome. Didn't make me curse, but awesome!

NellieVaughn said...

I am more interested in the mashed potatoes. They are a little brown, and I am wondering why that is. Can you tell me about it? The vegan hippie wants to know.

Jessica ( frellathon ) said...

Glad you fucking enjoyed it but it's fucking bloody raw. Hope you don't get salmonella or some shit.

Youngman Brown said...

Aside from "Dances With Wolves," I've never seen anyone eat buffalo. Now I want to try.

Mooner said...

Brandini. You cuss too much. Fuck you.

Amy said...

I have fucking buffalo all the time and now it totally makes fucking sense why I fucking curse all the fucking time. Fucking thank you.

I won't tell you what the rocky mountain oysters and rattlesnake I've had made me do.

The Six-Fingered Monkey said...

Eating mother-fucking Buffalo not only makes me wanna curse... it makes me wanna fuck like a wild animal. Seriously. Real men eat bison and then fuck and then talk about it. Trust me.

Crack You Whip said...

I love steak, but I need less blood than that. A lot less.

Anonymous said...

Yet another way to get your fucking vitamin B-12 you cockslapping kniggit.

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