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6/22/12

Send In The Clowns? Not In Idaho Falls.

It's true, it's true.  Idaho Falls does not like clowns.

Well, it's not as simple as that, but it never is...

Idaho Falls has its annual 4th of July Parade coming up, and there will be no clowns at the event.

You see, the clowns use golf carts to hold the candy they pass out, as well as store the various magic tricks they do along the parade route.  There is a ban on golf carts for parade use, and now the city is enforcing it.

According to a recent news article, their reasoning is 'if we let the clowns use them, then we have to let everyone use them.'

(Wow, I haven't heard that line since I was chewing gum in my 4th grade classroom.  The next day, I brought enough gum for the rest of the class, so I can chew in peace... and got detention...)

This will be the first time Idaho Falls will be 'clown-less' in 29 years.  Even though the clowns provide their own golf carts and are fully insured, it's a liability thing.

...my guess is someone on the Chamber of Commerce just doesn't like clowns, and has been trying to do this for years...

What's next?  Imposing a ban on Fez's, so the Shriners go away as well?

Beep beep, bitches...

Now, the 4th in Idaho Falls is a big thing.  I did a post last year on their fireworks show, touted as 'the biggest fireworks celebration west of the Mississippi river.'  It is hosted by local business owner and super-villain philanthropist Frank Vandersloot, so the show is not without controversy.

However, people come from hundreds of miles away to see this show.  It is a prime example of America's love for blowing shit up our country.

Of course, local businesses are capitalizing on our need to barbecue, drink gallons of soda/beer, and picnic to our hearts' content.  Take this beer display at Walmart for example:

'Murrica.....  FUCK YEAH!!!
Well, 'tis the season I guess.  As for me, I'm going to a baseball game on the 4th.  I'll be passing on the parade, mourning for the clowns, and celebrating my freedom by not giving a damn.

...and probably wearing this shirt... (because I can)


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16 witty retorts:

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

NO CLOWNS?????? How can the powers at be sleep at night??? On second thought, they probably have a clown phobia and are using this "golf cart" ban as their whimpy excuse.

Zombie said...

It's about damn time parades started getting rid of clowns. Creepy...

Vinny C said...

Of course, the joke's on them if the clowns find some alternate means of transport.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Who wants clowns anyway? Creepy bastards.

Pickleope said...

In a world where golf carts are outlawed, only outlaw clowns will ride golf carts. Wait, they're not really going to ban the majestic fez are they? The fez is a symbol of freedom, of sexiness and an international symbol of fun! What's that? It was just an example? Oh, thank god. That was a close one.

middle child said...

Oh..you'll have clowns alright. Don't the politians go by in cars waving to the people? See?

Haven said...

Ew clowns. Horribly serial killers in disguise. You never know who's behind all that make up and big red nose. It could be anyone.

Something Authorly said...

Screw clowns. More beer tanks. In fact, all beer tanks.

Utah L said...

lOVE UR SHIRT, I Need one with Utah on it !

Youngman Brown said...

Oh my goodness, what a lovely T-shirt. And you know how much I love T-shirts.

DogsOnDrugs.com said...

I don't think I've ever laughed at a clown that wasn't on fire. I'm not freaked out by them, I just find them incredibly lame. But I'd never in a million years think to deny other people the right to laugh at those unfunny bastards.

Maybe a compromise that everyone can live with: Allow the clowns to participate, but hide a land mine on the route so there's a chance of one blowing up. That's WIN-WIN, baby!

NellieVaughn said...

Don't you know that we will always accommodate the Shriners. Aren't they just really old Freemasons? What's better than a Freemason? I'll tell you. Nothing!

Jessica ( frellathon ) said...

Golf carts yeah much better when clowns come out of the sewer. So very much better.

Mynx said...

Our clowns walk. And carry the lollies in buckets.

Perhaps this plan could be suggested.
Mind, I am not much of a fan of clowns anyway

Mooner Johnson said...

Brandini. And fuck Rick Perry too. Congrats on your engagement, dude. Now you'll just be eight behind me.

THE SARCASM GODDESS said...

Clowns are terrifying. Good call, Idaho.

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