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1/3/12

Why I'm Not A Dog Person

In the battle of Cats vs Dogs, I consider myself a cat person.

Don't get me wrong, I have both (1 dog and 3 cats in my household) but my dog seriously pisses me off.

I love my dog.  But I hate that bitch.

Here's why:

- She's a German Shepherd, and she's my girlfriend's dog.  GF wants to be the Alpha, so she takes the lead on most things (training, etc.)  Dog doesn't like to listen to her, and gf gets upset when I try to dominate the dog (SHE'S in charge!)  So dog stays fidgety and unruly.

- Dog likes to play.  All the time.  With everything.  My work stuff, laptop, tools, etc are all her toys.  The cats are her toys (and they don't like that).   If it's accessible, it's hers.

- GF taught the dog a trick.  Ring a bell, go outside to pee.  There's a cowbell on the door leading to the back yard.  Dog rings the bell.  Goes out.  5 minutes later, pawing at the door to be let in.  5 minutes later, ring ring ring.  Rinse, repeat.  GF refuses to ignore it, or let me ignore it.  Like Pavlov's neighbor, the sound of a (cow)bell now pisses me off.

- GF is kind of slacking on the walk department, do the dog always has pent-up energy, which she takes out on the cats.  Cats aren't ok with that.

OMG HAI.  I FIXDED THE DIRTS FER YOO!!!
- Dogs are ok when they're trained, but she's not fully trained.  It kind of sucks, especially since I'm gone so often and don't have the home-time to devote to this dog.  And because I'm rarely home, I get mobbed when I get back.  Then, of course, it's my turn for walks and letting her out and back in and out and back in and...

I'm not always home.  When I am, sometimes I like pet interaction, sometimes I want to relax.  Which is why I love my cats.

When I want to cuddle or play, they're right there for me.  If I'm gone for 4 days, come back, and ignore them for a while, they don't mind.  They're like a kind of 'on demand' pet, which works perfectly with my on-the-go lifestyle.

Best of all?  Cats just don't give a fuck.


Dogs beg for validation and recognition, like a needy 2 year old.  Cats are more like 8-14 year olds.  Kind of self-sufficient, but there if you want to play with them and interact.

And I know, that makes me sound kind of like a flaky parent, but the correlation seemed fitting.

Lastly, I like the internet, and the internet prefers cats.  It's a scientific fact.

So are you a cat person?  Dog person?  Like both?  Neither?
Please Share it! :)

29 witty retorts:

Melanie said...

Such a cat person I am and I could not agree with you more!

Bart said...

ive got...i dont even know how many pets i have in my house, i dont know where they come from and how they survive, i surely dont pay much attention to them.

The Angry Lurker said...

I have two dogs but there the last fecking pets in my house when they pass over to dog heaven.

Lady Estrogen said...

I hate cats. They hate me.
I have loved 1 cat in my lifetime and he was awesome... but that was it.

My dog is pretty independent. She's a fat, lazy pug that sleeps all day and enjoys a cuddle here and there. Love my dog. She's not mischievous AT ALL.

Our other dog? Ruined a $3000 leather couch. He's gone.

Mooner's Still Full Of Holiday Spirits said...

Brandini. You, dear friend, need to get your testosterone checked. There's a reason they are called fucking cats.

Of course dogs are needy. Of course dogs are more difficult to train. Of course they are full of boundless energy. Of course they eat all your shit. Of course dogs...

Anyway, cats are evil. Honor, the fucking cat who adopted the dogs and me, is an agent of the Devil.

So, Fuck Rick Perry.

Zombie said...

Cats are hilarious but I am more of a dog guy myself. :D

Autumnforest said...

I have neither so I can have a life. I already raised a kid and pets are forever children. That said, if I had a house with a yard, I'd have a couple of sled dogs because I'm allergic to cats. I love cats. Can't live with them. Would have a doggy door. I ain't letting them in and out. You are brave. You basically share your home with an eternal toddler.

sugar-free-thoughts.com said...

I have both. Two cats and a dog. My dog does that scratch to go out then 5 minutes later scratching to come back in bullshit but I don't let him back in right away. I make that motherfucker sit out there because he's an asshole. The exception is if it's raining, then I'll let him right back in because, hey, I don't want a goddamn wet dog in my house.

Haven said...

Growing up I never had cats (dad was allergic). I was definitely a dog person. But not just any kind of dog person, a "giant" dog person. I've only had Great Pyrenees and Great Danes, you know, the giant breeds.

When I was off at University however, I rescued my cat. I'd never considered owning one before because of all the aloof, independent not a pet stigma. Best decision I'm ever made, EVER. My cat is super lovey and affectionate, but like you said, can do just fine when I'm busy.

I've also found that the smaller the dog, the more obnoxious they are.

D4 said...

I used to be a full on dog person, but I like both now. Also, just be stern with the dog when your gf isn't around. Keep a firm voice, you don't have the be the alpha to have respect.

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

I had a friend with a german shepherd before... rambunctious is an understatement haha.

klahanie said...

Your house is on fire and the smoke alarm aint working. Your dog will warn you, whilst kitty pisses off out the cat flap.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

@klahanie: That's why I make sure to change the batteries, not light my house on fire, and mostly why I don't have a cat flap. They're as fucked as I am, so they better scramble.

The Tsaritsa a.k.a. Alexandra Naughton said...

Cats are the awesomest! So low maintence, so fun to play with, so cuddly and cute-- plus they don't slobber like dogs. I love my kitty, and one day (when I have the time, space, and the energy) I will get a dog. But it's a lot of work and a lot of commitment.

PS-- put the dog on a treadmill or something to release that pent-up energy. If the GF is too busy to take the dog on walks, the dog has to be exercised somehow.

Martina said...

I am neither a dog or cat person. I used to think I was a dog person, before I had to be responsible for one. For all the reasons you listed and more, I doubt I will ever want a dog again in my life.

Then I thought, maybe, just maybe I'm actually a "cat person" if a dog is too high needs for my lifestyle.

But I was wrong, cat or dog, all pets are needy assholes. Feed me, exercise me (cats need it too yo), listen to me howl/yowl whenever I damn well feel like it, clean up my crap, clean up shit I destroy, but most of all love me without reservations despite the fact that I am a four legged douchebag.

Henrietta Collins (aka Kage) said...

For some reason, my smallest dog won't go outside with the other two right before bed. She prefers to wait until three o'clock in the fucking morning and then scratch my face off to wake me up. If she weren't so damn cute, I'd prolly have killed her by now.

OKinUK said...

Obviously I'm a cat person. I'm a David Bowie fan.

~Jazz said...

I've had great dogs in the past, but cats fit my current lifestyle much better. It's not like I could take a three day weekend and leave a dog unattended.

I'm currently trying to train my cats to use the toilet. If I'm successful, I may never have a dog again.

G said...

It's cats for me as well...at least they are semi capable of looking after themselves. Happy 2012

Out of Barnes said...

I'm a cat person and have five. They keep me sane and happy.

Nuker Zero said...

You'd be a decent teen parent with that attitude. Haha.

Thank, Q said...

Sounds like what you need is more cowbell. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I've learned to warm up to cats since my mom got one, but I really don't care for them too much. If they stayed on the floor, I'd be cool, but pets that climb annoy me. I love dogs because they always fall for that trick when you fake like you're throwing something (they look every single time), they always are happy to see you and they can actually protect your home depending on the type of dog. Cats just walk around and act arrogant. Aside from the ones I've seen kill snakes, I have no use for a cat.

Adsila said...

I am a dog person. I am allergic to cat hairs and within a few seconds of being in a room with one, my eyes are watery. I have two dogs, a 9 year old Chihuahua who doesn't care about anything and a 4 year old American Cocker who is like a needy child. Her cute face and big brown eyes pretty much lets her get away with a lot especially with my husband. She has him wrapped around her paws.

The Reckmonster said...

I am an oxymoron (mostly moron). I am a "dog" person, but I LOVE Hello Kitty. I am allergic to damned near every cat I have encountered...except mine. I love my dog for her loyalty and fierce protection of me. I dig my cat because she keeps the mice away from my crib. I can't stand cats, really...except for MINE. My cat lets me trim her nails, give her baths, and she has the sweetest, most tolerant disposition I've ever seen on a cat - thereby making her more like a dog, which makes me dig her. I'm a dog person who loves her dog and her cat.

Annabelle said...

This. Yes. What you said.

Cat in former life person.
Cat person now.

Anonymous said...

Cat person, my cats are always clean and they love my family but if you don't have the time to love them, it is okay they know you'll be back lol but I can't stand dogs even tho I do try it just doesn't work maybe becuz when I was very little I was attacked by a dog so really I don't trust them either. Also they annoy me but smaller dogs are okay they don't scare me and their cute. :3

Anonymous said...

Yep cats for me too for all the reasons stated. Dogs are needy, clingy, attention seeking, whiny, noisy, smelly, shit-in-the-yard/porch wipe their ass/piss on the carpet slobbering sniff-your-crotch shed hair everywhere fucking nuisances! Can't stand 'em.

Anonymous said...

Thought I could be a dog person. Got a puppy. Had to re home him in 2 days. Maybe I need an adult dog..I dont need the unconditional love part, cause my husband gives me that. I'm serious, we are like a Disney movie. We fulfill each other every need. And we aren't newly weds. Just like, taking care of the puppy wasn't cute or gun for me. Dogs are a lifestyle, not a hobby.

neo said...

I hate cats,all they do is come to my yard and shit on my lawn and dig up my garden,i wish they all die.cats are for punks...

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