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1/27/12

Tales From The Hotel Room - I Can Hear You Having Sex

I spend probably 1/3 of the year in a hotel room, thanks to my job traveling over 6 states, as well as seeing my children as often as I can.

Some hotel stays are fantastic, but others are not.

Recently I was in a hotel room.  It was about 8am, I was starting my work day, sending a few emails, planning my route of sales calls for the day, when I hear it...

*squeak squeak squeak*

It almost sounds like the people next to me are having sex...

A female moans.  Briefly.  The squeaking continues.

Every so often it would pause for a few seconds, before resuming the steady, rhythmic 100-beats-per-minute squeak.

I continue my emails, and start humming in the back of my head....

"Iiiiiii've been working on the raiiiiiiil-roooooooooad....  Aaaaaaaaaall the live long daaaaaaaayyyyy...

Good grief, they've been going at it for a while.  No speeding up, no slowing down, no more moaning from the woman.

Continuing with my emails, I finally hear the guy.  He gets off like a lion roaring.  Loud, over-dramatic.

Squeak..........  skeek....... flop.

Man, I wish the walls weren't so damn thin in here...

I chuckle a little, since the man seemed to enjoy it, but the woman was far less vocal.  A few minutes (and emails) later, they start to argue.  She seems upset.  He seems apologetic.  I can't make out words, but I'm guessing it wasn't as good for her as it was for him.

I tweeted about it when it happened, and my blogging bud Random Girl summed it up nicely:

Please Share it! :)

25 witty retorts:

Leon Kennedy said...

bad sex is a really terrible way to start your day. you just won't recover

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Heehee must be frustrating listening to that lot when you're so far away from home.

Tony Van Helsing said...

You could have knocked on their door and held up score cards for marks out of ten.

Zombie said...

A majority of the time people only go to hotels to have sex. I would know because I have done that. lol.

Jessica Jenkins said...

I agree with Random Girl entirely. It is a tragedy for all involved. I'll give you like 3 free passes in a row but after that you'd better be prepared to pay full price.... That's a terrible analogy... I apologize.

Pickleope said...

I had neighbors like that who would have sex at 2AM like clockwork but only for 5 minutes. You kind of feel responsible to tell the lady, "hey, you do know that you get to get off too, right?" Guys, if you're terrible in bed, you are obligated to at least invest in a toy.

Random Girl said...

I've never been shy about proclaiming my love for hotel sex. My own, not other people's. I've posted about my trysts on more than one occasion. With that said, how the hell do you have bad hotel sex? The concept escapes me. If it is that bad at a hotel, it must be beyond dismal or non-existent on the home front. I would have been arguing with him afterwards too...no doubt!

Michael said...

When it comes to bad sex, feelings don't matter. Bad does not equal good no matter what.

D4 said...

It's bad enough they had to go through that. It's a little worse that they had to go through that and people could hear.

Makes for a great story though :D

Matthew MacNish said...

There's such a thing as bad sex? Man, you just ruined my life.

This.is.me said...

Well, something like this occurred to me a few years ago. I lived in a flat and I was getting breakfast ready. It was 6 am and I was making coffee when I heard the first moan, then, a slow banging against the kitchen wall and a constant squeak. Yeah, my next door neighbour was having morning sex with her husband. It lasted enough to leave me a bit traumatized (they were old, like my parents) and when I was leaving, I ran into her waiting for the elevator. According to her face I can say that it wasn't as bad for her as it sounded to me.

Adsila said...

Yep, I have had that couple next to me in a hotel too. My hubby and I put them to shame....tee hee.

Axis said...

Even bad sex is still pretty good..

ResCogitans said...

it's never that bad... for me. i usually win (come first :) but not always.
the worst sex i had was a chick who didn't look fat with her clothes on and by the time they came off it would've been rude to back out...

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

What kind of couple fights -after- sex? Was it really that bad?

Thank, Q said...

I've never had this happen to me as many times as I frequented hotels as a youth. I would probably make noises on the other side of the wall. "Get it, dude!" "Get that booty!" I wonder how that would go?

Chunky Mama said...

Any sex that doesn't involve both people getting what they want is bad sex. And any guy who thinks that sex is done whenever HE'S done is an idiot and deserves to be yelled at.

Just Keepin' It Real, Folks! said...

I've heard my share of hotel sex, and I always give a thunderous round of applause and a giant WHOO HOO on the other side of the wall when it's over. Ya gotta at least make it worth their effort!!!!

Al Penwasser said...

I have to answer Random Girl's comment"..how the hell do you have bad hotel sex?" with:
The worst sex I ever had was wonderful.

Annabelle said...

betcha it was a hooker.

because really, isn't hotel sex kinda hotter in general? i'm a fan.

so if he was lame and they were bothering to do it at all, then he was likely paying for.

poor gal.

G said...

I always feel sorry for the chambermaids who have to clean the place up after

Rusty said...

I feel sex is always better when you know, no matter what, you don't have to clean up.

Chamber maids are desensitised, they have seen it all and they have REALLY thick gloves.

GuysKeepScore.com said...

We always have an orgasm at GuysKeepScore.com. Where scoring with girls earns you points.

Holidays to koh lanta said...

In a hotel, it is just annoying when you hear these activities from the next room. If you cannot shut the sound off, you can just listen in and wonder what was going on there. It might be interesting (or fun) to know.

Laura said...

I guess this is the experience everyone will likely have at least once in their lifetimes. I've yet to experience it though, even if I stayed at a number of Merida luxury hotels.

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