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WARNING: Sometimes I Say Crass Things

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends. 

~A Midsummer Night's Dream

If you have been following my antics for long, you know I sometimes come across as:




And it's just the way I am.  This is my little slice of the internet, and I like to share what's on my mind.  Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's mildly embarrassing, and a lot of times it stirs up differing opinions.  And over 820 of you are ok with that.

But... sometimes I manage to piss people off.

And I managed to do that Saturday, but not here.  On Twitter.

On Twitter, I am not a part of the #TeamFollowBack brigade, because I want people following me who actually, you know, care what I say... My followers.  People that follow me 'just because' seem to not last for long.

I tweeted a joke:

Offensive, yes.  But doesn't it make some sense???

It was meant as a joke, but of course it got some flack.

When I see someone I'm following say something I find offensive, I just unfollow them.  I've unfollowed racist people, religious kooks, and just plain idiots.  She didn't unfollow.  She decided it would be more productive to flame my twitter account and tattle to as many people as possible...

I got fed up, and tweeted a general disclaimer.

Like most things I say, some people liked it, some people didn't.  Such is life.  And (thankfully) I'm down one follower who thinks I need to be policed and corrected whenever I say something she doesn't approve of.

Alcoholism is no laughing matter, and neither is obesity.  But if you don't like fat jokes, go yell at Gabriel Iglesias too.  It doesn't matter if he's overweight, he shouldn't be saying those jokes!


I'm sorry, I grew up chubby.  Even when I was 'skinny' I still had little man-boobs.  I was teased and ridiculed as a kid, and I sucked it up.  I refuse to play the political-correctness game, because I don't think we should treat the world with kid-gloves.  I am also trying to lose weight, and the allure and convenience of fast food makes things tough...

That being said, I don't bully.  I don't prey on the weak.  I have obese friends, alcoholic friends, and severely depressed friends (and family).  I show love and support to them, but I still don't pull my punches around them.  They appreciate it, because they (like most people I know) don't like being babied.

Sorry, Chelle, that I offended you.  But live with it.  If I ruined your life, then that's your problem for letting someone on the internet get through your armor.  Take things you read online with a grain of salt.  If you don't like it, move on.

You're allowed to your views, and I'm allowed to say what I want to say.  Bye.

(Am I right with my stance?  Is she right with hers?  Is it actually possible that we're both right in our own way???  Sound off below...)
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30 witty retorts:

Melanie said...

I have to agree with you. If she didn't like your joke (which, by the way, I thought was pretty damn funny, and makes a good point...) all she had to do was ignore or unfollow. She made the decision to stay. My guess is that she is a trouble maker and decided to pick on you. Keep on doing what you do, because you do it well!

meandmythinkingcap said...

As long as no one jumps off the bridge after checking your twitter feed, I guess you are good. else judge will ask jury to disregard suicide yet you may be sentenced to 10years for "outing" a fat person, and "violation of privacy" and " bias intimidation" and "cyber bullying".
Oops, I am upset about Dharun,Tyler case, you are a white guy- so the elite first amendment aka white umbrella will save you.

Crack You Whip said...

All I know is...I like my Big Macs. I have gained a few pounds over the winter and I guess they should have cut me off.

I am not offended by it, but I guess she was. You probably should've just left it alone.

Not saying it was right or wrong, but sometimes, you just have to pick your battles. If I am in a battle I want to be on a white horse, no make that a unicorn as they are already weaponized, and saving an entire race of people.

I still like ya! That's all that matters, right?

Mynx said...

You wouldn't be the first to say that and you wont be the last.
She needs to go get a life instead of wasting so much time being offended by random tweets.
Mind you, I find twitter pointless so I wouldn't be offended anyway by anything you tweet.

G said...

I thought you made a valid point... if we all guarded our opinions in fear of offending others it would be a very lame society.
It's not just freedom of speech & expression people need to express their opinions to spark healthy debates on issues.
..and you've never (in my opinion) ever come across as hateful.

Out of Barnes said...

You are both right. On the internet there are very few rules. People can say whatever they want and some people may be offended, but then again they don't have to read everything you write. Most people would just stop following your stuff, but it took a little more guts to respond and share her feelings and thoughts with you. Give the chick some credit. I didn't think what you wrote was offensive, but I have a pretty thick skin.

Anonymous said...

I think her feelings are valid - but not the way she used them. If she didn't like it she should have just stopped following. And I think your feelings are valid too lol... it would do America a great service of the fast food joints stopped feeding the obese (I have a tendency for chub so I'm allowed to say this).

Sweety Darlin said...

Yes you are both right, but if she is a regular reader she should have known that is was a DAMN JOKE! I think she got a little twisty, but she has the right to twisty if she has some other reason to get twisty that she didn't share.

You made a joke when I started reading this post I burst into laughter with the first tweet, but also realized that some people might not take the jokes as jokes.

Don't worry I followed you recently so I made up the loss.

Anonymous said...

You are both right. Humor is subjective. I remember learning in a psychology class years ago, that the reason we find certain jokes funny is because they make us feel a little bit uncomfortable. If the joke doesn't make you slightly uncomfortable, then it probably won't make you laugh. But when a joke makes you feel VERY uncomfortable, it stops being funny. Whether we are aware of it or not, we each have an imaginary line that cannot be crossed without offense. Each individual has drawn the line in a different location. Your McDonald's joke crossed that woman's line. She has the right to be offended just like you have the right to tell the joke. I thought it was funny because there is truth in it. (That's the part that made me slightly uncomfortable.) Now, if you had walked right up to an overweight 16 year old girl who was ordering a Big Mac and told her that joke, it would have crossed my line! But in the context of your blog, it's hilarious! Thanks for making me smile.

Pickleope said...

In this case, you're right and this is her taking selective offense. You hit on her particular pet cause. Would she be mad if you said, "shouldn't hookers cut off John Edwards for overdosing on pussy?" She wouldn't have gotten mad despite it being offensive to working girls and horny politicians, because that's not her pet cause. Would she have gone nutty over an Aids joke or cock fighting joke? Of course not. It's something that hit that part of her selective brain. Be offended at everything or nothing.
In my opinion the only things truly offensive are things that attack an already oppressed people for something they were born with (race, defect, sex, sexuality) and everything else is fair game. Unless it's not funny then you've committed a grave offense.

meandmythinkingcap said...

I find f@g more offensive than the term gay. If we try to convict everyone with notion that
1."all non-gays are homophobes" then it is just ridiculous and plain wrong
Not just that, the below too
2. All people with middle eastern looks are terrorists, all hoodie wearing teenagers are thugs,
3.You cant "out" a fat person sameway you cant "out" a gay who invites his date to his dorm room and asks for private time and room to his dorm-mate thrice.
4.any case against white vs non-white is unlawful and deserves heavy sentence and any case against non-white vs white is first amendment.
Check out this link and try to understand how wrong the media and people had been.

meandmythinkingcap said...

@out of barnes
True words. I second yours. Both are right. This is what I would do, just like you Brandon, I would like express my take on other person's statement.
You can take it or leave it. I would prefer to let know the person my opinion about what he said not about him or anything personal rather than unfollowing silently if I find the person good and reasonable.
On the other hand, if I the person is full of grudge and hatred and not a person and has debating skills of "poop throwing monkey"(courtesy - Pickleope) who cant think with his head I would excuse myself out on my tippy toes.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I find that tweet hilarious. But that's me. I completely agree with Pickelope's comment about "the only things truly offensive are things that attack an already oppressed people ... and everything else is fair game."

She has a valid point however her replies to you are weak. Would you say that to an overweight 16 year old girl? Probably not.

I find it amusing that she thinks you're arrogant for telling her to "deal" with the fact that you sometimes say offensive things. That's not arrogance, that's life. Sometimes you just have to deal with it.

AccordingtoJewels said...

You said nothing wrong. The magic of the internet is that you don't know this chick...and there is no reason she should be so invested in what you say that she gets upset. Some people just look for something to get upset and up in arms about. How much you wanna bet she runs to McDonalds for some comfort eating?

I'm overweight and even I think what you said it true and even funny. Suck it up you touchy child.

OKinUK said...

If you didn't attack her personally by calling her "lardbutt" or something, then I think she was out of line. Srsly, there's no damn good reason to get all butthurt about something somebody says as an offhand comment on the internet. If you had attacked her personally, I'd've no qualms about unleashing /b/ on your happy ass.

But you didn't and methinks she had mickie d's that day and you just hit a little too close to home.

Oh, and about the validity of your argument being based on body-type and current and past weight amount... There's definitely something to be said about "it takes one to know one". Wrestling with my own weight issues for the last 20 years, I found your comment mildly amusing and give you the A++ Would Read Again rating.

Because, you know, us future non-fatties have to stick together.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

We, er, they, um...

/b/ is not your personal army.


Busana Muslim said...

This is a great posting I have read. I like your article.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

What I found amusing is it HAS to be a 'fat' thing.

A few days before, I tweeted this:

"If I were a jedi, I'd probably force-choke myself a little when I masturbate..."

If it were just about saying offensive things and not hurting other people's feelings, she would have defended the easily-offended Jedis of the world, or family members of David Carradine...

Oh well.

D4 said...

She was just being silly. It's easy to take things the wrong way on the internet. Tone of voice has a lot to do with things, and it's hard to show how you'd say something just by tweeting. Maybe she was having a bad day, and that just happens to be the tone she took it in. I just feel bad for her. I think she was in the wrong, but it takes a certain lack of consciousness to take things that way without giving another view a chance.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

She shares the same name as my ex wife, and the ex thought the world revolved around her too. It must be tough, thinking everyone is secretly talking about you, and all insults/quips/jabs are directed your way, whether they are or not...

Maybe it's a namesake thing...

Oh well. I learned something from this experience. I put a warning on my twitter bio, and may do the same with my blog. I say sharp things from time to time, and some people just can't handle it. said...

I wonder if she's ever heard of Steel Panther? Those guys would make her head explode.

Al Penwasser said...

I'm with you. Well, not physically, but you know what I mean. Even if you DO offend me (I find it hard to believe that you would), everything else you write is fantastic. But, even if I was that thin-skinned, it is easy to unfollow. I have noticed pretty much what you say about Twitter, though. I have a hard time keeping track of everyone. Once again, though, UNfollow is always an option.
Like ordering a salad instead of a Big Mac.

Random Girl said...

Hmm, I'm pretty sure I instantly retweeted your disclaimer as soon as I saw it on Twitter. I think the warning label funny, I guess it also needs to be effective for sensitive people to turn and run. Oh well...humor is subjective. I think you are great personally.... carry on!

Thank, Q said...

I think you said it all. If someone gets offended by a tweet, then they need a hug. I hate idiots. Half of the time, I hate replying to some tweets simply because people don't know how to read with logic instead of emotions.

Lady Estrogen said...

The moment we cannot say what we want to because of whom we might offend among our "followers" then twitter ceases to be a fun place. We follow who we want - and unfollow when we think someone is beginning to annoy us. The need to insight an argument is very High school/Facebook of them. Pssfftt.

Western Lands Journal said...

If anything your joke gives me inspiration, and motivation to keep steering clear of these high fructose and monosodium glutamate kingdoms. If your overweight because of a medical condition or that your parents are feeding it to you (poor kids), then you should have the common sense to know that the joke isn't directed towards you personally, if otherwise, then recognize the truth and make the change, don't be cross with someone that points out the truth. This spring will mark our families two year anniversary of not eating fast food anymore. I agree with your methodology, this world is getting soft because everyone is so worried about what the others are going to think when they say something. You have the right to say it as much as another person has the right to not have to listen. Continue on...I enjoy your blog. said...

Bad@$$, dude. I love this!

It's so refreshing to read someone else's experiences with it.

The amount of emotionally fragile people in the world is pretty sizable, do we want to hang with them, or filter them out?

It reminds me of my own post:

And Craig McBreen's latest post... don't take crap.

Rock on and ryze up, Brandon!

Anonymous said...

Some people need to get a life. I think people miss the concept where we CHOOSE how to respond to someone. We CHOOSE to take offense. We CHOOSE to apply it to us. There are body issues and then there is FAT. We CHOOSE to deal with our own body issues and weight. Who needs an over eager tweeter to stand up for them. Last I checked this is a free country complete with freedom of speech and being entitled to an opinion. This is from a fat girl that is trying to shape up.

Youngman Brown said...

The thing about social media is the fact that the things we say are now heard by many more people. No matter what you say, you are going to offend someone eventually.

She would never be able to make it through an entire stand-up routine by any comic. Because funny people make jokes about the things that people can relate to.

Hey Monkey Butt said...

Ahhhh people like her... I have a few friends like that. It makes me nuts... lolz

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