I turned to A&E (Arts and Entertainment, but you rarely see any 'Arts' on this channel) and start watching Duck Dynasty for the first time.
I have seen previews for this show, and it looked like a train-wreck. Since I was buzzing (and nothing else was on) I left it on.
Sober, the channel would have been changed in 45 seconds. But booze makes this show HILARIOUS.
The episode I watched had two story lines. Three guys (Willie, the CEO of a Duck Call company, his brother and uncle) find a honeybee hive on their property, and start salivating over the thoughts of wild honey. The other storyline involved their wives, a scissor lift, some dimwitted employees and a pissed off skunk.
Story 2 involves hairy man-boobs, so we'll save that one for another time...
(Commentary from Winnie the Pooh: "Oh bother. REALLY? You guys are idiots. Go dress up like a raincloud and sing to those bitches!")
Words like 'brilliant' and 'foolproof' were passed around.
They got stung.
And I almost fell off the bed. (on beer #4 at this point...)
Attempt #2 involved the story "I read somewhere that bees don't sting at night," which led to a night-vision clusterfuck with more stinging and more running.
Meanwhile, Pooh Bear is laughing his ass off. "I'm just going to wait here until the bees chase these numbnuts off, and go get me a handful..."
Finally, they ask the patriarch for help. Phil, the head of the family, takes the grandson and smokes the bees to sleep. He cuts off the branch, and honey is had by all.
The guys are dumbfounded, when the TV cuts to Phil to impart his words of wisdom:
Apparently each episode offers some sort of twisted PHIL-osophies quote, like "taking care of my granddaughters for the day is like a Vietnamese firefight" and "if a woman knows how to skin and gut a catfish, men will think she's a real catch..."
Because of this, I decided to make a Duck Dynasty meme for Phil and his PHIL-osophies:
...and that was only after 3 episodes...
Below is the template. Feel free to make your own (if you're a fan of the show) and share with the world...
|1) Download 2) Insert random Phil quote 3) ????????? 4) PROFIT!|
Do you watch this show? Do you agree that it's better when you're inebriated?