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4/26/12

So I Watched #DuckDynasty for the First Time...

I usually work late when I'm in a hotel room, but I finished early for a change.  I got a jalapeno pizza to go, purchased a 6-pack of beer, and started flipping through the channels.

I turned to A&E (Arts and Entertainment, but you rarely see any 'Arts' on this channel) and start watching Duck Dynasty for the first time.

I have seen previews for this show, and it looked like a train-wreck.  Since I was buzzing (and nothing else was on) I left it on.

Sober, the channel would have been changed in 45 seconds.  But booze makes this show HILARIOUS.

The episode I watched had two story lines.  Three guys (Willie, the CEO of a Duck Call company, his brother and uncle) find a honeybee hive on their property, and start salivating over the thoughts of wild honey.  The other storyline involved their wives, a scissor lift, some dimwitted employees and a pissed off skunk.

Story 2 involves hairy man-boobs, so we'll save that one for another time...

Meanwhile at the beehive, the guys come up with an idea to suck up all the bees with a shop-vac.

(Commentary from Winnie the Pooh:  "Oh bother.  REALLY?  You guys are idiots.  Go dress up like a raincloud and sing to those bitches!")

Words like 'brilliant' and 'foolproof' were passed around.

They got stung.

A lot.

And I almost fell off the bed.  (on beer #4 at this point...)

Attempt #2 involved the story "I read somewhere that bees don't sting at night," which led to a night-vision clusterfuck with more stinging and more running.

Meanwhile, Pooh Bear is laughing his ass off.  "I'm just going to wait here until the bees chase these numbnuts off, and go get me a handful..."


Finally, they ask the patriarch for help.  Phil, the head of the family, takes the grandson and smokes the bees to sleep.  He cuts off the branch, and honey is had by all.

The guys are dumbfounded, when the TV cuts to Phil to impart his words of wisdom:


Apparently each episode offers some sort of twisted PHIL-osophies quote, like "taking care of my granddaughters for the day is like a Vietnamese firefight" and "if a woman knows how to skin and gut a catfish, men will think she's a real catch..."

Because of this, I decided to make a Duck Dynasty meme for Phil and his PHIL-osophies:






...and that was only after 3 episodes...

Below is the template.  Feel free to make your own (if you're a fan of the show) and share with the world...

1) Download   2) Insert random Phil quote   3)  ?????????   4) PROFIT!

Do you watch this show?  Do you agree that it's better when you're inebriated?
Please Share it! :)

18 witty retorts:

GT said...

Sounds pretty cool, might check this out!

Sweety Darlin said...

I have not yet caught this adventure into the human experience. I am still trying to stomach swamp people on occasion. No marathon stuff just the 3 minutes when the other show is on commercial.

I know these people exist, but as I am terrified our society is going the way of idiocracy (the movie) I fear promoting this behavior with rating will only damn us more.

Zombie said...

Havent personally seen this show but now I kinda want to! lol.

CrazyTragicAlmostMagic said...

I keep seeing previews as well my favorite line from one was "it's good being a wealthy redneck". I bet it is.... Think of all the camo you could buy.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

They have a lot. Sometimes they're wearing a camo outfit on their camo chairs... all you can see is a face...

meandmythinkingcap said...

If only my brain could be worn and removed like helmet. Phil-Sophiess sound lot like cavemen of 21st century. "make me a sandwich botch" is their mantra?
"men are like toilets, you need women to flush the crap and you need shows like to load the crap else beats the purpose" . Don't read too much into that, juz a repartee from an angry feminist. Maybe when you are sober from shows like this may make sense. ;)

Adsila said...

Oh my, they will give anyone a show!

Haven said...

Man does this make me thankful that I don't have television. I only have Netflix and I will be sure to ignore it dilligently when it does come on. Aye.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Dude, my dad keeps telling me I ought to watch this show. I'll be sure to bring plenty of beer to the event.

sugar-free-thoughts.com said...

I refuse to watch that show because it took the place of my beloved Intervention and now I don't have a show to make me feel better about myself. Wait a second......

Hey Monkey Butt said...

I've not watched it, but sounds hilarious. :) Yay drunkeness!

THE SARCASM GODDESS said...

I have never even heard of this show but clearly I am missing out as I do enjoy a good clusterfuck. Ever since I quit my job my life has been seriously lacking the clusterfuck department.

Vanessa said...

Wow, now I've got something other than Billy the Exterminator to make me wonder why I pay for cable.

Crack You Whip said...

Never heard of it, now I'm gonna have to check it out.

Sheila said...

I've seen the previews and unless I happen to get totally drunk one night, I don't plan on watching that silliness. But to each his own. I'm sure you wouldn't like vampire/werewolf movies either, lol.

The Beans said...

Saw the commercial for it, but I have yet to see it. Sounds like a hoot, though!

-Barb the French Bean

Thank, Q said...

I've never heard of that show, but I specifically want to watch that episode. It sounds hilarious with or without alcohol!

Anonymous said...

Best show on TV

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