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So I Guess I Have 99 Problems

Jay Z 99 Problems But a Bitch Ain't One getting pulled over by a cop
I was pulled over by a cop the other day.

And it made me feel like Jay Z.

Because that's how I roll.

This isn't my first post about run-ins with the law, but this is the first one that I instantly deemed blog-worthy. Once I explain what went down, you'll understand why...

I am riding with my boss this week, visiting key accounts and seeing what my strengths/weaknesses are (weaknesses?  NONE.  I am a certified badass).  That, and he likes to make himself seen with the big boys, just in case I'm not always around.  Better to build two relationships than one...

So we're in South Idaho driving to Boise, when he needs to get something out of the back seat.  He unbuckles, flips around and starts to dig, when I see a cop hiding behind a median strip.  Cop sees me before I see him.  I say "cop" and boss-man turns around, but I can already see the patrol car pulling onto the freeway to pursue us.

The patrol car eventually turns on his lights and we pull over.  After a few minutes of letting us sweat, he swaggers out of the car, and I SWEAR he reminded me of Deputy Dangle from Reno 911.

I roll down the window and he introduces himself.  And then he says:

"I pulled you over because I clocked ya going 81 in a 75 zone.   Took me a while to finally catch up with you..."

Because I was speeding like a bat out of hell.... 81.... I'm such a badass, setting the cruise-control so high.

He starts asking questions, like where we're coming from, where we're going to, why  is the backseat so full (suitcases, laptop bags and some sales samples), and what was in the trunk.  When I explained we were a couple of pet food salesmen, he seemed confused and asked what we meant.  We used small words to get across.  Just for good measure, he took my boss' ID as well, to make sure we weren't wanted drug-smugglers or something.

He went back to the patrol car, and the boss and I are snickering.  First of all, 6mph over and he's acting like we're speed demons?  And the cop seemed a little.... slow.

When he came back, he hands us back our licenses and lets me go with a warning.  As a nice gesture, I want to thank him.  I ask him if he has any pets, because I have a trunk full of freebies and I had no problem giving him something as token of my gratitude.

He looks me straight in the eyes, and says "nope, don't have any pets.  I only got a dog." ok.  Nevermind.  Thank you, sir.  Have a good evening, sir.

South Park dumb cop officer barbrady
Now, I have a LOT of respect for Law Enforcement, and have a few cop friends.  I don't want this to come across as a 'cops are stoopid' post.

But this guy?

This guy was a little dim.

Ok, maybe more than just a little.

We were 45 minutes from Boise at that point, and were laughing the rest of the way.  This is a story my boss will never forget, and will never let me live down.  When we checked into our hotel, he jokes to the receptionist "You know, this isn't the first time he's had to show his ID today..." and tells the story.

Later, at the bar, same thing.

When he gets back into the home-office, I'm sure it will be story-time once again...

Thank you, officer.  You made my day.  You made my boss' day.  And now, I'm never going to hear the end of this.

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21 witty retorts:

Pickleope said...

6 miles over? Surprised he didn't light the Bat-signal and call for backup. In fairness to the cop, he may have been sitting in his car huffing glue. Which would explain why he doesn't consider a dog a pet. That was the cherry on top for me.

Vanessa said...

I thought people had to pass tests before they could be cops? No pets, just a dog.

Workingdan said...

6mph over? Don't cops have anything better to do? In my town they pull me over for a light not working on my license plate. Meanwhile, cars are speeding by, all while drinking and smoking weed. It doesn't matter as long as they get the guy without his license plate light out!

meandmythinkingcap said...

I don't have pets I have only dog. That's not the first time I am hearing that you know, maybe that kid in daycare is becoming a cop for sure in future. ;)
And girls say the same. That's not my doll, that's my Barbie.
Just to clarify, I am not disrespecting man-child cop. ;)

meandmythinkingcap said...

In cops defense,
1.You cant catch a really speeding guy. TO catch a guy exceeding 100, the cop has to race atleast around 100, what is he? Jeff Gordon? he is a cop for goodness sake not race car driver.
2.And you cant expect a cop who cant count dog as a pet to count correctly, he couldnt have been able to get more fingers, and toes above 81.I am glad that he was able to find the fact 81 is above 75.

Sweety Darlin said...

OMG I don't have any pets, I only have a dog?!?!?!?

I was married to a cop once, and I won't go into the torrid details, but let's say he ended up getting fired for abuse of power and stalking, and we were divorced at the time. Yes they are related.

I have to say though that I have had a great run in with a police officer, only I was the one with the WTF statements.

Take a look!

Random Girl said...

Just because he has a dog, doesn't mean he likes it enough to consider it a pet, don't get it twisted fancy out-of-towner sales guy! It's like driving through a small town in Ohio with out-of-state plates after 9pm. Instant pull over. You are suspicious. Period.

Zombie said...

At least you got the decency for them to pull you over. I got nabbed by one of those damn red light cameras. :/

Katsidhe said...

I'll bet you tear the tags off of mattresses, too, you damned menace to society!

As for the "no pet, but a dog thing"...well, you DID mention that there are some odd tendencies up there, nomsayin'?

AccordingtoJewels said...

A townie that like...that dog isn't his pet it is his girlfriend. *Cringe* Sorry...that was too far even for me. I have never been pulled over for going 6 miles over the speed limit...26 sure...but 6 is ridiculous. Poor bored, non-pet owning, slow officer. They can't all be fantastic.

Haven said...

Whoa whoa whoa. Where's the fire buddy?

I gotta say, I kind like the cops response to having pets, "nope, don't have any pets. I only got a dog."

I never refer to my cat as my pet. I'm his human. He's my familiar. He's family.

This cop sounds little too dim to have my logic but I like the sentiment my mind came up with haha.

A Beer for the Shower said...

It absolutely horrifies me that people like this can be police officers.

I had to go to court once to fight a policeman with this same caliber of, um, intelligence. He pulled me over and said, "You were racing like a bat out of hell! I had to go 80 mph to catch up to you, that means you were going 80 mph too." I tried to explain to him that I was going the speed limit and that if I was going 80 mph, he would have had to go much FASTER to catch up to me. You can't catch someone going the exact same speed. He just could not wrap his mind around this.

The judge did, though, and that's all that matters. Sheesus.

Pish Posh said...

That's kind of like my first experience living in the Midwest, with culture shock. I asked for anything vegetarian at the restaurant. She brought me something that "only had chicken."

Lady Estrogen said...

Hahaha - I'm totally picturing him like the mildly retarded cop in Scary Movie.

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

Hmm, well Idaho isn't that far from Nevada, so it might have been Dangle's cousin or something. Run-ins with the law are never fun, but getting away with a warning is always an adrenaline kick.

The Beans said...

Lesson learned: dogs aren't pet. Gotcha.

-Barb the French Bean

Hey Monkey Butt said...

Wow! Wait... You guys have 75 MPH zones?! Lucky!

Crack You Whip said...

He would totally give you that ticket if he knew you wrote this post, but he gets a thumbs up from me for such a great laugh!

D4 said...

"I don't have pets, I only have a dog" LOL'D!!! You were lucky. Can't wipe this grin off my face, ahaha

Leeanna Henderson said...

So Barney Fife is alive and well and patrolling the highways of southern Idaho. I really liked the dog part.
I guess it's true that those radar guns do cause not only chromosomal but brain damage too. *Derp

Thank, Q said...

So, a dog isn't a pet? That means if i get one, I won't get an extra charge at a hotel, right?

How dumb was this guy? I think he was confused from the moment he pulled you all over. Did he look young like he was a rookie or something?

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