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4/26/11

Bow Before Your Overlord

I won another award, and I think I might like this one the most.

Why?

Because I'm the boss now.


I present to you the Overlord Award, given to me by Jewels.  This puts me in charge, so you better check yo-self before you wreck yo-self.

Rules for this award are as follows:

  1. List 3 things you would change with the world, if you were in charge (which, now, you are)
  2. Pass this award out to others who deserve world domination, and
  3. Tell them they're in charge now.
So.  Now that I'm the boss of you, I would like to enact these 3 laws.  It doesn't matter if you like them or not, because I say so!

Rule #1:  I am making it a requirement for you get a license before you can have children.  Why?  Because some people just shouldn't be breeding.  This law will make everyone on Earth 100% sterile until they can go to their local form of government and prove they are ready for children.  This would mean a mom and dad, both consenting, both ready.  This would mean you're mentally ready to accept a newborn into this world, and raise it right.  This means you can only have enough children that you could financially support.  This would (most importantly) mean there will be no more "Eleventy-seven kids and counting" shows on reality TV.  Guys will love this law because there will be no more 'surprise' pregnancies.  Governments will love this law, because users of programs like WIC will decline.  People would have to be ready and self-sufficient before they are able to bring another life into this world.  I think it's good for the children, don't you?

Rule #2:  I'm taking over the US budget.  Sorry folks, but I'm raising taxes, at least for a while.  I will lower state sales taxes to 5% on items such as groceries and everyday household items.  I will raise taxes on cigarettes and alcohol to 25%.  I will legalize marijuana, and tax it at the same level as booze and cigs.  Lastly, income tax will be a flat 35% for all, until we get our shit back in order.  I'd make it a punishable crime for legislators to sneak in 'pork projects' to increase unnecessary spending, and will requite a 100% balanced budget every year.  If anything, we can have a surplus, but we are not going to go deeper into debt anymore.  Let me do this for 5 years.  Watch roads improve, watch schools have better funding, watch our health care system improve.  Then, because of all of that, day to day spending on things like insurance will go down.  Gripe now, but just you watch.  Creating programs that cost more money, while lowering taxes just doesn't work, so I'm putting a stop to it.

Rule #3:  Speaking of schools, I'm going to add some "Real Life Studies" into the curriculum.  Classes will be designed to teach kids the following:
  • Manage and pay bills, and control their debt/finances
  • Everyday household repairs, including basic home and auto maintenance
  • 'Cubicle Dweller 101' - where you learn the basics of Microsoft Office and other business functions
  • Negotiation and Haggling, the art of arguing (to teach people how to buy cars properly, and such)
A lot of kids today (myself included until about 24) have a hard time surviving and thriving in the real world.  Parents aren't prepping their kids in ways they should be, so lets educate these kids while they're still in school.  Teach them to avoid credit card debt.  Build their credit score.  How to fix a leaky faucet.  Change the oil on their car, etc.  I want to see them turn into independent, functioning adults when they graduate, and I believe a change in school studies will help this.  Oh, and bring back some culture into schools.  Music programs get the funding they need, along with other arts programs.  Broadening horizons is always a good thing.

So there you go.  Sorry for the lack of the usual humor, but being in charge carries a weight of responsibility.  Now that I've changed the world for the better, we can have a toga party or something to loosen up.

TO-GA! TO-GA! TO-GA!

As for passing on the torch, I select two people to rule over us next.

A Daft Scots Lass - Because the world needs some good-lookin leaders, and with a Scottish/South African accent, any speech given would be an awesome one to listen to.

Falen @ Colorful Rants - Because she's got the skills to be in charge.  Let's see what she does with it.

Go go, ladies!  Make me proud!
Please Share it! :)

27 witty retorts:

Tony Van Helsing said...

I can't top those three things. I especialy agree with te kid licence. I mean, you have to pass a licence to drive so bringing another person into the world has far greater implications and people should have to show they are capable of doing so. Why does no-one in power ever put this idea across?

Matthew MacNish said...

Togas are hot.

Bart said...

spawn more overlords!

Caity said...

I love your new rules! I would enact the same things.

Shutterbug said...

You would make a great leader! You have some great ideas! :)

zepdragon said...

Excellence use of power sir, I hope someday I can be the boss

Al Penwasser said...

I'd vote for you! Ooh, wait a minute, that's probably not the point. Aw, screw it. You get my vote!

Colin Biano said...

i never win anything

criesselftosleep

do i have to feed you grapes while you lay down on your throne-bed now or something?

Astronomy Pirate said...

Personally for school, instead of enacting new standards and classes, I would remove all standardization and let teachers teach how they are supposed to. The down turn in American education only took place when standardized testing was implemented. Those standards then got watered down and held back advanced students, and then college standards got watered down, and now we have a bunch of useless college graduates. Colleges should demand more of you, and I know people love to thump the idea that everyone deserves a college education, that isn't quit true, you still need a regular work force. You wouldn't expect a plumber to go to college, but a trade school, unless they were getting their business degree to run their own plumbing company.

Rob said...

You've got my vote for president! :D That would be an awesome plan!

Venus said...

congratulations for the overlord award :)

Jewels said...

Here here! I couldn't agree more with 1 and 2 and I think that with a combination of my 1 and your 1 and my #2 and your #2 we can totally get this world back on track!! Kudos!

after3 said...

Congrats. But it's an honor to be nominated.... which I wasnt.

a3

becca said...

congrats and i bow at your feet my lord

D4 said...

I agree with rule #1, but because of how uphill it is, ehhh.

Everything else though, genius. If only the general public would purposely vote for getting 5 years of bad time instead of instant gratification. Pft.

The Reckmonster said...

Dear Overlord,
I totally agree with your "licensing" requirements for procreating. Too many fucking dillholes have kids. I am also in favor of a flat income tax rate. That stops EVERYONE from bitching. I've supported that for years. Congrats on your award, Overlord Idahomie!!!

Autumnforest said...

That school curriculum--bless you! That is what really matters. I'd add to that cognitive therapy so kids can get their thoughts and feelings in order. Once you realize your thoughts create your emotions, you hold a key to true happiness.

THUNDERCAT said...

Oh shit!!!! it's on now homie! You gave me the power, now watch how insane I'm gonna be! Tune in I'm posting this tomorrow! lol

Kicking Rocks said...

congrats!!

kitkat said...

congrats on the award!! everyone loves u..boo!!

mac-and-me said...

i for one welcome our new overloard!

Living cheap said...

i love the new laws!
all hail our new overlord!

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

ALL HAIL TO OUR WORSHIPFUL MASTER.

Kelly said...

Congrats on your award, dude. I like your new laws and regulations. I vote for you to be the new Overlord, for sure. And not just because of legalization of Marijuana and taxing it thing. Hell, that should have taken effect long ago. I've always said people should be required to get a license before having rugrats. Just makes sense. All the rest, I pretty agree with, as well.

Jason said...

Sounds like you'd be a decent overlord at least :p

ScottD said...

not a good overlord at all. need to get rid of unions, all illegals and dispose of govt pensions. plus change voting boths to suicide machines like in futurama to eliminate the weak minded and brainwashed.

Thank, Q said...

That's a super-cool title for a blog award! I have to admit I'm a bit jealous.

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