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2/15/12

What Your Vehicle Says About You

I have never seen a camo-wrapped truck until I moved to Idaho.  Now, after being here over a year, I know of at least 17 different 'rigs' in town that you're technically not supposed to be able to see.

When I asked one of the owners why they did that, I received a funny response.

"Does it help when you go hunting?" I asked.

"Nope" he responded, "I just did it 'cuz it looks badass..."

Hooooo-kay....

The kind of car you drive speaks volumes to the type of person you are.  When I see a lifted, camo-wrapped truck, I think "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAWWWWWWWWW...."  You know there's a shotgun under the seat, and you can probably guess on how he feels about minorities or same-sex marriage.

In other words, banjo music.

Here are a few other vehicles with a loud message:


If you drive a Mustang, it better be a Shelby, Cobra or another tricked out version.  If not, you fall into one of two categories:

- If under 20, you are a show-off, and will have at least $2,000 worth of speeding tickets before your 21st birthday.  If the car is red, you probably know at least 4 police officers by their first names.

- If over 20, you're grasping onto your childhood and still try to go to High School and College parties.  You probably buy booze for underage kids, if they promise to let you hang out with them.  If over 30 and driving a base-model 'stang, you've muttered "Honest officer, she told me she was 18" at least once in your life.


A Jeep says "I like to work on my car" or "I go off-road from time to time, and want to know my rig can handle it."

A DIRTY Jeep screams "OMG!  OMG!  Look at me!  I have a Jeep!  I'm so badass!  Look!  LOOK!!!"

A VW Beetle, if you're a girl, signals to men that you're probably going to go home with them tonight.  Every girl I know with a Beetle radiates a 'wild and free' attitude which, roughly translated, means '2 drinks and the top comes off.'  The girlier the color, the more this effect is amplified.

If you're a guy driving one of these things, you either got the car in the divorce, or you're known in your current relationship as 'The Bottom.'

Oh... and these?

DOUCHEBAG ALERT!!

What other cars have a definite message to them?  What kind of car do you drive, and what do you think it says about you?  Feel free to share, by leaving a comment below...
Please Share it! :)

32 witty retorts:

Haven said...

I drive an Impreza hatchback myself.

I'm told Subaru in general is the prefered choice of lesbians everywhere.

Probably because it "says" I don't need no man to haul my stuff around and I'm probably going camping this weekend.

Incidentally I do have a tent in my trunk. Then again I also have chainmaille armor and 6" stripper shoes. Not sure what that says about me.

Matthew MacNish said...

I drive an old ass Honda Civic. Because I prefer to spend as little time in my car as possible, and would rather save my money for things like my home, vacations, and booze.

Workingdan said...

I drive a 03 Stratus. It says...I'm broke and it's all I can afford.

Our other car is a 2011 Dodge Journey...it says we have kids to haul around. It also says that just once we would like to live like we have money but we really don't.

Pickleope said...

Most sports cars scream "I have a tiny dick", like the Corvette Over-Compensator. Which is nice of them to advertise and save the lady time.
Are you sure that's camouflage and not one of those pictures you stare at and a 3d image comes out? Because then, that would be badass.

Lady Estrogen said...

A. I want one of the NEW 2012 Beetles only because it's more like the vintage Beetle, which I llllooovvee. So there.

B. I FUCKING HATE TRUCK NUTS.

InfinitePlans said...

God I can't stand camouflage painted cars.

Haven said...

Oh my gosh the truck nuts make me want to punch the driver in the back of the head.

Bart said...

i like to think that my jeep means i like adventure. heh last nite i had a dream of strapping up a chair up on the roll bars, why? because that would be awesome.

Bozo said...

Hmmm well sometimes cars (or people) can be deceiving. For example, Rowan Atkinson owns a McLaren F1...

Martina said...

It's funny how people make assumptions about a person based on their vehicle. (I know I do!)

I am sure people make some strange assumptions when they see an incredibly tiny female person(me) driving an incredibly large newish truck.

I'm more of a car\suv kind of person myself but the truck was a practical purchase, not a personality or preference based one (with seasonal ice roads to consider, a car would have been suicide).

Josie said...

I drive a 98 Ford Contour. I think it says 'My parents gave this to me when I turned 16 and my mom got a new car and even 5 years later I can't afford to get a new one and now it has over 207,000 miles and a child's car seat and I'm angry and bitter that I'm still driving an old grandma car.'
Seriously. The only other people I see driving this kind of car are either old ladies or fat, middle-aged, door-to-door salesman type looking men with beards.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

I'm pushing 50 and I drive a RED mustang GT convertible and it's the biggest fucking redneck car you have EVAH seen!!!! It screams BADASS!!!! That pretty much sums me up right there!!!!!!

Melanie said...

I drive an Escape. I think it says that I have kids and need more room and refuse to drive a minivan. And its black, so I'm dark and mysterious (and full of shit)I think.

Have you ever noticed that people that drive the VW Beetle always have a flower in it? I can't stand that!

G said...

I've got VW Transporter decked out as a camper van...good and practical but damn it needs a bit of camouflage paint

D4 said...

Well, ok. I drive a Batmobile. I think it says that I'm Bruce Wayne.

JUST ME said...

I've always wanted a red convertible Mustang. Everyone laughs at me. BUT I WANT IT SO BAD GODDAMN IT.

I'd also take a Mercedes. And a Chippendales driver.

Adsila said...

I have a convertible I deem my mid-life crisis car. I think it says that I am a fun person who is not afraid to drive around town with her top off (LOL, take that whatever way you want). I am actually thinking of my next car being an orange VW Beetle, my back to the 70's hippy car. Yep, I am hanging on to my youth.

Ellen Lloyd said...

I drive a hypothetiCar. It is extremely eco-friendly and gets excellent mileage on the cheap. My insurance and maintenance costs are pretty well nil.

Soooo, what does that say about me? =P

The Reckmonster said...

I drive an Acura TSX. I'm pretty sure it screams "pretentious bitch" to some people and "stupid bitch buying an over priced Honda Accord" to others. However, I like to think it screams "wise investment" as it has one of the highest resale values; it gets me about 34-35 miles per gallon (it IS a six-speed manual transmission, so I save more there); has a million airbags and is one of the better safety-rated cars (thereby making me a very safety-conscious mom); and it zooms, zooms, zooms so that when I drop it into fourth gear on the highway - I can pass a middle-aged man in a mid-life crisis-mobile at an alarming rate of speed, laughing all the way. Oh, and it has lots of cool buttons to push. I think that says I am a dork.

Jira said...

This post is hysterical... and so very true. What I drive is a 'sensible' 2000 Altima... what I want is a new Camaro. Oh yes... I know it's probably too much car for me but I don't give a damn! :)

Kelly said...

Truck nutsacks. Could anything be cooler? Probably so. I think when you drive one of those tiny little Smart cars, I think it says about you that you don't mind being completely wiped out by a normal sized car, much less a semi-truck, all for the sake of driving a car that can probably only hold one dude and a parrot.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Dude, you can get a PARROT into a smart car?

Wow, maybe it IS time to go on a diet....

The Offended Blogger said...

All of this is so true and as you know, I drive a Porshe. Why? Because it's a Porsche. :)

Michael said...

Chevy cavalier, that I despise. Before that an F-150 manual that I loved.

Couldn't agree more about the Mustang part. And the camo trucks? It's not cool. Not at all. It just announces to the world that you will most likely eat ANY type of animal if caught, killed and skinned.

Emily Guy Birken said...

My husband drives a 93 Volvo 240 five-speed. He thinks it says he's ironic about being a family man. I think it just says he's a family man who wants to be a hipster.

Hey Monkey Butt said...

I love this post! I drive what I like to call a grandma call, it's a toyota camry 1997. It's old and beat up, I named her Tina! I've actually seen a car in my home town, it's camo like that, tho they used spray paint and even did the tires and wheels. Very funny!

Thank, Q said...

"I drive a Dodge Stratus!" Sorry. Will Ferrell SNL flashback. I actually drive a 2000 Buick Regal which means that I'm over 60 and play bingo. Wait. Then again, it's a GS model which has a turbo engine, so it means that I'm over 55 and play poker.

P.J. said...

I love that trucks are called rigs in Idaho. I would love to know why. Good stuff.

Anonymous said...

ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL WITH YOUR POST THAT IF A\ GUY DRIVES A CAMO TRUCK HE IS A RACE HATER. FUCK YOU . LET ME TELL U WHAT I HATE . OUT OF STATE FAGS LOIKE YOURSELF THAT COME TO OUR STATE AND JUDGE PEOPLE AND TLK SHIT. AND TO ALL THE OTHER FAGS THAT CHIMMED IN PATTING THIS DICK ON THE BACK FOR TALKING SHIT ALL I CAN SAY IS HE AND U SHOULD BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE. FUCK YOU. YEEEEEEEEHAAAAWWWWWWW. BITCH

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

Dear anon,

Thank you for proving my point.

Signed,
Normal people everywhere

Anonymous said...

I drove a Pontiac Solstice. Loved that car so much it HURT when a pick up with trailor hitch backed into me & took out the front grill. Second time it happened (it was LOW to the ground and hard to see) I couldn't take it any more. Now drive a red Toyota Tacoma truck with a Thule rack on the back for hauling my stand up paddle board to the beach. Not bad for a 63 yr. old grandma.

Anonymous said...

Never expected to be'the truck guy', but I drive a 1990 Ford F150, blue and gray two tone paint with a brown camper top. Love having it around for both chores (hauling water for dry wells during a drought, mulch or rocks for projects around home, or when I joined the Army and had to move all of my worldly posessions across the country), and for fun, too! Camping and fishing would be a lot more difficult in a crown victoria or any other sedan.
Like I said, never expected to become the truck guy, but mine has won me over.
Oh, it also taught me about the advantages of a straight six over a V-8.

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