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Correlation Between Extreme Couponing and the LDS Church

Have you heard of these shows popping up on basic cable networks?  They involve women spending countless hours clipping and organizing coupons in order to save 90% on their grocery bills.

I admit... I watched one episode of Extreme Couponing.  It shocked me that you can save so much money.  This lady purchased $400 worth of groceries and only paid $35.

But let's break that down a bit...

She had to split her purchase over 12 transactions, to adhere to coupon rules.  The amount of time clipping and organizing coupons, as well as shopping in the store and checking out easily exceeded 30-35 hours.  If you're conservative and say 30 hours to save $365, it equates to $12.17 an hour.  I wanted to break it down, to show you this truly is a full-time job.

The only difference is these women piss off everyone at the grocery store (shoppers and workers alike).  A job that pays $12 an hour is decent, but a job that pays $12/hr plus turns you into the neighborhood asshole?  Not worth it.

So how does this relate to the LDS Church, you ask?

Mormons are trained to be prepared.  This means having at least a year's supply of food stored away at all times, as well as other disaster related tips (teaching the family how to react in an emergency, etc.).  While teaching your kids how to turn off electricity/gas in an emergency, as well as how to escape the house in case of fire is a good thing, it surprises me how detailed the church gets when talking about preparedness.

For example:

"As members of the Church we have been counseled for many many years to prepare and keep on hand at least a one-year supply of food. In the early days of our church the Saints were  admonished to have a 7 year food supply. Then, for many years  there was a time when a two-year supply was recommended, (and it undoubtedly would be a good idea for each of us to still  keep a two-year supply if at all possible as this will allow us to share with others). But in the meantime it is imperative that we heed the current counsel to obtain and maintain at least  a one-year minimum emergency food supply."

If you read what they recommend in a 72 or 96-hour kit, I can't even fathom what 1-2 years of supplies would look like.

Yet, local stores like "The Prepared Pantry," "The Preparedness Store" and even Walmart capitalize on this paranoia.  In both Idaho and Utah, you see occasional billboards asking if you are prepared, you know... "Just in case..."

It only makes sense that super-shoppers and mormons share a common bond.

After all, when you see the pantries of these extreme couponers, they're really pushing the limit of the foods' expiration dates.

16 cases of Mac and Cheese?

44 bottles of mustard?

Enough Crisco to keep the entire porn industry lubricated until 2025?

It's a bit much.

But then again, if the zombie apocalypse hits next week, I'm more or less screwed.  Mormons and extreme couponers will be alive and thriving for months to come.  But think about it... a world full of zombies, super-shoppers and missionaries??  Maybe death is the better option...
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17 witty retorts:

Lady Estrogen said...

Dude, seriously. I would rather sacrifice myself to those zombies.

And the other thing is that it may work out to $12/he but it's not REAL money you can take to the bank, it's time. And apparently, they've got a whole fucking lot of it!

Workingdan said...

Although I would love to save that much on my grocery bill, I already have a full-time job...2 jobs counting raising the kids. I don't need another.

Not to mention I can't always trust myself with scissors in my hands!

Crack You Whip said...

There was once a problem with someone's coupon in front of me and it turned into a 20 minute ordeal for that person to save twenty-five cents. At the time, I was making $25.00 an hour, so I did the math and it cost my company $8.00 for me to stand there, not including everyone else's time in line.

Oh, I'll take death in the event of an apocalypse!

Melanie said...

Extreme Couponing freaks me out. I do not have the time nor the patience it would take to do it...and my hourly rate is way higher than $12.17 per hour - my husband would be happy to corroborate this. Also, you are so right about being an asshole. I get irate when I get behind someone with lots of coupons. Again, my time is precious. I saw one episode of that show and these two women were at Wal Mart the ENTIRE TIME THE STORE WAS OPEN. Who does that?

As for them having all that shit I seriously doubt they will ever use all of (leave it the the good old U.S. to have such wasteful citizens), I just saw a new show the other day called Food Hoarders. For real. They have the same issues and regular hoarders.

As for the Mormons. I don't know how your head hasn't exploded yet. You are a better person than I.

Matthew MacNish said...

I love the "if you spent that time working, you'd make more" argument. Glad to see it applied so well.

J.Day said...

That show made my jaw drop. For a full half hour. The one show I watched a gal spent several hundred dollars and in the end, the store actually OWED HER money.

I don't have the patience to search for and clip coupons.

And I know my grandparents aren't religious, but one of their hundred year old out-buildings, 'the cold room' has two big freezers full of meat, and stock piled to the hilt. I think we'll be set.

A Beer for the Shower said...

But see, if the zombie apocalypse hits, my money's on the guy who learned how to defend himself, not on the guy who's got a bunch of extra food or the guy praying instead of loading up a shotgun.

Hey Monkey Butt said...

And here I was trying to figure out how to save so much money like they do. Dang, I just don't have the time. Oh well! Back to blogging, I've got my zombie survival guide!

the Tsaritsa said...

I agree with Lady E-- I'd rather become a zombie and eat the Mormons.

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

First of all, I feel sorry for whoever ends up behind one of those couponers in line at the grocery store.

Second, I had no clue that mormons were like apocalyptic boy scouts.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

I think the extreme couponers are seriously lacking something else in their life if this is what occupies their time and gives them so much pleasure. Sex is a better option, even if it's with yourself!!!!!!

D4 said...

I've now set myself up a new location for when the zombie apocalypse really hits. Idaho.

Ellen Lloyd said...

Ahahaha this is so true. My Mormon family had a basement crawl space which was pretty much entirely full of food storage. They also had an enormous stock of candles, a wood-burning fireplace designed with the potential to heat the entire house, and a generator.

It's funny, but it's not so silly either. Anywhere natural disasters hit, there are always a few people who were somehow prepared for the worst and get by comfortably; I'd guess most of these are Mormons.

Yeah... In the event of a disaster, I'll just go hide out at my parents'. =P

middle child said...

Yeah, I know. I need to start paying attention. Um,...what's with the fasination with zombies and....don['t the mormons believe that Christ is their savior? If so, this crazy keep your up your food for 7 years. I mean, where's their faith?

Raquel's World said...

I often wonder why no one mentions that the couponing takes 30-40 hours a week. I only use a couple and that is a damn hassle and hearing the collective sigh from everyone in line behind you when you whip out those handy coupons. Embarrassing! Or even worse the eye rolls and everyone getting out of line.

Michael said...

If that's who will be left in the world I'm team zombie all the way.

As for the hoarders-in-training it's great to save so much but seriously? 44 bottles of mustard? How is the needed? Just because it's 15 cents at the end doesn't mean I need to buy the shelf. Also? Expiration dates? Um, yea... those 44 bottles DO expire people.

Anonymous said...

Ok, first, not all Mormons are fanatic like that. We do try to store that 1 year of food. But the church recommends we store 1 year of staples, like sugar, rice and flour. The perishable stuff they recommend we store 3 months worth. It is also recommended that we only store what we eat and eat what we store. Which means, if we are going to regularly use up 3 bottles of ketchup, to have those 3 bottles on hand and when the one we use up is gone to take one of the stored ones to use and by a new one to store. And we don't store for the apocalypse. We store in case of trucking strikes and the stores are out of food. Or we lose our jobs. Or a hurricane or tornado hits the local walmart. Just keeps us from having to worry about "what if?". And it isn't lack of faith, it is more along the lines of my favorite quote. God watches over every sparrow, but he don't put the worms in the nest.

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