Six Things Better Than #YOLO (and they all rhyme!)

Unless you've been living under an internet-free rock, you have probably seen the term YOLO bouncing around online, especially in social media.

Whether you blame Drake, Zach Efron, The Strokes or any of the other YOLO users over the last few years, YOLO is a popular term, meaning You Only Live Once.

It especially resonates with kids trying to look badass.  As Jack Black said, "I am fairly certain that 'YOLO' is 'Carpe Diem' for stupid people."

(now, with that correlation, imagine Robin Williams and the Dead Poets Society running around yelling "YOLO!  YOLO!"  I smell a remake...)

For those of you (like me) who think of YOLO as a lame acronym for people trying too hard, I present to you six things (that rhyme!) that are cooler than YOLO:

1)  Bolo Yeung, aka Chong Li from Bloodsport

Bolo is a martial arts badass, and plays the main antagonist in Bloodsport, the most awesomest horrible movie you'll ever see on network tv.  I grew up watching Bloodsport on Saturday afternoons, when no other programming was available (it usually started after Soul Train).  Chong Li is a scary mofo, and Bolo Yeung's face is one that will remain with me to my deathbed (that, and Jean Claude Van Damme's warcry:  BYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!)

2)  Solo, as in the famous Red Solo Cup

Oh memories...  from picnics to keggers, most everyone has used one of these bad boys in their lifetime.  It wasn't until recently that people noticed the measurement marks on the cup: ideal for pouring booze at just the right amounts.

Toby Keith, after running out of ideas for songs, decided to sing about this cup.  My guess is he was hammered.  But those cups are good for that, aren't they?

3)  Rolos

Chocolate.  Caramel.  Times ten.  Win.

4)  Olympic Athlete Lolo Jones

She's ripped.  She's an olympian.  She jumps hurdles like you wouldn't believe.  And she's a virgin.  As of August 5th, she'll be a 30 year old virgin (10 more years and they'll make a movie out of you, Lolo!).  Personally, I think this is cheating.  Think Lance Armstrong only having one testicle, thus being more aerodynamic.  Her hymen gives her an unfair advantage against the other sluts on the track.  Go Lolo!

5) Polo

It's a fun sport, whether on the field or in the pool, and it's a cologne that most people know.

I prefer Polo Explorer.  It's different enough where people don't go "oh, you wear Polo?" but has that same Polo "ooh, you smell yummy" reaction from the ladies.  A bro-lo shouting YOLO will only make the eyes roll (...o).

Barely making the cut is...

6)  Han Solo

I mean, everyone knows Han Solo is the quintessential badass from the Star Wars trilogy, and true fans know in their heart of hearts that Han Shot First.

I mean, who else would get away with answering an "I love you" with "I know?"  If I did that, my girlfriend would sack-tap me and try it again until I answered correctly...

The reason Han is #6 on this list and barely made the cut is because of George Lucas.  First, he made Han NOT shoot first.  Then he allowed THIS to be made...

Sorry Han, your man card has now been REVOKED.  But with that said, you're still cooler than Drake or YOLO.

Did I miss any?  Are there any other 'olo's' out there to be considered?  Or are you a part of Generation YOLO?  Feel free to share, leave a comment, and join in on the fun!

(PS - This post was inspired by this next entrant.  They're not on the list, because obviously...)

Oh Idaho, What The Hell?

Idaho and politics... man oh man...

Not only does Idaho boast a guy who attempted to assassinate the President, now you can find this sign in Caldwell.

Caldwell is about 20 miles west of Boise, Idaho's Capital.  The group that owns the sign says they're trying to draw attention to Obama's foreign policy and the countless soldiers that have died in the wars overseas...

...the wars Obama didn't start, and has been trying to end since getting in office.  For those of you that aren't guys, here's a clue:  The pull-out method doesn't work...

But hey, Bush started this economic landslide and Obama's getting blamed.  Why not blame him for Bush's wars too?  Also, 9/11 is somehow Obama's fault, as is Linday Lohan's drug addiction.

Thanks again Idaho, for making us the state noone else wants to deal with.  I know it's a free country and all, but if you're going to use your freedom of speech, can you at least speak accurately?

Walmart After Dark

I try to stay away from Walmart as often as I can.  They kill small businesses, don't pay their employees a fair wage with benefits, and just feel like douchebags to me.

But this is a story of when I went to Walmart at 1am and the amusement from the trip.

My girlfriend and I were finishing up a 'couples' night with our friends when we realized we needed something.  Tonight.  Couldn't wait.  The only place open that had said thing was Walmart, so off we went.

It was 1am, but the parking lot was a madhouse.  Not only was it packed, but everyone walking/driving around seemed under the influence of something.  I'm not sure if it was alcohol, meth, bath salts or what, but drivers were swervy and angry, and people just seemed... well... stoned off their asses.

Inside the Walmart is a Subway restaurant.  Subway was featuring their new 'Nachos' which consisted of Doritos chips, nacho cheese sauce and jalapeno peppers.

Subway was packed.  All the stoners/drunks were gorging on the nachos, and proclaiming how great they were.  Praises included:

"Badass"

"Boss"

"Like, they're like, um, ...whoa."

And more.

Girlfriend and I got our thing, but were too amused by the sights to just leave.  It was people-watching heaven, so we wandered around.

The back half of the store was much less eventful, with tired people meandering through the aisles, and workers frantically restocking the shelves.

...and that's when I saw it.

We were in the boys section, and a rogue apostrophe found it's way onto one of the signs.  'Boys' turned into 'boy's' in a mere 40 feet...

But that's not all...

Since we have a lot of mormons in town that like to stockpile food, our Walmart has a preparedness center.  You can buy cans of 'instant' food with amazingly long shelf lives, and staples by the canister. The sign above the preparedness center proudly reads "From Our Family to Your's."

...

That rogue apostrophe sure gets around, and this was becoming a game for us.  Upon further inspection, the clothing departments were riddled with them:

Walmart is based in Bentonville, Arkansas.  Arkansas ranks 45th in the nation in overall education.

...

...I'll let that digest a bit.

And if anyone in the Walmart Marketing & Merchandising departments see this, here's a site where you can brush up on your apostrophe use.

Thank's!

You Can't Please All Of The Internet All Of The Time...

I was shocked when I found out about the Aurora shootings by a PhD student gone wrong.  The fact that so many people were injured or killed at a movie theater makes me a little worried to go out to the movies.

I am not here to debate whether this is Hollywood's fault, a gun-control issue, a rogue /b/tard going psycho or what.  I am here to point out what has gone down over the last few days.

I am talking about the internet groundswell to get Christian Bale to visit the victims, his response, and then the internet's reaction to it.

As the shock subsided, social media sites saw a 'call to action' to petition Christian Bale to visit the victims as Batman:

This photo received 170,000 'likes' in under 24 hours

While the intention was sincere, the thought of him dressing up as Batman seemed more of a publicity stunt to me.  It'd be too commercial, too cheezy.

...and for ME to say 'too cheezy' it's gotta be hella cheezy...

Whether it was because of public sway or just out of the goodness of his heart, Christian Bale went to Aurora and visited the victims.  He did it quietly and discreetly.

...as discreetly as a box-office celeb can, of course...

Naturally, people wanted their pictures taken with the star, and of course those pictures were posted on Facebook.  Those pictures were shared and shared until they reached news sources.

Now, on the Tuesday night news, every station is heralding the class and support from Christian Bale, and how he is helping lift the spirits of the victims.

...but wait...  the internet hasn't spoken yet...

While the vast majority are being supportive and cheering Bale for doing this, there are a lot of negative comments on twitter, facebook and tumblr:

"Why didn't he dress up as Batman?"


"Shameless publicity stunt.  Look at him posing for the cameras..."


"Is he doing this for the victims, or is he doing this because the movie didn't meet box office projections?"


"Hollywood whoring at its finest."

And more, with colorful language and spelling/grammar errors galore...

What bothers me is the fact that the internet, in some way shape or form, is always angry.  Whether it be from 'the liberal media,' 'the right-wing whackos' or just anonymous haters, there is always rage and contempt on almost every subject out there.

The internet can say "Give me 5 dollars" and you react by giving it 5 dollars.  It will come right back to you and say "bitch, if that were so easy for you, why didn't you give me 10?"

I say bravo for Christian Bale for visiting these victims.  The police and first-responders are the heroes for minimizing this tragedy as much as they could, but a simple visit by Batman can bring a smile to a lot of faces.

Even if it is just shaking hands, signing autographs, and showing that he cares.  They came to the movies to see him, and now he's showing his support by visiting them.  Well done, Batman.

But, as the title states, you can't please all of the internet all of the time.  Hate on, haters!

This Post About Yellowstone National Park Is Sponsored By Cheetos

Yellowstone National Park is extremely breathtaking, and I am fortunate enough to live within 2 hours of the western entrance.  My family vacationed at Yosemite in California a lot, so I love going to these parks and seeing the sights.

Sadly though, I have still not gone there for recreational purposes.  The only time I get to go to the park is when I am driving through.

Last week was another drive-thru trip on my way to central Wyoming.  It's a picturesque and tranquil drive, unless of course, you run into tourists.

And being the middle of July, I ran into tourists.

A lot of them.

Yellowstone tourists are special, in the fact that a lot of them try to enjoy nature from within their car.  A prime example of this is when you're on one of the roads, and there is some wildlife within visual range.

EVERYBODY stops to see.  Some pull over.  Some don't.  Regardless, everyone stops and the streets are now gummed up.

About 1/3 into my drive, a family of elk appeared between the road and the river, about 30 feet from the pavement.  People slammed on their brakes, and traffic both ways came to a screeching halt.  I was stuck.

Families get out of their cars to take pictures.  One man decides to get into the shot, and tries to get as close to the wildlife as possible.  He's inching closer and closer, telling his wife to take the shot.

Mama elk is getting agitated, but wifey has an idea to calm it down.  In a shrill Wisconsin accent, she yells "SEE IF IT WANTS A CHEETO!"

Firstly, why the fuck would it want a Cheeto??  Secondly, didn't you see the millions of signs posted, telling you not to feed the wildlife??

Living in this area, I see a lot of nature.  It's beautiful, but I'm not one to fuck with other people's schedules just to get a good photo.  Finally a space opened up and I was on my way, slightly angrier and running a little late, but on my way nonetheless.

An hour later, traffic starts to slow again.  Since it's only one side (my side) I assume there's an animal in the road blocking traffic in the opposite direction.

I was right.  After 10 minutes, I can see a bison walking in my direction, waiting for an opening to get off the road.  With cars in front of me and behind me, I'm hoping to get out of this jam asap, when:

...the person in front of me starts chatting with the lead car behind the bison.  "So, heh, how long have you been trailing this thing?"

They keep chatting, and I'm getting more and more frustrated.  Finally I lean out of my car and mimic the Wisconsin bitch as best as I could.

"SEE IF IT WANTS A CHEETO!"


I even properly pronounced it "cheee-dough" like she did.  The guy in front of me turned around to glare at me, and had this exact reaction:

...and promptly moved on.


I love Yellowstone.  I love the wildlife, and the mixed smell of trees/wildflowers/water/wildlife/fresh air that stays with you all through the park (unless you're near the sulfur springs...).  It smells like tranquility.  It smells like peace.


But seriously, can the tourists have a little more common sense and respect for others?  I have a job to do, and some of us are just trying to drive through!


But I have to admit, the next time I see an animal in the wild, I'm going to think about Cheetos and smile a little...

Playboy Has Mastered The Art of Buying Low-Stock Celebrities

For decades, Playboy Magazine has done a great job of finding celebrities in risk of fading into obscurity, and has scooped them up for a deal.

LaToya Jackson

Shannon Doherty

Tara Reid

Lisa Rinna

Lindsey Lohan

For some of these celebrities, it has helped boost them back into the limelight, if only in a minor way.  For others it's a last-ditch effort to remain relevant, and it fails miserably.

Or, if you're Vanna White, it will help launch you into TV-Land mega-fame.

Now added to the list, Jenny McCarthy.

Jenny has graced the pages of Playboy before, but this time is extra special.  This is after her split with Jim Carrey, her psychotic rant about Autistic parenting, and something about buying her kid a gigantic deer head.

I'm sure after that PR nightmare, Playboy got her on the cheap.

And, of course, I had to buy the magazine.

Wait, there are ARTICLES too??
When did this happen??

You see, Jenny holds a special place in my heart (as bat-shit crazy as she is).  Her 1993 Playboy was the first magazine I stole from my dad, and Jenny helped me through a lot of stressful times when I was a child.

(I say child because I was 12 in '93.)

Granted, Jenny doesn't look as young and perky as she did 19 years ago (she's 40 now), but she's still the same smokin' hot Jenny.  Opening up the pages to this magazine was like being reunited with an old friend.  An old friend with an amazing rack.

With that said, as much as I like admiring her body (and waxing nostalgic) she as a person is less than great.

But that's what Playboy specializes in.  Kim Kardashian posed right after her sextape dropped and was trying to look 'classy' instead of trashy.  TV stars, movie stars, singers and athletes all turn to Playboy when they need something to distract them from their personal problems.

Or when they just need the money.  (*cough* LiLo *cough*)

With that said, look at the other celebrities in the news that are slowly fading out of the limelight.  Miley Cyrus in Playboy seems like a 'when' and not an 'if.'  Britney Spears is long overdue.  Mariah Carey isn't as popular as she used to be, and this could help make her relevant again.  It's not that I want to see them naked per se, (hahaha) but it seems like a logical (if not predictable) step in their spiraling careers.

What do you think?  Is this a way of grasping for attention as it fades away?  Do they do it because they need the cash?  Once an attention whore, always an attention whore?  And most importantly, who do you think is next on the 'C-list' parade?

Wordless Wednesday - Something for the Vegans

I'll let this picture speak for itself...

Enjoy your day!  If I find the time to actually write something worthwhile, you may have another update before Friday...

Beer To Go? You Can in Idaho!

"Hey bartender, I'll take a large beer."

"For here, or to-go?"

When I turned 21 in California, I started drinking on a more regular basis.  I bar-hopped and had a lot of fun.  However, I was always a little sad when it was time to leave the bar, because I could never get a drink to go.

Who knew all I had to do to solve this problem was move 900 miles to Idaho?

Yes, in Idaho, you can get your beer to go.

 My girlfriend and I were getting back in town last week and decided to eat at Applebees instead of cook.  When we went in, we had to laugh a little.

Apparently 2 Wednesdays a month they have a jewelry seller in there, peddling her Pampered-Chef-esque cheap-ass jewelry.  Today was a Wednesday, so we were harassed a little while we ate about the special necklaces and earrings they had.

Usually I tend to separate my jewelry shopping and my meals.  Just sayin.  But not at Applebees.  You stay classy...

Anyway we arrived about 20 minutes before the jewelry chick packed up and left.  As she was leaving,  she went to the bar and asked for a Bud Light in a large to go cup.  Much to my surprise, they obliged. The lady finished packing, loaded up her car, and drove away, sipping on her brewski.

At that point I didn't know if it was legal or not.  I sent an email to the Idaho State Police (they issue the liquor licenses in this state) and asked.  Their response?

"The basic license is that retailers have is a beer to go license. All licensees can sell beer to go. In this case, after the customer left the establishment it would be an open container issue that the city or county would have to address with their local ordinances since state law does not cover this. If they were to get in a car or other passenger type vehicle, it would be illegally transporting alcohol."

So technically the restaurant didn't break the law, but the chick with the beer did...

But bottom line, you can order beer to go in Idaho.  This is fantastic news for people who want to keep drinking but don't want to stay in one place.

There is a 'bad news' part of it, which some people might not mind... When the beer was put in the to-go container, it came with a straw.

If you don't mind drinking beer through a straw I guess this isn't a big deal (HELLO, WISCONSIN!) but I myself think it's a bit odd.

Oh well, you win some you lose some.

Do they have alcohol 'to go' in your state?  Do you like drinking beer through a straw?  Please let me know in a comment below!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Oh, wonderful Idaho.

Sometimes I see you as the gateway to Yellowstone.

Sometimes I see the majestic Tetons and the endless nature, and take in every moment.

And sometimes... the banjo music kicks in and drowns everything else out.

Idaho, like most parts of the country this summer, is fucking HOT.  So much so that people don't want to work outside unless they have to.  Since the sun doesn't set until 9:30 right now, that leaves a lot of daylight.

My neighbors have found ways to get outdoor work done without being outdoors, and in the most redneck-esque way possible.

First, my next door neighbor needed to wash his car.  He didn't want to bake in the 99 degree sun, so he did this:

Yes, you're seeing correctly.  A sprinkler has been positioned on top of the vehicle and is 'watering' the car.

...and for some reason, the car was running while he did this.  Maybe so he can hop in and enjoy the air conditioning?

OH BUT WAIT, it gets better.  A few houses down, the residents were working on putting new metal shingles on their roof.  Before they could put on the new material they had to remove the old...

...but taking off hot metal from a hot roof, in the middle of the day?  They weren't going to handle that themselves...

Instead of prying and wiggling and tugging every piece off, they tied a rope to their car, and attached the other end to a metal piece.  They would then drive off, ripping the metal off the roof.

...either that or the car likes to wander off like their dog does, and they were tying it up so it couldn't run away...

So welcome to my neighborhood.  Feel sorry for me yet???

When Is It OK To Disobey The Law?

In the news recently, Arizona has decided to enforce federal immigration laws at the state level.  While many of their ideas were struck down by the US Supreme Court, some parts of their new law remain in effect.

Arizona basically lost confidence in the US Government enforcing its own laws, so Arizona decided to enforce it for them.  For some reason, the US Government has a problem with that...

You see, if the law is the law, it should be enforced.  If you don't like the laws, change them.  If they're not changed, they must be enforced.

Conversely, the US Government has banned the sale or use of marijuana in all shapes and forms.  Fifteen states (and the District of Columbia), thumbing their nose at the government, decided to pass laws making it legal to use marijuana legally if used for medicinal purposes.

State law tried to overrule Federal law, and the DEA and Dept of Justice cried foul.  (Again, for some reason, the US government has a problem with state laws...)

So, in a nutshell, states cannot enforce federal laws if the federal government doesn't want to, and states cannot pass laws that overrule government law.

...but what about States passing laws that overrule federal laws that the government doesn't want to enforce?

Even though the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 2006, defining as law that marriage is between one man and one woman, the government doesn't feel like enforcing the law.  States jumped on this, and now gay marriage is legal in six states, with another six having odd rules about recognition and certain timelines.

...

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS COMPLETELY FUCKING CONFUSED BY ALL OF THIS?

On a personal level, I am pro gay marriage, pro marijuana (safer than alcohol), and mixed about immigration.  On a logical level, I am completely baffled why the government (state or federal) can't make up their mind one way or another on these laws.

And now that the Supreme Court has ok'd the Affordable Care Act (aka 'Obamacare'), it will be interesting to see how the battle of 'Federal vs State' plays out in the next few years.  (Speaking of Obamacare, I love all the idiots saying 'if it gets enacted, I'm moving to Canada/Costa Rica/etc.'  Most of their examples already have laws like this in place!)

Both sides of the political fence are crying '10th Amendment' for these various laws in one way or another.  While there have been clauses and exceptions made on behalf of the 10th Amendment, the line between who is really in charge gets blurrier and blurrier.

Can someone explain to me how we let things like this get so out of hand?  I really don't care if you're for or against any of these laws, I just want to make sense of the muck.

Should these types of laws be handled on a federal level or by the states individually?  And why?  I would love to hear your opinions on this.

Hi. My Name is Brandon, and I'm a Dude.

I like to consider myself a Dude.  And by Dude, I am using this chart of manliness:

A man is a:
(sorted by rank, from highest to lowest)

Dude
Guy
Bro
   (bro having sub-categories of 'Broseph' and 'Bromeo' and so on)
Jerk
Asshole

Dude being the highest rank a man can achieve (other than Navy SEAL), I consider myself among the elite.  A dude is a consummate gentleman around the ladies.  He gets the door, gets the check, and gets the recognition (whereas a 'bro' gets tazed).  A dude also enjoys his guy time, and often can be found in herds at local sports bars.

I do not engage in 'bromances.'

I am not a 'brony.'

I do not put my 'bros' before any type of 'hoes.'  In fact, I don't refer to women as 'hoes' at all...

I am a dude, tried and true.

Because of my dude-osity, I have joined Dude Write, where I can dwell with my kind.






It's where a dude can be a dude, and we all come to claim our slice of the blogging world.  After all, blogging is mostly a women's game (BlogHer, anyone?) and we need to stay together in order to stay strong.

No no no no no....

Dude Write is for dudes, and not bros.  While bros have their own websites to mull about and give each other tips, we dudes hone our writing craft and share useful advice to one another.

We also reward the greatest among the ranks.  AND THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN!

Dude Write has weekly lineups where all the dudes submit posts.  It can be a recent post or an 'oldie but goodie' but you submit what you want to share with your fellow dudes.

Gentlemen, this is a great place to network and show off your writing style.

LADIES and Gentlemen, this is a great place to view and vote on the best weekly submissions by the dudes.

For example, you can vote Monday and Tuesday on this week's lineup which can be found here.  You can vote 3 times on Monday and 3 times on Tuesday.  On Wednesdays, the best of the best are featured and rewarded with virtual 'Man Cards' (to match the ones in our wallets).

(and of course, this is where the shameless pandering comes in...)

With that said, I need your votes!  My submission is marked as #11 #12 #14 on this week's lineup (eh, just look for 'MOPI'), and is about my iPad/Fleshlight contraption.  Yes, it's pushing the envelope as far as non-pornographic, but if that isn't a dude-centric post, I don't know what is...

Go vote!  Show a dude some love!

Here's Your Sign: Idaho Edition

Spotted in Idaho Falls:

...it makes you wonder... are they short a few reader-board letters, or are they short a few brain cells?

Either way, it made me smile... Enjoy your weekend!

The Evolution of Jerking It (Science is AWESOME!)

This is what you look like when you're watching
internet porn....

I was thirteen when I discovered self-pleasure (a bit late to the ballgame, I know...) and the rest is history.

Back then, it was one of dad's Playboy magazines (helloooo Jenny McCarthy!) and good ol' lefty.

The 4th or 5th time, I rubbed myself raw.  I didn't learn the benefits of lube until I was sixteen (and paid the price on more than one occasion).

Looking back at then versus now, my 'technique' has definitely evolved.  There are definitely a million and six different ways to 'fap.'

A dry-rub, with lubrication, lefty, righty, 'the stranger' and toys galore.

Well, now there are a million and seven...  Introducing, for you iPad users, the newest way to jerk it to internet porn:

The Fleshlight attachment, also known as the FleshliPad.

Your eyes do not deceive you, my brother!  The attachment snaps onto your iPad and has its own pocket-pussy, so you can find your favorite POV porn and imagine yourself boofing a nine-inch munchkin!

The only warning I can give guys is not to try and use this 'hands-free.'  If you put too much weight on the screen you're going to break the glass.  iPads, like their iPhone cousins, have screens that break when you look at them the wrong way.

Oh, and if you like giving 'facials' to your victims, DO NOT let your kids play Angry Birds on this device!  I don't care how many times you've wiped it off, that's just plain wrong.

For those of you that have Android tablets, I am sure there is an Android version out there somewhere (if not, there will be soon).  As technology improves, the evolution of sex (whether solo or with a friend) will always find ways to advance and evolve...

After all, science is awesome!

Be Safe This 4th of July

To my fellow Americans, happy Independence Day.  To everyone else, happy Wednesday (or Hump Day, as it were...)

On a normal 4th, I would be lighting off fireworks with friends and family, or at least watching someone else blow up their hard-earned money.

This 4th, however, I think I'm going to go fireworks free.  You see, there are over 25 fires burning within the territory I cover for work, and it worries me.

If one more fire starts, the western half of the US is just going to burn to cinders...

A map of fires currently burning in my area... (I'm surrounded!!)

A lot of areas in this 'fire zone' have put a freeze on fireworks for the public.  Some only in unincorporated areas, others have a county-wide ban.  It has been so dry lately that one errant spark could cause a major blaze.  Luckily, out of all the surrounding states, Idaho is the state with the least amount of fires.  Even though one is burning about 45 miles from my house, I'm not in 'OMGWEREGONNADIE' mode as much as people in Montana, Wyoming or Utah are...

If you're celebrating this year with fireworks, remember to be safe.  Or Smokey the Bear will git ya!

Here are some other fun facts about the 4th of July:

Click image to enlarge

Via: MilitaryVALoan.com

Manipulation via Guilt

A marketing tactic I'm seeing more and more involves the line of thinking:

"I want to make you do something you don't really want to do.  How do I guilt-trip you into doing it?"

If you spend any time on Facebook, you have seen example after example of these tactics being employed on your timeline:

I don't know why people make these.  Is it because you want 100,000 people liking and sharing something you made?  Most of them look like they're done by 12 year-olds, and almost always contain some sort of spelling/grammar issue...

Here, I'll do one...

OMG!  I only have 6,000 people sharing this!  There are SOOO MANY people out there that just don't like sex!!  What's wrong with you billions of people out there that don't like sex???

...can you tell these piss me off?

The Facebook 'like me' messages are nothing compared to the ASPCA commercials that have been running for the last 6 months or so.

In those commercials, you see sad animal after sad animal, and the narrator is begging for you to help them.  If you don't help an animal in need, you're a horrible human being.

So says Sarah McLachlan, the authority on righteousness in Northern America these days... you need her approval if you want to call yourself a good person.

What bothers me most are the animals.  I have 2 shelter pets, and I know they don't all look like sad, pitiful animals.  I can see a director going down the line in a shelter...

"Nah, this one doesn't look pitiful enough.  Go ahead and gas this one..."

"This one is close... maybe break it's leg and see if it will whimper then??"

"Oooh, this one is PERFECT!!  Get the cameras ready, boys!"

Yes, it's cruel... but to get so many animals looking so heartbroken, they probably had to actually break a few hearts first.  It's all for the greater good though, so it's ok... right?  Sarah?  Back me up here...

To all the people using this marketing tactic, I have some bad news for you:

I've built up a resistance to guilt-based manipulation.  I have my ex wife to thank for that.  To this day she still tries, but I'm more or less immune to it.

...think iocane powder in the Princess Bride... it may still seep in and poison you, but I can take it...

And, of course, please like and share this post with others!  If you don't, the terrorists will win, and Sarah McLachlan will kill you in your sleep!