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7/23/12

This Post About Yellowstone National Park Is Sponsored By Cheetos

Yellowstone National Park is extremely breathtaking, and I am fortunate enough to live within 2 hours of the western entrance.  My family vacationed at Yosemite in California a lot, so I love going to these parks and seeing the sights.

Sadly though, I have still not gone there for recreational purposes.  The only time I get to go to the park is when I am driving through.

Last week was another drive-thru trip on my way to central Wyoming.  It's a picturesque and tranquil drive, unless of course, you run into tourists.

And being the middle of July, I ran into tourists.

A lot of them.

Yellowstone tourists are special, in the fact that a lot of them try to enjoy nature from within their car.  A prime example of this is when you're on one of the roads, and there is some wildlife within visual range.

EVERYBODY stops to see.  Some pull over.  Some don't.  Regardless, everyone stops and the streets are now gummed up.

About 1/3 into my drive, a family of elk appeared between the road and the river, about 30 feet from the pavement.  People slammed on their brakes, and traffic both ways came to a screeching halt.  I was stuck.

Families get out of their cars to take pictures.  One man decides to get into the shot, and tries to get as close to the wildlife as possible.  He's inching closer and closer, telling his wife to take the shot.

Mama elk is getting agitated, but wifey has an idea to calm it down.  In a shrill Wisconsin accent, she yells "SEE IF IT WANTS A CHEETO!"


Firstly, why the fuck would it want a Cheeto??  Secondly, didn't you see the millions of signs posted, telling you not to feed the wildlife??

Living in this area, I see a lot of nature.  It's beautiful, but I'm not one to fuck with other people's schedules just to get a good photo.  Finally a space opened up and I was on my way, slightly angrier and running a little late, but on my way nonetheless.

An hour later, traffic starts to slow again.  Since it's only one side (my side) I assume there's an animal in the road blocking traffic in the opposite direction.

I was right.  After 10 minutes, I can see a bison walking in my direction, waiting for an opening to get off the road.  With cars in front of me and behind me, I'm hoping to get out of this jam asap, when:

...the person in front of me starts chatting with the lead car behind the bison.  "So, heh, how long have you been trailing this thing?"

They keep chatting, and I'm getting more and more frustrated.  Finally I lean out of my car and mimic the Wisconsin bitch as best as I could.

"SEE IF IT WANTS A CHEETO!"


I even properly pronounced it "cheee-dough" like she did.  The guy in front of me turned around to glare at me, and had this exact reaction:




...and promptly moved on.


I love Yellowstone.  I love the wildlife, and the mixed smell of trees/wildflowers/water/wildlife/fresh air that stays with you all through the park (unless you're near the sulfur springs...).  It smells like tranquility.  It smells like peace.


But seriously, can the tourists have a little more common sense and respect for others?  I have a job to do, and some of us are just trying to drive through!


But I have to admit, the next time I see an animal in the wild, I'm going to think about Cheetos and smile a little...
Please Share it! :)

20 witty retorts:

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

I just can't get past that dude's red socks!!!!

squatlo said...

There's a part of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park called Cades Cove, and the Cove can be seen by car if you take an 11 mile one way loop road. Once you're in the tube, you're stuck with the whims of traffic. It's sort of like being a turd in an intestine, you can't get past the asshole in front of you, and he's following the turd in front of HIM. So as soon as someone up ahead sees a bear or a deer (or a friggin' bird, sometimes) they stop to watch the wildlife. You can be three miles back and have no idea if you're ever going to be rolling again.

However, once you've been through Cades Cove you can't wait to go back, it's that beautiful.

E said...

Wow, They used to just pull off to the side of the road. The best way to get a line of traffic off is to pull over suddently and start pointing at nothing. It was kind of funny. People seem to forget these are wild animals and getting OUT of the vehicle is not advised. That is where you should pass out signs. Stupid tourists.

I love Yellowstone and it is worth seeing as a tourist and pretty driving through, but a cheeto? Go back to Wisconsin you cheese head!

J.Day said...

"see if it wants a cheeto"???? Holy crap. People really are that dumb.

A Beer for the Shower said...

I was kinda hoping the story would end with her or her husband handing it a Cheeto and getting gored by antlers.

Cheetos: so good, they can quell a raging animal's maternal instincts.

Zombie said...

I used to love going there as a kid. :D

Blondie McBaffled said...

I'm never going to be able to see wild life again without thinking about the cheeto comment. Thanks for sharing this great post.

Crack You Whip said...

I will never be able to look another Cheeto in the face again without laughing.

the Tsaritsa said...

Tourists everywhere are just assholes. I face the same predicament daily, though on city streets not in wildlife. People have no respect for other people's space and time. Add a bison into the mix and any bit of sanity goes out the window. Thank goodness the only Elk around here are older guys in tuxes :)

NellieVaughn said...

I don't have anything clever to say because I am laughing so hard. I don't know what it is about Cheetos that they make everything so funny.

Amy said...

I wish someone would ask me if I want a cheeto and stop wasting them on elk.

Adsila said...

Cheetos, hum! I haven't been to Yellowstone since the 1970s where we saw a black and brown bear sitting by the road waiting for the tourists to take their pictures.

Hey Monkey Butt said...

Everyone and every thang should love some Cheetos yo! JUST GIVE EM A CHEETOS!!!

Lady Estrogen said...

My grandma tried to feed a moose some food she had in a shopping bag. The moose ate the shopping bag. I was in the backseat and I think the entire incident gave me partial permanent hearing damage.

Thank, Q said...

Dude, that bison would have made me pee my front seat. I wouldn't be cool with animals frolicking around my car like that eating Cheetos. That's why I could never live up in that region because I'm allergic to moose, bison and bears.

P.J. said...

That is awesome. Cheetos! I've always wanted to visit Yellowstone, but crap like that would flip me out. It seems these tourists are everywhere. I live near Cooperstown and from May-September, it's nothing but "tourons." Our area is also in the Catskill Mountains and with many city folk coming up during weekends, we're flicked with people doing the same when they see deer or, seriously, cows.

So annoying.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

OMG IT'S A COW!!!

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

heh, been there, seen that.

GrandeMocha said...

Just back from Yellowstone. We were stuck in a traffic jam caused by the bison walking down the road. My husband petted one out his window.

My favorite story was about a guy who jumped in a hot spring to save his dog. He pulled himself out & said, "That was stupid!" He died within a day.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

Didn't the dog live? I remember that story, just not the details...

Paul Simmon said...

レイバン サングラスと言えば、偏光レンズがいいとよく言われる。特にレイバン aviatorが良くて、形も綺麗だそうで、すごく気になる。このような数あるRay
Ban サングラス
だが、どのモデルがキミのイチオシ?ぜひ教えてください!モンクレール ジャケット

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