Football Rivalry in Idaho

Growing up in a major metropolitan area, I didn't get to experience the feeling of having a cross-town rival.  We didn't have a small town, so the lines in the sand were much blurrier than they are in Idaho.

In my area, there are 3 main rivalries that get the locals rabid:

- The 'Black and Blue Bowl.'
- The 'Civil War.'
- And 'The Emotion Bowl.'

The third one has the lamest name, but is the one that affects my area the most.  I live within walking distance to Idaho Falls High School, and can hear the 'roar' of the stadium most Friday nights.

The Emotion Bowl is IF High vs Skyline High.  Skyline is the 'west side' school, and my wife's Alma Mater.  She's not big into school spirit, so she doesn't give two shits about this game.  She's probably one of six people in town who feel this way.

Everyone else, from residences to businesses have either Blue or Orange festooned in every way possible.  Grocery store windows are painted with motivational messages.  School spirit is at an all time high.

And for someone like me, living in the middle of 'Tiger Country', if I were caught sporting powder blue, I'd be in a world of trouble.

When I was in High School, my football team was like the Oakland Raiders.  Everyone hated us, and we hated everybody.  Nobody was a rival, because everybody was a rival.  It was interesting, but never as passionate as one of Idaho's rivalry games.

And so much is on the line for these games as well!

Don't like Obama?  Blame Skyline.

An Emotion Bowl win on an election year will tell you who our next President is going to be!  Yes, in 2012 Skyline won, so Obama was reelected.

(And I can tell you this:  If Skyline wins in 2016, there will be riots on the streets.  NOBODY was happy last year, which made IF's victory in 2013 all the sweeter.)

I am sad to say I missed this year's Emotion Bowl, but then again, I really don't care who wins.  I wouldn't know which side to sit on, who to root for, etc.  Sorry Idaho, no fucks were given from me on Friday.

Do you come from a small town?  Did you have a rival?  Were the games this intense?  I'd love to hear your story...

MUST The Show Go On?

Melaleuca.  You may or may not have heard of this company, but the name is everywhere in Idaho Falls.

Melaleuca field, home of our baseball team.

The Melaleuca offices downtown.

And the famous Melaleuca freedom celebration, touted as the largest fireworks show west of the Mississippi.

I am not a fan.  Particularly because of the company's owner and founder, and his influence over this town.  I've blogged about this topic before, but this year's celebration was even more horrible than years past.

July 4th, 2013.  The fireworks show is an all-day prep.  People camp out the best spots in parks and along the river, to see the amazing show.  I refuse to participate, but spectators around the 100,000 mark come to see this show, from all over.

Before the events started, rumors swirl of a delay.  A local radio station (under the Vandersloot umbrella) posts on facebook confirming the delay.  Missing teenager in the river, search & rescue called, fireworks delayed.

People understood, and began to pray and send positive thoughts for the teen and his family.  Shortly after:

"UPDATE: 3 teenagers were missing in the river at the Melaleuca Freedom Celebration. 2 have been found, 1 is unaccounted for. Search and rescue crews are still on scene. The fireworks will continue to be delayed until the ok is given."

"UPDATE: Melaleuca Freedom Celebration still being delayed. Search and rescue crews are asking EVERYONE to turn off their cell phones. Emergency crews are having issues communicating with one another. Divers are still in the water. Please remember the missing person in your thoughts and prayers."

Again, people are supportive.  One person's life is more important than a fireworks show, right?

...right?

I begin to hear fireworks in the distance.  Not the cheap illegal ones my neighbors are lighting off...  professional ones.

For every one person begging for the show to continue 100 wanted the delay, until the missing person was found.  People were being advised to power down their cell phones (as emergency crews were having trouble communicating with each other) but having fireworks booming above is ok??

But the show must go on.

After all, you have 100,000 people here, waiting for the show.  Well, 99,999 I guess.  Why disappoint them, just because of 1 person?

Shame on you, Melaleuca.  Shame on this town for letting the celebration continue despite the ongoing tragedy.  And shame on the person who greenlighted the show, knowing of the missing person and the continuing search.  Whether that was Frank Vandersloot himself or someone in Melaleuca management, they should be ashamed of themselves...

(...unless the fireworks provided enough light to find the missing person.  If that happened, then bravo for aiding in the rescue.  BUT I BET THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!!)

God dammit I hate this town.  I can't wait to get the hell out and never return.

A Small-Town Newspaper and the Polarization of Readers

I live in a small town and have to put up with a small-town newspaper.  I know that if I want real news of what's going on in the world I can't rely on The Post Register at all, but they still amuse me from time to time.

For being an unbiased, impartial newspaper, you'd be amazed how many religious-based articles there are.  Since this is an LDS-heavy area, they cater to Mormons even more than the Salt Lake Tribune does.

For example, the Post Register's Facebook page has 2 of their 4 most recent posts about Mormons.  One is talking about the Mormon Tabernacle Choir trying to reach out to the masses, and the other discusses how popular BYU-Idaho is getting.

The SLC tribune is much less Mormon-centric, even though the world sees Salt Lake as the Mormon-Mecca.  Their #6 most recent facebook article talks about Mitt Romney's representation of the LDS Church, and then you'd have to scroll through about 2 weeks worth of posts before finding something else religious.

So when I saw this comment-and-exchange between a reader and The PR on Facebook, I wasn't that shocked...  These are the comments about the Mormon Tabernacle Choir trying to become more mainstream:

I laughed.  Especially with the 'half our readers' quip from the newspaper.  On their website, they boast  a daily print circulation of about 22,000, targeting an area of over 230,000.  That's a 9.56% reach.

Comparatively, The Los Angeles times has about 53%.  The St. Louis Post-Dispatch boasts a 57% reach.  Granted, those are both major metropolitan areas, but the greater Billings area compares to Eastern Idaho (population-wise), and the Billings Gazette has a 42% reach.

I know print is slowly dying, but The Post Register seems bent on helping it croak.  A yearly subscription would cost me about $3.35 a week, yet I could get the Los Angeles Times for about $2 a week.  Sense?  This makes none...

The comment above shows that by catering to one demographic, they're risking alienating everyone else in the process.  If half of your subscribers (11,000... ha) are LDS, ok.  I'm sure they want to know what's happening around the world as well, instead of what's going on in their own church.

I have news for you, Post Register.  They (Mormons) talk about themselves enough as it is.  They probably knew about the things you report on before you report on it...  Non-mormons don't care about the goings-on of the church, so you're essentially preaching to the choir (pardon the pun).

Even if you take away the Mormon-centric philosophy, the paper seems to have troubles with fundamentals as well:

Granted, I used to play 'Paperboy' on my Nintendo in the 80's.  I know how hard it is to throw the paper just right without breaking a window or getting chased by an old lady.  But still, if you have a Facebook be prepared to communicate and engage with Facebook.  "You should have called us" and "email was lost in the ether" are lame excuses, and I am glad you were called-out on it in a semi-public setting.

Do you come from a small town?  If so, do you have a newspaper as skewed and out of touch as this one?  Please share your stories below.  With luck, someone from the Post Register will read this and learn something...  (and, with luck, hire a new Marketing/PR Director)

Review Of The Celt Pub In Idaho Falls

The Celt Pub and Grill is the newest eatery/bar in Idaho Falls, and has been hyped up for the better part of a year.

Finally, FINALLY they opened, and were instantly packed.  So much so they had to limit the amount of people coming in, and received some backlash.

I decided to wait a few weeks before doing, so the crowds can calm down and the restaurant can find their groove.  I'm wondering if I didn't wait long enough??

I checked first, and they recommended reservations.  My girlfriend and I were doing a double-date on Friday night, so I made the reservation for us.  Four people, seven pm.  Easy peasy.  (...right?)

We showed up, the place was packed, and they didn't have a table for us.  The owner/manager (or the oldest host I've ever met) came up to us, welcomed us and basically told us it's a free-for-all, get in where you can.

I told him we made a reservation for a table.  His answer?  "Well, a lot of people make reservations."  After seeing us glare at him, he went to go look for a table.

As we were seated, we noticed two major things:

- No queue area, where you can easily wait to be seated.  It went from door to madness instantly, with about 3 feet of foyer.  The second we stepped inside we were in people's ways.

- HORRIBLE crowd noise.  It's a hardwood floor, hardwood bar and high ceilings, with very poor acoustics.  You could hear everyone's conversation but the people right next to you.

...meh.  We grinned and beared it.

I enjoyed the fact that the men were in slacks and 'Celt' polos, while the women all had to wear Scottish kilts.  (totally not sexist or discriminatory at all).  Jameson Whiskey and Guinness led me to believe this was an Irish pub, but the girls look Scottish to me.  Kilts in Ireland, Wales etc didn't catch on until the 20th century, so I see kilts as a Scottish thing...

The reception was poor (being brushed off as you walk in the door?  NOT cool).  The service was below-average.  The food was good (4 out of 5 stars) but their menu selection was very minimal.  I had a 'Cajun Jameson Burger,' marinated in Jameson Whiskey, covered in cajun spices and topped with kroeger-brand shredded cheddar cheese (big pile in the middle, wafer-shreds on the sides).  The burger tasted good, but the Jameson was the only 'Celtish' thing about it.  I was expecting something more... I dunno... Irish?  Pasties, Stew, Bangers, not burgers and pastrami sandwiches.

The Celt is more bar than bar & grill...  If there's a next time, I'm just going for drinks.

On a bar level, there are better choices in town.  The mixed drinks here are WAY overpriced and the bar atmosphere is a half-assed copy of other places in town.

"We have bigscreens like a sports bar!"  Yeah, but not many and they were all turned to obscure sports nobody cared about.

"We have a dartboard like a pub!"  Yeah, one.  Other bars in this area have at least three, because some people in town are big on darts.

"We have a pool table!"

Heh....

They seated us at a high-top table next to the pool table.  When I say 'next' we were 2 feet away from the table, meaning anyone playing only had three sides to work from.

Unless you're a rude drunk douchebag...

Meet PWT, who looked a LOT like Christina Aguilera pictured here.  She had big boobs, bleach-blonde hair, and you could tell she had on some Spanx to suck that gut in.

Man oh man, she looked like a can of biscuits ready to burst... and she thought she was the hottest person in the building.

She wants to make a shot, but our table is in the way.  She says "sorry" and tries to work around us.  After a few seconds, she turns around again and says "I said I'm sorry, now are you going to be rude about it or are you gonna move out of my way?"

...what...

Oh no you di'int...

At that point we had all had a few drinks, and Miss PWT was hammered before she walked in the door.

The vibe was getting more and more tense, and I was expecting one of the girls at my table to start a chick fight.  Her date, Mr "Miller High Life" felt the tension too but didn't care.  She keeps talking trash about us, we keep talking about her, and finally we left before hair was pulled and Spanx burst from a pressure overload...

While she was absolutely rude about the situation, I blame The Celt for not planning their layout any better than they did.  Stack a full table of diners next to a pool table, add booze, and it's a recipe for disaster.

Especially since you had such a skewed customer base there... There were well-to-do people eating there, enjoying wine and a (semi) nice meal to the tune of $75+, but you also had drunken hillbilly bar-hoppers trying to start fights.

Bad, bad mix.

All in all, I have to rate The Celt as 'meh.'  2.5, MAYBE 3 stars out of 5.  It's in a historic spot and the food was ok.  My girl and I had a decent meal and 2 beers each, and the ticket (after 20% tip, I don't know why...) was still under $40.  If they expand their menu, maybe make it a little more authentic, and figure a way to keep the diners and the drunkies happy (and separate) they will do a better job.  Otherwise, when the allure of a new hangout fades, their business will too.

As for me, if I want a pub done right I'll head over to the Stone of Accord in Missoula.  Irish food, Irish spirits, and a much much MUCH better experience overall.  Sadly, The Celt doesn't compare to a good Irish pub... but a lot of Eastern Idahoans probably don't know what they're missing.

Must-See Places in Idaho Falls

On your way into Yellowstone and driving through Idaho Falls?

Taking a tour of the tater-state and coming into Eastern Idaho?

This guide is for you.  This post will highlight the best of the best in Idaho Falls, Idaho, from an unbiased and un-sponsored individual.  It may be a small town, and I may complain about it from time to time, but it does have its charms...

First and foremost, if you're not LDS go ahead and skip the Mormon Temple.  It's the big white eyesore that ruins pictures of the falls and can be seen no matter where you are.

If you HAVE TO see it, do what I did and have some fun.

First on your list should be historic Downtown Idaho Falls.  There are lots of sights to see, including:

- Bars that have been in existence for over 100 years (Karen's and Ford's, Ford's smells like it's over 100 years old...)

- Unique 'Bench Art' from artists all over the world

- The greenbelt and (of course) the waterfalls that give IF the original name.

- And cool businesses galore.

There are great eateries and drinkeries downtown. MarCellar's is an amazing beer and wine shop where you can sample some of the best libations around.  The Snake Bite, The Frosty Gator and Rutabagas all have fantastic food offerings.

Come hungry.  And thirsty.

I have mentioned them before, but The Villa Coffeehouse is my favorite hangout in town by far.  Their coffees and teas are unmatched in this area, and their service is awesome.

Their internet sucks during peak hours, but that just shows the popularity of this place.  I've written about my worries when they were losing employees and customers were whispering predictions of doom, but they pulled out strong and are better than ever.

I would say 'ask for ______' but you really can't go wrong.  Come early for a pick-me-up (a Synergy latte and a jalapeno bagel for me), and come late on Wednesdays thru Saturdays for a nightcap.

And tell them I sent you.  Hell, ask if I'm there.  I'm there more often than I should be, and am surprised they don't charge me rent.

Another interesting sight in Idaho Falls is a statue/fountain on Utah St between Broadway and 17th Street.  It is the centerpiece on a roundabout and always has the fountain running.

Even in January.  The thing gets covered in snow, ice and icicles and is a sight to behold.  It's a neat scene during the summer, but looks much cooler when it is half-frozen.

Feel free to do like other tourists in town:  Park to the side and try to get your picture taken in front of the statue.  I'll bet at least 4 locals flip you off or curse you out before you can say 'cheese....'

If you're into the night life, there are a few options for you.  The Frosty Gator has a small venue next to the bar location, and The Peppertree Lounge often has bands or comedians playing (recently featured Saving Abel) with minimal covers.

For a more local and underground scene, check out The Wax House.

It's loud.  It's claustrophobic.  It's fucking awesome.

The venue is small and it's a little off the beaten path, but they get some good names now and then.  Local bands like The Opskamatrists and Gutter and the Onslaught know how to rock the house, and are worth seeing at least once.

While there is nothing better in this town than the fine dining options, you can easily cruise the town and get a few good laughs.

Remember some of the signs I've shared in previous posts?

*snrrrrk*

Home Cook'n When YOUR Not Home Cook'n.  GAAH

What is this I don't even...

....well there is always more where that came from.  A reader board for a local insurance agency recently read "School is back in session!  Drive carefull!"  I couldn't tell if they spelled 'careful' wrong and have grammar issues, or if the 'y' fell off.  Days later, an 'l' was removed and now the sign reads 'drive careful.'  That answers that.

So yes.  I do live in a small town, and I complain about it from time to time.  But there are a few gems in this area of the gem state.  If you're passing through, slow down enough to see some of the good sights in Idaho Falls.

And if you need me, odds are I'll be at The Villa.

Send In The Clowns? Not In Idaho Falls.

It's true, it's true.  Idaho Falls does not like clowns.

Well, it's not as simple as that, but it never is...

Idaho Falls has its annual 4th of July Parade coming up, and there will be no clowns at the event.

You see, the clowns use golf carts to hold the candy they pass out, as well as store the various magic tricks they do along the parade route.  There is a ban on golf carts for parade use, and now the city is enforcing it.

According to a recent news article, their reasoning is 'if we let the clowns use them, then we have to let everyone use them.'

(Wow, I haven't heard that line since I was chewing gum in my 4th grade classroom.  The next day, I brought enough gum for the rest of the class, so I can chew in peace... and got detention...)

This will be the first time Idaho Falls will be 'clown-less' in 29 years.  Even though the clowns provide their own golf carts and are fully insured, it's a liability thing.

...my guess is someone on the Chamber of Commerce just doesn't like clowns, and has been trying to do this for years...

What's next?  Imposing a ban on Fez's, so the Shriners go away as well?

Beep beep, bitches...

Now, the 4th in Idaho Falls is a big thing.  I did a post last year on their fireworks show, touted as 'the biggest fireworks celebration west of the Mississippi river.'  It is hosted by local business owner and super-villain philanthropist Frank Vandersloot, so the show is not without controversy.

However, people come from hundreds of miles away to see this show.  It is a prime example of America's love for blowing shit up our country.

Of course, local businesses are capitalizing on our need to barbecue, drink gallons of soda/beer, and picnic to our hearts' content.  Take this beer display at Walmart for example:

'Murrica.....  FUCK YEAH!!!

Well, 'tis the season I guess.  As for me, I'm going to a baseball game on the 4th.  I'll be passing on the parade, mourning for the clowns, and celebrating my freedom by not giving a damn.

...and probably wearing this shirt... (because I can)

The Rise and Fall of The Villa Coffeehouse (and what small businesses can learn from them)

(Edit:  The owner of the Villa has seen this post and responded in a comment.  Be sure to read the entire conversation below to get the full story)


One of my more regular hangouts (when I'm actually in town) is The Villa Coffeehouse.  It's in 'historic' downtown Idaho Falls, and is an independently-owned business with a fantastic environment.

The Villa has been the subject of an early observations post and is where I do a lot of writing.

This means I have seen the flow of traffic over the last 18 months.  I talked to the old owner on a regular basis, and I chat with the new owners from time to time.

I'm considered a 'regular' and have helped them with business-building ideas from time to time.  Like any good entrepreneur, the first bit of advice is always free.

When the new ownership took over, there was a lot of excitement on both sides of the counter.  The customers were excited to see what new life would be injected into the business, and the baristas were hoping for more foot traffic (and more stability in their jobs).

Sadly, business looks on and off to me.  As I am writing this, I am one of 7 customers here, and it's still considered "lunch rush" time.  Traffic is stagnant because they're not drawing in the business.

Conversely, there is now only one barista that has been employed here for more than 60 days.  Three (of their core of four) have left in the last 2 weeks.

One moved to Boise.  Legitimate excuse to leave.

Another left because "it fucking sucks here" and she wants to go back to school.

The third left because financial ends were not being met, and getting a bump in pay wasn't going to happen.  She left for greener pastures, and I wish her well.

That leaves one girl who knows what she's doing, along with a bunch of coffee-newbs.  Customers are noticing this mass-exodus and are considering fleeing as well.  I can't wait to see what happens to this place in the next 3-6 months...

So...  what would I have done differently, and what would I recommend to small businesses everywhere?

Marketing:  It shouldn't be a scary word...

GREAT QUESTION!

First and foremost, I would make sure that there is enough personnel to handle the day-to-day business.

The Villa recently decided to open on Sundays, and are now open evenings on 4 nights (used to be 7-4 Mon-Sat).  This meant the business was open an additional 22(ish) hours, yet their employee count remained the same.

It's always better to have a 'spare' employee when you're working in the foodservice industry.  If one person calls in sick or quits unexpectedly, you can handle it without a spare.  If multiple employees do, you're screwed.

Secondly, if you're going to expand hours of operation, make sure you fill those hours.  On a recent Thursday, I was at The Villa from 3pm until closing at 8.  Besides the one barista working, I was the only one there.  No need to be open those extra hours if nobody is coming.

So let's fill the place, shall we?

Since over 60% of Americans go to Starbucks at least once a month, you are probably aware of the "hot in the morning, cold in the evening" promotion 'Da Bucks' has been doing lately.  Buy a hot coffee in the morning, get a discount on a cold drink in the evening.  It reminds people "Yes, we're open in the evening as well.  Come get a Frappuccino" and it works.  It's good for business.

Evening events at least once a month would be fantastic.  There is a lot of "hang out" space to utilize, so turn this place into a social hot-spot.

Lastly, know your surroundings.  It is 86 degrees outside right now.  Not a good time to be a coffee shop.  Promote iced drinks, italian sodas, blended drinks and the like.  Snowcone booths are open and doing well, which means extra competition.  Now is the time to focus on smoothies (and not soups or steamers).

As a small business owner, you need to be engaged in your business.  Make sure you grow or shrink based on traffic flow.  If business is slow, you need to shave off 'dead' hours or promote promote promote.  Marketing can't be a 4-letter word.  Most importantly, retain your good employees.  If you don't treat your employees right, another employer will.  One of the girls that left was the best latte maker of the bunch.  Without being too unreasonable, I would have tried to keep her if I could.  A coffee shop is only as good as their coffee, and their coffee is only as good as the baristas serving it.  $1-2 an hour more to keep someone who pulls perfect shot after perfect shot of espresso sounds like a bargain to me.

Good luck, Villa.  You still have my business while your doors remain open, but the empty echo in here is beginning to get on my nerves....  I hope to see this place packed to the gills with happy patrons soon!

Idaho's Finest - Signage Showing Stupidity

If you have been following this blog for a while, you've probably seen multiple posts about signs and banners in my town that make me cringe.

Spelling and/or grammar mistakes galore.  It's an editor's nightmare, but makes writing daily posts for this blog simple.

Oh, and if you're newish, don't worry.  I'll be doing a 'best of the worst' post in the days to come.

The most recent addition is the Kia dealership in town. In front of their lot reads a sign that says "Idaho's TRUCK HeadQuarter's."

I'm not joking.

...in fact, I didn't even know Kia had trucks...

I've rolled past this sign many-a-time without really glancing at it, but one day it just screamed at me.  At first, I only noticed the capital Q.  Then, upon further inspection, my stomach began to turn.

Thank you, Stone's Kia of Idaho Falls.  You make my job as a blogger easy, and you give me one more reason why I'll never buy a Kia.

Local Business Spotlight - North Hiway Cafe

If you're ever in Idaho Falls, make sure to top by the North Hiway Cafe, where their motto is "Home Cook'n When Your Not Home Cook'n!"

Seriously.

Don't believe me?  Look closely at the picture to the right...

The North Hiway Cafe touts itself as Idaho's oldest continuously running cafe and catering company, and when you walk in, you believe it.  It looks old inside.  It smells old inside (pie, bengay and dust) and their menu is practically chiseled in stone.

The food here is so so.  The atmosphere is lacking, and by my observations the Senior menu is used more than any other part of the menu. (Senior equals 62 in this town... random number??)

The one good thing about this place?

Pie.  They have a wide selection of pies, and they all look/smell awesome.

However, I know people that have cleaned the place before, and they have some HORROR stories.  Grease where there shouldn't be grease, new species of insects (think of cockroaches breeding with iguanas) and grossness all around.

So, is it scary?  Probably.  But it's an Eastern Idaho icon, so there's that.  If you want to see a slice of Idaho Falls history, this should be on your list.  However, maybe just to take pictures and jeer at the old folks.  As a place to eat, I'd pass.

Fast Food Marketing - Misleading Much? (My review of the new Idaho Falls Carl's Jr.)

Yes, you heard right.  Idaho Falls now has a Carl's Jr.  What's exciting is they're already working on location #2, and #1 has only been open for about a month.

I grew up in Southern California, and Carl's Jr. was one of my favorite fast food chains.  Their burgers actually tasted like a burger, their toppings were always fresh, and their iced tea is one of the best.

So when I heard one was opening in IF, I was excited.  Now if only we could get a Chipotle, and a good Greek place....

I waited about a month before going there, to let the crowds die down and to let the new employees get into a rhythm.  Last night was my first visit, and I wasn't really impressed.

The drive thru speaker is already cracking like it's years old.  The person taking my order kept trying to cut me off (I had my girlfriend with me) and it took forever to go over the order 2/3/4 times before SHE felt comfortable she got it right...  The cash register at the drive thru was malfunctioning, so it took a while for her to take my payment, and then I didn't get a receipt.

But the best part?  The food.

Don't get me wrong, the food was fantastic and tasty as always.  What I'd like to complain about is not only a problem at this Carl's, but an issue at almost any fast food chain:  Presentation.

Look at the 'official' picture of a Western Bacon Cheeseburger, from the Carl's Jr. website.  This is similar to what you see on commercials from other burger places.  Big pieces, clean presentation.  Perfection.

Would you like to see what came in my wrapper?

Squished, drippy, and just plain sad-looking.

Granted, it all goes down the same, but I've been to enough good restaurants to appreciate the presentation of food.  I cook myself (from time to time) and I take pride in a good plating appearance.

Carl's?  Welcome to Idaho Falls.  It's good to have you here.  Now please stop sitting on my burger before giving it to me.  I'd like it to look like a burger before I eat it, not a glob of bunnish chaos.

Maybe if they put in a fraction of the effort used to photograph this food into making and packaging it, things would be better.  See how much goes into taking a photo of food like the one above?

50 Cent Loves Idaho Falls

Yes, you heard right.  The town I live in, the town with well over 90% whites, the town where Mormons rule.

50 Cent is reppin Idaho Falls.

In his new music video "Waiting For Tonight" you can see Mr. Cent sporting a hat from a local minor league baseball team, the Idaho Falls Chukars.

What's funny about it?  I bought the same exact hat for my 3yo son earlier this year.

And that's the only thing my son and 'fiddy' have in common.

Here's the music video:

And here's a screenshot from the video:

Yup yup, I.F. is in tha house.

It's a badass lookin bird, but I'd love to find out why he picked this hat.  Is it because it's a minor league team for the Royals?  Is he a KC fan?

Is it because it's an angry looking bird?

Is it a shout out to his peeps in Eastern Idaho?  All seven of us?

Either way, I found this extremely entertaining.

I'm wondering if it could be profitable... I may buy a few hats from the clubhouse and see if they have any value on ebay as 50 cent memorabilia?

Next up?  Pictures of Kanye West at Idaho's 'Famous Potatoes' museum.  If only...

Idaho Goes Bonkers for Chick-Fil-A

If you have never been to a Chick-fil-A, here's what you are missing...

...Chicken...

Don't get me wrong, it's good chicken, but that's it.  The fast food chain specialized in Chicken only, and actually has a pair of cows as mascots trying to convince you to "Eat Mor Chikn" and not, well, them.

The first Chick-fil-A in Idaho recently opened up in my home town.  And people went crazy for the stuff.

People lined up, days in advance, to be one of the first in line for this new Restaurant.  If you were one of the first 100 served, you would get free chicken for a year.

So what did people do?  They camped out.

Let's go back to a post I did a few days ago.  It's COLD in Idaho right now.  VERY COLD.  Why people would do this, free food or not, I can't fathom.

Chick-fil-A has fun themes from time to time.  For example, if you dress up like a cow, your meal is free.  I can't wait to see how many Idahoans actually do it...

In truth, I may be doing something similar to this in a few months.

You see... Chick-fil-A was only phase one in the "New Fast Food Chains" expansion into East Idaho.  What's next?

Mmmmm.... Western Bacon Cheeseburger....

Idahoans in the National News: Obama Assassination Attempt, or Just Plain Stupid?

It's for self-defense.  I swear...

Idaho Falls made national headlines recently, as one of our locals is being accused of trying to assassinate the President.

On 11/11/11, Idaho Falls resident Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez was arrested for allegedly firing shots at the White House with an assault rifle.

According to court documents, Ortega-Hernandez referred to President Obama as "the antichrist" and told friends he "needed to kill him."

But wait, it gets better.

In a video, taped in order to get on the Oprah show (I thought Oprah was off the air??), Ortega-Hernandez calls himself the "Second coming of Jesus Christ."

(This video was recorded in September by a Student at Idaho State University, 2 months prior to the assassination attempt)

Whether Ortega-Hernandez actually believes it to be true or not, this video opened up the possibility for an insanity plea.  Recent news reports are showing, however, that he has been found competent to stand trial for attempting to assassinate the President.  

Ok, two things:

Idiot of the year?  Maybe.

First, if you're going to try and kill the President, make sure he's in town.  During the shooting, Obama was actually en route to Hawaii.  

Fail.

Secondly, it doesn't surprise me this crackpot is from Idaho Falls.  Goofballs like him are a dime a dozen out here.  In fact, I was at a bar recently when I overheard two guys talking about this man.

(and no, FBI, I didn't see faces and won't testify.  This was overheard, so don't bother me)

The guys were mentioning how their bud Oscar "had the balls to do what we all wanted to do but never would" in taking a shot at Obama.  I can understand disliking a President.  I can understand people regretting the fact he was elected.  But people cheering-on an assassin?  That's low.  I mean, I couldn't STAND Millard Fillmore back in the day, but you never saw ME plotting to kill him...

Ortega-Hernandez is one of a SMALL handful of people throughout history to be accused of a Presidential assassination attempt.  This is a pretty exclusive club, so Idaho now has one more thing (besides potatoes) to be famous for.

Idaho Falls *cough* Premiere Nightclub: Bliss

Ok, try not to laugh too hard...

*source*

A new club opened in Idaho Falls this weekend, and my girlfriend and her gaggle of slutty friends (I use that term with love and respect) wanted to go.  I did too... partying with them is fun.  They wear the 'slut' title with pride, and they make me feel like Charlie hanging out with trashed, scantily-clad, mostly-bi-curious Angels...

The Club's name is Bliss.  Formerly the 840, formerly Chick's.  With a new name comes new paint, a new 'concept' and the same old tired songs.

But... but... this is NEW!!  It's now owned by someone new, so it must be better, right?  ...right???

I was expecting another half-assed 'production' with this new nightclub.  After reading the teasers on their website, this feeling grew...

From the official Bliss Website: (my smart-ass-ness in red)

Like Nothing You’ve Seen Before In Idaho Falls  (aka: Fresh Paint, velvet ropes and pleather seating!)

We are proud to be the premier nightclub in Eastern Idaho. Drawing inspiration from Vegas style clubs (AHAHAHAHAHA), we have taken out concept (we weren't thinking) and completely built an entirely new atmosphere for Idaho Falls to enjoy (we made the bar 'no smoking' which will piss off a lot of old regulars, but we're trying to be 'trendy...'). Bliss Nightclub will quickly become your second home and the favorite spot for you and all your friends to visit.

Enjoy A Relaxing Night of Luxury

Are you looking for a nice relaxing night out in style? Bliss Nightclub is the place! We offer top notch security so that if problems arise they are quickly taken care of by the professionals (wait, what?  read that again?). You no longer have to feel threatened in Idaho Falls (I'm not black, so I don't feel threatened...), just walk in to our nightclub and experience the difference! Come join us for the many live shows that will be periodically happening (bwaa?) and world famous club nights with the best sounds system (I guess this is ok... there is more than one sound coming out of the system, so 'sounds' system is technically acceptable...) in Idaho Falls and guest DJs who will blow your mind!  (and...and...and...)

So, it's um, like Vegas, right?

Hokay... I'd believe that.

But one slight issue.  I've been to Vegas.  If I was raised in Eastern Idaho and this is all I've known, I might buy it... but anyone who has traveled, even to SALT LAKE knows this club is still lame.

First off were the swarms of guidos.  The dance floor is small enough as it is.  When three guidos try to command the entire area with their sorry "look at me, I can pop AND lock!" moves, it gets old fast.

Speaking of old... it seemed like the 45+ crowd was out in full force.  Not that it's a bad thing, but when the music being played is Deadmau5 and Pitbull, they seem a little out of place.  But hey, to each their own...

I liked the new paint, I liked the 'dress code' for the female waitstaff (corsets and short skirts).  But I didn't like the cheezy VIP sections that were scattered across the club (most of them stayed empty hours into the night) or the fact they put large posters on the restrooms.  The men's room had a poster of a sexy woman, and the ladies room had a picture of a sharp dressed man.  The more you drank, the more confusing this became.  I was using the restroom when a girl walked into the guy's room.  She looked at me, looked down, looked at me, and said "are you in the right one?"  I pointed to the urinal... "oh..."

Trying too hard?  Congratulations, Bliss.  You've taken that phrase to an entire new level...  and it's only opening weekend...

We arrived around 10, were gone by 11:30, and went to another local bar called DB's.  It's not as 'hip' as Bliss, and the tunes are even more stale, but it's a guido free zone, and had a more relaxed air.  Sorry Bliss, you couldn't even keep our attention until your lame 1am closing time.

Oh, and if you're reading this, check out The Hip Kitty.  Check out The Balcony.  Check out Sing Sing.  CHECK OUT SOME ACTUAL VEGAS CLUBS and do better.

UPDATE:  They're trying to throw 'The Best New Year's Eve Party in Idaho' this coming NYE.  I may go, just to see if they live up to the hype.  Then again, the best in Idaho... is that really saying much?

Photo Day Redux: Spring Has Sprung

In mid-February, I took my camera and walked around my new hometown, taking some interesting photography.  (link)  I was happy with the results, but looking forward to spring.

Well, 3 months later, I can finally say that Spring has arrived in Eastern Idaho.  In May.  Late May.  Sheesh...

I'm still not used to this '4 seasons' BS.  In California you'd have Summer and Fall, that's about it.  Summer would be March thru mid-October, then fall from about Halloween to Valentine's day.  The remaining 3-4 weeks is just 'meh' weather.

Not in Idaho.  The seasons are distinct.  It takes a little bit of getting used to.

Anyway, I spent Sunday afternoon walking around the Snake River.  Home to where Idaho Falls gets its name (from the falls, get it?  I know, how clever of them...).

See the mormon temple in the background?  I'm convinced they do that on purpose.  You find the most picturesque shot to take, and boom, there it is in the center of the picture.  Granted, it's really far away, but still somewhat distinct.  This way, it's in as many "Hi from Idaho Falls" postcards as possible.

Smart marketing.  Very business-savvy, for a church...

There is a pathway you can walk that takes you on a 3ish mile loop from one side of the river to the other, and back around again.  I took a stroll and decided to take in the spring weather while it lasts.

Oh yeah, another thing about Eastern Idaho.  Apparently it reserves the right to regress into winter whenever it sees fit.  It could be June and still snowing from time to time... (wtf???)

As you can see from the before/after shots, the river is much more fun to look at in the spring.  Granted, seeing a massive body of water completely freeze over is pretty cool, but I prefer the sound of rushing, crashing water.

It's almost inspiring enough to consider trying river rafting sometime this summer.  I wonder if I could cut it?  Or am I too much of a city boy?  We will see.

Walking around, I noticed a lot of signs and touristy crap, telling people about the Oregon Trail, various indigenous wildlife, as well as the different trees planted in this area.  One of my favorites, by far, was the elusive 'invisible maple' tree...

Its fruit, if you can find any, is the sweetest you'll ever taste.  Well, half of it anyway.  The other half is poison. The funny thing is they both look exactly the same.  Good luck in your choice...

For a day that started off so crummy (link) I'm glad my Sunday ended on a nice, relaxing note.  Happy Monday!