Mormons and Posthumous Baptism: Insulting or A Nice Gesture?

One of my LDS friends on Facebook posted an article from Slate, talking about Mormons and baptism of the dead.  Specifically of Daniel Pearl, a Jewish reporter from the Wall Street Journal who was beheaded in the middle east about 10 years ago.

My friend's opinion on the article was this:

"Can just say, If you don't believe it, does it really matter? If you don't believe in the LDS church, does it matter? It shouldn't be a big deal unless you believe the practice is actually going to "work". The Book of Mormon is just a book unless you believe it to be scripture."

And while I agree to an extent, I think it's the principle.  If you don't believe in religion and think 'dead is dead' there is no soul to play with after you've passed on and this practice is pointless.  However, for religious people, this could be seen as the Mormon Church trying to call 'dibs' on your soul...

If you read more into the actual ceremony, the LDS Church believes you can't get into heaven unless you're baptized, so that's what they do.  They don't necessarily baptize you MORMON, but they want to give you the chance to 'go home.'  According to this website, they only do it for ancestors and family members of mormons, but there are plenty of stories around citing random baptisms of Holocaust victims, and even Barack Obama's mother.

As far as I can tell, this is a 'souls only' thing, and they are not digging up graves in the middle of the night.  Still, in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, it's going to be interesting to see how many of the undead think they're mormons now...

Some of the comments on the Slate website were interesting.  Askamormon has a website representative trying to explain the LDS point of view, while others chimed in saying "Mandate from heaven?  As a Catholic, I believe I have a divine mandate to burn you at the stake for your heretical practices. But as an American living in a pluralistic and secular society, I restrain that impulse for the greater good. There are some things that people of faith need to keep to themselves if we want to have a civilization. "

One commenter posted a link to a site called "All Dead Mormons are Now Gay" where you can baptize dead Mormons into homosexuals.  Interesting concept.

I also enjoyed the ever-confusing concept of Jewish people as a race vs religion.  I always thought Judaism was a religious choice, but apparently there are a lot of Jewish Mormons?  I don't even want to go down THIS road...

I just thought this was funny...

Lastly you can contact the church to be included in an opt-out list, so they don't go after you once you're dead.  However, a lot of people were asking for an opt-in vs an opt-out...

My general thought was I want to live and die by the beliefs I choose.  Whether that be Catholic/Atheist/Mormon/Hindu, etc.  Let me be who I want to be, and die that way as well.  I am free to make my own choice, and a posthumous baptism, to me, says "ok, now that you're done doing the wrong thing all your life, let US fix it for you!"

What are your thoughts on this subject?  Does it matter?  Do you believe in "Dead is dead?"  Or do you think a soul floats in purgatory (or worse) until the Mormons step in, and now, after 10 years, Daniel Pearl is finally in heaven?

Please share your opinions below.

(remember, you can comment anonymously if you like...)

Ending 2011 With Freaky Mormons Looking for Sex

2011 is quickly coming to a close, and I'd like to end my first year as a blogger with a bang.

I thought long and hard, and then couldn't think of anything.

But then...

"Bang..."

"Long and Hard...."

Why not a sex-themed post?

After hours of searching around the internet, I found myself on the 'Casual Encounters' section on Craigslist.  I found an interesting post for an LDS couple looking for another LDS couple for some swinging and swapping:

I smirked.  And laughed.  And then searched for more LDS-themed sex post.  I found these...

Surprisingly there was a lot of 'm4m' posts, especially in the Salt Lake Market.  Penises galore.

(If you want to see them, go search for yourself)

I'm ending 2011 with a new-found respect for Mormons.  Seems like they can get their freak-on too... now if only they would quit it with their "holier than thou" attitude in public...

Happy 2012, everyone!

Local Business Spotlight - The Missionary Mall

With a name like 'Missionary Mall' you were hoping it was just a bland sex shop, right?

Nope.

Meet one of the newer businesses to pop up in Eastern Idaho:  The Missionary Mall.  It is where the young mormons go to shop to get clothing and accessories for their 2-year mission of preaching and harassing unsuspecting people.

For the Grand Opening, they even had a giant inflatable "Mormon Man" in the front.

Mormon Man is the second-dullest super hero in existence (Sorry Aqua Man, you just suck...)

The Missionary Mall is the Walmart-Equivalent for Mormons on the go.  They have a checklist for missionaries on a budget, and everything comes with a 2-year guarantee, so you won't have to replace anything mid-mission.

Their lists is 2 Suits, 2 Pairs of Shoes, 6 ties, and 8 Shirts for 2 years of service.  Think about that list the next time you meet a missionary.  Smelly, over-worn pants and shoes...

As silly as I think some of the basic premises of their religion are, I have to show a little respect for these kids.  At a young age, being uprooted for 2 years and living in a strange land, having to talk to complete strangers and get blown off day after day...

Oh wait, that was college for me.  Except I did it in 4 instead of 2.  And got laid from time to time...

To any future-missionaries reading this:  Can I give you a word of advice?  Odor Eaters.  And maybe a few extra pairs of pants.  I know you're going to end up on my doorstep from time to time, but I'd rather not be able to see you, hear you, AND smell you.  This isn't a 'how many senses can we stimulate' game...

If anyone wants to come to Eastern Idaho and open up a S&M store called "Heathen's Haven" next to this store, I will love you forever.  Oh the shocked faces!

50 Cent Loves Idaho Falls

Yes, you heard right.  The town I live in, the town with well over 90% whites, the town where Mormons rule.

50 Cent is reppin Idaho Falls.

In his new music video "Waiting For Tonight" you can see Mr. Cent sporting a hat from a local minor league baseball team, the Idaho Falls Chukars.

What's funny about it?  I bought the same exact hat for my 3yo son earlier this year.

And that's the only thing my son and 'fiddy' have in common.

Here's the music video:

And here's a screenshot from the video:

Yup yup, I.F. is in tha house.

It's a badass lookin bird, but I'd love to find out why he picked this hat.  Is it because it's a minor league team for the Royals?  Is he a KC fan?

Is it because it's an angry looking bird?

Is it a shout out to his peeps in Eastern Idaho?  All seven of us?

Either way, I found this extremely entertaining.

I'm wondering if it could be profitable... I may buy a few hats from the clubhouse and see if they have any value on ebay as 50 cent memorabilia?

Next up?  Pictures of Kanye West at Idaho's 'Famous Potatoes' museum.  If only...

It's Official - Even Jesus Thinks #Tebow is a Little Intense

Southern Idaho is Bronco country.  The Denver Broncos are the closest NFL team, and the Boise State Broncos are a favorite among most Idahoans.

Top it off with this years successes in Denver, thanks in part to Tim Tebow.

Just in case you haven't caught an interview with this kid, Tebow is very religious.  He personally thanks God before and after each game.  After every touchdown he scores, he kneels and prays.

People call it Tebowing, even though other players have done this before.  He's just the most vocal about it.  Almost to the point of being in your face.

Leave it to Saturday Night Live to take Tebow and turn it into an awesome satire:

Sorry Tim... If Jesus thinks you're a little intense, maybe you should back down.

And I agree.  Give the dude a Sunday off, and learn to win on your own.  You're not the only NFL player who prays before games.  Don't make Jesus take sides...

(I especially like how Jesus mentioned he'd take a week off against the Pats, and whaddaya know, Denver gets spanked...)

(I especially especially liked the joke about the Mormons at the end of the video... who knew?  Oh yeah, Jesus knew...)

I'm not here to make fun of the guy (at least, not TOO much...) but Tim?  Seriously?  You're not the only religious NFL player.

Kurt Warner, Reggie White and countless others have been giving props to God long before you came along.  The difference between them and you?  They never shoved it down people's throats.

So.  Timmy.  Thank Him.  Praise Him.  Play football. There's no need to be a TV Evangelist... there are plenty of those out there already...

Oh, and go Panthers.

For Better or For Worse, I Did A Radio Show with @Talk2Q...

Yes, you heard right...

I did a radio show.  (and radio isn't dead)

I was on the Talk 2 Q radio show Tuesday night along with Sonia from logallot.com.  We discussed a wide variety of topics, and the 90 minutes blew by fast.

But... I have to say... it was kind of bittersweet.

Why?

It's not Q's or Sonia's fault... at least I don't think so... but I somehow lost 5 followers on my blog during the course of the show.

I can't remember the last time I had such a sizable exodus.

Was it because:

• ...I told Herman Cain to keep his pimp hand strong, and not let a little bit of infidelity cause him to drop out of the Presidential race?
• ...We discussed women wanting it both ways?  Independence and still expecting the man to pick up the check and kill spiders?
• ...I cracked YET ANOTHER handful or mormon jokes?
• ...You don't like the sound of my voice?
• ...We discussed legalizing prostitution?  Idaho is the meth HQ of the United States, and one of the side effects of meth abuse is losing your teeth.  Less teeth means good prostitute, so between that and the state's name (IdaHO.  COME ON) Idaho would flourish if we legalized prostitution...

Or is it just a coincidence?  I have a lot of dead blogs I follow, and maybe blogger's doing a purge on inactive accounts?

Either way, Q, I'm not sure if I want to do another show anytime soon.  You're bad juju, bro.

Oh... and Q?  There's something you should know...

I blog nekkid.  We just did a blog radio show.  Do the math...

If you'd like to listen in on the chaos, feel free to hit 'Play' on the podcast below.  It was a great show, and if you missed it, enjoy the laughs!

Listen to internet radio with ThankQ on Blog Talk Radio

Mormons are One Thing, But Jehovah's Witnesses???

I was visited the other day by a group of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Wait, visited isn't the right word....

I was aurally molested the other day by a group of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Since moving to Idaho, I have been immersed in LDS culture.  I have a few Mormon friends, and know a lot of crazy Mormon kooks (these are the ones I blog about...).  This town, from time to time, feels like it's ran by the LDS church.

But at the same time, if you tell them to back off, they will.  Jehovah's Witnesses, however, do not.

You see, the JW's believe there is no hell.  They believe in destruction for the wicked, not eternal damnation.  Therefore, they need to save your soul, lest you be destroyed.  And they have no problem telling you this...

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is one thing.  Shoving said sleeve down a person's throat is a bit much.  Maybe they should only have teens go door to door like the Mormons do?  You never see a teen foaming at the mouth about how "your heathenistic ways are a festering wound on God's love for you," do you?

The thing is, I was a JW for a short time in my youth.  My mom wanted to find religion, and was looking for a good "quick fix" church to belong to.  She was visited by the JW's one morning, drank their kool-aid, and all of a sudden mom proclaimed "That's it, we're Jehovah's Witnesses now.  Praise God..."

My brother and I were both under 10, so we did what mommy said.  Dad didn't want any part of it, so the three of us went to church, bible study, etc.

Months later, in mid October, we found out something chilling:  They don't let you celebrate Halloween...  I was pissed.

Later on, we found out you're not allowed to celebrate Christmas either.  They shun on sinful holidays like that, for some reason (pagan hoo-doo, or something...).  Mom let us mail letters to Santa anyway, and tried to hide it from the church.  However, one JW neighbor decided to read our outgoing mail, and showed up with Santa letters in hand, yelling and screaming at mom about how she was sending us into oblivion....

Needless to say, that didn't last long.  Don't fuck with a kid's Christmas.  The end.

So yeah, Mormons are kooky.  But Jehovah's Witnesses?  They freak me the fuck out.  They're just so.... intense...

Is it wrong to consider having a can of mace doorside, just in case they show up again??

Thank you, Mormon Zone, for giving me the bestest toy EVER!

My blog has a wide variety of readers.  One of which is a former intern at my current workplace.  She's LDS, and has a great sense of humor.  She's one of the "normal" mormons (I blog about the wacky ones) and always tries to add some with and mormon-truth to my blog.

Recently she turned me on to a website called Mormon Zone.  It is full of LDS jokes, and she thought I could get a tidbit or two for my blog.  I spent about an hour on the site, and she was right.  I DID get something worthwhile from Mormon Zone!

But not what she expected.  You see, most of the jokes were lame.  Ultra lame.  It had 'top 10' jokes about different LDS scenarios, and talked about their fetish with Jello Salad.  While slightly humorous, I didn't really see it as 'blog-worthy.'

However, one super-cool function I found on their site was their cleanliness rating:

This site has been verified as Ultra-Clean by cleanmeter!  Yay!!  But no wonder the jokes were so boring.  They're as tame as they get.  No pot-stirring, no controversy, no innuendo.  Just clean, happy, mormon jokes...

Cleanmeter is a website that lets you check the cleanliness of web pages before you go browsing.  It is used as a tool for parents to safeguard their children from seeing vulgar and obscene websites.

While I applaud the efforts of cleanmeter, I see this tool more as a toy.  I wondered what cleanmeter would say about my blog?

I typed in my url, and this was the result:

 

Two bits of vulgarity launched me into the mid-yellow range.  I'm not sure if I was more surprised at the lack of filth on my site, or the fact that only 2 vulgar references got me into the middle of 'naughty boy' range.

So I tried a few more bloggers I follow:

This is The Animated Woman.  She has an amazing blog, and is usually fairly clean.  I would consider her blog more child-safe than my own, yet according to cleanmeter her website was considered more dangerous than mine.  (I wonder how she will react when she sees this?)  One crude anatomical reference is scarier than two vulgarities... interesting...

Jillsmo at Yeah. Good Times. is a little more avant-garde, and it shows on the meter.  It catalogs all of her naughtiness, and shows you why I adore her blog so much.  This mommyblogger has a mouth, and an amazing sense of humor.  But BEWARE!!!  She's a scary RED on the meter!!

And then there's Michelle at Rantings of the Reckmonster.  She pretty much broke the scale, and I love her for that.  You go girl!!  Scare them sheltered children!!

Want to know where your blog ends up?  Or do you want to test your favorite websites?  Go to Cleanmeter's Website and enjoy the fun!

Mormons vs Dinosaurs - A Jurassic Post

RAWR!

It means "I love you" in dinosaur.

Unless you're Mormon.  Then, it's just 'rawr.'

I saw this online the other day, and laughed my ass off.  I'm currently ordering this on a bumper sticker-magnet, so I can put it on my car and drive around town.

But it made me think:  Why don't mormons believe in dinosaurs?

After doing a little research, a lot of mormons were taught in seminary that God helped shape the Earth using a bunch of leftovers from other old worlds.  The dinosaurs were aliens from another world, already dead.  When God mooshed all the dead planets together to form Earth, the dino bones were buried and fossilized during the process.

It's not that they don't believe in dinosaurs, per se... They just think they're aliens...

While I couldn't find a formal "Book of Mormon" passage to show this, I did find a very interesting thread (link) about the subject.  Mormons and ex mormons discussing dinos and seminary...

This kind of goes what some Christian scholars believe.  Creationists are firm that the universe was created in 7 days, as told in Genesis.  Dinosaurs were a part of that process, therefore, can only be 1 day older than Adam & Eve (link).  The same people also believe that dinos were alive and cohabitated with A&E, since the bible says there was "no death" until the first sin was committed and Adam fell (link).

They also believe that dinos were still alive during Noah's ark, and there were dinos on the ark itself. (another link!)

In short, the way Jurassic Park was explained, and the modern theories about Dinosaurs, carbon-dating, etc are argued by mainstream religion left and right.

But who's right and/or more crazy in their beliefs?  Mormons?  Christian Scholars?  Or mainstream science?  I can't say for sure, but I'm leaning towards LDS as a little cuckoo...

Oh Mormons...
You so crazy....