Happy Leap Year, 5-year-olds!

Happy February 29th, also known as Leap Day.  This odd little day started when Julius Caesar decided to listen to the Egyptians, who calculated a full year being closer to 365 days and 5(ish) hours.

Caesar decreed to add an extra day to the year every four years, to offset this irregularity.  And then he was stabbed.  Over and over, by his peers...

Et tu, Brutus?  Yeah, him too, because this was just a weird idea.  I would have stabbed you too, Julie...

So, thanks to Caesar, we do this once every four years.  Leap Years coincide with Summer Olympics schedules and US Presidential Elections, so the good news is if you remember them one, you remember them all.

A fun Leap Year tradition, dating back to 5th Century Ireland, involves a woman proposing to her man, or simply asking him out on a date.  Now it's just called "normal" or "equality" but 1600 years ago, this was the one day every four years were women were allowed out of the kitchen and were able to act like equals.  Schools modernized this by holding "Sadie Hawkins" dances around this time each year.

Lastly, there are about 4 million people on Earth who were born on February 29th.

To have your birthday once every four years must be rough...

Well, TECHINICALLY 36, but meh...

I actually dated a girl in college named Stacey.  She was a Junior when I was a Freshmen, and I have NO idea how I bagged a gorgeous girl like her.  When I was introducing myself to her, she floored me.

"I'm 5," she quipped.  She was born on February 29, and was really 21, but she liked to tell people "well I'm TECHNICALLY five..."  She was the only 5 year old I've ever known with a drinking problem... and piercings on her nipples...

(...poor Pedobear is shaking his head.  He doesn't know whether to believe his eyes or his ears...)

To all of you born on Leap Day, congratulations, you're rarer than a left-hander with green eyes.  To those of you dating Leap Day kids, remember: 4 is too young, but 5 is OK!

Street Signs = Wall Art (In the Ghetto)

I grew up in the ghetto a low-income neighborhood, and didn't have a lot of money to decorate my bedroom.

Until I was 16, my window was covered by a Winnie-the-Pooh bedsheet, nailed to the wall.  Finally I complained, and my parents "splurged" to buy me mini-blinds.  I felt so rich...

I was so poor, I couldn't even buy posters to hang in my room.  My friends had Kathy Ireland in skimpy swimsuits, and I had Street Signs on my wall.

Did anyone else do this, or am I the only one?

I had No Trespassing Signs on my bedroom door (yeah, like THAT ever worked) and a Stop Sign above my bed.  You know, just in case aliens tried to abduct me in the middle of the night.  The big red STOP would make them listen...

And yes, I 'found' them in the middle of the night.  I when through a phase in my teens where I 'found' a lot of things.

It actually started a game in my High School.  My friends saw this, and wanted Road Signs of their own.  Eventually the local law enforcement caught on, and people started getting in trouble.  Fearing a raid on my house, I disposed of the signs in a nearby field...

...which is a shame, because now and then my girlfriend wishes I kept that old stop sign...

...no 'Hammertime' tonight, dear...

...you know, when she has a headache... and stuff....

You Can Buy a Tube of Vaginas at Target

My girlfriend and I were wandering around Target on a Sunday afternoon, killing time and looking for inspiration.

She found her inspiration in a few notebooks on clearance for $1, that she can 'craft up' and resell for $10 each. I found mine in the gift wrap section:

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a tube of gift wrap.  It was a Paul Frank design, with his famous monkeys.  As I rotated the tube, I spotted this:

The giftwrap roll cut off the faces perfectly, making a row of vaginas.

Yes, you too can own a tube of vaginas.

What worried me most were the braces.  The 'brace face' monkey looked like a scary hymen.  If I were in the bedroom or the back seat of a car, and saw THAT, I would be a little intimidated...

It also reminded me of the movie "Teeth" where a woman's nether regions have fangs, and she goes on a sexual adventure, dismembering members left and right.

Yes, I went there.

Have you ever spotted some odd odd things while shopping?  If it tops a tube of monkey vaginas, please share below.

Spawn of Celebrities: Their Story (an anonymous guest post)

Recently our Lost friend (that's me!) wrote a post about a local figure.  In order to avoid getting the author and myself in trouble, the name of this figure will be kept quiet, so it doesn't seem like we're outing him.  I am the daughter of said figure.  I have been for all of my life, and for these years I have had to deal with my father's money, business ordeals, and making of local news.  This is the first time that he has gone national, so now life is getting even MORE fun.

My father has been recently described as quite a few negative things.  I believe my fellow family members are quite offended by this.  I say believe because I am quite separated from my family.  So separated that I found out about my brothers wedding date from a facebook post, received a request for an address to send an invite to this wedding via mass facebook message to about 40 people, and missed my brother's luncheon about an hour and a half ago because my family forgot to tell me about it until about 30 minutes before.  Yes, this is my family.  

My father is included in this distance.  In fact, he is probably one of the reasons for it.  My parents divorced when I was the young age of 2.  I lived with my mom.  I have no memory of living with my dad.  Because of his business, I would be lucky to see him a few times a month when growing up.  He knew little about me.  For example, when I was a little girl, I wanted a pony.  For my 8th birthday, he gave me a cow.  Close, but not QUITE what I was hoping for.  

I find it humorous that people are always trying to make it sound like I am my father.  My father does something, so I also did it.  People don't realize that my father's pay goes into HIS checking account, not mine (but if someone knows how to make it go into mine.. I wouldn't complain!).  Therefore, every time my father makes the news, I get attention.  And blamed.  Which makes no sense, because often I don't agree with what my father did, said, or whatever pissed people off about him.  Not that anyone would believe me if I told them because, since I came from his sperm, I'm AUTOMATICALLY a magic clone of him.  

So here's the deal.  I don't know about the background of these rumors of my father.  I hadn't heard about any of this until you did, on the news.  Actually, you may have heard it before me because I avoid news with my dad's name in it. Please remember, the children of any person in the public is a victim.  Don't blame them.  I should really create a 'Kids of Rich Dudes Anonymous' group... we could call it KORDA - sounds pretty bad ass doesn't it?  

I don't know about my dad as a business man, or even a general person.  I know about him as a father.  I wish I could tell you more, but that would REALLY get me (and our Lost friend) in trouble.  It's sorta humorous, mostly just bad.  I may see him if I end up going to my brother's wedding reception (which I was graciously invited to) this evening.  His fiancee is kinda a bitch, IMHO, so who knows!  Either way, when I look my dad in the eye, I'll be thinking of the news about him, but won't mention it.  That would get me in trouble too.  At least one good thing has come from this. I've begun an anonymous memoir about my life as his daughter.  I have found my muse (aka ranting) and am one step closer to getting published.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having a famous last name is tough, and I applaud Miss X (hehe) for asking to use my blog as a place to vent.  As, you know, I like pot-stirring, and if the producers of VH1 are reading this, we may have a "Millionaire's Kids" show in the works.  If so, Miss X, if you need an agent... call me!

Do you think children of famous figures get a bad rap like above, or do most fall into the "like father, like son" category (like Nicole Richie)?  Sound off below, and remember, you can comment anonymously...

I'm the Funniest Newbie Over 30 in 2011

I'm a winner!  And this isn't a 'participant' ribbon like everyone gets in school...

I was nominated for two Boomerang awards at Studio 30 Plus, and won in both categories!  I am the best 'newbie' blog for 2011, and the funniest blog of 2011.

And I'm stunned.  To be the new kid on the block, and win the funniest award my rookie year?  I feel like Cam Newton.

To those of you who nominated me, thank you.  To those of you who voted, thank you.  And to the other nominated blogs, I am now following you.  Thank you, S30P for introducing me to some top-notch talent.

I'm looking forward to defending my title of 'funniest' next year, and will be working toward 'best blogger' in the months to come.  A comedy movie has never won an academy award, but maybe a humor blog can win the boomerang?

Time will tell...

For those of you 30 or over, give Studio 30 Plus a look-see.  It's a community of bloggers like us, and is a fun way to network and get your name out there.

Thanks again!

Idaho Loves Ron Paul! (Idaho Mormons Love Mitt Romney)

Ron Paul, bros!

As in, Idaho loves him.

(Except for Idaho's Mormon population, who obviously love Mitt Romney)

The potato state is showing more support and signage for Paul than any other candidate, and voting time is drawing near.  (Idaho's caucus is March 6)

Like Out of Barnes mentioned on my post yesterday:

And it's true.  If you look at the recent dozen presidential elections, Idaho, Utah and Montana are always heavily red.  And by heavy, I mean in the 90% range.  It's insane.  I can't think of any blue state that is as blue as these states are red.

So... how crazy "enthusiastic" are Idahoans for Ron Paul?  See for yourself.

Spotted in Idaho Falls, this dude covered (COVERED) his car in Ron Paul bumper stickers.  He has stickers in his rear window.  And he jacked a Papa John's delivery car-hat-thingy and covered THAT in Ron Paul love as well.

Dude is DECKED OUT.

Now, question... If Paul doesn't get the Republican nomination, how pissed off will this guy be?  Bumper stickers are a pain to get off.  One is bad enough, but dozens???

I'm Pulling a #CNN and Prematurely Announcing Our 2012 President (the race from the POV of an Independent Voter)

I was born 2 days after President Reagan was elected.  I was interested in politics since the Bush/Dukakis election in 1988.  I have voted since turning 18, and have an 87% accuracy rate in picking winners.

...and I vote for both sides.  I vote for the person and the message, not by political affiliation.

I am an Independent.  Politicians and pollsters love me.

And, like CNN has done in the 2000 election and for all primary voting this year, I am calling the winner AGES before anyone else.

(this isn't an "I'm voting for" post, this is just an unbiased announcement)

Barack Obama will be re-elected for one major reason:  There is no electable person running against him.  Of the four remaining, none scream 'Presidential Material.'

(I'm hearing a sigh of relief from some of you, and outrage from others.  Bear with me, while I explain...)

The GOP is stuck with another Bob Dole.  A John Kerry.  A 'we got nothing, so here's a softball' candidate.

BOB DOLE LIKES VIAGRA, BITCHES!!

I have watched every date thus-far and listened to talk stations like Hannity and Rush, to hear what the candidates are saying (just as I did in 2004 with the left-leaning radio shows).  No candidate has related to the masses.  No candidate has attracted the independents.

And, as current polls and the primaries so far show, there is no front runner.  No single candidate stands out, to the point where the Republican party is more divided now than ever.  Meanwhile, polls favoring Obama are increasing.  He is taking advantages of the division and the strife, while the Republican candidates slowly cannibalize each other.

(This isn't an "Obama rocks" post, or a "Republicans suck" post.  I didn't like GW Bush, but I didn't like Gore either.  Then, in 2004, the Dems didn't bring forth a candidate that the people could take seriously (remember Howard Dean??  NYAHHHHH!!!!).  To me, this is what the GOP is doing now.)

If I were a big player in the Republican Party, I would let Obama win.

(and then, quickly, be drawn-and-quartered)

Why?  Fast-forward 4 years.  Is Newt re-electable, with his 'shut up, I'm smarter than you' attitude?  Santorum, who uses his religious views as scare-tactics and seems to want women back in the kitchen?  Paul, who alienates his own kind with every statement, and has racist statements from the past haunting him?  Romney, with big businesses and reviled out-of-touch billionaires with their proverbial dick up his ass?  If one of these 4 are elected in 2012, the Democrats are back in power in 2016.

The goal for every President is to be a two-term President.  The goal of both political parties is to be in power for as long as possible.  If the Republican Party is smart, they'd throw a softball at Obama this year, and start looking for a unifier in 2016.

The next Reagan.  The next Clinton.  A JFK, an FDR.  No matter who wins in 2012, partisan politics will continue as usual, and progress will be stagnant.  Look for real progress and change in 2016... IF anyone steps up to take the lead, and can preach a message that can traverse party lines.

Ok, now the fun part!  Am I right?  Do I have my head up my ass?  And why?  Sound off below!  (remember you CAN comment anonymously)

The Brown House on the Left (Between the Other Two Brown Houses on the Left)

Since moving to Idaho, I have noticed it's fairly hard to find where you're going in town.  Not from business to business, but more when you're going to another person's house.

You see, the addresses are hard to spot.  There are no residential address plaques or mailboxes with numbers on most streets.

Even my house has dark brown numbers on a slightly lighter brown mailbox (which is against the house, not at the sidewalk).  If it's dark outside or my mailbox is covered in snow, you've missed me.  People revert to saying "the brown house on the left with the blue car in the driveway" yet that narrows down the choice to three houses on the street.

Once or twice, I've called a friend while driving back and forth, asking them to come out and wave me down... while inconvenient, it's better than sticking my head out of the car, yelling "JARED!!!  JARED!!!  DUDE, WHICH HOUSE IS YOURS??!?"

Instead of the personalized address plaques you see today, I grew up with numbers painted on the curb.  But you could get away with that in California, since it never snowed and you could always see the curb.

In Idaho, you really do need something you can see from the street, in rain or snow, no matter the condition.  Painted curbs won't work in the snow, because they'll be covered in an instant.

Which is why I'm tempted to get one of the custom address plaques you see online, and I plan on putting it right under the porch light.  

Will it stick out like a sore thumb on my old house?  Maybe.  But you know what, people will be able to find my house.  I can tell them my actual address, or tell them "look for the shiny bronze plaque on the shabby brown house.  You can't miss it..."

Now, the main question:  Should I get a Carolina Panthers plaque like pictured above, and support my football team?  Or maybe one with my blog's logo, and "I'm watching you..." printed beneath the numbers?  Choices choices...

Pinterest - The Devolving of Social Media

Remember 10 years ago, when Myspace was the coolest new thing? Everyone wanted to be a part of "Tom's" network, and all the popular kids had a myspace page.

You could design your own layout.  Have a playlist of your favorite songs.  Make a bio/online resume, including pictures, words, videos, and more.

Then, as business started to notice, saying "we should probably market to this," myspace died.

What killed myspace?  Facebook.

Facebook offered a 'cleaner' interface.  Simply put, you can't design your own layout anymore.  You can't have music playing on your profile.  You post status updates, pictures, videos and links.  It was a dumbed-down version of myspace, and people LOVED it.

Simplification rules.  So how do you simplify Facebook?  Twitter.  It's facebook in 140 characters or less, and designed for mobility.

But... words are overrated, right?  Let's cut those out.  Enter Pinterest.

Pinterest is 'the next big thing,' especially with women.  You pin pictures you like (recipes, fashion, quotes, as long as they're in an image file) and you share with your friends.  For example, my ex wife is newly engaged and is planning a wedding.  She pins decorations, cakes, dresses, etc she likes, and her friends go "DAWWWWWW..."

That's pinterest in a nutshell.

And businesses are trying to find ways to capitalize.

As a blogger, my blog's continued success involves 'staying current with the times' and using social media trends help fuel blog traffic.  But pinterest?  It doesn't quite work for me.

You see, pinterest is for pictures, and this blog is more than pictures.  If I showed cute lolcat images or talked about skinny jeans on fat dudes, I'd have relevant pictures to pin.  My focus is more on the words instead of the pictures, and not the other way around.

Twitter?  I use it.  Stumbleupon?  Great for traffic.  But pinterest?  Sorry.  Not for me, not for my blog.  I only have one thing to say to pinterest:

Businesses who can use images and pinterest to their advantage may have found a great new marketing tool.  For those of us who use words, humor, sarcasm and wit, pictures DO say a thousand words, but not always in the right way.

Local Business Spotlight - North Hiway Cafe

If you're ever in Idaho Falls, make sure to top by the North Hiway Cafe, where their motto is "Home Cook'n When Your Not Home Cook'n!"

Seriously.

Don't believe me?  Look closely at the picture to the right...

The North Hiway Cafe touts itself as Idaho's oldest continuously running cafe and catering company, and when you walk in, you believe it.  It looks old inside.  It smells old inside (pie, bengay and dust) and their menu is practically chiseled in stone.

The food here is so so.  The atmosphere is lacking, and by my observations the Senior menu is used more than any other part of the menu. (Senior equals 62 in this town... random number??)

The one good thing about this place?

Pie.  They have a wide selection of pies, and they all look/smell awesome.

However, I know people that have cleaned the place before, and they have some HORROR stories.  Grease where there shouldn't be grease, new species of insects (think of cockroaches breeding with iguanas) and grossness all around.

So, is it scary?  Probably.  But it's an Eastern Idaho icon, so there's that.  If you want to see a slice of Idaho Falls history, this should be on your list.  However, maybe just to take pictures and jeer at the old folks.  As a place to eat, I'd pass.

Tales From The Idaho State Liquor Store (Including BACON Vodka!)

I enjoy a drink (or three) from time to time, and like to keep a decent amount of liquor stocked at home, for entertaining guests.

In Idaho, this means going to a state-ran liquor store.

In California, you can buy liquor at grocery stores, gas stations, and specialty shops.  Not the case here.  For hard booze, you're at the mercy of the state.

And when the liquor store closes at 7pm on weekdays and is closed on Sundays, it becomes quite a pain.

Not to mention the higher markups and taxes.  I'm paying about 25% more than I did in California for the same stuff...

However, there are some entertaining aspects in the Idaho stores that you don't find in California.

You will ALWAYS get carded multiple times at these establishments, and the cashiers look at you like you're buying kittens to barbecue...

The "Smile, your on camera" signs posted every five feet are a nice touch.  I was tempted to ask about my 'on camera', since I don't have one.  Maybe they're free with purchase??

A good and bad thing is the variety.  You're extremely limited in what the state offers, but they do have some out-of-the-ordinary selections.

Banana rum?  Check.

Mashmallow flavored vodka?  Check (and AMAZING).

But the best of all...

Bacon Vodka.

As awesome as this is, I didn't buy it.  I want to sample it before I plunk down $30.  Luckily I was told of a few bars in the area that stock Bakon, so I'll have to go try it out.

Bakon Vodka:  Once again, proving that EVERYTHING can be improved with bacon.  No exceptions.  At all.

Frank Vandersloot in the Spotlight Again (Surprise Surprise, NOT in a Good Way...)

Even though I am still considered a 'newbie' when it comes to Eastern Idaho, I make sure to be aware of my surroundings.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Idaho Falls is the epicenter of Melaleuca, founded by Frank Vandersloot.

Frankie is currently the national finance co-chair for the Mitt Romney campaign, which puts him under a media microscope.

Thanks to said microscope, I found this article from Glenn Greenwald and salon.com.  It's a fun read about how Mr. Vandersloot uses his company and influence to further political and ideological agendas, and make people who criticize him, his company or his questionable practices vanish.  In short, his team of lawyers will threaten to shut you down if they don't like what they see.

Heh, by simply linking this article and typing these few paragraphs, I could very well be putting myself in their sights.  Folks, if lostinidaho.me disappears, you'll know why.

Anyway, read the article.  This is what I live with, this is the thumb I currently live under because I am an Idaho Falls resident.  It's insane, but it's reality.  I am all for the entrepreneurial spirit, and for the letter of the law.  But using money to shut people up seems a bit unfair.  I can't afford to hire a legal team to match his, so if I get a demand letter I'll buckle.  I'm one of millions (dare I say it, the 99%??) who would be forced to do the same.

Is that justice?

Have you read the article yet?

Added:  Another reporter has picked up the story, and the seeds of discord are spreading.  What now, Frank?

Added:  Vandersloot's rebuttal in the Idaho Statesman, including a lengthy statement.  Enjoy the read.  I chuckled, especially when me mentioned his liberal stance on environmental issues...

FINALLY - A Replacement for the Easy Button

Everybody has heard of the easy button, right?

It's from Staples.  On commercials, people hit the button and BOOM, things get easier for them.  The idea became so popular that Staples started selling actual Easy Buttons a few years ago.

Sadly, they don't make anything easier.

But they do look cute on an office desk, and people giggle at it from time to time.

Well, I have found something more awesome than the Easy Button.

Introducing.... the "That's What She Said" button:

You can buy these at Target in the greeting card section.  It's a card!  But not!

As a bonus, here are a few of my "That's What She Said" one-liners.  If you have any to share, leave it in a comment!!

(carpentry) I used to be really good with my hands, but now I just suck...

(Taking pills, or something else??)  It has to be put right in the back of my throat, otherwise I can't do it.

(Pop quiz) You can either do it right now, or do it orally later...

(Playful puppy) All he wants to do is hide between my legs!

(Taxi)  ...I was halfway through my ride when I realized he was on the phone!

(Putting groceries in the cupboard) It's a little tight in there, you may need to squeeze it in...

(Heard in libraries everywhere)  Why is it so big?

(and of course, The Little Mermaid...) Darling it's better / Down where it's wetter / Take it from meeee...

Correlation Between Extreme Couponing and the LDS Church

Have you heard of these shows popping up on basic cable networks?  They involve women spending countless hours clipping and organizing coupons in order to save 90% on their grocery bills.

I admit... I watched one episode of Extreme Couponing.  It shocked me that you can save so much money.  This lady purchased $400 worth of groceries and only paid $35.

But let's break that down a bit...

She had to split her purchase over 12 transactions, to adhere to coupon rules.  The amount of time clipping and organizing coupons, as well as shopping in the store and checking out easily exceeded 30-35 hours.  If you're conservative and say 30 hours to save $365, it equates to $12.17 an hour.  I wanted to break it down, to show you this truly is a full-time job.

The only difference is these women piss off everyone at the grocery store (shoppers and workers alike).  A job that pays $12 an hour is decent, but a job that pays $12/hr plus turns you into the neighborhood asshole?  Not worth it.

So how does this relate to the LDS Church, you ask?

Linky

Mormons are trained to be prepared.  This means having at least a year's supply of food stored away at all times, as well as other disaster related tips (teaching the family how to react in an emergency, etc.).  While teaching your kids how to turn off electricity/gas in an emergency, as well as how to escape the house in case of fire is a good thing, it surprises me how detailed the church gets when talking about preparedness.

For example:


"As members of the Church we have been counseled for many many years to prepare and keep on hand at least a one-year supply of food. In the early days of our church the Saints were  admonished to have a 7 year food supply. Then, for many years  there was a time when a two-year supply was recommended, (and it undoubtedly would be a good idea for each of us to still  keep a two-year supply if at all possible as this will allow us to share with others). But in the meantime it is imperative that we heed the current counsel to obtain and maintain at least  a one-year minimum emergency food supply."


If you read what they recommend in a 72 or 96-hour kit, I can't even fathom what 1-2 years of supplies would look like.

Yet, local stores like "The Prepared Pantry," "The Preparedness Store" and even Walmart capitalize on this paranoia.  In both Idaho and Utah, you see occasional billboards asking if you are prepared, you know... "Just in case..."

It only makes sense that super-shoppers and mormons share a common bond.

After all, when you see the pantries of these extreme couponers, they're really pushing the limit of the foods' expiration dates.

16 cases of Mac and Cheese?

44 bottles of mustard?

Enough Crisco to keep the entire porn industry lubricated until 2025?

It's a bit much.

But then again, if the zombie apocalypse hits next week, I'm more or less screwed.  Mormons and extreme couponers will be alive and thriving for months to come.  But think about it... a world full of zombies, super-shoppers and missionaries??  Maybe death is the better option...

What Your Vehicle Says About You

I have never seen a camo-wrapped truck until I moved to Idaho.  Now, after being here over a year, I know of at least 17 different 'rigs' in town that you're technically not supposed to be able to see.

When I asked one of the owners why they did that, I received a funny response.

"Does it help when you go hunting?" I asked.

"Nope" he responded, "I just did it 'cuz it looks badass..."

Hooooo-kay....

The kind of car you drive speaks volumes to the type of person you are.  When I see a lifted, camo-wrapped truck, I think "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAWWWWWWWWW...."  You know there's a shotgun under the seat, and you can probably guess on how he feels about minorities or same-sex marriage.

In other words, banjo music.

Here are a few other vehicles with a loud message:

If you drive a Mustang, it better be a Shelby, Cobra or another tricked out version.  If not, you fall into one of two categories:

- If under 20, you are a show-off, and will have at least $2,000 worth of speeding tickets before your 21st birthday.  If the car is red, you probably know at least 4 police officers by their first names.

- If over 20, you're grasping onto your childhood and still try to go to High School and College parties.  You probably buy booze for underage kids, if they promise to let you hang out with them.  If over 30 and driving a base-model 'stang, you've muttered "Honest officer, she told me she was 18" at least once in your life.

A Jeep says "I like to work on my car" or "I go off-road from time to time, and want to know my rig can handle it."

A DIRTY Jeep screams "OMG!  OMG!  Look at me!  I have a Jeep!  I'm so badass!  Look!  LOOK!!!"

A VW Beetle, if you're a girl, signals to men that you're probably going to go home with them tonight.  Every girl I know with a Beetle radiates a 'wild and free' attitude which, roughly translated, means '2 drinks and the top comes off.'  The girlier the color, the more this effect is amplified.

If you're a guy driving one of these things, you either got the car in the divorce, or you're known in your current relationship as 'The Bottom.'

Oh... and these?

DOUCHEBAG ALERT!!

What other cars have a definite message to them?  What kind of car do you drive, and what do you think it says about you?  Feel free to share, by leaving a comment below...

Product Review: Nerium AD

Synopsis:  Smells like a combination of ball-sweat and earwax. With minimal results, Nerium AD was not for me.

About a month ago, I was given an opportunity to test and review an Age-Defying treatment called Nerium AD.  As I am now 31, I am on the lookout for wrinkles and gray hairs.  This product seemed like a great way to fight the reaper as he did a number on my body...

Now, I don't have a lot of wrinkles or age spots, but my age IS starting to show.  I received the sample and followed the instructions.

After 2-3 weeks, I realized something.  I'm not seeing a lot of results.  I was taking before/during/after pictures like recommended, but there was no change.

That's when it occurred to me.  I really don't need this product.  At least, not yet...

As for the review portion of this post, I didn't see any results.  But then again, I don't have a lot of spots needing an anti-aging boost.

Oh well, it was worth a shot...

If you are old and baggy/saggy, give this product a good glance.  The before/after sections of the website shows some significant results, and a quick google search will show a lot of satisfied customers.

Me?  Not so much.  But that isn't a bad thing.  It means I'm not 'old' yet.

One bit of warning, it isn't cheap.  And it looks/smells like dirty earwax.  If you're going to romance your better half, get your sexy on, THEN put it on, because the odor is a bit of a mood killer...

But if it works, it's worth it, right?  I'm impressed with Nerium AD, but I'm not ready to use it as needed yet.  Maybe in 10 years...

MyLoveBook - Why My Valentine's Gift Was Better Than Yours

As mentioned in an earlier post, I decided to buck tradition and write my girlfriend a book for Valentine's Day.

Flowers?  Kid's Stuff.

Chocolates?  Sooooo last century.

Yep, the newest thing is getting a published book for your sweetheart.

The earlier post went over the process of making the book, options, shipping speed, and all that jazz.  This post will cover the delivery and the reaction.

Within 24 hours of finalizing the book, it was shipped and on it's way.  It arrived well before V-Day, which made things difficult for me.

You see, this is an awesome gift, and I couldn't wait to see the reaction I'd get for it.

I decided to celebrate Valentine's Day early this year.  Since I travel a lot, I wasn't sure if I'd be around on Tuesday, so we took time Saturday to spend time together.

I told her to close her eyes, and then I slipped the book into her hands.

Seriously.  Raptor eyes on a hot chick?  Uber sexy...

She was floored.  The book is 36 pages long, and the snippet you see to the left was one of the 36 pages.  It was only 600-700 words in all, but it took her nearly an hour to get through every page.

She kept melting, and tearing up.  She couldn't stop smiling.

If I had thought things through, I would have saved this idea for when if if/when I propose another time.

As I mentioned before, this book is your words.  You put it together, page by page, so it really means something.  It's heartfelt, and at an extremely reasonable price.  I may write another book like this for Mother's Day and give it to my mom.

If you're looking to earn some major points, or just have your better half fall deeper in love with you, I highly recommend MyLoveBook to anyone and everyone.  This was BY FAR the best gift she's received.  (How do I know?  She's told me so about six times since Saturday...)

Speaking of major points, this V-Day was a good one for me.  I am now over half-way to having enough points for my goal!!

Just over 3 years, and I'm almost at 60%!  Wooo!!!
(At this rate, I'll be able to cash in while I can still get it up!)

Happy Valentine's Day to you all.

Watching People Tweet The 2012 Grammys Instead of Watching The 2012 Grammys

I decided to try something new this year, and instead of watching the Grammy awards, I simply watched people tweet about them.

Aside from tribute videos for Whitney Houston, Etta James, Don Cornelius and the like, this year's show just didn't seem to appealing to me.

Yes, Adele's return to the stage was tonight.  Yes, Whitney died yesterday and it would have been kind of fun to watch the writers scramble in making a proper tribute, but twitter....

...well, tweets are much more interesting.

Especially when you consider the wide amount of opinions I'd be getting from people who like/dislike country, hip hop, etc.

Here are a few of the highlights from my Grammy timeline:

Adele

Yes, Adele is amazing.  Nothing too exciting here...

Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj overdoing it?  People acting shocked... Have none of you seen The Creep?

Chris Brown (seriously, why is he still in the spotlight??)

Big surprise, Chris Brown is still trying to be forced into stardom again, and we're still not buying it.

Deadmau5 (or "Dead Mouse" to all you not in the know)

Q likes Deadmau5, and the rest of you have no love for electronica or dubstep.

My two favorite comments of the night were:

and

So I DVR'd it, just in case.  Those of you that tuned in, is it worth sitting through the BS and watching the show?  Let me know... and let me know what your favorite parts were.  I'm sure I missed a few key tweets...

Random Sunday Silliness - Theory of Evolution in 60 Seconds

I can't stop laughing....

Valentine's Gifts for the Hopeless and Inept

With Valentine's Day only hours away now (tick tock, tick tock), some procrastinating guys out there are still scrambling for gift ideas.

And this is 2012.  Flowers and chocolates may be timeless, but they're soooo 20th century.

Last year, I had a list of great Valentine's Day Cards to give to your loved one.  This year I'm going to give you a list of gifts you can actually order online.

...and why you'd be a fool to pick from any of them...

First up is an 'I heart your vagina' card you can buy from etsy.  The user's name is xjavea, and while original, isn't a great valentine's card.

Why?

On a random day in May, this would be creative, funny, and mildly sexy.

On February 14th, this simply screams "ok, here.  I got you a card.  Can we bang now, or what?"

(Coincidentally, xjaeva also has an 'I heart your penis' card available.  While the vagina card may be tacky for V-day, the penis card is acceptable.  Go for it, ladies...)

Speaking of sex-related...

There is a new sexual-aid product out there called Masque.  I have seen many-a-blogger talk about it.  If you are a female giving this to your guy, you should be ok.  But if you're a dude, this (again) says "let's cut to the chase" in a very un-romantic way.

Click to enlarge

Masque is another one of those 'just because' presents that don't translate well on February 14.  It's just asking for trouble guys... You'd be better off buying her a vacuum....

Lastly are any of the items you see advertised on TV or hear on talk radio programs.  Mail order berries, footie pajamas, or....

...the gigantic 4-foot teddy bears.

Or any teddy bears for this matter.

Gigantic stuffed animals are only acceptable as a love-gift if you win it at a carnival game.

Any other situation is just weird or creepy.

With one minor exception, but again, not for Valentine's day...

If you travel a lot and your girl needs something to, er, love while you're away, the gigantic teddy bear may be the way to go.

Teddy, plus a strap-on from an online sex shop, and VOILA:

Guys, what gifts have you purchased in the past that have just crashed and burned?

Ladies, what are some of your horror stories?

...or did Pooh scare you all away?