Party in My Pants: Mothra Edition

Friday's work schedule included 926 miles over the course of 15 hours, just because I thought I was hot shit.  See an account in Northern Utah, see a chain in central Utah, then hop over to central Nevada to see my farthest (and probably biggest) single account.

All in a day's work...

I'm about to pull into my first store, and I noticed the khakis I were wearing had a few stains on them.  I don't know what happened or when, but I couldn't visit client's with a "look at me" spot...

I headed to Kohl's, bought a nice pair of slacks (woot for Labor Day sales) and headed out the door.  I found a Taco Bell to change in, and swapped pants.  FINALLY I could start my day.

I get into my car, and start heading back to my first account.... when I feel something funny... in my pants....

WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.........

My inner thigh is buzzing...

WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.........

"HOLY SHIT!" I think... "Is this a spider?  Bee?  Moth?"  I start to freak.  And oh yeah, I'm driving...

I grab my crotch area where the buzzing is, and kill whatever was inside.  I hold on to dear life, just in case there is a stinger or poisonous fangs, and find a place to park.  In a panic, I jump out of the car, strip out of my pants (10am in a North Salt Lake parking lot, people) and see this:

Not only was a moth living in these slacks, it was HUGE.  I just lived through a rendition of "Mothra vs Godzilla" where the role of Godzilla was played by my penis.

And that's probably the only time you'll hear the words "godzilla" and "my penis" in the same sentence...

Fun times... and that was only the START of my day!  What a way to start...

A romantic rendevous turns into a fight with the bed

I recently joined Studio 30 Plus and am attempting my first writing prompt.  This week's theme is Hotel Stories, and it was just too juicy to pass up.  This has nothing to do with Idaho, so take it as you like.

My girlfriend and I were just starting the 'hot and heavy' phase of our relationship (we were friends long before) and I booked a romantic weekend getaway in Salt Lake City.

Ok, stop laughing.  Romantic and SLC don't exactly mesh, but I was living in Cali and she lived in Idaho.  It was a middle ground.  Easy flight for me, easy drive for her.

I booked the nicest suite at a good hotel, and were happy to finally get into our room (and back into each others, er, arms).

I'll be honest, it took us a while before we actually found the bed.  When we finally did, we noticed something unique.  It was a Sleep Number Bed!  Neither one of us had ever been on one before, so it felt like a fun new toy for us.

I never slept in a bed that came with an instruction manual.  After reading the basics, we picked our sides, and started playing with the firmness/softness.  We wanted to see what numbers we were, and if we were compatible in that way too.

"WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

Holy crap, this was a loud bed...

And it didn't really seem to work all too well.  I couldn't feel too much of a difference between a 90 and a 15.  Maybe it was just old and worn out?  I dunno.

We finally gave up on playing with the bed, and enjoyed a nice 3-day weekend together.  We left the hotel room maybe 2 times in total (a good weekend indeed...).  By the last night, we were both exhausted and content.  She was sound asleep, and I was drifting off when I heard a familiar sound...

"WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

This wasn't coming from our bed....

"WRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

This was on the other side of the wall...

"WRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

Those damn beds are so loud we could hear our neighbor playing with their bed.  Luckily that was all you were able to hear.

When I look back at the beginning of our relationship, I always look at our Salt Lake Trip and smile.  Sadly, the thing I remember most about that weekend wasn't the romance.  It was the bed.  (WRRRRRRRR...)

Meet Weeble. a.k.a. SQUEEEE

I haz a fort.

This is my cat Weeble.  She got this name because, as a kitten, she couldn't walk a straight line.  She was like a DUI sobriety test taken on St. Patty's day.  My Weeble wobbled, and go this way and that, but she never fell down.

She, like most cats, is a handful.  But I'd like to think she's a bit more unique than your average feline.

Why?

Well, there's precocious, and then there's Weebs.  She was once a cute little thing...

But she never really grew out of her kitten phase.  She's about 2 now, and still as goofy as ever.

I'm not sure where she picked it up, but she chirps a lot.  It sounds more like a squeak, or SQUEEEE when she's really being playful.  Hence the nickname.

Jump up onto the bed:  Squeee!

Off the bed:  Squeee!

You pet her:  Squeee!

You ignore her:  Squeee!

Not meow.  Squeee.  Very distinct difference.  She meows now and then, but that's not how she talks.  It's always squeee-this and squeee-that.

Get the point?

She is also oddly obsessed with wet hair.  Particularly my girlfriend's wet hair.  I don't know why, but if she can get into it, she will purr, claw, bite, and get wrapped up in wet hair.

OM NOM NOM!

Like most cats, she thinks everything is for her.  When we're cooking, it's automatically for her.

I'll take some tuna in a white-wine reduction, if you don't mind...

When I had the boys over for Christmas in 2009, all the toys were meant for her amusement as well.  Her favorite were the old-timey Slot-Car racers...

I smell bacon...

Like me, she was born and raised in Southern California.  She loved the outdoors, and would spend a lot of time basking in the sunlight, going in and out as she pleased, and enjoying the year-round warmth that is Cali.

Well, Idaho is not California.  She had about as much fun acclimating to the weather change as I did...

This is her first experience with snow.  I took her outside, and she was back inside, looking out the window and saying "WTF IS THAT??" in a matter of seconds.

She eventually got used to the weather change, and likes to go out and explore her new digs.  But she's a bit of a priss.  She doesn't like being cold.  She will paw at the door, and squeee until we let her outside.  5 minutes later, her toes are cold and she wants in.

Paw paw paw.... SQUEEE!!!

IT'S COOOLD OUT THERE!!!1!

So we let her in.

After she warms up, she's fine.  She wants back out...

Paw paw paw.... SQUEEE!!!

If we let her get away with it, she will do this ALL DAY.

She also demands our blinds be open from dawn til dusk.  She paws at the blinds, and even tries to pull down the cord herself if I slack off.

Overall, she's a pretty adventurous cat.  But she was confronted by the local cat-gang in the neighborhood, and everything changed....

They think they own the neighborhood, including my yard.  I don't think so.  I try to keep them away as much as possible, but when they're outside, Weeb won't go and explore.  They never tried to pick a fight, but I think the glaring got their point across...

I'm still not sure if they're strays, or belong to neighbors, but come spring I'm putting in a cat door.  I'll probably have to do one of the types that has the censor on the collar, so only she can get in instead of the whole gang...  We'll see.

Meanwhile, if you need Weeble, she'll be lounging around in her favorite spot.  My girlfriend's underwear drawer.

I especially like that buzzy thing that massages me!