Key Influencer or Major Asshat? The Klout vs Klouchebag Debate

As a blogger and social media whore, I try to extend my reach as much as I can without being too much of an ass.

(on that note, please follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Google+)

One slice of the internet that monitors your influence on others (and their influence on you) is Klout.  Klout will look at your Facebook, Twitter, Google and other social media sites and will gauge (on a scale from 1-100) how influential you are.

For example, my Klout profile says I'm a 49.  Top influential topics include:

Blogging

Idaho

Humor

and (of course) Mormons.

People can go to my Klout profile and give me a '+K' on things they think I'm influential on.  For example, I would love some +K on Cats and Business.  Just because.

It's a neat little tool.  Mostly pointless, sometimes annoying, but every now and then you can get a cool perk or two from it.

But... remember earlier in the post when I said "without being too much of an ass?"  Well, there's an internet tool that measures how much of a Twitter Douchebag you are...

Meet Klouchebag.  Like Klout, but instead of measuring how influential you are, it measures how annoying you are.

It measures your anger, misuse of the English language, Retweet abuse and social media spamming on twitter, and gives you a grade.  Also (I'm assuming) on a scale from 1-100.

In Klout, the higher the better.  In Klouchebag, the lower the better.

For example, here is my rating:

For comparison, here is Lady Estrogen:

Finally, here is celebrity annoyance and big-booty extraordinaire, Kim Kardashian:

What do you think about Klouchebag?  Feel free to check it out (if you have a Twitter account) and see how much of an ass you are.  Do you think this is accurate?  Are you above 50 on the douche-meter?  Feel free to share your score with the class, and we can all revel in our shame together.

Pinterest - The Devolving of Social Media

Remember 10 years ago, when Myspace was the coolest new thing? Everyone wanted to be a part of "Tom's" network, and all the popular kids had a myspace page.

You could design your own layout.  Have a playlist of your favorite songs.  Make a bio/online resume, including pictures, words, videos, and more.

Then, as business started to notice, saying "we should probably market to this," myspace died.

What killed myspace?  Facebook.

Facebook offered a 'cleaner' interface.  Simply put, you can't design your own layout anymore.  You can't have music playing on your profile.  You post status updates, pictures, videos and links.  It was a dumbed-down version of myspace, and people LOVED it.

Simplification rules.  So how do you simplify Facebook?  Twitter.  It's facebook in 140 characters or less, and designed for mobility.

But... words are overrated, right?  Let's cut those out.  Enter Pinterest.

Pinterest is 'the next big thing,' especially with women.  You pin pictures you like (recipes, fashion, quotes, as long as they're in an image file) and you share with your friends.  For example, my ex wife is newly engaged and is planning a wedding.  She pins decorations, cakes, dresses, etc she likes, and her friends go "DAWWWWWW..."

That's pinterest in a nutshell.

And businesses are trying to find ways to capitalize.

As a blogger, my blog's continued success involves 'staying current with the times' and using social media trends help fuel blog traffic.  But pinterest?  It doesn't quite work for me.

You see, pinterest is for pictures, and this blog is more than pictures.  If I showed cute lolcat images or talked about skinny jeans on fat dudes, I'd have relevant pictures to pin.  My focus is more on the words instead of the pictures, and not the other way around.

Twitter?  I use it.  Stumbleupon?  Great for traffic.  But pinterest?  Sorry.  Not for me, not for my blog.  I only have one thing to say to pinterest:

Businesses who can use images and pinterest to their advantage may have found a great new marketing tool.  For those of us who use words, humor, sarcasm and wit, pictures DO say a thousand words, but not always in the right way.

Watching People Tweet The 2012 Grammys Instead of Watching The 2012 Grammys

I decided to try something new this year, and instead of watching the Grammy awards, I simply watched people tweet about them.

Aside from tribute videos for Whitney Houston, Etta James, Don Cornelius and the like, this year's show just didn't seem to appealing to me.

Yes, Adele's return to the stage was tonight.  Yes, Whitney died yesterday and it would have been kind of fun to watch the writers scramble in making a proper tribute, but twitter....

...well, tweets are much more interesting.

Especially when you consider the wide amount of opinions I'd be getting from people who like/dislike country, hip hop, etc.

Here are a few of the highlights from my Grammy timeline:

Adele

Yes, Adele is amazing.  Nothing too exciting here...

Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj overdoing it?  People acting shocked... Have none of you seen The Creep?

Chris Brown (seriously, why is he still in the spotlight??)

Big surprise, Chris Brown is still trying to be forced into stardom again, and we're still not buying it.

Deadmau5 (or "Dead Mouse" to all you not in the know)

Q likes Deadmau5, and the rest of you have no love for electronica or dubstep.

My two favorite comments of the night were:

and

So I DVR'd it, just in case.  Those of you that tuned in, is it worth sitting through the BS and watching the show?  Let me know... and let me know what your favorite parts were.  I'm sure I missed a few key tweets...

Watch Your Tweets - US Bans Two UK Friends Over Joking Tweets

Once again proving you don't fuck with 'Murrica, two UK friends have been barred from entering the country because of some joking tweets they said prior to their trip.

According to this article from The Sun, Leigh Van Bryan and Emily Bunting were detained when they reached LAX because of twitter posts regarding 'destroying America' and digging up Marilyn Monroe's grave.

According to the report, DHS and TSA agents actually looked through Van Bryan's bag, looking for spades and shovels to thwart his attempt to dig up the famous celebrity's grave.

What.... the fuck....

I'm sorry, DHS.  I know you're trying to protect us citizens and all, but where is your sense of humor?  Besides that, what terrorist tweets "I'm going to blow up the La Brea Tar Pits in a week" or other BS like that?

If it didn't mean getting shot on sight, I'd take a backpack, stuff it with packing peanuts, and throw it randomly in a public place, yelling "FOR ALLAH" in protest.  You know, just for laughs...

The statement from the DHS, which can be found on the above link, states:

"During secondary examination, Mr. BRYAN was placed under oath and his sworn statement was taken by CBP Officer Wahmann, Mr. BRYAN confirmed that he posted on his Tweeter website account that he was coming to the United States to dig up the grave of Marilyn Monroe.  Also on his tweeter account Mr. BRYAN posted that he was coming to destroy America."

I'm sorry, but TWEETER?  This is the same government that is trying to pass laws like SOPA and PIPA, regulating the internet that they don't even understand.  And 'destroy' doesn't always mean a terrorist act.  For example, my friends and I destroyed the local nightclub on my 30th birthday.  And I destroyed your mom last night in bed while your dad was at work.

...true story...

I applaud the job DHS is doing with trying to keep terrorists from killing us all, but please learn to see through the sarcasm.  Detaining these two people for 12 hours and sending them back home was overreacting.  At the very least, I hope our government is apologizing, refunding these two for any costs incurred, and paying for their return trip as an apology, ON OUR DIME.

And screw it.  Give them a couple of shovels too.  If they wanna dig Marilyn Monroe up, let them.

I Was Retweeted by a Celebrity ...But At What Cost?

For those of us on twitter, we know that exposure is exciting.  People love to have a lot of people following them, and the more influential people you have reading your tweets, the 'cooler' you are.

I follow a handful of celebrities, politicians and other 'popular' people, and from time to time, respond to some of their tweets.  I normally just do my own thing, either pimping my blog or saying silly things in hopes for retweets or stars.

You know, just screwing around.

I was on twitter Tuesday night and saw a tweet from Adrianne Curry.  She was talking about her future relationship possibilities, and if she would ever marry again.  I chipped in my two cents:

Well, she read my tweet.  She liked my tweet.  And she retweeted:

I was floored.

And I was joking around, but I used to play online games.  Kids do indeed cut into gaming and raid times, since they require constant attention and you can't really ignore them for 4+ hours.

When someone with 320k followers retweets you, people talk.  Suddenly I had over a dozen people retweeting my message, and even more adding their own quips on my tweet.  Most agreed with me, and added humor of their own.

With that said, I'm stoked.  My Klout score is going to go through the roof (yes, I still use klout, and no, I don't know why either...)

Yet.... I don't want people to get the wrong idea.  I love my kids.  I regret some stupid things I did in the past, like putting video games ahead of my family from time to time.  Looking back, gaming cost me a lot of precious moments and I'm not ok with that.  My boys matter to me more than any game ever could.

But they do cut into raid times.  If you'd rather be gaming, kids aren't for you.

Good news though!  As they get older, the perfect combo emerges!

I WILL PWN JOO!!1!1!!

Video games WITH your kids!  As an 80's/90's kid, I'm looking forward to the day where my boys and I can play together, trash talking (in a family friendly way, of course) and taking turns whooping each other.

So Adrianne.  Much love for the RT, and I wish you nothing but happiness, epic loot, and orgasms a-plenty.  But kids aren't nearly as overrated as my tweet says.

Twitter for Bloggers - Waste of Time, or Am I Doing It Wrong?

By the time you read this, I'll have reached my 250,000th page view.

And in less than a year.  I have been blogging for 11 months, and just hit a quarter million page views.

...and no thanks to twitter.

You see, I analyze my data.  Most of my pageviews come from my following audience, google searches, and stumbleupon (in that order).

#4 on my referring sites list?  Networkedblogs.com, at 0.32%.  Twitter?  It's not even showing up in my top sites...

And I tweet a lot.

I even belong to a few sites that amplify my tweets, and make my twitter look better to others, in hopes of better blog exposure.

I use Klout.  My current score is 48, which is supposed to be decent.

I also use Triberr:

Triberr is a tweet amplification tool for bloggers.  I get in a tribe (network of other bloggers) and with every post, they tweet my link to their followers (and I do the same).  This results in more tweets and more mentions, but not a lot of page views.

So, am I doing something wrong, or is twitter just a waste of time?

Besides google and being fairly popular in searches, the only social media site that has been worth it has been Stumbleupon.  It has resulted in about 20% of my views, which I consider decent.

And if you stumble, follow me here.  You scratch my back, I scratch yours, capice?

What social media sites do you use?  Which ones are successful and which ones are a waste of time?

Does twitter work for you??  Facebook?  Google+?  If so, tell me what you're doing, because they're not working for me...

Marketing Tips From The Muppets

Unless you live under a rock (or maybe in one of the countries ending in -stan) you are aware that a new Muppet movie is coming out in a few weeks.

I'm 30 years old.  Anyone plus-or-minus ten years of me has probably been influenced in their childhood by muppets.  From Sesame Street to The Muppet Show and beyond, Jim Henson's creations played a heavy role in late 20th century pop culture.

And they're making a comeback, 21st century style.

When a muppet movie was green-lighted, the PR team for this movie went to work.  The plot of the movie is "Are muppets relevant anymore?" with the main focus of showing this generation what muppets are all about.

How do you target this younger generation of movie goer?

The INTERNET!

In November 2009, they launched this video:

It was an instant hit, getting millions of views and being passed around Facebook pages galore.

Speaking of Facebook, the muppets are there as well.

Any major social media outlet has been infested with muppet-dom.  Even Miss Piggy, The Swedish Chef, and a host of other muppets are on twitter, tweeting regularly (and in character).

Interviews on late night talk shows, commercials galore, viral videos (you have to see The Pig With The Froggy Tattoo) and even guest appearances on WWE Monday Night Raw are making sure that everyone knows about this movie.

I mean, come on.  Beaker getting involved in a wrestling match, handing Santino Marella a concoction that helps him win the match.   When is the last time you saw Julia Roberts do this for one of HER movies?  What about Leo DiCaprio?

Again, the plot of the movie is "Are the muppets relevant anymore?"  They're marketing tactics are making sure they are.  Gen X'ers are loving every bit of it.  Gen Y'ers and the newest generation (Generation Internet?  iGeneration?) are getting a taste of what made the muppets hilarious in the 70's and 80's.  They are fuckin crazy, and will make you laugh in unconventional ways.

Businesses.  Entrepreneurs.  Learn from the muppets.  If you're going to market yourself, go all out, and get as unconventional (read: CRAZY) as possible.

Hi, Twitter. What's For Dinner? #nomnomnom

I spend a lot of time on the road, thanks to my job.  I'm always looking for new and exciting places to eat.  Fast food gets boring quickly, and so do TV dinners or making sandwiches.

I like to eat out.

And if I'm in a new area, what better place to eat than a local place?

I started messing around twitter, and seeing if there were any business paying attention when I sent out my requests.  A few weeks ago when I was in Boise.  I tweeted "I'm in #Boise Idaho and looking for a great local place to eat.  Suggestions?"  and hit paydirt.

Chandlers Steakhouse saw my "I'm in Boise, I'm hungry, what do I do?" tweet and sent me a message.  I checked them out, and was completely impressed.   Now, if I want a great steak or am entertaining clients in Boise, Chandlers is my place to go.

Great job, twitter.  You found me a great place.

I'm in Utah this week, and wanted to put twitter to the test again.  Monday I was in Logan, and tweeted up.  A fellow blogger (and Logan resident) told me about a place in town called The Bluebird.

It's a quaint little restaurant / candy shoppe / soda fountain in downtown logan.  It's been around for nearly 100 years, and looks the part inside.  Service was fast and friendly, the food was excellent (gigantic Prime Rib plus all the extras for $9.99??  WHOA!) and I left happy.

At first I was a little worried.  I felt like the only one in the building not wearing a CTR ring or with 6 children.  But the Utah mormons aren't as kooky as the Eastern Idaho mormons.  People were friendly, laid back, and easy going.

(My theory of the 'crazies' being kicked out of Utah and pushed into Idaho still remains intact...)

Good job again, twitter.

Tuesday was Lunch in Layton, and a great Italian joint found me.  Today will be Spanish/American Fork for lunch, or Cottonwood Heights for dinner.  We'll see.

"What's for dinner, Twitter?" is a fun game to play.  If you're in an unfamiliar area and feel like rolling the dice with a tweet, I'd highly recommend it.  I haven't found a bad place yet.

Why I Use StumbleUpon (and why you should too...)

Do you stumble?

You should.

If you have a blog, a website, a business, or do any online marketing, stumbleupon is a fantastic way to not only drive traffic to you, but also show you amazing content related to your interests.

My user name is lostinidaho (yeah, original.  I know) and I use stumbleupon to not only promote my blog, but to also see what else is out there.  I have learned web design tips (see that slide show near the top?  It's a jquery slider I discovered whilst stumbling...), as well as found other bloggers and humorous sites.

It is a neat little research tool, and can become highly addictive.

From an optimization standpoint, stumbleupon also helps you build links back to your site, which is SEO gold.  Granted, you ideally want links from multiple sources, but SU is a great source to use.  Every time someone stumbles one of your pages (or you stumble yourself) you get linked.

Links add up.

And you get added to the SU directory in whatever category your pages get tagged in.  Talk about Sexuality?  There's a tag for that.  Hockey?  There's a tag for that.

When people stumble their interests, they can stumble into you.  If they like what they see, they 'like' you.  Like facebook, the more likes the better, and the higher up in the rankings you go.  All of this results in more traffic, fresh faces, and ultimately (if you produce good content) a higher popularity of your site.

As far as social media goes, I would consider stumbleupon one of the top four sites to use for increasing traffic (along with facebook, twitter (if applicable to your site) and youtube).  This handy dandy chart will show you some top social media sites along with their strengths and weaknesses.  Find out what works best for you, and use the corresponding sites.

*from cmo.com*  Click for full-size

As a blogger, if it has 3 or more green fields, I try to use it.  If you learn what to use and when, you'll be able to boost your site into internet immortality.

At least, that's the plan...


Edit:  My day in a sentence asked what kind of results I have seen thanks to stumbleupon.  Well, the proof is in the pudding.  Here is a screenshot of my all-time referral sites.  Yes, google is king, but stumbling works (moreso than twitter...)

Now click that happy 'S' below and stumble this post!  Make sure to follow me as well, so I can find you easily and stumble your posts as well!

What does The Simple Dude and my penis have in common?

...they'll get you more blog followers.

First, I want to tell you about The Simple Dude and his new e-book.  It's called

Grow Your Blog:

Proven Ways To Add Followers Every Single Day

and it works.  You can read more about the book here, or simply buy the e-book on Amazon or Smashwords.  At the low price of $1.99, it is well worth the price and so much more.

Reading the book, SD gives tips on blog layouts, marketing, and general awesomeness.  The humor infused into the book makes it a pleasurable read, and I can practically guarantee you'll find at least one blogging improvement you can use, if not dozens.

I have been blogging since January.  I may have 640-something followers right now, but I'm still learning.  His book has given me a lot of great ideas (pimping, for example) that I will use to improve my overall reach.  

Blog pimpin ain't easy (a line from his book...) but it pays off.  In this age of 'follow me and I'll follow you back' Social Media, you really need to show your appreciation for other bloggers if you want them to show an appreciation for you.  Think of it as scratching someone's back, and then it's your turn to scratch yours.

Plus, as a bonus, you can wear a crushed-velvet suit and a badass hat.  If that isn't a reason to pimp, I don't know what is.

(...wait... you don't get to dress up?  Can I do it anyway?)

Reading this book will take you 20 minutes.  Then re-reading the book and writing down your 'ways to improve my blog' list will take another 20.  Putting the ideas into practice?  Priceless.  After all new followers are forever...

Oh, and just in case, if you're not following The Simple Dude's blog, go there and follow.

So... how does this have anything to do with my penis??

I was on twitter Wednesday night, and somehow "The Helicopter" was brought up in conversation with @VickiLikesFrogs.  (It's twitter... don't ask, just go with it.)  Jillsmo asked for a drawing of me doing the helicopter, and this is what spawned...

This picture resulted in a number of re-tweets and hilarity, and I ended up getting a new blog follower!  Yay!

But it wasn't done.  The avalanche had started, and new followers were flooding in...

Maybe I should do stupid penis tricks more often?  Give the people what they want, after all...

In short, go buy The Simple Dude's book, download it, love it.  That, added with a few anatomical acrobatics, will help grow your blog.

Why #FollowFriday (#FF) gets on my nerves.

If you play on twitter, you have probably seen #FollowFriday (or #FF).  Basically it's a shoutout people use to promote blogs they're following, that you should too.

Do I do it?  From time to time.  But it mainly annoys me.

Firstly, because I'm pimped far less than I'd like.  Am I not follow-worthy?  Don't you looooove me?
(I kid, I kid...)

Mainly because of the ridiculous spam.  I'm not going to blindly follow people if you tell me to.  Tell me why, so I can actually click on them.

If you spam too much, you've lost me.  For example...

This dude bombarded my timeline with 18 #FF tweets in the course of 12 minutes.  My eyes bled.

Yet I didn't unfollow him, even though I was tempted.  He's a good blogger, and I enjoy his work.  Just... dude... seriously?  Did you pimp EVERYONE you follow??  If anything, it makes me want to UNfollow anyone on that list!

What do you think of the Follow Friday phenomenon?

Fun With Twitter

"Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"

Have you heard of that meme before? Well, thanks to Simple Dude, I found a way to generate something similar, with my own personal flair:




Meet That can be my next tweet:

You can find it here. It's a fun little tool that takes your twitter account, scans your previous tweets, and guesses what your next tweet could/should be based on past postings.

It's pretty random, but a good laugh is to be had.

Thanks to this, I have noticed I say "Holy Balls" a lot...

Do you have a twitter? If so, go to That can be my next tweet, and play with it. I'd love to see some of your potential tweets in my comments.


Enjoy!