Brandon's Bizarre Moving Adventure!

I remember back in my college days, helping a female friend move usually meant 2 of the 3 following things:

- Pizza

- Beer

- Sexual Favors

I recently helped my sister in law move (heh, scratch #3 from that list) out of mom and dad's house, and I remembered why I don't like moving.

Especially when stairs are involved.  Seriously, why do people rent 2nd-floor apartments???

The plan started out simple:  Meet up at noon Saturday.  Gf and I, sis in law, a few of her other friends, and 2-3 trucks to move stuff.  With luck, we can get it all done in two hours, three tops.

Her friends, um, forgot.  The only truck we had was "Dad's" old beat-up pickup, but we will make it work.

I gulped, since I would be the only man there.  This means the majority of the heavy lifting would be done by yours truly.

Moving was slow but steady.  About 4 hours into the process (and about 50% progress) one of the truck tires begins to leak.

The valve stem had a small crack in it, and if you put pressure on the stem the leaking stopped.

...so what did I do?

Why, I improvised, of course.  By wedging a pebble between the rim and the stem, the leak stopped.  A few layers of electrical tape later, we were good to go and making trips again.

Seriously, isn't this awesome?  Manliness achievement unlocked.

Your move, McGuyver.  Beat THAT, Chuck Norris.

After moving everything in to the apartment, pizza arrived.  Beer was distributed.  Relaxation commenced.  Then we tried to move furniture into place...

...and the bed wouldn't fit.

It was a one-bedroom apartment, and sis' 5yo kid was getting the real bedroom.  Sis was converting a walk-in closet into her "Bed Hole" and measured to make sure her bed would fit.

The measurement was off by about an inch.  The box spring wouldn't fit.

...so what did I do?

Beer-basted Brandon offered to trim down the box spring by an inch to make it fit.

The ladies, of course, loved the idea.

So I found an electric saw, chopped the box spring in half, and trimmed it down the middle just a smidge.

Power tools + alcohol.  This isn't the first time...

10 minutes (and a few laughs) later, we had the bed into place.  It barely fit, but it did fit.  And that's what counts, right?

It was a masterpiece.

BEHOLD, THE BED HOLE!!

...just don't look under the sheets...

The phrase "You're a man, you can make it fit" was tossed around a lot that day, often followed by "that's what she said..."  I felt really ghetto for my maneuvers that day, but it worked.

And besides, I grew up in the ghetto.  I should embrace my talents and not be embarrassed by them...

Isn't moving fun?  I hope I don't have to do it myself anytime soon...

End of the Week, End of the Move

Today is official moving day.  Everything is packed, movers are coming, and boxes will migrate.

Wednesday, we were given a chance to tour our new 'temporary building.'  As we entered, our tour guide said "Welcome to 1967."  How right he was.

First off, on some of the main doors, there are some fancy woodcarvings.  I'm not sure what the building was used for before, but it looks like the last owners loved to decorate.

There are different 'coat of arms' designs on a handful of doors.  It reminded me of a Knights Templar building, or an old Masonic Center.

The building has two floors:  The main floor and the basement.  There is office space in both, and I was fortunate enough not to get placed in the dungeon.  Downstairs was just plain weird.

First off, it has a sauna down there.

First thought was "BADASS!  We can have department meetings down here!"  Then I remembered that I'm the youngest of all my coworkers by a good 25 years.  Maybe...not.

Secondly, there is a 'pinhead room' downstairs.

I'm not sure why someone designed the room like this, but they did.  Yes, it goes to a point.  The corner is about 8 inches wide, and the entire room is like that.  Starts out wide, but slowly closes in to the point.  Maybe that can be the disciplinary room?  "Bob!  Go stand in the corner!"

Upstairs is better, but not by much.  Again, this building was made in the 60's.  Yellow stained glass is everywhere.

The main conference room looks like UFO's are about to land on the meeting table.

And the heating/air conditioning vents look like they were slapped on not too long ago.

Does anyone else see the face on the wall?  The eyebrows?  The eyes?  I laughed a little when I saw this room, but noone else seemed to see what I saw.

So today is moving day.  Possibly tomorrow, if we don't finish.  Our new home for the next 4 months.  Get out the lava lamps and the LSD, it's going to be a trip.

Welcome to your new career... now get packing

Week 2 at the new job, and I'm already packing my things.

Why?

We're moving!

Apparently I'm coming at a fun time for the company.  They are 'in between' buildings right now, like I was in between jobs.  They have a brand new building being custom made for them, which will be ready in June.  The problem is, in order to pay for the construction, they had to sell their old building to pay for the new.

Shooting yourself in the foot much, eh?

They sold the building late last year, and struck up a lease agreement with the new owners.  "We can't move out yet, even though the building is yours."  At the time, I guess the new owners were ok with it...

Not anymore.

In January, they said "we are switching you to a month to month lease."  The company gulped.  A few days afterward, they said "ok, now we're switching things again.  You need to be out in 30 days."

That 30 days ends this week.

So we are packing our things in a rush, only to be moved into a temporary location for the next 4ish months.  About 2/3 is going into boxes and will stay there until June, while the other 1/3 is travelling with us.

The funnest part?  I don't think we quite know where we are going yet...  They have a few buildings picked out, but I don't think any lease paperwork was signed....

I don't remember "packing and heavy lifting" in my job description.  Or organizing storage spaces.  Trying to learn a new position, while packing away your training material, makes for a fun week.

Wish me luck!

So... This is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned-upside-down...

2010 was a hell of a year.

I lost my job in April, and the rest of the year was an absolute struggle.  High cost of living, combined with unstable work took its toll on me.  By August, I was at a breaking point, and by September, my girlfriend and I decided to pack up our belongings and move from California to Idaho.

Now, I'm a Cali boy, born and raised.   I have lived in and around the Riverside area since I was about 3.  Cali is what I know and love.  The free-thinking, open-minded, tech savvy culture is what I always called home.  30 minutes from the beach, 30 minutes from the mountains.  Vegas, Mexico, both 4 hours away.  I essentially had life at my fingertips.  Until... Idaho.

A friend of mine summed it up really well.  "Welcome to Idaho, the fucking time machine of the US."  Somehow I was transported back to 1992.

Half the town doesn't know what terms like "email" and "wi-fi" mean. 

High School Girls all have the crimped over-permmed hairstyles again.

And flannel was considered haute coture once again.  Not hipster-flannel.  Lumberjack.

Everything is "just so" in this state.  Idaho is such a red-state, bulls get pissed off and charge at it.  On the radio station, there are 8 country stations, 11 religion stations, 3 classic rock stations, and a small mix of others.  If you want to listen to music that was made in the last 2 years, you have very limited (and very censored) choices.  No hip-hop or rap allowed.

Best of all, I still have California plates on my car.  This labels me as a "liberal queer-o hippie" somehow, and gets me more sneers than I have ever expected.  It doesn't help that I drive a Ford Focus, while the majority of people up here are in pickup trucks (called "rigs" here, for some reason...)

Highlights in this state include:

 Potatoes.   Wooo.  Idaho is the Potato capital of the US, and the bane of Dan Quayle's existence.

Idaho is so damn proud of their spuds, it's the feature on their license plates...

Famous Potatoes?  Really?

There is even a Potato Museum in Blackfoot, a small town that shows it's "Tater Pride" every year with festivals.

Other Highlights of Idaho are....

....

....

I got nothing.

I moved up in October, and am doing my best to make the most of things.  Will I move back down to Cali, or will I forever be trapped in "The Gem State?"  Only time will tell...