Random Acts of Kindness

As a parent, we all look for ways to teach our children good habits.

Please and thank you.  Being polite to others.  Sharing, sympathizing, and doing good deeds.

One such lesson was embedded into my boys this weekend, thanks to a random act of kindness from a complete stranger.

Now, my boys are super sharp.  My oldest is now in First Grade and is getting better and better at math, writing, spelling and such.  His cognitive skills blow my mind away.  My youngest emulates his big brother, so you know he's sharper than the average 4-year old.

At one point they borrowed my phone to use the flashlight app.  It turned off, but they were able to find it quickly without a problem.

They also played my 'Cut the Rope' game and beat a few levels I was having trouble with...

So when a sweet old gentleman gave them a gift while at breakfast, they learned a valuable lesson and took it to heart.

The gifts came from a regular at the IHOP we were at.  He's a woodworker, and definitely looked the part.  He gave two toy cars to the waitress to bring over to the kids.

They were in awe.  Instantly it became their favorite toy, and were very grateful.  Their mom took them over to the man to say thank you, and he looked a little embarrassed (maybe he's not used to being thanked?).  The boys decided they were going to make him a thank you card and give it to him at a future visit.

I talked to my oldest to see if he learned something from the event:

Me:  Do you like your new toy?

Him:  Yeah, that was very nice of him.

Me:  It feels good when people do nice things for no reason, doesn't it?

Him:  Yeah.  (a few seconds later)  Daddy?  I want to do a nice thing for someone I don't know now.

I couldn't be prouder.  It feels good to be the recipient of a random act of kindness, but it feels just as good to be on the giving end.  Now that the seed is planted in his head, he will understand that lesson even more.

To the old man at the restaurant, thank you.  Thank you not only for the gifts (the craftsmanship is amazing and you do really good work), but thank you for helping teach my children a valuable lesson.  I don't get to see them nearly as often as I'd like, so I am not able to teach them life-lessons like this on a regular basis.

This was one of the biggies, and I got to help, thanks to you.  My kids will be better people thanks in part to you, and I will never forget this moment.

Back In My Natural Element: Cali Trip Day 1

I'm currently on a 3 day vacation in California.

Originally the plan was a Fri/Sat/Sun trip to California to see my boys, but it never works as planned.  I'm still going to spend a decent amount of time with them, but I'm left with lots of downtime.

So I arrived in California around 1pm Friday, and deep into SoCal around 3.  What's a boy to do, with so much time on his hands?

How about as many un-Idaho things as possible?

I spent a little time at the beach, since Idaho doesn't have a beach yet has an assload of seagulls.

I drove around with the windows rolled down, enjoying the weather in the high 60's... (it's fucking 15 in Idaho...)

I turned my radio to an Old School Hip Hop station, since there is no rap or hip hop allowed on Idaho's airwaves... (for some reason...)

I also went to a REAL sex shop, since Idaho's stores are horrible.  Their selection is bare, and most are hidden in cabinets so (gasp) the CHILDREN can't see!!  I didn't come to buy, I just came to enjoy the smut.

Lastly, I met up with an old friend in Huntington Beach and hit up a gay bar.

Yes, there is the occasional gay bar in Idaho, but they can't hold a homo-erotic candle to the ones in Cali.

And just my luck, we were there on drag show night.

My friend helps coordinate the whole she-bang (collects the dolla dollas from the ground for the performers, sews costumes/wigs, etc) so I came to watch her do her thang, as well as try to catch up on old times when she had a moment to breathe.

Drinks flowed.  The acts were hilarious.   I mean, come on.  Drag Queen Big Bird?  Yeah, she was there.  Drunken whore-ish Christmas Carols?  In abundance.

Good times were had by all.

Unfortunately, I'm a bit out of practice.  Around 1am I called it quits and headed back to the hotel.  But not before the scantily-clad twink selling shots came up to me, flirted for a bit, and tried to get me to stick my hand down his boxer-briefs...

I think I broke his heart when I said:

"I'm sorry, but I have two things to confess:  I'm taken and am faithful... and it's to a woman."

Poor guy didn't know what hit him.  But it felt good, since I was seen as a hot piece of ass.

Saturday morning will be with my boys... if my Saturday evening is free, I may find some more un-Idaho things to do.  The Adult Expo is in LA this weekend, and a porn expo sounds fun...

Christmas Vacation, In a Way

Currently in Eastern Idaho, it is sunny and-2 degrees out.

Negative.  Two.

That's fucking cold, and it's not even technically Winter yet.  It's only going to stay like this, and probably until March.

But I'm not sweating it.  In 5 days, I'll be down in California, where it's nice, even in December.

I'm spending some time visiting my boys, and dropping off Christmas presents a little early.  Since they're 5 and 3, it's still more about Santa Claus than daddy, so about half the gifts will be labeled "From Santa."

I also think this is a good political move.  I don't want them thinking that it's mommy vs daddy in a contest to buy their love.  The 'Santa' clause lets me buy them nice things without trying to take the credit.

The competition still seems to be there.  When I want to buy them a present, odds are mom or grandma has already purchased it for them.  I'm trying to coordinate what we're getting them so we don't overlap, but that's a toughie.

BONUS FOR CALIFORNIA:

Gorgeous weather.

I'm looking forward to temps in the 60's.  That's short-sleeves and shorts for most Idahoans.

And while these trips are mostly about the boys, my time with them is going to be somewhat limited.  I'm seeing them Saturday, and maybe Sunday for breakfast before they go to church and I start driving home.

But I'm going to be getting to Cali sometime mid-Friday afternoon. Lots of time to kill.

I may go see some friends, or I may go take care of some business matters.  Maybe both.  Since I usually don't have a lot of 'free time' when I'm down there, I'm not totally sure.

All I can say is, I'll be doing it in style, with the windows rolled down and enjoying the warmth.

CALIFORNIA HERE I COME!

Dear Idaho - You Win. My Infatuation With California Is Dwindling...

After another weekend in California, I'm ready to reveal something shocking.

I have lived there all my life.  At least for the first 29.7 years of my life.

I have been back twice since moving to Idaho... I can honestly say:  California, I think I'm done with you.

Granted, my boys live in California, and it doesn't get any better than a day at the beach.  But the pro's are slim, and the con's are starting to become more apparent:

• The smog.  I drove into Cali and saw a thick, soupy haze.  I sent a Facebook message to my friends asking what was up...

I'm not used to smog anymore, which is an odd thing to say to me.  I have traveled to Montana, Idaho, Washington and more, and enjoy seeing the mountains, the trees, the sky.  Californians, you're missing out on some amazing sights.

My lungs aren't used to it anymore either.  I forgot the slightly burning smell in your nose when you breathe in deeply.  I forgot the way your eyes dry out faster thanks to the poor air quality.

Granted, I was in the Inland Empire.  Just east of LA, all the smog settles in this little valley.  I wish I was in a position to have the boys move up to Idaho with me (or convince my ex to move) so they didn't have to breathe this air in...

• The traffic.  I have grown accustomed to going 45 miles in 45 minutes.  When returning to baby-mama's house from Knott's, we ended up in traffic.  The 30 mile drive took over an hour, and resulted in a freaked out mom.  My phone was dying so I put it on the charger.  I missed her texts, so it freaked her out.   But if it wasn't for the traffic (or the no texting/phones while driving) I would have been back in time to keep her from getting paranoid.
• The people.  Idahoans are rude, but in a different way.  They don't like outsiders.  The people in California that I had the *cough* pleasure dealing with didn't like anyone.  You are a nuisance.  You are in their way.  You are an inconvenience.  You need to go.

Don't get me wrong, Idaho isn't perfect.  I still have a lot to blog about, because this is an odd odd state.  But now, if I relocate again, I'm not sure if I'll be going back to California.

Which, after only 10 months, is still kind of shocking to me...

Worst. Fathers day. Ever. (and a message to my ex)

I am writing this from California.

I am currently in a parking structure.

Tears are streaming down my eyes.  I've been like this for a while.

Why?

My ex wife.

On  June 5, I sent her a text message and told her of my intentions to come down and visit my boys for fathers day weekend (key word: weekend...).

I told her I would be driving down Friday.  I wanted to do an all-day thing with them Saturday, and breakfast Sunday before I left.  This was about two weeks ago, and she ripped into me for telling the boys.  She thought I was just going to get their hopes up again and not come down, but here I am.

I arrived in Cali at 430.  Told her I was here, and asked if I could visit some today, read them a bedtime story, etc.

"Oh.  I didn't expect you til Sunday...."

The boys are with a babysitter tonight, and they "have plans" all day tomorrow.  I get to see them Sunday, for about two hours before I start my drive back to Idaho.

Two. Hours.

I just spent thirteen hours on the road.  I drove 900 miles.  This trip is costing me $250 in gas, round trip.
...and I get two hours with my boys...  That's it.

She conveniently forgot, and I suffer.  She isn't bending, and is trying to blame me.  I'm crushed, I want to die, and she relishes it all.

Being the dad, in a divorce, is the epitome of getting the short end of the stick.  Everything is in her favor.  She knows she has all the power, and this is her way of reminding me.

Does anyone know a good pro-bono family attorney?  I don't want to have an epic court battle, I just want to make sure I still have rights, and can't be brushed off when I make the long trek to California.  I have a good job starting Monday, but as of right now I'm still piss-poor.  So poor, in fact, that if a tire pops, I won't have enough money to get home....

Worst. Fathers day. Ever.

To my ex - Hi.  I know you read my blog, and I know your mom does too (hi to you too, can we talk?).  I want to work with you.  I'm tired of fighting you, and I'm tired of you fighting me.  When we talk, you twist, manipulate, and don't let me make my point.  So I'm doing it here where you can't interrupt or make me feel guilty for my sins of the past. 

This isn't healthy for the kids, and I know they were looking forward to spending time with me this weekend.  They told me themselves, and were super excited every time we talked about it...  They wanted me to take them to a puppet show, the park, maybe the beach, and they wanted to see grandma too.  They wanted to play blocks with me, and fireman, and ambulance.  You had to have heard this when they were talking to me.  How am I supposed to do this in 2 hours?  This trip is going to leave them in heartbreak when I say goodbye, because I'll be saying it way too soon.

Work with me.  Please.  I did everything in my power to see the boys this weekend.  My car shouldn't be making this kind of trip, yet here I am.  I miss them, and I know they miss me.  For you to 'misremember' what I told you weeks ago is inexcusable, but I'm willing to put this trip behind me and work toward making the next one more positive.  I should have sent you an email, with an itinerary, so you had it in writing, because apparently that's what it takes.

Us fighting does the boys no good, and I don't want to do anything that's going to put them in more duress.

For me to be spending a day and a half in town this close to the boys, and not being able to see them, is heart-wrenching.  You went to a bbq with your friends today.  Your friends see them more than I do, and I'm sure would understand if you said "Their dad drove 900 miles to spend father's day weekend with them.  They haven't seen him since September, so I'm here, they're with daddy."  It took everything in my power not to immediately turn around and go home when you knocked the wind out of my sails.  I'm still fighting this feeling, because being in California without access to my kids is killing me.

I start a new job Monday.  This job will let me catch up on Support, fix my car, and allow me to visit the boys more often.  I'm finally going to make a livable wage.  THIS IS A GOOD THING for you, me, and the boys.  But I'm going to get home at midnight Sunday, be up at 5am Monday, and back to the road for me.  As distraught as I am, I shouldn't be driving home, let alone burning the candles at both ends.  I made this trip to see my kids.   I'm messing up my car, and exhausting myself before I start a new (important) job to see my kids.  And you tell me no?  Why??

I admit, I haven't been the perfect dad.  I moved to Idaho out of necessity, not because I was abandoning my kids.  I call when I can, but sometimes I can't.  I pay child support when I'm working, but when I wasn't, I couldn't.  That's just how it is.  I am sorry.  I am working on being a better dad, a better ex husband, and keeping things more stable.  Please let me.  I want to make things right, but I can't do it with you putting up walls, playing games, and acting like I'm the deadbeat dad.

So... This is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned-upside-down...

2010 was a hell of a year.

I lost my job in April, and the rest of the year was an absolute struggle.  High cost of living, combined with unstable work took its toll on me.  By August, I was at a breaking point, and by September, my girlfriend and I decided to pack up our belongings and move from California to Idaho.

Now, I'm a Cali boy, born and raised.   I have lived in and around the Riverside area since I was about 3.  Cali is what I know and love.  The free-thinking, open-minded, tech savvy culture is what I always called home.  30 minutes from the beach, 30 minutes from the mountains.  Vegas, Mexico, both 4 hours away.  I essentially had life at my fingertips.  Until... Idaho.

A friend of mine summed it up really well.  "Welcome to Idaho, the fucking time machine of the US."  Somehow I was transported back to 1992.

Half the town doesn't know what terms like "email" and "wi-fi" mean. 

High School Girls all have the crimped over-permmed hairstyles again.

And flannel was considered haute coture once again.  Not hipster-flannel.  Lumberjack.

Everything is "just so" in this state.  Idaho is such a red-state, bulls get pissed off and charge at it.  On the radio station, there are 8 country stations, 11 religion stations, 3 classic rock stations, and a small mix of others.  If you want to listen to music that was made in the last 2 years, you have very limited (and very censored) choices.  No hip-hop or rap allowed.

Best of all, I still have California plates on my car.  This labels me as a "liberal queer-o hippie" somehow, and gets me more sneers than I have ever expected.  It doesn't help that I drive a Ford Focus, while the majority of people up here are in pickup trucks (called "rigs" here, for some reason...)

Highlights in this state include:

 Potatoes.   Wooo.  Idaho is the Potato capital of the US, and the bane of Dan Quayle's existence.

Idaho is so damn proud of their spuds, it's the feature on their license plates...

Famous Potatoes?  Really?

There is even a Potato Museum in Blackfoot, a small town that shows it's "Tater Pride" every year with festivals.

Other Highlights of Idaho are....

....

....

I got nothing.

I moved up in October, and am doing my best to make the most of things.  Will I move back down to Cali, or will I forever be trapped in "The Gem State?"  Only time will tell...