BYU Idaho Bans Skinny Jeans (But Doesn't) - Mormon Hipsters Cry Out in Protest

Skinny Jeans.  Form-fitting denim making hot girls hotter and hipster boys look weird.

And now, subject of another Mormon controversy.

Recently, BYU-Idaho in Rexburg has banned skinny jeans on their campus.

But they haven't.

But they have.

You see, all BYU students have to agree to an Honor Code that tells you how not to dress, how not to act, and what you're not allowed to do while attending their school.  If you break the Honor Code, you're out.  (Example:  BYU Basketball player has sex and gets suspended)

Some rules in the Honor Code include:

• Use Clean Language (...yeah, fucker...)
• Abstain from alcohol, tobacco, coffee, tea, and substance abuse  (TEA?)
• Live a chase and virtuous life (aka: NO SEX)
• Observe the Dress and Grooming Standards, which includes a ban on form fitting clothing and short skirts.

Posted at the BYU-I Campus

Form Fitting clothing?  Yep, that's skinny jeans.  So, in fact, they've always been a major no-no.

Once again, BYU is in the news because of their Honor Code.  It seems excessive, yes, but if you go to school there, you agree to those rules.

If you don't know what you're getting into, poor Mormon students, IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT.

(oops, I said 'damn...')

A few months ago, the BYU scandal was a major sports player getting in trouble for (GASP!) having sex.  Now, it's about skinny jeans being vulgar.  I give the major media outlets until February to jump on "STUDENT SUSPENDED FOR HAVING A STARBUCKS CUP IN CLASS" just to keep the Mormon taboo in the news.

To the outside world, these rules look silly.  And, in my opinion, they are.  Go to college and NOT have sex?  Men aren't allowed to have long hair?  Women aren't allowed to have more than one piercing in their ear?  TEA is banned?  TEA?

But these kids know what they're getting into when they enroll at BYU.  And they agree to these silly rules.  They, in essence, should know better.

Sadly, Mormon Hipsters everywhere are up in arms...

Poor mormon hipsters...

Hipster Mustache, You Ain't Got Nothin On Me!

Spotted in Western Idaho:

Someone put a vinyl decal on the hood of their Caddy to give it a hipster mustache.

I LOVE IT.

It's an ugly ass car, but this makes it awesome.  I still wouldn't drive it, but hey.

There seem to be a lot of hipsters in Idaho.  In Eastern Idaho, they have to hide from religious persecution, but they're free to roam in Boise.

So, when in Rome...

If I can rock a brostache (remember THIS?)  I can rock the hipster stache, but I don't think I look ironic enough.  The plain t-shirt and the hotel room setting just isn't giving an "underground" vibe.

I tried putting on some Sleigh Bells and Broken Social Scene.

Nope.

The Decemberists aren't helping either.

...dammit...

Maybe I'm rocking the wrong hipster mustache?

Hold on a sec...

*grabs the sharpie*

Would you call this the Hitler or the Charlie Chaplin?  Hitler was underground when the Allied troops found him... is that hipster enough?

No?

Dammit...

Ok, goin a little crazy here.  I *CAN* do this.

Here we go... the pencil mustache you see in European bars.  I look French.  Or maybe Italian.

And, um, a little lop-sided.

One too many beers...

How's this?  Do I look indie enough?  Should I change the background to a coffee shop, with spoken poetry in the background?

I can do a haiku about my cat, and brood at a Hookah bar...

No?  Not buying it?

....shit.

Ok.  Fine.  I'm going balls-out now...

*grabs another beer*

...how's the unibrow workin for ya?

Maybe I should just leave the hipster vibe to the hipsters.

*this post was brought to you by Shock Top Ale... cuz I drink it... and it makes me do dumb things...*

The cookie monster helped make a South African Scot love me!

If you're not following A Daft Scots Lass, you really need to.  Gillian is brilliant, witty, has a gorgeous accent, and she's one of the few gingers I know that indeed has a soul.

DSL, as I like to call her, does a weekly contest called "Caption my freaky photo" where she puts up something bizarre, and we plonkers try to think of something witty to say.

Here was one recent entry:

My response to this picture?

Well, that comment worthy of Drake Sigar was the winner that week.  As the winner, Gillian sent me a small handful of goodies in the mail.  I received a letter of my awesomeness, a magnetic photo frame, and a temporary tattoo with the instruction of using it and sending her a picture for her blog.

Fun tattoo shenanigans?  I am SOOO game.

But sadly, a recent post states she's cleaning up her blog.  Family, business, and all that jazz.

...so much for a rated-r (or worse) tattoo picture.  And I was tempted.

Well, being the silly guy I am, this is what I came up with:

I hope you like it, Gillian.  And if you want a chance to win some goodies and be immortalized on her blog with a daft tattoo, go there now!

Observations: The Coffee Culture

I am writing this from one of the few good places in town to get coffee.

This place is called The Villa.  It's an independently owned coffee shop in the middle of downtown.  We have a couple of Starbucks in town, and another coffee shop inside a Music/Rental shop, but this place has the best coffee at the best price.

Now, every town I have ever lived in had different types of groups at each coffee shop.  This one would be the hipster hangout, and that one would be where all the older folks went.  Because the choices in this town are so limited, EVERYONE comes to The Villa.

Which makes this place perfect for me to set up camp and type.  PEOPLE-WATCHING TIME!!!

As you can guess.  Coffee + Wi-fi = Great place to hang out and bring your laptop.  There is no shortage of computers here.

We have one gentleman in his late 20's who has had too many refills on his latte and is practically shaking his laptop to death.  It's still early, I wonder if he has had breakfast?  The way he is jittering, his breakfast was a double-mocha espresso and a line of coke...

Another guy, slightly younger, has set himself up in the corner, with his back to a wall.  He doesn't want ANYONE to see his screen, and when people walk by he always stops what he's doing and looks at them nervously.  I smell a porn-surfer.  The bad news for him, though, is that he is kind of on the pathway to the restroom, so he gets interrupted a lot by walkers-by.  It's really hard to jerk off when you have so many interruptions.  Poor dude.

And of course, we have the hipsters.  No cool coffee shop is a true establishment without a population of hipsters hanging out.

I'm hip!  I'm with it!  I'm groovy like a movie!  Flavor-flav!!!

My favorite is the Old Hipster, who is sitting at the bar, flipping through his iPad, and trying to fit in with the scene.  Never mind he is in his 40's, and trying way too hard.  I mean, if you looked up the term 'hipster' in wikipedia, and you tried to copy the description to perfection, you'd be this guy.

I have seen him try to strike up conversations with kids 15 years younger than him, trying to 'get in with the cool kids' and fail miserably.  Over and over.  And over.

Another older gent, leaning back in his chair and just observing everyone with a sense of authority.  It's like he's the hall monitor, and his job is to make sure noone gets too loud or out of place.  He's glared once or twice at the 20-somethings who are doing what sounds-to-be Nursing school homework.  Apparently study groups aren't allowed in his den.

He's sipped that cup about 164 times in the last 5 minutes.  How is there still coffee in there?  Or is it all just an act?

Is there a portal at the bottom of the cup, with the Coffee Dimension on the other side?  Millions of java-beans worshiping him as their God, and sacrificing themselves to keep their sipping, glaring deity happy?

This girl is my absolute favorite.  I was surprised to find this picture online, because it fit her so damn well.  Glasses with no lenses in them, just to look cool.  Knit stocking cap and a huge puffy scarf on, and talking to her friend.  If only she really had the mustache coffee cup I would totally laugh my ass off.  They're across the room from me, so I really can't hear the conversation really well, but whenever scarf girl gets excited it's:

"I KNOW, RIGHT?"

"THAT'S TOOOOOOTALLY TRUE!"

"CHA!  I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE SAID THAT!"

She has been glared at by the Super Sipper so many times I'm surprised she hasn't given him whiplash.

But there he sits, sip sip sip...

Don't fuck with the Coffee Police, missy...

Time for me to jet.  Since I'm not a part of any of the social circles in this habitat, it's time for me to escape before this place goes any more primal.  Until next time!

Oh, and by the way, I ordered tea.  Ha-HA!!