The 'know your neighbor' theme is something I will be using to educate the masses on what kind of people you could find living next to you, if you choose to move to Idaho. The last installment (link) covered meth heads. The second largest group in my town (druggies being first...) would be the mormons.
I have met a lot of people in this town who are LDS. Some of them are pretty cool. I mentioned once before a badass intern who used to be at my office (she reads my blog. Hi E.) There are also a group of 'Jack Mormons' who drink, swear, and are pretty laid back, but still drink the Joseph Smith-koolaid.
I have also mentioned in previous posts (link) mormons who do not like anyone outside their own kind. They judge you, avoid you, and shun you at every opportunity. The link I just posted shows a mormon interviewer who turned me down for a job because I wasn't the right religion. THOSE are the kooks I can't stand. When I bash mormons, it's the closed-minded cultish brain-washed idiots I'm referring to.
My girlfriend is a scrapbooker. She shops at all the major craft stores in town, and often times I accompany her (I'm masochistic, I know...). There are 2 chain stores in town, and one local independent business. Porter's Crafts usually has all the good stuff, but they are so damn LDS it isn't even funny. I make sure to be as crass as possible when I go there. I talk to my girl about beer, sex, and anything R rated I can come up with. The sneers I get, not only from customers but employees, is hilarious.
And, of course, they're the tin-star hub of the town. They have dozens of different sizes, colors, etc. They even sell accessories for them! If you want to have a seasonal star, you can decorate it with flower decals in the spring, stars-n-stripes for the 4th, and cornucopia images for Thanksgiving...
Oh, those crafty mormons...
There are so many variations of the LLL slogan. The picture to the left has more of a biblical description. The most popular one is "Live life, laugh often, love much." I'd like to propose this one:
Live like noone is looking and judging.
Laugh so hard you snort milk up your nose.
Love is good, but lust burns more calories.
Does that make me a bad person??
You can look for minivans in the parking lot, or one of the larger vans or small buses, a-la Jon and Kate or the Partridge Family. A rule of thumb: If the kids are energetic and mom & dad are yelling at them, they're probably catholic. If the kids are walking in single file, carrying musical instruments, or just have an overall 'glazed-eye' look, you can put your money on LDS.
If you have such neighbors, proceed with caution. But, then again, if you're on the same street as this family, they have already visited you, brought housewarming gifts, chatted your ears off, and tried to talk to you about The Book of Mormon. They're persistent lil scamps.
This has been a public service announcement by My Own Private Idaho. Any observations and opinions can be concluded as 100% fact. With a pepper-spray in one hand and a cocktail in the other, you too can help repel pushy mormon neighbors. Thank you, drive thru.
