The Best $10 I Have Ever Spent

When I was a kid, this was simply called 'being an asshole.'  Today it is referred to as 'trolling.'

Either way, this is hilarious, and I have to share this story with you.

I spend a lot of time on the road, and have found a love with Buffalo Wild Wings.  I can get a good cheap lunch/dinner there, and the atmosphere is fun.

I probably spend about 2-3 nights a month at various Buffalo Wild Wings locations in Montana and Idaho.

One of the fun aspects of BWW is the fact they have a jukebox.  At any time, you can go to the jukebox and change the house music to any tune you like, as long as it is on the playlist.

This day, I was bored and none of the sports channels were catching my eye.  The place was packed:  Girls' Night Out group, a table full of Air Force dudes in camo, and families all over the place.

I decided to people watch, and use the jukebox as my wingman.

The cost is $1 per song, and I put in a ten dollar bill.  The first song I picked was a bar standard, something current and 'pop-ish,' so nobody would notice what I was doing.

I found Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' and selected it.  Over and over.

The first time it came on, the Girls' Night group let out a "WOOOOO!!!" and danced at their table.  Nobody else really paid attention.

The second time it came on, a few people giggled.  Maybe this was a glitch...

The third time it came on, people started to groan and grumble.

By the 5th 'Single Ladies' in a row, the natives were getting restless.

When Aerosmith's 'Love in an Elevator' came on, there was a collective sigh of relief from the restaurant.  Some people clapped.  The vein in one Airman's forehead went back down.  People began eating in peace again.

But remember:  Intro song, Single Ladies x5, and Aerosmith.  That's only 7 songs...

...I spent $10...

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!

When Steven Tyler faded out and Beyonce came back with a vengeance, people flipped.

The ladies groaned.

One of the Airmen shouted "OH COME ON!!"

For every one person laughing, there were about 20 people genuinely upset.

And me?  I have a poker face.  I'm just watching, and enjoying the fun social experiment.

Sadly, some of my $10 was wasted, as a manager finally intervened and bypassed the jukebox.  I really didn't mind, since I definitely got my money's worth.

(Sidenote:  I was tempted to use Justin Bieber's 'Baby,' but come on... I'm not THAT big of an asshole!)

(Side sidenote:  I guess I'm not retired yet, here comes Dude Write 11!)

Real-Life Trolling: U Mad, Montana?

I don't like assholes, and I have no problem being an asshole myself to those that deserve it.

I was in Montana this week, and had the chance to be an ass to a guy who pulled into a handicapped parking spot.

I was visiting a customer, and in my car.  I was getting my notes together, along with all the presentations I was going over, when I guy pull into the spot next to me.  It was a handicapped spot, and he didn't have any plates or placards on his car.  The lot was rather full, so he decided to take a spot that didn't belong to him instead of parking 100 feet away.

I'm not cool with that.  I glare him down as he enters the store, and I go in and do my business with my client.

20 minutes later, I'm coming out and his car is still there.  I see an old lady drive by, handicapped parking card in her car, looking for a spot.  Thanks to this douche, there is none.

At that point, I'm fed up.  I start taking pictures of his car, his license plate, etc. to take to the local police.  I'm busting this guy's ass.

And that's when he comes out.

Him:  "What the FUCK do you think you're doing!?"

So I tell him.  I call him an ass, and tell him it's not cool.

"Are you a COP?"  I tell him no, but I can still take these pictures to the police to make sure he gets a ticket...

That's when he starts to bargain.  Yelling and intimidation wasn't working, because I knew I could kick his ass if he started something.  So he starts to barter....

"Look man, if I give you $20, will you erase the pictures?"  He'd rather pay $20 to me than $100 to a ticket, and he started to tuck a $20 bill into my shirt pocket.

I like money, so I relented.  Besides, I don't know if the cops would even care or take my pictures as evidence.

But, it got me thinking...

How many people could I catch doing this, and could I get THEM to pay me instead of pay a ticket?  It's a $100 fine in Montana, and nobody likes to pay tickets...

I went to a different parking lot, and caught two other people doing it.  In the course of 90 minutes, I made sixty bucks.

And hopefully I taught three assholes a valuable lesson...

Problem, Montana?

Porn is Bad, Mmmmkay?

This weekend, anti-pornography groups will be meeting in Eastern Idaho to discuss how to handle the epidemic of smut on the internet, and how to keep children from being brainwashed by the filth.

...really?

If you read the article from the local news station, it says that the increase in porn awareness is also increasing the amount of child pornography.  Therefore, all porn is bad.

This sounds like the same logic of "if you smoke marijuana, you're going to end up doing heroin, meth, cocaine and all the other drugs too."  I mean, people have zero impulse control.  When you try one, you're on a slippery slope of self-destruction.

I watch the occasional skin flick from time to time.  Hell, I've blogged about it, so the average reader probably knows what I'm into... do I like kiddy porn?  Animal porn?  Absolutely not.

Do I treat my girlfriend like an object, because that's what you all-too-commonly see in porn?  Nope.

Am I dysfunctional?  A deviant?  Well, maybe a little... but I'm still a functioning member of society, and know to keep my freaky side behind closed doors...

The conference is being held this Saturday in various locations.  I'm tempted to go, just to see what this group is all about.

If I get really bold, I may end up asking some fun questions to get the rage flowing.  Problem, bible-thumpers?

Nothing is more fun than trolling a group of hot-tempered people...