Bitch Slap Those Germs With Some Funny Hand Sanitizer

A few months ago I was reading a funny article about hand sanitizers on Adventures in Estrogen, and the funny post became a reality when I spotted some of the funny bottles in a local store.

Fun conversation starter?  Check.

Effective marketing to sell hand sanitizer?  Check.

Intriguing enough for me to look for the company's website to see what else they have to offer?

You better believe it...

With names like "Cleaner than Shit" and "Thanks for Scooping My Poop," you can have a specific bottle of sanitizer for every situation!

My favorite, by far, has to be the OCD bottle.

Directions:  Open cap.  Sanitize.  Close cap.  Open cap.  Sanitize.  Close cap.  Make sure cap is firmly closed.  Recheck cap.  Are you sure it's closed?

The company also does other novelty items like gum ("I kissed a Democrat/Republican" and other fun designs) and breath spray.

This breath spray will help you look and feel Canadian.  Other sprays will help you instantly have a gay accent, or even make you enjoy your job!

And, because I love all of you, I'm going to do a give-away.

I purchased a bottle of "Wait - Was That Slutty?" hand sanitizer and will be announcing a winner on Monday, May 28th.

How can you enter?

1)  Like me on Facebook (1 entry)
2) Leave a comment here (1 entry)
3) Come up with a new and awesome hand sanitizer catch-phrase.  The top 5 will count as 5 entries!

Ready?  GO!

I have a confession to make: I tried to conform.

Unless you've lived in a hole for the past 10 years, you know what American Idol is.  Well, I just tried to become the blogging equivalent to it...


...and failed...


I'm saddened, but I'm not as surprised as I thought I would be.


I auditioned for Blogger Idol.  It is a writing contest where bloggers could test their chops against other bloggers in a battle for supremacy.  11 judges looked at 52 entries, and the top 12 make it into the competition.


Tweeted from @Bloggeridol:  "The total possible score was 405. The highest score was 367, lowest was 166. All of the top 12 was above 339."


Now I'm kind of hoping I was the 166...


I didn't make it, and I have had that feeling since I auditioned.  You see, most of the judges were mommy/daddy/family bloggers.  They would get edgy from time to time, but it's mostly good wholesome stuff.  When they announced the top 12, most of the finalists fit into that category as well. There were some exceptions, but not a lot.

If you're comparing BI to AI, the most marketable, mainstream people made the cut.  This is not a show designed for anti-heroes, and that's how I kind of saw myself in this competition.


I poke at religion, society, race, culture, and the politically ignorant.  You'd never see a TV version of my blog on ABC Family channel.  You'd never see my opinions echoed on Dr. Phil.


My ribbing about how annoying it is that Mormons pray before they do anything?  PR nightmare.  


Any 'Freaky Friday' post of mine would ruin the image of a contest that is trying to become a big thing.  After all, I don't think Blogher would be happy about me chatting it up about Balloon fetishes on THEIR website...  (I'm stewing a 'What would Blogher do?' t-shirt design, mocking the happy wholesome bloggers.  I smell gimmick infringement, but it would be funny...)

So yes, I felt a little like the Anarchist trying to get a show on the Disney channel, but I tried anyway.  When the person in charge hinted I "would make an excellent JUDGE" I didn't see the writing on the wall that I would be a lousy contestant, but meh.


I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, because I'm me.  This blog is who I am, and you, my followers, are who I cater to.  You 631 (and growing) are what makes me Blogger Idol, with or without an official title.


Congrats to the top 12.  I'll be rooting for the one who goes against the grain more than the rest.  After all, who wants another Clay Aiken in their life??

I won another blogging contest by simply showing up

You should congratulate me.  I just won the 2011 Blog of War contest over at BlackLOG.

Or maybe you should just snicker.  Once you read how the tournament went down, you'll understand why I'm not walking around singing "We are the Champions."

You see, I won the contest merely by showing up each round, following the instructions given, and sticking to deadlines.

Round 1 started on May 1st.  6 bloggers going head to head.  The first objective was to review a competitors blog.  My review (link) was posted on time, but 2 out of the 6 people were busy.  Or forgot.  Or something.

Where is everybody??

Those who actually remembered to post something moved to round 2.  So far, this competition was a bit of a laugh.

Round 2 was in mid May, and consisted of finding a small blog to feature, pimp, and get as many people as possible to follow via Google Friend Connect.  I picked my protege (link) and raised her follower count from 4 to 20.  Of the remaining contestants, one picked a blog that was impossible to follow via GFC, so there was no way to track results.  She was eliminated by default.

The last round was over Memorial Day weekend.  We were to submit a post to BlackLOG based on a theme of "Best of times / worst of times."  I did, the other finalist didn't.  Therefore, he was disqualified and I won.  If you would like to read my post, please click (link) and enjoy, so it doesn't completely go to waste.  :)

So yes, I won.  I have made it a point to enter as many blogging contests as I can.  This is my first year of blogging, and I see contests as a good way to not only hone my craft, but to get my name out there.  This contest probably didn't do either, but it was a fun experience.  I won, but I won by default.

Homer Simpson would be proud...

Blog Review - Penwasser Place

Hey all, I am in a Blog of War competition, which I will post more about later today.  Round 1 is reviewing another competitor's blog, so here's the post.

You can read about the contest (and case your vote) on this page.  Voting = comments, so make sure to comment on his page.  Thanks all!!

It's WAR!  Again...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Al Penwasser's blog, Penwasser place, is a perfect example of good things that come in small doses.  Al has been casually blogging since 2009, but has picked up his posting pace since December 2010.  He just finished completing April's A-Z challenge, where, in my observations, he's done more typing in a month than he has in any other time.

Most posts are short and sweet.  That Damn Barbie is a perfect example.  It takes 10 seconds to read, and about 2 minutes to recover from the laughter.  Some people that type 'quickie' blogs seem to have a version of typing ADHD, but with Al, his pictures speak the 1,000 words that he doesn't type.

Thanks to this post, showing a picture of a crosswalk sign, I'll always see a naked stick-man crossing the street.  He only needed 15 seconds to warp my brain for life.

My only beef with him, if any, is the fact he's a Yankee's fan.  Being an Angel's man myself, I have a nice seething disliking for the Yanks.  The only good news for him is I'm in Idaho now, so I can't go to a ballgame and boo.  The local minor league here, the Chukars, are a rookie-league team for the Royals, so I guess I kind of indirectly root for them now.  Ick.

One recurring feature you have to see to appreciate is the 'Today's Vocabulary' sections, where he defines a word in his own special way.  Some highlights include:

• The Crampon
• Fish Sticks (Kanye West, for some reason, is nowhere to be seen...)
• Polyvinyl (which may become a 'Freaky Friday' post over here)
• and much more.

Long story short, give this dude a look.  There's a little over 100 posts, so it'll be a quick go-through, and I think you'll be happy with what you see.

Ooooooh... Sparkly....

I'm such a city boy.

Last night was mostly spent at my girl's parent's house.  Watching tv, having dinner, and just general hang-out stuff.

We leave there around 9:00, and I look up...

Not the actual picture of what I saw, but close enough.

Pretty pretty stars!  Thousands of them!

I'm from smoggy southern California, so I didn't get to see a lot of the twinkle twinkles in my life.  This was a sight to see.

Meanwhile, let me paint you a mental picture.  I'm awe-struck, looking straight up, while walking to my car.

I'm STUNNED that I didn't trip over, or run into anything.

But wow.  Seriously.  It's freaking gorgeous.

This August, when meteor-shower season hits, I'm not going to know what to do with myself...

Yes, I'm 30.  But I seriously looked like a little child on
Christmas morning...

Oh!  And before I forget, I need your help.  I'm up now for round 1 of Thank, Q's Stunner Tournament.  The link is HERE, and all I ask you to do is vote for the better of the two blog posts.  To vote, go to the polls on the left, and pick your person.  There are a few brackets going on right now, but you won't be able to miss mine.

Thanks in advance for the support!

Two-Part Thursday

I've been on and off sick for the past few days.  Because of this, I'm going to keep things short and sweet today.   Also, happy St. Patty's day!  I'm green because I'm ill, so no pinching.

I am asking all of you to do me a BIG favor and start following Thank, Q for Common Sense for two reasons...

1)  His posts are fantastic, and he is an amazing blogger.  Your wit will be sharpened, and your funny bone will be tickled.

2)  Selfish reason.  Remember that blogging contest I mentioned?  Well, it's on his site.  In order for me to win, I need votes.  Your votes.  Which means you need to be following his blog to know when the face-to-face matchups are.

I thank you in advance, my wonderful followers.



PART TWO of the post, and this is the obligatory sillyness.

I'm thinking of doing a recurring theme of "Fun Fetish Fridays."  Maybe not every week, but every once in a while.

Two things inspired this.  The music vid I posted a few weeks back from Grum:

It mocks fetish vids by creating a food fetish music video.  Girls gorge on donuts, beans, spaghetti etc in a 'bow-chicka-wow-wow' fashion.

The next thing that inspired me was this picture:

For some reason, the term 'pankakke' comes to mind when I see this.

So the first fun fetish I present to you (yes, I know it's not Friday) is Pankakke.  The gratification of wearing a pancake on your face.

Pankakke can be enjoyed in public, since no vital body parts are exposed.  However, pankakke can be transitioned into the bedroom.  Feel free to get creative with the maple syrup.

If your family is into it, you can easily have group pankakke sessions, without having to worry about doing anything illegal or immoral.

What do you think?  Is it worth doing something goofy like this to mix things up?  Let me know.

Oh, and don't forget to join Q's blog!  NAO!