Is It White Christmas Time Yet?

Mid-December, 2010:

Mid-December, 2011:

I'm grateful the roads are clear, since I drive for a living.  I'm grateful I haven't spent countless hours shoveling sidewalks and driveways until I'm out of breath.

But still... I live in Idaho.  Can I at least have a white Christmas?

I know, I know... you can't have your cake and eat it too.  But I wouldn't mind a little blizzard in the next few days...

...just sayin....

Nightmares of Christmas Trees

A rendition of last year's tree.  Seriously.

For the second year in a row, I am going deep into the woods with my girlfriend's family to hunt for (and chop down) a Christmas tree.

Why?  Because in Idaho, you're not allowed to go to Target or a Christmas Tree Farm to buy a tree.  You need to go into the forest and earn it.

Thanks to last year, I'm dreading the trip.

Why?

Read this post about last year's experience.

I am thankful for the lack of snow on the ground this year.  For that reason alone, I don't think this trip will be nearly as bad.  But you can rest assured that I'm not only preparing for this odyssey, I'm probably over-preparing.

I refuse to die this year, like I almost did before.

If you don't hear from me tomorrow, mourn for me, mmmk?

Fun With the Homeless

I recently walked into a coffee shop on a cold, snowy afternoon.  A homeless man had set up camp at the entrance, and was introducing himself to everyone who walked in.

"Hi, I'm %^&*(@ and I'm trying to get a hold of such-and-such company in a city that's 200 miles away.  It's cold, and I don't want to walk anymore, so I want to call them for a ride...."

Over and over he tells people this, and finally one guy offers to help him.  He looks up the business on his phone, and no such business exists.

"The owner's name is chuck.  See if chuck is there..."

"I'm sorry sir, I can't even find the business, let alone a number to call..."

This sets the homeless guy off.  He's been called a liar, and all he wants is some dude that lives 200 miles away to pick him up and give him a ride into town...

....yeah.

I silently sip my coffee (in the opposite corner) and watch the drama unfold.  He asks to borrow another person's phone to call his friend chuck.

...but he's never operated a phone.  Doesn't know how to dial.  "Which button is for the operator?"  Now he won't give the nice man his phone back...

I finally got up and left when the manager called the cops.  As entertaining as it was, he was harassing every person who came through the door.  Bad for business, and all that jazz.

But I do feel sorry for the guy.  It was 15 degrees out and pounding snow.  And he's 200 miles away from his final destination?  Sucks to be him.

If he weren't so smelly and confrontational, I may have given him a ride.  I stayed at a hotel in his goal-of-a-town, and slept like a baby.

Oh well....  off to work!

It's October. WHY is it snowing???

I spent the week in Western Montana, playing around in the rain and thunder.  I love this kind of weather.  Something about a light show and the slow rumble of mother nature.

But Wednesday, my mood sank.  My girlfriend sent me this picture, with the message "GUESS WHAT?"

Yes... not even a week into October, and the first snow of the season has come.  Last year it didn't hit until after Thanksgiving.  In fact, October 1 was my one-year anniversary in Idaho.  When we arrived last year, we were wearing shorts and t-shirts for weeks.

I check with some friends in Boise.  Rain, no snow.  I looked outside in Missoula.  Rain, no snow.  But in Eastern Idaho, the white was coming down in piles.

But that was only Wednesday.  I'm not due home until Friday.  It'll melt off by then... right?

...right?

I start my drive home Friday, and I can see snow in the distance as I approach the border.  Not a bit of snow in Montana, and weather in the mid 40's.

As I get closer to Idaho, the temperature continues to drop and drop.  The white on the trees becomes much more apparent.

Still... no snow in Montana at all.

It's almost funny, in a creepy way.

I finally see white covering trees on the road.  Snow from here on out.  Coincidentally, I see a sign:

Welcome to Idaho

Yeah, only snow in Idaho.  Karma is a bitch.

And now, 'tis the season to start looking at the weather reports.  I packed for sun this past week, and wasn't expecting cold weather.  Short sleeves and polos were not the best choice.

Oh well.  Fucking Idaho.  What'cha gonna do?

Winter Madness

These past two weeks have been pretty nice in Idaho.  Snow was melting, temps in the 40's, and the sunshine felt good on my skin.

Ick.  But hey!  Brown is better than white!

This is my first 'post-snow' experience, so I was a little sad to see all the grass, leaves and stuff were a DEAD kind of brown.  But with time, the brown started to turn a little greener and greener.

My cat, the wonderful whimsical Weeble has enjoyed the sun and the lack of white-stuff on the ground.

I can haz suntan?

Most of all, I started looking at the majority of my wardrobe that was 'put away' for the winter.  Shorter sleeve shirts, hoodies instead of coats, etc.

Until Monday morning...

It's back... DUN DUN DUN...

WHAT???

"Oh, yeah.  This is March" says my girlfriend.  "March is the yoyo month.  Spring will be here in mid-April sometime..."

Grrrrr....

This winter is slowly driving me insane.  I'm getting cabin fever.  I want warmth, dammit.

I miss the beach.  I miss swimming around in a pool 9 months of the year...

So what's a boy, bordering on insanity to do?

Have some fun of course.

Fuck the snow.
I'm ready for fun in the sun!

Meet Weeble. a.k.a. SQUEEEE

I haz a fort.

This is my cat Weeble.  She got this name because, as a kitten, she couldn't walk a straight line.  She was like a DUI sobriety test taken on St. Patty's day.  My Weeble wobbled, and go this way and that, but she never fell down.

She, like most cats, is a handful.  But I'd like to think she's a bit more unique than your average feline.

Why?

Well, there's precocious, and then there's Weebs.  She was once a cute little thing...

But she never really grew out of her kitten phase.  She's about 2 now, and still as goofy as ever.

I'm not sure where she picked it up, but she chirps a lot.  It sounds more like a squeak, or SQUEEEE when she's really being playful.  Hence the nickname.

Jump up onto the bed:  Squeee!

Off the bed:  Squeee!

You pet her:  Squeee!

You ignore her:  Squeee!

Not meow.  Squeee.  Very distinct difference.  She meows now and then, but that's not how she talks.  It's always squeee-this and squeee-that.

Get the point?

She is also oddly obsessed with wet hair.  Particularly my girlfriend's wet hair.  I don't know why, but if she can get into it, she will purr, claw, bite, and get wrapped up in wet hair.

OM NOM NOM!

Like most cats, she thinks everything is for her.  When we're cooking, it's automatically for her.

I'll take some tuna in a white-wine reduction, if you don't mind...

When I had the boys over for Christmas in 2009, all the toys were meant for her amusement as well.  Her favorite were the old-timey Slot-Car racers...

I smell bacon...

Like me, she was born and raised in Southern California.  She loved the outdoors, and would spend a lot of time basking in the sunlight, going in and out as she pleased, and enjoying the year-round warmth that is Cali.

Well, Idaho is not California.  She had about as much fun acclimating to the weather change as I did...

This is her first experience with snow.  I took her outside, and she was back inside, looking out the window and saying "WTF IS THAT??" in a matter of seconds.

She eventually got used to the weather change, and likes to go out and explore her new digs.  But she's a bit of a priss.  She doesn't like being cold.  She will paw at the door, and squeee until we let her outside.  5 minutes later, her toes are cold and she wants in.

Paw paw paw.... SQUEEE!!!

IT'S COOOLD OUT THERE!!!1!

So we let her in.

After she warms up, she's fine.  She wants back out...

Paw paw paw.... SQUEEE!!!

If we let her get away with it, she will do this ALL DAY.

She also demands our blinds be open from dawn til dusk.  She paws at the blinds, and even tries to pull down the cord herself if I slack off.

Overall, she's a pretty adventurous cat.  But she was confronted by the local cat-gang in the neighborhood, and everything changed....

They think they own the neighborhood, including my yard.  I don't think so.  I try to keep them away as much as possible, but when they're outside, Weeb won't go and explore.  They never tried to pick a fight, but I think the glaring got their point across...

I'm still not sure if they're strays, or belong to neighbors, but come spring I'm putting in a cat door.  I'll probably have to do one of the types that has the censor on the collar, so only she can get in instead of the whole gang...  We'll see.

Meanwhile, if you need Weeble, she'll be lounging around in her favorite spot.  My girlfriend's underwear drawer.

I especially like that buzzy thing that massages me!

Photo Day: Some Interesting Sights

Happy weekend, blogville!

Before I begin, I'd like to give a big WOOOO to all my followers.  Thank you for the support.  I'm a hair below 200 followers now, and am enjoying the blogging process in a lot of ways.

Today was a "warm and sunny" 34 degrees today, so I felt compelled to take a walk.  I brought along my camera, and took some interesting photos.

First up was my backyard.

The snow in my backyard is fairly deep.  It's on the North end, so not a lot of sun gets back there to keep snow melting.  Because of this, I can get interesting shots like this...

The snow and ice is slowly sliding off my roof.  I was fortunate enough to take this picture before everything came crashing off.  5 minutes later, it was BLAMMO!  That poor lil red wagon is buried now.

I took a drive downtown because I always wanted to walk around and take pictures.  There are more 'modern' areas of the city, but downtown looks like you've stepped into a time machine, and are back in order times (hence the b&w in some pictures, for the old-timey effect):

A lot of these buildings have been in place for 50+ years.  If you step inside, you can tell that they were never really well-insulated.

The wagon-wheels are making me feel like I'm in the old west.  If it wasn't for the cars and street lights, this could fit into an Oregon Trail video game...

There is a lot of duality when you walk downtown.  Really old buildings, mixed with cars, businesses, and other signs that you're still in the 21st century...

Old building, not-so-old car.

Karen's Bar.  The building has been here since 1895.  I wonder if the bar is that old as well?  From the inside, I wouldn't be surprised...

Ford's Bar.  They have a sign near the entrance that says "Circa 1906."  That's an old bar.

Downtown also runs along the "famous" Snake River.   There are places alongside the river to walk, have picnics, etc.   There are also a lot of different pieces of 'art' along the river, including benches and other stonework.

Apparently not too long ago, the town commissioned a bunch of artists to come and design benches to be placed about town.  These are some of the results.  The music bench made me laugh a little, since I have a musical background.  I have never seen that key before, and the bars don't really follow a proper meter.  But hey, I guess I just don't understand art.

This last piece made me raise an eyebrow a bit.  Yes, the religious folk are everywhere here, and yes, the center of the town is a giant mormon temple, but really??

The plaque below reads "This display is not meant to endorse any particular system of religious beliefs or intrude into matters of religious worship.  As a historical precedent, the Ten Commandments represents one of man's earliest efforts to live by the rule of law.  Many of these ancient pronouncements survive in our jurisprudence today."

I did a little digging online, and that "disclaimer" plaque below was added almost 2 years after the original piece, because of religious protests.  I laughed a little when I read that.

Well, there you go.  I bash a lot of things about this State, but every now and then there are things that make me smile a little.  I enjoyed the walk, and taking these pictures made me smile.  I hope you enjoy them too.

Dreaming of a White Christmas (Be Careful What You Ask For...)

Being from Southern California, I have never had a true "White Christmas."  I was 28 before I saw actual snowfall with my own eyes.

In California, you GO to the snow.  In Idaho, the snow finds you.  And brutally rapes your soul.

Any time I spend with family is usually a good time.  So when they told me about cutting down my own Christmas tree, I was skeptical but decided to give it a shot.

I have never done this before.  I am used to having either an artificial tree, or going to "Tree Farms" where you pick out a pre-cut tree, the nice clerks bag it up for you, and you take it home.  Point, pay, and go home.  30 minutes tops.

A date is set for my inaugural tree-chopping: The weekend after Thanksgiving.  I'm somewhat excited.

Little did I know...

The days before Thanksgiving, it snowed.  And not just a little snow, it DUMPED.  Jack Frost took the biggest diarrhea-induced-snow-shit I have ever seen.

"Oh, that will just make it easier to get the tree back to the car!" they said.  "You can load the trees on sleds, and just pull them!"

Joy...

Day of the trip.  Still a crap-ton of snow on the ground, but at least it's not coming down anymore.  We all group up, and 3 vehicles all carpool into the magical forest of Christmas Trees.

Why we had to drive 60 miles to find the "right" tree, when we passed hundreds of trees every minute, I do not know.  "Don't worry" they told me, "when you see where we're going, you'll understand."

I watched as tree after tree passed by.  Many of them Christmas-worthy, but we weren't at the right place yet...

We enter the forest.  Gorgeous trees everywhere.  I start to get a little excited.  "Not quite yet, almost there..."

Deeper into the forest we go, until we're practically in Wyoming.   When we park...

Trees!  Woo!  Time for chopping, yes?

"Not yet, let's hike a little deeper into the forest.  That's where all the GOOD trees are..."

Hiking I can do.  I was in scouts, and loved going out into the wilderness.  However, this wasn't your normal hike.  UPHILL, off the main roads, in loose 3ft deep snow, for about a mile and a half.  That's Idaho Hiking.

All the meanwhile, I'm seeing some damn good trees.  "No no, keep going.  Trust us..."  So I press on.

At this point in the story, I'd like to point out that I was ill-equipped for this trip.  I had just bought a pair of snow boots, and this was my "break them in" trip.  The snow was deeper than the boots, and I was wearing jeans, which quickly soaked in all the snow they could.  I was cold and wet up to my thighs, but at least my feet were warm and dry!

So we hike and hike...

And hike and hike...

Funny, but to the untrained eye, we were hiking AWAY from the trees.  The deeper we got into the forest, the less trees there seemed to be.  The ones that WERE around, were either 60 feet tall, or 2 foot saplings...

Finally, about 500 yards off the main path, we get to the "right" spot.  Families divide up and decide which tree they want for their given home.  Meanwhile, I'm tired, wet, freezing, and managed to twist an ankle hiking up a snowy hill in new boots (yeah, I'm a fucking genius, I know).

My girlfriend spots the tree she wants, and calls me over to cut it down.

At that point, I'm tired and limping, and just want to cut down the first tree she likes so we can start heading home.  It's kind of a sad looking tree (Charlie-Brown-esque seems fitting) but she likes it.  I grab the saw, and summon forth all the frustration and rage I have from this trip.

Man and saw prevailed.  I fucked that little tree up.

Now the fun part . Hiking.  Back the way I came.  With tree in tow.

We get back to the main trail, and I'm not doing so well.  My ankle hurts like a motherfucker, and this tree plus fighting the snow is just too much.  I swallow the last bit of pride I had, and asked my girlfriend to take the tree the rest of the way.

Some man I am, beaten by a Charlie-Brown tree, and forced to make my girl take it.

Her and her sister, brother in law, and nephew continue on, trees and all, back down the pathway.  I catch my breath for a few minutes before plodding down to join them, but they were already well out of sight.

Alone, in the middle of a forest.  Nothing but snow and trees in sight.  How far do I follow the pathway before I break off and start heading down the hill?  500 feet?  500 yards?  A mile?

I check my phone.  No reception at all.  FUCK.

And of course, to make things more interesting, my bladder goes "Hey.  Sup?  Howya doin?"

I take a few steps off the trail, and write my Last Will and Testament in the snow, in yellow ink.  Then I begin, what I think, is the way back to the carpool.  Limping, cursing, and hoping I find civilization before hypothermia sets in.

I eventually find my way back, and we all went home.  Most everyone was in a cheerful, triumphant mood.  Me?  I was glad to have survived.

End result was this:

It's not the best tree that has ever graced my house, but I *earned* that fucker.  I went into the forest-of-no-return, fought the elements, and cut that sonofabitch down.  This was MY tree.

Next year, I think I'm going to get my tree from Target.