Trade Shows, Hangovers and Newbs

I am currently at a trade show in Las Vegas, having the time of my life.

And no, I'm not getting wasted and having crazy sex.  I'm back in the swing of things.

I have been in the pet food industry for 10 years now, and I didn't attend the last 2 shows.

I missed it.  The excitement, the networking, and the business that starts at 10am and ends at 2am.

...if you end 'early' like I do.

I am a huge fan of the pet industry, and I love what I do.  Whether or not I stay with the same company for 5/10/20+ years is yet to be decided, but I'm a pet food dude for life.

This show is at the Mandalay Bay convention center, and it has about 2000 exhibiting booths.  During the 3-day event, I will probably see about 200 of my customers, and get about 20-30 new 'unknowns' knocking on my door.  From a business perspective, it's a great time.

But beware.  You're in Vegas, on your company's dime.  The slope here, my friends, can be very slippery.

For example, there are a lot of 'first-timers' here this year.  They're the ones who are piss-drunk by 7pm, will be hurting all night and all morning, and will be miserable at the show.

This is a 3 day event, and they've essentially killed themselves after day 1.  No staying power, these newbs.

To help, I'll share a story with you of my first trade show.  You see, I was a newbie once before.  I went down that path, and I learned my lesson.  LEARN FROM ME.

It was 2003 and my first year working the show.  After the 10-5 buying portion, the night-business starts.  Dinners with vendors, cocktails with customers, and lots of elbow-rubbing.

We were doing dinner at a nice restaurant, and the vendor's CEO was there.  He was paying for the tab and said 'no limits.'  So we drank.

During social hour, I had 2 Jack & Cokes.

I enjoyed 2, maybe 3 glasses of wine with my dinner.

Then the CEO's assistant kicks in, and buys a round of Patron Silver for the table.  We all take a shot, celebrating our successes.

One shot becomes two, becomes six.  Maybe eight.  You lose track after a while.

Me and the assistant start talking.  We become friends.  He wants to toast some more, and orders a glass of Louis XIII Cognac for him, me, his boss and my boss.

At that point I've never had cognac, let alone a $500 per glass cognac....

All in all, in a 4 hour span I drank my weight in liquor.  I, like everyone else, blacked out in my room and woke up with a massive hangover.  The next day, we were all huddled in pain, crying to ourselves in our respective booths.

Not the CEO.  He was alive, awake and felt great.

And laughing at us.

I eventually asked him what his secret was.  I will never forget this man's wisdom.  He said:

"What I do is meet up with our server prior to seating.  I tip him $100 and say 'whatever they drink, I drink.  I want to look and act social.  HOWEVER, my first drink is alcoholic, the rest are not.  If they're drinking Jack and Coke, I'm having Coke.  If they're doing tequila shots, my glass has water in it."

So while we were all getting hammered and saying/doing too much, he was stone cold sober.

And observing.

And remembering.

While I don't rep this man's brand anymore, I will never forget him.  He is the reason I try to 'stay dry' at these shows.

Because you never know who is keeping tabs on you.

And because it's fun to be the one who remembers everything YOU did last night...

First timers, newbs and new hires, heed my advice.  Even if you're in Vegas and your higher-ups want to buy you drinks, do not get blasted in a professional setting.  You'll thank me later.

(and now that my night is complete and I'm under the radar, I'll be at the bar.... )

Welcome to the White Trash Party

After a very stressful week, I needed to relax.  What better way than to go out with friends, drink way too much, and make some bad decisions?

Let the night of a thousand jello shots begin.

The gf and I went to a friend's house, and consumed our weight in alcohol.  When we were done with the in-house fun, bar-hopping sounded interesting.

I should tell you about the bars in Idaho...

...jazz and martinis they're not...

In fact, the best way to describe them would be with a song that was often-played in said bars.

I present to you, WTP by Eminem.

Yes, it truly is a White Trash Party at these bars.

Tank tops and cargo shorts are the normal dress there.  The DJ was a dude with headphones, pretty much playing off an iTunes setlist.  No mixing, no fades, no originality.  Just club mixes and bad songs.

And in the bar, maybe 4 cute women.  5, tops.  The rest of them were, well, WTP-worthy.  Missing teeth, love handles, I was surprised I didn't see anyone with 6 fingers...

But the girls still had fun.  Being the only guy in the group, I was sammiched a lot and had the two hottest girls on my arms.  Guys didn't like me.

Sadly, Idaho bars close at 1am.  Way too early, if you ask me.  It was a great night, but definitely not one of the upscale clubs you see in major metropolitan areas.

Oh well.  Booze is booze.  And there was a lot of it.  Woo!

I guess there's nothing wrong with a little WTP now and then...

Alcoholic Capri-Sun Drinks for Grown-Ups? Rock On!

When I was a child, Capri-Sun drinks were a coveted treat.  They weren't too different from your run of the mill juice boxes, except they weren't boxes.  They were these cool squishy foil pouches.

Something about being different made them stand out, and all the cool kids were seen with these instead of boxes.

You also had to have had some amount of skill to get the straw in the pouch without fucking things up.  It wasn't just a game of "find the hole and stick it in" like the normal juice boxes.  This one was at a funny angle, and took finesse...

(ladies, read into that as much as you like... don't hold back... need a second to collect yourself?  I'll wait...)

As an adult, I have had Capri Sun's from time to time, and I still love the look and the 'different' aspect.  Often times I have wondered "Why don't they make these for grown ups?  Maybe drinks with more adult tastes?"

"WHAT ABOUT AN ALCOHOLIC CAPRI SUN???"

And then I found them at the local Walmart (I know, I know...)  They are Daily's frozen wine-cooler pouches, and come in flavors like Mojito, Spiked Lemonade, Strawberry Daiquiri, Margarita and others.

They're 5% alcohol, and they were about $2 each.  The price you'd pay if you were buying a can of beer at the liquor store, so it works out nicely.

And bonus, they're in those little squishy foil pouches.  They're bigger than a Capri Sun (10oz) but that just means they're "Adult Size."

They're supposed to be frozen and used as a slush.  But I say fuck that.  Stick them in a fridge, put them in a cooler when picnicking or camping, and enjoy them just like the old skool juice boxes.

The only problem is no hole for the straw.  Since I'm using them in an unintended way, it's no surprise.  But fear not!  A knife or a pair of scissors will take care of that problem.  From there, just grab a straw and go to town.

Yes, I'm drinking wine coolers.  But you know what?  They're Capri-motherfucking-Sun grown up wine coolers, dammit.  I think they're awesome, and I'll be packing these on my next camping getaway.

Sometimes it's fun to be a kid.  Sometimes it's fun to be an adult.  Every now and then, you get to do both, and it's awesome.