This Post About Yellowstone National Park Is Sponsored By Cheetos

Yellowstone National Park is extremely breathtaking, and I am fortunate enough to live within 2 hours of the western entrance.  My family vacationed at Yosemite in California a lot, so I love going to these parks and seeing the sights.

Sadly though, I have still not gone there for recreational purposes.  The only time I get to go to the park is when I am driving through.

Last week was another drive-thru trip on my way to central Wyoming.  It's a picturesque and tranquil drive, unless of course, you run into tourists.

And being the middle of July, I ran into tourists.

A lot of them.

Yellowstone tourists are special, in the fact that a lot of them try to enjoy nature from within their car.  A prime example of this is when you're on one of the roads, and there is some wildlife within visual range.

EVERYBODY stops to see.  Some pull over.  Some don't.  Regardless, everyone stops and the streets are now gummed up.

About 1/3 into my drive, a family of elk appeared between the road and the river, about 30 feet from the pavement.  People slammed on their brakes, and traffic both ways came to a screeching halt.  I was stuck.

Families get out of their cars to take pictures.  One man decides to get into the shot, and tries to get as close to the wildlife as possible.  He's inching closer and closer, telling his wife to take the shot.

Mama elk is getting agitated, but wifey has an idea to calm it down.  In a shrill Wisconsin accent, she yells "SEE IF IT WANTS A CHEETO!"

Firstly, why the fuck would it want a Cheeto??  Secondly, didn't you see the millions of signs posted, telling you not to feed the wildlife??

Living in this area, I see a lot of nature.  It's beautiful, but I'm not one to fuck with other people's schedules just to get a good photo.  Finally a space opened up and I was on my way, slightly angrier and running a little late, but on my way nonetheless.

An hour later, traffic starts to slow again.  Since it's only one side (my side) I assume there's an animal in the road blocking traffic in the opposite direction.

I was right.  After 10 minutes, I can see a bison walking in my direction, waiting for an opening to get off the road.  With cars in front of me and behind me, I'm hoping to get out of this jam asap, when:

...the person in front of me starts chatting with the lead car behind the bison.  "So, heh, how long have you been trailing this thing?"

They keep chatting, and I'm getting more and more frustrated.  Finally I lean out of my car and mimic the Wisconsin bitch as best as I could.

"SEE IF IT WANTS A CHEETO!"


I even properly pronounced it "cheee-dough" like she did.  The guy in front of me turned around to glare at me, and had this exact reaction:

...and promptly moved on.


I love Yellowstone.  I love the wildlife, and the mixed smell of trees/wildflowers/water/wildlife/fresh air that stays with you all through the park (unless you're near the sulfur springs...).  It smells like tranquility.  It smells like peace.


But seriously, can the tourists have a little more common sense and respect for others?  I have a job to do, and some of us are just trying to drive through!


But I have to admit, the next time I see an animal in the wild, I'm going to think about Cheetos and smile a little...

Idaho Spotlight: The Teton Valley (and Pooh-Tater!)

Driving into Jackson Wyoming or Yellowstone from Eastern Idaho will take you within range of the Grand Teton Mountains.  This is a gorgeous mountain range and makes for some great pictures.

The name 'Grand Teton' is French for 'Large Teat.'  I find this interesting because the Tetons have 3 main peaks.

3 Tetons.... 3 Teats.... 3 Boobs... Is anyone else having a "Total Recall" flashback here?

Oh, and by the way, you find some interesting things when you google "3 boobs."  Just saying...  (don't click that link if you're at work.  If it's safe, YOU NEED TO SEE THIS!  HAHAHAHA)

Ok ok ok, back to topic.

During the drive, you will pass a small Drive-In theater between the towns of Driggs and Victor.  It's called... The Spud.

In front of The Spud is a flatbed truck with a giant potato on it:

And while the truck is named "Old Murphy" it looks more like Red from the Cars movies.

Hiding in Old Murphy is an odd tater that looks like he's trying to drive.  Or just peek at passers by...

Taters, precious?

While not as tater-tastic as the Potato Museum in Blackfoot, The Spud offers potato-themed art such as Pooh-Tater.

...yes.  I said Pooh-Tater.  If you took Winnie the Pooh and cross-bred him with a Russet, you'd get this abomination.

And look!  Not one but two!  Two potential copyright infringement issues for Disney to laugh about!

While these towns aren't very big (Driggs = pop. 1,100, Victor = pop. 1,928) there are some nice shops, bistros and bars to check out in the area.  I highly recommend the Alpine Wines Bistro off main street.  Great soups, great wine selection, and top-notch service!

If you're heading into Yellowstone through Idaho, give Teton Valley a look.  You'll miss it if you blink, but if you stop and enjoy the area, you will be mildly amused in more ways than one.

Oh, and tell Pooh-Tater that I sent ya!