And this is 2012. Flowers and chocolates may be timeless, but they're soooo 20th century.
Last year, I had a list of great Valentine's Day Cards to give to your loved one. This year I'm going to give you a list of gifts you can actually order online.
...and why you'd be a fool to pick from any of them...
Why?
On a random day in May, this would be creative, funny, and mildly sexy.
On February 14th, this simply screams "ok, here. I got you a card. Can we bang now, or what?"
(Coincidentally, xjaeva also has an 'I heart your penis' card available. While the vagina card may be tacky for V-day, the penis card is acceptable. Go for it, ladies...)
Speaking of sex-related...
There is a new sexual-aid product out there called Masque. I have seen many-a-blogger talk about it. If you are a female giving this to your guy, you should be ok. But if you're a dude, this (again) says "let's cut to the chase" in a very un-romantic way.
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Lastly are any of the items you see advertised on TV or hear on talk radio programs. Mail order berries, footie pajamas, or....
Or any teddy bears for this matter.
Gigantic stuffed animals are only acceptable as a love-gift if you win it at a carnival game.
Any other situation is just weird or creepy.
With one minor exception, but again, not for Valentine's day...
If you travel a lot and your girl needs something to, er, love while you're away, the gigantic teddy bear may be the way to go.
Teddy, plus a strap-on from an online sex shop, and VOILA:
Guys, what gifts have you purchased in the past that have just crashed and burned?
Ladies, what are some of your horror stories?
...or did Pooh scare you all away?
