The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol - Back To Where It All Started

Remember this nonsense?

No?  Well GO HERE to read all about it.  It'll take a few minutes, but it's well worth the read.

Ok, back?

For the first time ever, I'm going to Helena Montana for the week.  Well, the first time in real life I should say.  When you read the story, you'll understand why I'm nervous.

You see, even though I've never actually stepped foot in Helena, I'm probably barred from the city.  The blogging cast had WAY too much fun in our little mansion (sorry Squatlo) and most likely have our faces and names plastered on a "persona non grata" wall somewhere.

When I arrive in Helena, will I immediately be booted out?

Will I have scores of bar buddies waiting to hang out?

Will Q be waiting for me at the Capitol, going "ok bro, let's do this" with a can of spraypaint and an "Occupy ALL the things!" sign?

We'll see...

RBSAUI - The wrap-up confessional

Not familiar with The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol?  Visit Q's site (link) for links to all the posts, as well as the main wrap-up story.

This is going to be a short and sweet coda to the symphony that was this unrealistic reality show.  I'm supposed to give a Springer-esque 'final thought' to you, the audience, and to do one more post about this concept, in hopes that a TV exec is tuning in (let's do lunch).

So here we go.  Buckle your seatbelts and put trays in an upright and secured position.

Late last year, I moved from California to Idaho (link).  Goodbye hustle, goodbye bustle.  Hello to a slower lifestyle.  It was a major shift for me, and took a lot of getting used to.

But I got used to it.  After spending time in a mansion with this gaggle of freaks, I miss it.

Granted, we had a lot of fun.  I saw more painted-on boobs than you'd find in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.  I singlehandedly took down a five-foot-forty lumberjack of a man.  I even had a chance to spike a batch of brownies with salvia (legal, yes. But oooh what a trip) before I left, and had the pleasure of witnessing its effects while stone-cold sober (haha, guys... I HAVE VIDEO!!).

Go Sonia, Go Sonia...

Best of all, I got to surprise my roommates with the greatest house party Helena has ever seen.  Kid and Play ain't got NOTHIN on me!

Good times, good times.

But I'm ready to get back to the relaxed, slower pace of Idaho.  I'm ready to get back to the rednecks, the mormons, and the Judgement Day doomsayers.

As entertaining as the Helena mansion was, Idaho is just as entertaining.  And (usually) without the hangovers, or the bruises from madam reckmonster.

Adieu, Montana.  Adieu, you crazy bloggers.  Let's do cancun next year, for spring break.  Mmmmmk?

SQUATLO (Bob) SAYS HE'S PAYING!!!

The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol (my turn)

Hello again from Helena Montana.  Home of... well.... not much.  But for now, it's the home of 8 raunchy bloggers.

And this is their story.

Part 1 from Squatlo (intro)
Part 2 from Logallot
Part 3 from Thank Q
Part 4 from Mommy Confessions
Part 5 from The Reckmonster
Part 6 from TOAR
Part 7 from Colorful Rants

...and now it's my turn...

Part 1: Confessional
 
Wow, what an amazing mess I've gotten myself into.  I mean, I knew these fools were crazy before but WOW.  Put us all under the same roof and nothing is sacred.
 
Squatlo, our reluctant host, indroduced the cast and as quickly as he could, bolted out of the house an into the tropics.  However, I don't think he's as far away as he says he is.  For example, I've noticed a lot of closed-circuit cameras here and there.  I know which ones are for the TV show, but these are separate.  And in odd places too... the girls' bedrooms, the bathrooms, the poolhouse... I'm smellin a perv here, and believe me, it takes one to notice one.
 
I know Q was a tried-and-true brotha, but that man has been eating nothing but shrimp and fried chicken since we got here.  I decided to cook tonight.  I'm grilling up some Filet Mignon, with some Asparagus and some sweet potato fries.  Not exactly soul-food, but I think he'll approve.  I found Squat's wine cellar, and am planning on opening up a few bottles.  2001 Stag's Leap Cabernet?  Squat's a man of good taste...
 
The girls... wow, the girls. 
 
Michelle W is putting up the mommy front, and spends as much time on her phone as she possibly can.  What's funny is we're in the middle of nowhere.  We have no cell reception, yet her phone works perfectly...
 
Lynn and Alexandra are almost inseperable.  Which is funny, since a few months ago during the stunner contest, I thought they were going to kill each other.  Now they're best of friends, and currently parading around nekkid thanks to Falen and her blackface idea. 
 

And Falen, wow.  Girl's got a mouth, but she backs it up.  She's definitely the wild, uncensored one of the bunch.  Which is awesome, because when things start to slow down she fires them back up.
 
Sonia, to me, is the surprise of them all.  Coming into this house, I saw her as the calm, rational one.  THIS GIRL IS A FREAK!  She spends more time in the hot tub or the liquor cabinet than the rest of us combined!  She's told me before that she can't handle her scotch, but Logallot's alter-ego 'Drinkallot' seems to be able to handle herself just fine.
 
Michelle, the Reckmonster.  This girl....  If she weren't so busy trying to rip off my balls and shove them up my ass, I think we'd get along just fine.  Get a few beers in her, and she loosens up really well... but trying to hand that girl a beer is like trying to hug a bear wearing Lady Gaga's meat dress.  It's like she knows I'm trying to get her drunk...
 
And then there's me.  I'm just trying to have some fun, and trying to keep things going.  I had to take down one of the local rednecks already, since he was threatening my crew.  Hopefully that's the last of the locals I need to rough up.
 
Actually, when we were out and about, I met a lot of cool dudes.  My housemates don't suspect this, but I have something fun in store for them, thanks to some of the locals and (of course) Bob's wonderful mansion...
 
Part 2:  Party in Montana
 
I have been fairly quiet so far, but I've been staying busy.  As I mentioned earlier, I had found Squatlo's wine cellar, but that's not all I found.  You see, he tried to blockade us from certain parts of the house.
 
I'm not ok with that.
 
My dad used to do that to me when I was a kid.  I knew where his stash of Playboys were, and if I wanted them, I'd find a way to get them.  Even when he put a lock on his bedroom door, I found a way to sneak the key to the local hardware store, make a copy, and have access whenever I wanted.
 
Sorry Bob, your locks and secret passageways don't stand a chance against a determind dude like myself.
 
The second day I was here, I found Bob's basement.  And this was no ordinary basement...
 

This guy had a serious man-cave going on.  Pinball machines, 55" flat-screens, a fully stocked bar, and best of all: A Stripper Pole.
 
Wait til the girls see this...
 
I kept my little secret for a few days, waiting for the right time to throw the biggest, baddest party Helena has ever seen.
 
Thanks to Falen, this is going to be an unforgettable night.
 
I set up the night when we were bar hopping.  There were already 20 or so locals downstairs, getting ready to have some fun.  Lynn doesn't want my raw-chicken, so I found her a few of the chocolatey locals to keep her happy.  Between them, the local selection of girls, and the *cough* other surprise, I knew we'd have a helluva night.
 
I was about to let everyone know what I found, when I see my female houseguests walking down the hall.... naked.... and, um, black.
 
"What the hell is up with the blackness?"  I asked Alexandra...
 
She replied, "You like?  My momma's momma's momma was black, so I'm just getting back to my roots, ya know?"
 
Meanwhile Falen's laughing her bare-ass off.  Sheesh, I've been trying to see them without there clothes for a while now, but I didn't expect THIS...
 
...and especially right now...
 
*DING DONG* the doorbell rings.  I look at my watch.  Right on time.
 
I try to gulp down the lump in my throat, and conceal my smile, as Q gets the door.
 
"Helena police, sir.  I'm here about the noise complaint..."

Q is stunned.  "Noise, officer?  We're acres away from any other house... who are we disturbing?"
 
Just as he finishes, the girls fly by, naked.  Lynn sees the cop and freezes in her tracks.  The girls behind her crash, and fall into a naked, black pile on the floor.
 
Mister po-po has a stern look on his face.  "Ladies, I'm afraid I have to tell you.... you have the right... to remain... SEXY!"
 

Officer McHunky rips his shirt off, and the girls go insane.  He tells them to follow him to the party, which confuses everyone.
 
"What party?  Can't we just party here?"  Michelle W asks.
 
"Nope" replies the stripper, "Brandon baked up an extra special surprise for the likes of you."
 
All of a sudden, all eyes are on me.
 
I grin and say "This way..."
 
Walking down the hall, I explain to them the secret boudoir a-la-Bob that I discovered.  The girls are grinning from ear to ear, but Quincy looks uneasy.
 
"I know I'm a happily married man, B" he says, "but this ain't gonna be no sausage-fest, is it?"
 
I smile as I open the door to the basement, and Helena's finest cheer to greet our crew.



Sonia + Pole = DAAAAAYUM...

Since half of our group was already naked, I showed them to the hot tub, to wash the black off.  "Sorry Falen, but yours is probably going to stay on" I say, as she slaps me.

"You're lucky your cracker-ass is comin in with us" she replies as she unbuttons my jeans, "or else I'd REALLY be upset!"

There were body shots and strip-twister games galore.  Michelle W, the wound-up mommyblogger was workin that pole like she was a pro.  And Q?  Q had a girl on each arm, telling them about the time he played a cereal prank on one of his old college roommates...

Man, what a night...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, Alexandra from The Tsarita Sez is gonna finish up this saga, from the perspective of the houseguests.  Tune in to her blog for the next chapter!!

The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol (weekend recap)

Howdy all, from Helena Montana!

Not really, but meh.  Run with it.

The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol, or RBSAUI as I like to call it, is coming along swimmingly.  4 parts are up, and are well worth the read:

Part 1 from Squatlo

Part 2 from Logallot

Part 3 from Thank Q

Part 4 from Mommy Confessions

So far, I'm the quiet one that smiles a lot, stares at boobs, diffuses bar fights, and snores.

...sounds about right...

Falen has rooted herself as 'the token black chick,' Q eats nothing but shrimp and fried chicken, and Michelle W is the closet party-girl with the mommy disguise.  Alexandra is more or less Miss Cleo from the psychic network.  Character development is fun!

I wonder what precarious situations I will put them in, once it's my turn... (dun dun dun...)

I can't wait to read part 5 from Reckmonster.  She mentioned a possible Sunday publish, so stay tuned!!

An Imaginary Reality Show

...a mouthful, isn't it???

What follows is a fictional account of a reality show based upon the lives and interactions of a group of bloggers from around the country who are brought together to share a luxury log home in the mountains of Helena, Montana.  Each of these very talented writers has agreed to share part of their time and creativity by advancing the story-line of this fictional reality show in turns, following one another’s lead and taking the story wherever their twisted little minds want it to go.  Readers who want to follow along are encouraged to visit each of these blogs frequently to keep up with the tale as it progresses, and comments, suggestions, and snarky remarks are welcome!  The following “cast” of misfits will share a beautiful mansion, where they will live together, interact, and try to write while putting up with the annoying people who suddenly clutter up their lives: 

Sonia from LOGALLOT, 

Quincy from THANK Q FOR COMMON SENSE, 

Michelle W. from MOMMY CONFESSIONS, 

Michelle R. from RANTINGS OF THE RECKMONSTER, 

Lynn from THOUGHTS OF A RANDOMISTA, 

Falen from COLORFUL RANTS OF A FED UP SISTA, 

Brandon from MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO, 

and Alexandra from THE TSARITSA SEZ.   

The show’s very reluctant host is Bob from SQUATLO RANT.

This epic reality show is the brainchild of Quincy, the same dude responsible for the Stunner Award.  Eight of us (plus Bob the host) are going to participate in this epic blogging reality show, where each of us takes turns posting about what would/could happen in the house.

And can I just say, 6 women and 2 men... This should be fun.

The first post is Bob's, over at Squatlo Rant (link is here).  Please read and enjoy.  Be sure to follow all 9 bloggers, so you can keep track of the story as the posting progresses.

Enjoy the show!! Let's hope I don't get 'voted off' too early...