Wheel! Of! Republicans!! (Place Your Bets, Folks)

Primaries are finally around the corner, and we can stop playing this odd "Flavor of the Month" game where a new candidate is the front-runner every damn month, and Mitt Romney is a close #2.

Iowa's caucuses are days away, and not only is Ron Paul surging in the polls, but now Rick Santorum is becoming a relevant number 3 in the race.

Almost time to do-see-do again, candidates.  Michele Bachmann needs her 5 minutes in the sun or she's going to whither away from lack of exposure...

It'll be nice to see these primaries done and over with, so the Dem's have their champion (Obama) and the Republicans have theirs.  I know debates and primaries are supposed to separate the candidates from the contenders, but I have never seen such infighting amongst ranks as I have this year.

Oh, and don't forget... if Donald Trump doesn't like America's choice, he may just run as an Independent to make sure a person he doesn't like doesn't get the office.

If there is any bright side to the "Wheel of Republicans" it's that Rick Perry got on, was at the top for a brief few days, and then slipped back into obscurity.  This could mean one of two things:

- He's more irrelevant than he thinks, and will not gain any traction for the rest of the race, or

- It's his turn to surge and become leader again.  And at just the right time.

If he does end up getting the nomination, or becomes relevant again in any way shape or form, I suggest looking at a line of "Fuck Rick Perry" accessories.  Hats, T-Shirts, Bumper Stickers, etc.  Show your love, and get that tool booted off the island of misfit politicians already.

Can it be voting time now please?  So we can get most of these clowns off the air?

Book Review: Full Rising Mooner by Mooner Johnson

Buckle your seatbelts, wax your ass-hairs, plant your tongue firmly in your cheek, and get ready for a swear-riddled ride you'll never forget.

Mooner Johnson and his madcap crew of ex-wives, family members and supporting cast shine brightly in Full Rising Mooner.  This novel joins Mooner on one of his escapades, and will suck you in from page 1.

Even the dedication is fantastic:

This book is dedicated to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, without which I would be but one more listless and uninteresting man.

And it gets better.

Murdered environmentalists, seductive grandmothers, and Rick Perry jokes galore fill this book.  For someone that typically reads slowly, I devoured the 438 pages of hilarity.   I also learned a few things from this book:

• Going forward, I will help conserve water by peeing in the sink.  I don't have a water bill of my own, per se, so I'll be doing this at friends' houses, to help them out.  (I'm such a giver)
• I learned about 23 new ways to incorporate swearing into my life.
• I'll never look at someone's grandmother the same way again.
• The same goes for the pat-down ladies at the local courthouses...

If you are easily offended or can't take a joke, this book is not for you.  If ass humor turns you off, you're best buying another book.  But if the inner child in you loves low-brow-yet-witty humor, you're going to love this book.

My autographed copy

I'm trying my best to skirt around the plot, because you really need to read this book for yourself.  It's part murder mystery, part ass-themed circus, and completely insane.

But therein lies the beauty of it.  Mooner is crazy.  There's no denying that.  Hell, even he admits it.  But you'll be right there with him, conducting the crazy train and laughing your ass off.

Full Rising Mooner is available on Amazon.com and for e-readers galore.  For a taste of what to expect, make sure to go to Mooner's blog and start catching up on the many characters in Mooner's life.

Finally, if you love Rick Perry as much as the rest of the nation, check out Mooner's store for various "Fuck Rick Perry" gear.  More to be posted soon, once I can get cafepress to let me upload again (blargh).

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!