Happy Father's Day: To the real father-figure in my life

When I think about Father's Day and who I consider to be the real father-figure in my life, I don't think of my actual dad.  If you read yesterday's post, I'm sure you can understand why.

The person I call 'dad' and smile about is my ex-wife's dad.  And here's why.

I met my ex when I was 18, dated when I was 19, and married when I was 20.  Yes, I was legally considered an adult, but I really wasn't 'grown up.'  My dad really wasn't the lesson-teaching type, so everything I had learned from this point was pretty much self-taught.  That is, until Boyd stepped in.

Boyd accepted me with open arms, and treated me like a son from the get-go.  He gave advice, answered questions, and kicked my butt when it needed to be kicked.  He was everything my dad wasn't, and I loved him for that.

He was also a Freemason.  When I turned 21, I joined the local lodge, not only because of the messages Boyd gave me (Masons take great men and make them better) but also as another way to bond with him.  It was something we could have in common, talk about, and share with each other.

Masonry wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and I grew tired of the political posturing that a lot of members focused on.  I learned a lot while I was a member, but I just didn't see it as a good fit.  Maybe I'm just not the secret society type?

Over the years Boyd took me under his wing, and helped teach me skills that every man should know.  We worked on home projects together, fixing cars, doing taxes, and many other 'adult' things.  He answered all of my questions candidly, and treated me like a peer instead of a nuisance.

I never had these types of bonding with my dad.  His version of bonding was watching sports together, and him screaming at the TV in hopes the referee or Quarterback will be able to hear him, and "get their act together..." 

When I look back at my youth, I don't see a lot of 'warm and fuzzy' memories of my dad and I hanging out.  But in the short amount of time I spent with Boyd, he became the real dad in my life.

With good comes bad.  He wasn't a perfect man by any means.  He introduced me to PC games like Starcraft, Star Wars Galaxies, and World of Warcraft.  We bonded over gaming addictions as well as cars and business-talk. 

I look back at the causes that made my marriage dissolve, and video games are on that list.  I was addicted, and it cause a major rift in my relationship.  I was a bad husband and a bad father, because I 'had to make raid times.'  I have noone to blame but myself, but part of me wishes that Boyd never introduced me into that world.  He would buy me all the games, just so I could play with him... we both would spend countless hours online, ignoring our real worlds and living in fantasy.  We both, at times, put the game before our marriages...  I don't play anymore, because I never want to fall down that rabbit hole again.  Boyd never made that decision, and continued to be a hardcore player until the end.

Sadly, Boyd passed away in 2008.  He died of Heart Failure, in a fairly quick fashion.  My youngest was born, and in less than 2 months grandpa had passed on.  It was a devastating loss to the family, and my first experience with death for someone I loved deeply, and mourned intensely. 

Though dead, he will never truly be gone.  His lessons linger in my heart, and I will always remember him and all the good times.  My youngest will never remember being held in papa's arms, but I will make sure he knows about this great man, and what he did for me.

Happy Father's Day, Boyd.  You're missed, and will never be forgotten.

Wonderful Weekend Adventures with the Father in Law

Over Mother's Day weekend, my girlfriend, her family and I decided to take on a project.

We were going to assess and repair the shabby old deck in our back yard.

The house we are living in belongs to my girlfriend's grandmother.  Because of this, we try to make minor patches and repairs to the house, to improve resale value (if it ever comes to that).  One major problem-spot is the deck.

A good shot of the old & the new

This 5' x 5' patch took about 6 hours to do.  Here's a breakdown:

• 1 hour of purchasing supplies
• 1.5 hours of installation
• 3.5 hours of arguing and fighting, thanks to dad-in-law

A lot of the argument is the condition of the deck, and how much to repair.  At the time, there was only one rotted-out hole on the deck.  The plan was to repair that one patch, and be done with it.

But then, as we walked on the deck, we noticed a lot of 'squishy spots.'  Some of them were so squishy, they quickly became more holes.

At the end of the day, we created more holes than we fixed.  Heh.

But 'dad-in-law' didn't want to worry about those just yet.  Initially, he didn't want to worry about the other spots of the deck at all.  When we were discussing what to do, and where to resurface, he flat out told the group that, if they went with my plan, he wasn't going to help at all.

My plan was to tear out half the deck, which was rotted or close to being completely rotted, and have 5 more feet of lawn.  It would be more work and more time, but less money to spend on wood, stain, sanding etc.

He complained that was too much work, and "those parts of the deck will be good for another 4 or 5 years.  The house will be sold by then, so it won't be our problem."

Wow, really?  That's kind of messed up.  I always believed that anything worth doing is worth doing right, but hey... you're the father-figure...

Oh, and even more messed up, because you know my girlfriend and I are the ones who are thinking of buying it...

In my plan, the deck would end at the awning.

After fights, meltdowns, and a lot of tension, we finished the patch we wanted to do today.  It looks a little weird as it is, but meh.

Only one problem...

We didn't go to the edge.  I'm not 100% sure why.  He didn't think it was needed.  Yet, there are two spots in that 3 feet of space that are going to give in soon.  5 more boards was all we needed....

At the end of the day, we spent about $160 to fix one spot and ruin 4 others.  This doesn't include the time and stress that went into the project.  Heh...

Remember that desk I'm going to build for my girlfriend?  I was planning on asking him for assistance, so I had an extra pair of hands on the project. After this weekend, that's not gonna happen.