What does my dog have in common with rural america?

Crop Dusting.

As I travel through the northwest, I pass by a lot of farmland.  Now and then I get to see crop dusting planes flying by, dumping pesticides or fertilizer on crops.  Watching these pilots dip and dive is a fascinating sight.

The sheer talent these people have make me want to get a pilots license, just so I can learn to do this.  Granted, I never plan on being a farmer, but simply having the skill to pilot a plane and to do aerial acrobatics would itself be a great reward.

One day.  One day I will fly a plane, just so I can say "look what I can do.

A bonus is being able to take pictures like these to show my boys.  They're 3 and 5, and love airplanes.  Telling them about crop dusters and showing pictures like this to them blows their minds.  Hopefully one day I'll be able to take them out into Idaho or Montana farmland and go "watch this, boys..."

Whether it's me controlling the plane, or just pointing out a pilot doing his thing, I know the boys will be absolutely floored.  To see a plane this close to you, this close to the ground... it's jaw-dropping.

So you're probably asking... what does this have to do with my dog?  Well, same words (crop dusting) but a different meaning.  Here is the definition of crop dusting from the urban dictionary:

This. Is. My dog.  Melody has some NASTY gas, and will walk into a room, squeak out a silent one, and walk away before it blasts my nose.  Either that or she'll be completely asleep and foofing away.  Recently my girlfriend and I were watching a movie.  She was exhausted and kept drifting away, falling asleep in my arms...

...then a scent would hit her nostrils.  Faster than you can scream "WAKE UP!" she would shoot straight up, look at the dog, and go "Melody, outside NOW!"  The dog wouldn't have it, and stayed put.

Now, when I want to, I could have some really ripe farts.  But this dog... THIS DOG blows my bowels out of the water.  I don't know how she does it... we feed her a premium food that isn't supposed to cause gas.  Maybe she's getting into something she isn't supposed to?

Regardless, I need to hang one of those pine-tree air fresheners off her tail, as close to her ass as I can get. This dog is just plain messed up...

More Blogging Awards - Facts & Farts Edition

I love these things.  They're like blogging crack...

Moar awards for me!  And you couldn't get a wider mix than these, folks.

Given to me by Kar @ Flipside: Sanity is Overrated

Given to me by the wonderful Shutterbug @ thingamajig
AND Astronomy Pirate @ Habitable Zones of the Internet

First are the Versatile Blogger and Sunshine Awards.  The rules are the same, so I'm sort of lumping these together.

1 - Link back to the person who gave you the award, and recognize their awesomeness.  (Thanks ladies.  Much love.  Oh, and AP, *brofist* to you)

2 - Share a little bit about yourself (sunshine doesn't give an actual number, whereas VB says 7, so I'm gonna do 8...)

• I'm left handed, just like 12% of the population.  I'm green-eyed, just like 8% of the population.  Combine the two, and I'm a rare little mo-fo.
• Big Hands, Big Feet.  My ring size is 12.5, and my shoe size is 10.5.  I'mma big boy...
• I don't sing in the show, but I sing like a champ in the car.  Sometimes I miss having a long commute, because my singing time is so short these days
• My favorite football team is the Carolina Panthers.  I have never lived in North Carolina, I don't know anyone from NC, and I have never seen them play live.  However, they're still my #1 team.
• Speaking of football, when I was younger my uncle used to take me to see the LA Rams on a fairly regular basis.  He had season tickets near where the cheerleaders were.  He often sent me down as far as I could get, to go talk to them.  He used to call me "his little wingman" which I didn't understand until I was about 16.  By the time I was 7, I had pictures with me and over 25 different Rams cheerleaders.  No wonder I'm such a ladies-man...
• I want to go back to school.  My practical, business side says to go back to pursue a career in web design, graphics design, or business management.  My passionate, artistic side wants me to pick up where I left off and finish my music degree.  This time, with more emphasis in writing/composing/arranging, since I love to create.  Maybe I'll eventually do both??
• TMI:  I manscape.  
• To bloggers with captchas (word verification) on:  YYYYAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!!!***  Please please PLEASE turn it off!  Do moderation instead, if you're trying to keep bots off your blog.  I'm tired of typing 'ryadigh' and 'abstinoscerous' whenever I want to show you love...

*** My scream was intended to be Howard Dean's
signature warcry.  Not as cool as Leeroy Jenkins, but
damn cool enough.... BYAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

3 - Share this award with others.

For the sunshine award, I would like to share this with 4 bloggers who make me smile on a regular basis.  They are the sunshine in my blog-reader:

• Lady Estrogen @ Adventures in Estrogen.  She is 14 different kinds of amazing.  If you're not following her, you need to be.
• Hed @ Hed Above Water.  I love this chick.  She's like me, with bewbs.  The only difference between her neuroses and mine is hers have a name.  Doctors still haven't discovered a name for what's wrong with me.
• The Gucci Mama @ Mama Still Wears Gucci.  There is so much fire and passion in this woman.  It's an honor to just read her blog.  If I ever met her in real life, I'd be in too much awe to do more than just drool and stare like a fool.
• Aunt Becky @ Mommy Wants Vodka & Band Back Together (and others).  She. Is. Amazing.  My words won't do her justice.  You just have to go and see her awesomeness for yourself.

For the VB award, I'm going to have to pass on passing this one along.  Seems like too many people have this already.  It gets around more than syphilis at a party school.  Besides, anyone I would nominate probably already has it.  If you want it, and don't have it, feel free to snag it.

The next award is kind of unique.  

Smells like victory...
...and Taco Bell.

It's the Silent But Deadly award, which I snagged from Jewels @ Jewels Turning 30.  There are no rules for this award other than sharing a fart story.  If you have one to share, take this award and feel free to tell us all about your flatulent frivolities...

My fart story involves my wonderful girlfriend.  Back when we were casually dating, you want things to be perfect.  That meant, for me, trying to abstain from passing gas in awkward situations.

In the beginning, there was a lot of sex.  When you're spending a long weekend in a hotel suite, you're in close quarters for long periods of time.  "What if I rip one in front of her?  That would be mortifying..." ran through my head all the time.

When I had to let one go, I'd excuse myself to the restroom, or offer to go get ice or something.  I'd leave the room, blast one out (or five...) and come back when my tank was empty.  

This worked for a few days.  One night, in the middle of the night, I'm sound asleep next to her.  Apparently all the sex tired me out, but she was still a little restless.  I pass gas, and in my sleep, loudly say "Awww CRAP!"

The next morning, she tells me this.  To this day, I still can't live it down.  If I use the words "aww crap" in any situation, she recalls the farting incident and starts laughing.

Turns out it's not a big deal, but still.  When you're new to a relationship, you try to keep things as kosher as possible. 

Now we're much more relaxed.  We are still polite, and don't let things rip on a regular basis.  (But if it happens it happens, ya know?)  I forgot exactly what I did, but a few nights ago I made her laugh so hard she blasted one out.  That, in turn, made me laugh.  I wouldn't be surprised if my ass reciprocated....

Anyway, there's my fart story, and my newest cache of awards.  Happy Monday, all!  I hope your week is a BLAST!