So the money I've been saving up for the trip is gone.
I just called my bank, and they've wiped everything out. Even though I'm already getting my wages garnished at work, they took everything out of my bank.
The stickler is, I share this account with my girlfriend. Last I checked, her wages can't be touched because of my support, but if it's a mutually shared bank account, they can take it all.
I guess I won't be visiting my boys after all. Shit.
4/30/11
I'm going going, back back to Cali Cali...
As the title suggests, I'm planning a trip back to California.
It's been too damn long, and I miss my boys. Things are finally getting stable enough, emotionally and financially, where I can consider going down there.
Money is still going to be tight. I can't exactly take them to Disneyland for 3 days, but I can at least take them to the beach or the park.
Any suggestions, people? I'll be driving down Friday, probably only see them in the afternoon (12 hour drive). I'll be with them all day Saturday, and probably breakfast/brunch on Sunday before they go to church.
Right now, I'm thinking the beach. We've had some fun at Huntington Beach, and I'm sure I could get my mom, or a friend or two to come, so I'm not outnumbered...
However, if any wealthy benefactors would like to see me do Disneyland or something more extravagant, please feel free to donate to the "Show the boys a good time" fund.
Happy weekend, all!
It's been too damn long, and I miss my boys. Things are finally getting stable enough, emotionally and financially, where I can consider going down there.
Money is still going to be tight. I can't exactly take them to Disneyland for 3 days, but I can at least take them to the beach or the park.
Any suggestions, people? I'll be driving down Friday, probably only see them in the afternoon (12 hour drive). I'll be with them all day Saturday, and probably breakfast/brunch on Sunday before they go to church.
Right now, I'm thinking the beach. We've had some fun at Huntington Beach, and I'm sure I could get my mom, or a friend or two to come, so I'm not outnumbered...
 |
| I miss the beach... |
However, if any wealthy benefactors would like to see me do Disneyland or something more extravagant, please feel free to donate to the "Show the boys a good time" fund.
Happy weekend, all!
4/29/11
Freaky Friday: Paraphilia
What a mouthful!
Today's topic of fun and freaky fetishes is Paraphilia, or, the fetish of being aroused by amputees.
Not that there's anything wrong with amputees. This focuses on people who worship the stump.
I could see the logistical advantages to this, at times. Sometimes limbs can just get in the way. But I have never seen this as something "on my bucket list," you know?
Threesome? Absolutely.
Little bit of Jungle Fever? Sounds fun.
A stump-job? Not so much...
Those with amputee fetishes have a wide range of places to look on the internet. This will include fetish sites, as well as dating websites such as datingamputees.com and amputeedate.com.
I consider myself to be an equal opportunity person. I become attracted to the person as a whole: mind, body, personality, etc. If you're missing a limb (or four), it won't change anything in my eyes. I don't see it as a disadvantage.
But, on the other hand, I don't see it as an advantage either.
What are your thoughts? Have you ever been with an amputee? Was it better/worse/same? Feel free to share...
Today's topic of fun and freaky fetishes is Paraphilia, or, the fetish of being aroused by amputees.
Not that there's anything wrong with amputees. This focuses on people who worship the stump.
I could see the logistical advantages to this, at times. Sometimes limbs can just get in the way. But I have never seen this as something "on my bucket list," you know?
Threesome? Absolutely.
Little bit of Jungle Fever? Sounds fun.
A stump-job? Not so much...
 |
| I could see how this could make masturbation a little difficult... |
Those with amputee fetishes have a wide range of places to look on the internet. This will include fetish sites, as well as dating websites such as datingamputees.com and amputeedate.com.
I consider myself to be an equal opportunity person. I become attracted to the person as a whole: mind, body, personality, etc. If you're missing a limb (or four), it won't change anything in my eyes. I don't see it as a disadvantage.
But, on the other hand, I don't see it as an advantage either.
 |
| Would'ja look at the pears on her... |
4/28/11
Fun With Twitter
"Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"
Have you heard of that meme before? Well, thanks to Simple Dude, I found a way to generate something similar, with my own personal flair:
Meet That can be my next tweet:
You can find it here. It's a fun little tool that takes your twitter account, scans your previous tweets, and guesses what your next tweet could/should be based on past postings.
It's pretty random, but a good laugh is to be had.
 |
| Thanks to this, I have noticed I say "Holy Balls" a lot... |
Do you have a twitter? If so, go to That can be my next tweet, and play with it. I'd love to see some of your potential tweets in my comments.
Enjoy!
4/27/11
Know Your Neighbor: The Meth Head
Way back in January, I made a post about Meth in Idaho. It was meant to be more humorous than anything, but it still had some staggering facts:
• Idaho spends between $60 to $102 million annually to incarcerate and treat the offender
who admits 'I have a problem with Meth' —this represents between 32% - 55% of the Idaho
Department of Correction’s total budget
o 52% of Idaho inmates directly attribute Meth use to their incarceration
o 89% of female offenders in county jail in Idaho indicate they have a problem with
Meth—73% of these women indicate that Meth is their drug of choice
• During 2007, more than 70% of Federal drug offenses in Idaho involved
methamphetamine
• Idaho ranks #4 in the country for past year Meth use by 12 – 17 year olds and 18 – 25
year olds
• Idaho ranks #7 for lifetime Meth use by high school students
I don't know about you, but that's some scary stuff. Meth is BY FAR the drug of choice in Idaho, and it's effects are everywhere.
It's freaky to see these people first-hand. I work at a non-profit, and one of the things we do is give out food-box vouchers for low income families, to take to the local food bank. When a tweaker comes in, you can't help but stare at them for a little bit. The twitching, the itching, the darting eyes, the fragmented sentences, it's amazing.
And all of this, just for a cheap high.
Surfing the net, I found this research picture from a local university. It speaks for itself.
I was out last night with my girlfriend and her sister, drinking and socializing and venting. You know, the usual. They're like me, they like to people watch from time to time. It was pretty obvious to us, as they walked in, who the meth-heads in the bar were. Surprisingly, there were more women than men (at least, what I saw).
The good news is, if you're overweight, I've never seen a fat girl on meth. They're all skinny. Coincidence? I don't think so. Maybe meth should get a sponsorship from a major weight-loss corporation?
Sorry. That wasn't funny. Meth is no laughing matter. At least, not like some of the other drugs...
4/26/11
Bow Before Your Overlord
I won another award, and I think I might like this one the most.
Why?
Because I'm the boss now.
I present to you the Overlord Award, given to me by Jewels. This puts me in charge, so you better check yo-self before you wreck yo-self.
Rules for this award are as follows:
Why?
Because I'm the boss now.
I present to you the Overlord Award, given to me by Jewels. This puts me in charge, so you better check yo-self before you wreck yo-self.
Rules for this award are as follows:
- List 3 things you would change with the world, if you were in charge (which, now, you are)
- Pass this award out to others who deserve world domination, and
- Tell them they're in charge now.
So. Now that I'm the boss of you, I would like to enact these 3 laws. It doesn't matter if you like them or not, because I say so!
Rule #1: I am making it a requirement for you get a license before you can have children. Why? Because some people just shouldn't be breeding. This law will make everyone on Earth 100% sterile until they can go to their local form of government and prove they are ready for children. This would mean a mom and dad, both consenting, both ready. This would mean you're mentally ready to accept a newborn into this world, and raise it right. This means you can only have enough children that you could financially support. This would (most importantly) mean there will be no more "Eleventy-seven kids and counting" shows on reality TV. Guys will love this law because there will be no more 'surprise' pregnancies. Governments will love this law, because users of programs like WIC will decline. People would have to be ready and self-sufficient before they are able to bring another life into this world. I think it's good for the children, don't you?
Rule #2: I'm taking over the US budget. Sorry folks, but I'm raising taxes, at least for a while. I will lower state sales taxes to 5% on items such as groceries and everyday household items. I will raise taxes on cigarettes and alcohol to 25%. I will legalize marijuana, and tax it at the same level as booze and cigs. Lastly, income tax will be a flat 35% for all, until we get our shit back in order. I'd make it a punishable crime for legislators to sneak in 'pork projects' to increase unnecessary spending, and will requite a 100% balanced budget every year. If anything, we can have a surplus, but we are not going to go deeper into debt anymore. Let me do this for 5 years. Watch roads improve, watch schools have better funding, watch our health care system improve. Then, because of all of that, day to day spending on things like insurance will go down. Gripe now, but just you watch. Creating programs that cost more money, while lowering taxes just doesn't work, so I'm putting a stop to it.
Rule #3: Speaking of schools, I'm going to add some "Real Life Studies" into the curriculum. Classes will be designed to teach kids the following:
- Manage and pay bills, and control their debt/finances
- Everyday household repairs, including basic home and auto maintenance
- 'Cubicle Dweller 101' - where you learn the basics of Microsoft Office and other business functions
- Negotiation and Haggling, the art of arguing (to teach people how to buy cars properly, and such)
A lot of kids today (myself included until about 24) have a hard time surviving and thriving in the real world. Parents aren't prepping their kids in ways they should be, so lets educate these kids while they're still in school. Teach them to avoid credit card debt. Build their credit score. How to fix a leaky faucet. Change the oil on their car, etc. I want to see them turn into independent, functioning adults when they graduate, and I believe a change in school studies will help this. Oh, and bring back some culture into schools. Music programs get the funding they need, along with other arts programs. Broadening horizons is always a good thing.
So there you go. Sorry for the lack of the usual humor, but being in charge carries a weight of responsibility. Now that I've changed the world for the better, we can have a toga party or something to loosen up.
 |
| TO-GA! TO-GA! TO-GA! |
As for passing on the torch, I select two people to rule over us next.
A Daft Scots Lass - Because the world needs some good-lookin leaders, and with a Scottish/South African accent, any speech given would be an awesome one to listen to.
Falen @ Colorful Rants - Because she's got the skills to be in charge. Let's see what she does with it.
Go go, ladies! Make me proud!
4/25/11
How do people find you?
Google is a powerful tool in the 21st century. Hell, it's even a verb (have you goog'd lately??).
So naturally, when you manage a blog, you want to make sure your site shows up when people search for relevant topics.
What I would like to consider relevant to my blog:
If you think god is a pimp, you'll get me. If you're racist because you're white, you'll get me.
Um, what?
Some things make sense, like the '7th day Idaho' search, because of my post on Sundays in this town. But other results just baffle me...
I don't ever remember doing a blog post on trying to lick my own junk, let alone providing pictures about it.
So, denizens of the blogosphere... what crazy search results pop up on your statistics? Let me know. I'd love to hear some of the best...
So naturally, when you manage a blog, you want to make sure your site shows up when people search for relevant topics.
What I would like to consider relevant to my blog:
- Humor
- Cultural Obervations
- Idaho (mostly making fun of it)
- Internet pop-culture (from time to time)
Um, what?
Some things make sense, like the '7th day Idaho' search, because of my post on Sundays in this town. But other results just baffle me...
So, denizens of the blogosphere... what crazy search results pop up on your statistics? Let me know. I'd love to hear some of the best...
4/24/11
You Will NEVER Forget This Easter Post
Happy Easter!
This post was inspired by a conversation between my girlfriend and I. We moved into her grandmother's house when we moved to Idaho, and had to pack up grandma's things before we could unpack our stuff. One thing grandma had more than anything else: Jesus. es.
Jesus figurines, Jesus pictures, Jesus everywhere.
And from a smart-ass perspective, I was amused because no two Jesuses looked the same. It was like Jesus snowflakes.
When we finished packing, we had a "Big ol' box-o-Jesus." Reminiscing about that box, the conversation that inspired this epic post began.
Me: "So what exactly is the proper plural of Jesus? Jesuses? Jesuseseses? Jesusii?"
Her: "I'm not sure. But it really doesn't matter. The wonderful thing about Jesus is he's the only one."
And then, synapses in my brain began to fire rapidly.
This was the result:
Yes, like Tigger, Jesus is the only one.
Once the avalanche started, I couldn't stop. I was singing "oh the wonderful thing about Jesuses, is Jesuses are wonderful things. Their tops are made of salvation, their bottoms are made out of miracles."
And so on.
Images of Jesus bouncing on Pooh and Rabbit came flooding into my mind.
This is when I say no, I'm not atheist. I just have a beliefs system that doesn't fit into any church's moldings, and as you can see, I have a very warped sense of humor with very little limitations.
Anyway, happy Easter. For me, it will never be the same.
This post was inspired by a conversation between my girlfriend and I. We moved into her grandmother's house when we moved to Idaho, and had to pack up grandma's things before we could unpack our stuff. One thing grandma had more than anything else: Jesus. es.
Jesus figurines, Jesus pictures, Jesus everywhere.
And from a smart-ass perspective, I was amused because no two Jesuses looked the same. It was like Jesus snowflakes.
When we finished packing, we had a "Big ol' box-o-Jesus." Reminiscing about that box, the conversation that inspired this epic post began.
Me: "So what exactly is the proper plural of Jesus? Jesuses? Jesuseseses? Jesusii?"
Her: "I'm not sure. But it really doesn't matter. The wonderful thing about Jesus is he's the only one."
And then, synapses in my brain began to fire rapidly.
This was the result:
 |
| Meet Tigger-Jesus |
Once the avalanche started, I couldn't stop. I was singing "oh the wonderful thing about Jesuses, is Jesuses are wonderful things. Their tops are made of salvation, their bottoms are made out of miracles."
And so on.
Images of Jesus bouncing on Pooh and Rabbit came flooding into my mind.
 |
| This picture didn't look right before I photoshopped it, and it certainly doesn't look right now. |
Anyway, happy Easter. For me, it will never be the same.
4/23/11
The Po-Po in Pocatello have NO sense of humor
Well, that was $14 worth of gas I'm not going to get back.
Pocatello is about 50 miles from Idaho Falls, so I used the drive time to scheme and decide which shots I want to get. And where. Idaho State University has a campus there, so that was going to be one of the main spots.
I also planned on going to a fairly populous area, to get reaction shots of people as I scowl and sneer at them.
Driving into town, we passed the police station. I HAD to pull over. This was the perfect spot to start! Talk about a 'thumb your nose to authority' spot...
...but that was the mistake.
My photographer and I start taking pictures, laughing the entire time. After a minute or two, there is a tap on my shoulder.
It's a cop.
"Excuse me son, what are you doing?"
I stammer... "We're taking pictures of the police department..."
"Well why are you making all those funny faces? I don't get it."
I explain to him the law, and how I was here taking pictures as kind of a mockery to the law. I end by saying "I'm sure that's an old law, and probably off the books by now. So, heh, no harm no foul, right?"
"Heh, sure. I don't see the big deal. But hold on a second, ok? I'm going to be right back. Stay right there."
He takes a few steps away, and starts talking into his walkie talkie.
2 minutes later, he's back, with a stern look on his face. "Apparently it's still a valid law. And I'm afraid I need to write you a ticket for this violation."
It's a $50 fine. I argue and try to wiggle out of the ticket, but he's serious. FINALLY, he relents a little bit. "Ok, ok... I won't give you this ticket, on one condition."
So I met his condition.
I deleted all the pictures of my trip as he watched. All offending pictures were removed from my camera's memory card, and then he sent me on may way. He initially wanted to confiscate my camera altogether, but I was able to talk him down to just destroying the evidence.
So, yeah. 2 1/2 hours, and all to show from the trip is some sweaty palms, a lower gas gauge on my car, and this lone picture of Poky.
Pocatello is about 50 miles from Idaho Falls, so I used the drive time to scheme and decide which shots I want to get. And where. Idaho State University has a campus there, so that was going to be one of the main spots.
I also planned on going to a fairly populous area, to get reaction shots of people as I scowl and sneer at them.
Driving into town, we passed the police station. I HAD to pull over. This was the perfect spot to start! Talk about a 'thumb your nose to authority' spot...
...but that was the mistake.
My photographer and I start taking pictures, laughing the entire time. After a minute or two, there is a tap on my shoulder.
It's a cop.
"Excuse me son, what are you doing?"
I stammer... "We're taking pictures of the police department..."
"Well why are you making all those funny faces? I don't get it."
I explain to him the law, and how I was here taking pictures as kind of a mockery to the law. I end by saying "I'm sure that's an old law, and probably off the books by now. So, heh, no harm no foul, right?"
"Heh, sure. I don't see the big deal. But hold on a second, ok? I'm going to be right back. Stay right there."
He takes a few steps away, and starts talking into his walkie talkie.
2 minutes later, he's back, with a stern look on his face. "Apparently it's still a valid law. And I'm afraid I need to write you a ticket for this violation."
It's a $50 fine. I argue and try to wiggle out of the ticket, but he's serious. FINALLY, he relents a little bit. "Ok, ok... I won't give you this ticket, on one condition."
So I met his condition.
I deleted all the pictures of my trip as he watched. All offending pictures were removed from my camera's memory card, and then he sent me on may way. He initially wanted to confiscate my camera altogether, but I was able to talk him down to just destroying the evidence.
So, yeah. 2 1/2 hours, and all to show from the trip is some sweaty palms, a lower gas gauge on my car, and this lone picture of Poky.
 |
| ...have a nice day. |
4/22/11
Funny Idaho Laws: THE RESULTS
And the results are in, peoples...
The most popular law to break is:
So I will be driving to Pocatello tomorrow to made sad, angry, and other various faces at the locals.
Some of the poses will include (but are not limited to):
Have any more ideas? Let me know! Expect the results sometime tomorrow afternoon/evening. Ciao!
The most popular law to break is:
Pocatello, ID: A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face. (“It is prohibited for pedestrians and motorists to display frowns, grimaces, scowls, threatening and glowering looks, gloomy and depressed facial appearances, generally all of which reflect unfavorably upon the city’s reputation.”)
So I will be driving to Pocatello tomorrow to made sad, angry, and other various faces at the locals.
Some of the poses will include (but are not limited to):
 |
| The "Sad Keanu" face |
 |
| The Cheney sneer |
 |
| The 'FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF' Tobey Maguire |
 |
| And the Pauly D |
Have any more ideas? Let me know! Expect the results sometime tomorrow afternoon/evening. Ciao!
HOW DARE YOU?!?
As you know, today is April 22nd.
Happy Earth Day.
The city of Idaho Falls is having their annual Earth Day celebration fair tomorrow at a local park. There is going to be businesses doing giveaways, music, food, etc. Fun will be had by all.
But wait. It's Easter Weekend.
HOW DARE WE CELEBRATE EARTH DAY ON EASTER WEEKEND???
Do you remember my post on how this town completely shuts down on Sundays? Well, apparently we are supposed to do the same thing for "The Holy Weekend." Because today is both Earth Day and Good Friday, there is some conflict here, especially with the over-religious masses in town.
Because the organization I work for is having a booth at the Earth Day festival, we get calls asking for info. When does it start, is there an admission fee, what are you doing for giveaways, etc. But I'd say one out of every 4 or 5 callers complains.
"Why are you having Earth Day on Easter Weekend?"
"You should move Earth Day. Celebrate it next week."
Some are even calling it a pagan holiday. Really? REALLY?
Then again, this is the same town who refused to celebrate Independence Day on July 4th last year, because it fell on a Sunday.
The backstory there is one of the largest business owners and philanthropists in town is a devout Mormon. His political influence in this town is almost endless. I won't name the business here (because he'll find me and whack me, mobster-style) but even the town's local minor-league baseball stadium is named in his honor.
His business sponsors the local fireworks show. He refused to do it on Sunday, and used his influence to try to pressure everyone into celebrating on Saturday. Not just major businesses and fireworks shows. Many shows last year were on a Saturday just because. No, he tried to convince everyone to celebrate Saturday. Have your barbeques, light off your own small fireworks, etc.on Saturday, to keep Sunday holy.
Sometimes this town just flat-out cracks me up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be celebrating my pagan holiday.
Happy Earth Day.
But wait. It's Easter Weekend.
HOW DARE WE CELEBRATE EARTH DAY ON EASTER WEEKEND???
Do you remember my post on how this town completely shuts down on Sundays? Well, apparently we are supposed to do the same thing for "The Holy Weekend." Because today is both Earth Day and Good Friday, there is some conflict here, especially with the over-religious masses in town.
 |
| Seriously, you folks will protest anything... |
"Why are you having Earth Day on Easter Weekend?"
"You should move Earth Day. Celebrate it next week."
Some are even calling it a pagan holiday. Really? REALLY?
Then again, this is the same town who refused to celebrate Independence Day on July 4th last year, because it fell on a Sunday.
The backstory there is one of the largest business owners and philanthropists in town is a devout Mormon. His political influence in this town is almost endless. I won't name the business here (because he'll find me and whack me, mobster-style) but even the town's local minor-league baseball stadium is named in his honor.
His business sponsors the local fireworks show. He refused to do it on Sunday, and used his influence to try to pressure everyone into celebrating on Saturday. Not just major businesses and fireworks shows. Many shows last year were on a Saturday just because. No, he tried to convince everyone to celebrate Saturday. Have your barbeques, light off your own small fireworks, etc.on Saturday, to keep Sunday holy.
Sometimes this town just flat-out cracks me up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be celebrating my pagan holiday.
4/21/11
Observations: Post Office Hell
I mailed my boys their Easter cards yesterday. My wonderful, talented girlfriend handmade two amazing cards, and I know they will love it.
But since the envelopes were a little thicker and heavier than the norm, it meant a trip to the post office.
It's been a while since I've gone to the post office, but I still know my way around. Unlike most younger adults these days, I had penpals when I was growing up, so I am used to mailing letters.
This day in the post office, there seemed to be two main types of people. Younger 'kids' who don't know JACK about mailing a letter or parcel, and women over 150. Talk about polarization.
I had an old lady in front of me, and an old lady behind me. Both had that fanTASTIC old-lady-perfume smell goin on. Different scents, same basic 'granny' smell. You know, cheap roses? It was like gag-fest 2011. In stereo.
The geezer in front of me was about 4 feet tall, and had about a 4 foot stack of mail needing to be sent out. When you see this, and only one person helping customers, you get a lump in your stomach. This is going to take a while.
But she wasn't the real problem. It was the lady behind me.
This 500lb mouth-breathing sea hag, for some reason, decided that she needed to be 6 inches from the back of my neck. Granted, the line was a long one, but you can allow a little bit of breathing room between people.
And when I say breathing room, I mean stop mouth-breathing on the back of my neck. First off, you sound like a congested Darth Vader. Second, you're melting the little hairs on the back of my neck with your hot, rancid 'I just ate a WHOLE BAG of Funyuns' breath.
Ahead of me and the geriatrics were a handful of teenagers and early 20-somethings trying to figure out how a post office works.
We are now in the age of instant gratification. People these days don't seem to understand that mail takes a few days to travel from one end of the country to the other. And if you want it there super-fast, you're going to have to pay for it. Things like 'Priority Mail, Certified, Insured, Return Receipt' were like speaking gibberish to people. And when you mentioned these services would cost extra, people flip.
Cmon, this isn't like checking a box on the email, letting you know when the recipient read your letter. It's a little more complicated than that.
Lastly was a dude, probably about 17, who didn't have a clue about cell phone etiquette. He enters an enclosed, metal building, full of people. His reception gets fuzzy. What do? I know! SHOUT!
"HEY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
"IS THIS BETTER?"
"WHAT ABOUT NOW?"
"OH THERE YOU ARE. OK, AS I WAS SAYING..."
Everyone wanted this guy dead. The air was getting thicker, filling with murderous intent, when it was finally my turn.
No surprise, but I did what I had to do, and got out of there as quickly as possible.
But since the envelopes were a little thicker and heavier than the norm, it meant a trip to the post office.
It's been a while since I've gone to the post office, but I still know my way around. Unlike most younger adults these days, I had penpals when I was growing up, so I am used to mailing letters.
This day in the post office, there seemed to be two main types of people. Younger 'kids' who don't know JACK about mailing a letter or parcel, and women over 150. Talk about polarization.
I had an old lady in front of me, and an old lady behind me. Both had that fanTASTIC old-lady-perfume smell goin on. Different scents, same basic 'granny' smell. You know, cheap roses? It was like gag-fest 2011. In stereo.
The geezer in front of me was about 4 feet tall, and had about a 4 foot stack of mail needing to be sent out. When you see this, and only one person helping customers, you get a lump in your stomach. This is going to take a while.
But she wasn't the real problem. It was the lady behind me.
 |
| I swear, she looked exactly like this! |
This 500lb mouth-breathing sea hag, for some reason, decided that she needed to be 6 inches from the back of my neck. Granted, the line was a long one, but you can allow a little bit of breathing room between people.
And when I say breathing room, I mean stop mouth-breathing on the back of my neck. First off, you sound like a congested Darth Vader. Second, you're melting the little hairs on the back of my neck with your hot, rancid 'I just ate a WHOLE BAG of Funyuns' breath.
Ahead of me and the geriatrics were a handful of teenagers and early 20-somethings trying to figure out how a post office works.
 |
| Hey. Kids. Know what this is? They didn't... |
We are now in the age of instant gratification. People these days don't seem to understand that mail takes a few days to travel from one end of the country to the other. And if you want it there super-fast, you're going to have to pay for it. Things like 'Priority Mail, Certified, Insured, Return Receipt' were like speaking gibberish to people. And when you mentioned these services would cost extra, people flip.
Cmon, this isn't like checking a box on the email, letting you know when the recipient read your letter. It's a little more complicated than that.
 |
| CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE CAN!!! |
Lastly was a dude, probably about 17, who didn't have a clue about cell phone etiquette. He enters an enclosed, metal building, full of people. His reception gets fuzzy. What do? I know! SHOUT!
"HEY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
"IS THIS BETTER?"
"WHAT ABOUT NOW?"
"OH THERE YOU ARE. OK, AS I WAS SAYING..."
Everyone wanted this guy dead. The air was getting thicker, filling with murderous intent, when it was finally my turn.
No surprise, but I did what I had to do, and got out of there as quickly as possible.
4/20/11
Love what you do, and make money doing it.
I'm always looking for ways to flex my entrepreneurial muscles. If I can find a way to do something I like, and make money doing it, I'm going to jump at the chance.
For example, I started blogging because it was a good way to vent about my current situation. When I found out I could make a little sidecash by placing ads on my site, I gave it a shot. After a month of blogging, I got a check for almost $130. I was stoked. Ads are in limbo right now, which I may play around with this weekend, but I still love blogging for blogging's sake.
Another thing I love doing is graphic design.
I used to do this for a living, and I miss it from time to time. I got paid to play with pretty pictures all day. Sure, I did a LOT more than that (I was often referred to as "the glue that held the company together") but the main aspect of my job was marketing, promotions, and graphics graphics graphics.
Designing something as simple as the header for my blog (or various buttons/logos) is always a fun adventure. Not only do I love doing it, but I think I'm fairly good at it.
Now and then, I help a friend or family member with a project, like I did with my girlfriend and her scrapbooking business. Not only did I design her website, but I also made this snazzy logo using a vacation picture of her brother.
So when I was reading other blogs and found one mentioning a band who was doing a "design our logo" contest, I jumped right in. Not only were there goodies if I won, but my work would be on a bigger stage than ever before.
They're called Five Finger Death Punch, and the contest info can be found here. Sure, by linking the contest, one of you may join in on the fun, and possibly beat me. But still... half the reason of doing it is the sheer fun of doing it.
So all you graphics-nuts, what do you think? What should I work on? What do you like, and what don't you like? Do you think I have a shot at turning this into a career, if I devote a little more time and training into it?
Let me know. In the meantime, here is my submission for 5FDP:
For example, I started blogging because it was a good way to vent about my current situation. When I found out I could make a little sidecash by placing ads on my site, I gave it a shot. After a month of blogging, I got a check for almost $130. I was stoked. Ads are in limbo right now, which I may play around with this weekend, but I still love blogging for blogging's sake.
Another thing I love doing is graphic design.
 |
| A logo I designed for a graphics design business. IF I ever decide to start one, that is... (Last name is Pearson. Hence the pear) |
I used to do this for a living, and I miss it from time to time. I got paid to play with pretty pictures all day. Sure, I did a LOT more than that (I was often referred to as "the glue that held the company together") but the main aspect of my job was marketing, promotions, and graphics graphics graphics.
 |
| A flyer I created for my former employer, promoting an Open House event. |
Now and then, I help a friend or family member with a project, like I did with my girlfriend and her scrapbooking business. Not only did I design her website, but I also made this snazzy logo using a vacation picture of her brother.
So when I was reading other blogs and found one mentioning a band who was doing a "design our logo" contest, I jumped right in. Not only were there goodies if I won, but my work would be on a bigger stage than ever before.
They're called Five Finger Death Punch, and the contest info can be found here. Sure, by linking the contest, one of you may join in on the fun, and possibly beat me. But still... half the reason of doing it is the sheer fun of doing it.
So all you graphics-nuts, what do you think? What should I work on? What do you like, and what don't you like? Do you think I have a shot at turning this into a career, if I devote a little more time and training into it?
Let me know. In the meantime, here is my submission for 5FDP:
 |
| I CRUSH YOU! |
4/19/11
The Obligatory 'Yay For Me!' Post
Thank you. All 500 of you.
Cock-a-doodle-doo!!!
I'm still not used to the sunrises and sunsets in Idaho.
Today is April 19, and the sun rose at 6:39. The sun will set at 8:15.
In California, we'd call that August.
August in Idaho, the sun won't set until after 10pm. This is a very strange thing for me.
When I was younger, I would read about Alaska, and the sun never really setting in the summer. In the winter, the sun would never really rise. In my mind, that was Alaska. The rest of the US had 'normal' movements of the sun.
It didn't dawn on me (get it? ha...) that I'm now living 830 miles farther north than I used to, therefore the days are going to be longer in the summer, and shorter in the winter.
I usually set my internal clock by the sun. I start winding down my day when the sun sets, especially in the summer. Now that it's going to be about 2 hours later than I'm used to, I fear for my sleep schedule.
It makes me feel bad for the farmers that start and stop work when the sun rises and falls. That has to make for some looooong days...
 |
| Derp-a-doodle-doo!! |
Today is April 19, and the sun rose at 6:39. The sun will set at 8:15.
In California, we'd call that August.
August in Idaho, the sun won't set until after 10pm. This is a very strange thing for me.
When I was younger, I would read about Alaska, and the sun never really setting in the summer. In the winter, the sun would never really rise. In my mind, that was Alaska. The rest of the US had 'normal' movements of the sun.
It didn't dawn on me (get it? ha...) that I'm now living 830 miles farther north than I used to, therefore the days are going to be longer in the summer, and shorter in the winter.
I usually set my internal clock by the sun. I start winding down my day when the sun sets, especially in the summer. Now that it's going to be about 2 hours later than I'm used to, I fear for my sleep schedule.
 |
| Gorgeous, yes. But at 10:45?? |
4/18/11
Funny Idaho Laws (and I'm gonna break some)
I have seen other bloggers making posts of funny laws in their state, but I'm going to up the ante a little.
I'm going to break one of these laws this weekend. And you're going to help me choose which one.
Here are a list of absurd laws found in Idaho:
I'm going to break one of these laws this weekend. And you're going to help me choose which one.
Here are a list of absurd laws found in Idaho:
- You may not fish on a camel’s back.
- Boise, ID: Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back.
- If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
- Bicycles are not allowed in the tennis courts.
- Pocatello, ID: A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face. (“It is prohibited for pedestrians and motorists to display frowns, grimaces, scowls, threatening and glowering looks, gloomy and depressed facial appearances, generally all of which reflect unfavorably upon the city’s reputation.”)
- Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
- A boy may only court a girl after obtaining written permission from her father.
- Children up to the age of 14 must have a certificate signed by their parents to testify that they regularly brush their teeth.
- Idaho Falls: It is illegal for anyone over the age of eighty-eight to ride a motorcycle.
- You are not allowed to sleep in a dog kennel. (unless you are a dog)
- You can't buy or sell chickens after sundown without the sheriff's permission.
- Non-married couples in Idaho who engage in sexual intercourse can be jailed for up to six months.
- It is Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
To vote, leave a comment telling me which law you want to see me break. I'm not over 88, so I can't do the motorcycle one. And I'm not a police officer, so I can't do the sex one. But you get the idea. Vote for your favorite, and I'll post the results on Sunday.
4/17/11
I don't need to build a doghouse anymore, but I could start on a trophy case...
I'm sorry to report that Miles is back to Niles, and has been returned to the shelter.
The problem? Our cats.
My girlfriend and I each have a cat. One has been around dogs before (hers) and one has not (mine). When we brought Miles home, we thought it would be a few days before things would settle down and everyone would get along.
WRONG.
Gf's cat (also known as the big fat bitch) hissed and lunged at Miles on a regular basis. They got into a pretty intense fight, and I'm surprised the cat walked away unharmed. My cat Weeble was so terrified of the dog she'd visibly shake. She also was peeing all over everything in protest.
I finally took Miles back to the shelter and they said "Oh, you have cats? Um, yeah... he doesn't like cats. His last owner, he put the guy's landlord's cat into the vet. Cat needed stitches.
Heh, thanks for warning us.
So no more Miles. We were able to return everything but about $40 worth of stuff, which is gonna be donated to mom-in-law's dog. That includes a big-ass bag of dog food. Lucky pup.
So like my title suggests, I don't need to build a doghouse anymore. But it looks like I'm going to need to build a trophy case. Because I was given 2 more awards!!
First up is the 'Cherry on Top' award, given to me by the famous and sexy Random Girl Blog. She's a top-notch blogger who also writes articles for The Dude Society, so make sure to check her out on both mediums. That is, if you're not following her already. Odds are you have been for a while, because she's just that badass.
And she thinks I'm yummy! I haven't had a girl tell me I have 'that little bit extra' in, well...
Award rules state I need to tell you 3 things I love about myself, and then pass it on to 5 other bloggers.
1 - I love my sense of humor. It comes in handy when diffusing tense situations, and it melts women's butter faster than almost anything else I know of (maybe not as much as a 6pack, but I'm working on that)
2 - I love the fact that, if I want something and put effort into getting it, I get what I want. I'm not always ambitious, but when I am, watch out world.
3 - I love having green eyes. They're like a magical hypno-laser of sexiness.
As far as the 5 bloggers go, I choose these five fantastic females:
The problem? Our cats.
My girlfriend and I each have a cat. One has been around dogs before (hers) and one has not (mine). When we brought Miles home, we thought it would be a few days before things would settle down and everyone would get along.
WRONG.
Gf's cat (also known as the big fat bitch) hissed and lunged at Miles on a regular basis. They got into a pretty intense fight, and I'm surprised the cat walked away unharmed. My cat Weeble was so terrified of the dog she'd visibly shake. She also was peeing all over everything in protest.
I finally took Miles back to the shelter and they said "Oh, you have cats? Um, yeah... he doesn't like cats. His last owner, he put the guy's landlord's cat into the vet. Cat needed stitches.
Heh, thanks for warning us.
So no more Miles. We were able to return everything but about $40 worth of stuff, which is gonna be donated to mom-in-law's dog. That includes a big-ass bag of dog food. Lucky pup.
So like my title suggests, I don't need to build a doghouse anymore. But it looks like I'm going to need to build a trophy case. Because I was given 2 more awards!!
 |
| I haven't had a girl give me her cherry in.... |
And she thinks I'm yummy! I haven't had a girl tell me I have 'that little bit extra' in, well...
Award rules state I need to tell you 3 things I love about myself, and then pass it on to 5 other bloggers.
1 - I love my sense of humor. It comes in handy when diffusing tense situations, and it melts women's butter faster than almost anything else I know of (maybe not as much as a 6pack, but I'm working on that)
2 - I love the fact that, if I want something and put effort into getting it, I get what I want. I'm not always ambitious, but when I am, watch out world.
3 - I love having green eyes. They're like a magical hypno-laser of sexiness.
As far as the 5 bloggers go, I choose these five fantastic females:
- BRB - Going Insane
- Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista
- Mama Still Wears Gucci (warning, gets a little NSFW at times)
- Reflections in a Wave Pool (should get a little more NSFW at times) =P
- The Animated Woman
If you're not sure why they are worthy of this award, go check 'em out. You'll see why. Their blogs speak for themselves.
 |
| Have you hugged your blogger today? We like bj's too, ya know... |
Secondly is the Hug-a-Blogger award, handed out by Adsila at Above the Norm. Apparently I show the characteristics of a good blogger. (Who knew? I just like to type...)
No hoops for this award. Just gonna wear it proudly, and hug all the bloggers I meet.
Have a great weekend, everyone. I'll be back with another absurd Idahoan post tomorrow.
4/16/11
I love me some "Fried Up Chicken"
...whoa.
...just... whoa.
A brand new restaurant opened up in in town, and this place is amazing.
It's a little ghetto, but the food is amazing. Besides, I'm kinda ghetto myself.
This place is called "Fried Up Chicken & Scones." It's on a busy street, and can easily be missed. When you park, the only signage is window-marker lettering on the windows. It's new, and quickly thrown together.
You walk in, and one dude was working there. He was a tall, skinny black dude with kind of a southern drawl. He was the cashier, the server, the host, and the cook. The menu is kind of sad-looking. It's a science-project posterboard, with cheap lettering glued onto it, and prices written with a Sharpie.
My girlfriend and I kind of looked at each other, wondering how the food was gonna be. We ordered, and he told us to sit tight while he cooks up the chicken.
Soul music playing on a $15 Walmart portable stereo. Made me chuckle a little.
The food takes a while to cook, but that's because he preps, breads and fries everything to order.
And this stuff was WORTH THE WAIT. This guy can seriously fry up a chicken.
Plenty of sides to choose from too, but since this place is called "Fried Up Chicken & Scones," we wanted to try his fried up chicken, and his scones.
Ho. Lee. Crap. Those scones. They were like an orgasm for your mouth. I'm glad we ordered extra. They're huge, but you can't have just one. You could easily devour 6, and forget all about the chicken.
So yes. It's kind of sad looking on the outside, and kind of sad looking on the inside. But the food. OMG THE FOOD... it more than makes up for everything. This is some serious southern food.
Next time I go, I'm getting the catfish & okra. Damn.... just damn....
I'm tempted to talk to this guy and go "Look. Dude. Hook me up with some free lunches, and let me design you a to-go menu. Maybe even a proper sign." You know, help him get his business rollin. We'll see. Until then, I'm just gonna tell ALL my friends, coworkers etc up here to go and check it out.
...just... whoa.
A brand new restaurant opened up in in town, and this place is amazing.
 |
| Kentucky ain't got NOTHIN on this dude. |
It's a little ghetto, but the food is amazing. Besides, I'm kinda ghetto myself.
This place is called "Fried Up Chicken & Scones." It's on a busy street, and can easily be missed. When you park, the only signage is window-marker lettering on the windows. It's new, and quickly thrown together.
You walk in, and one dude was working there. He was a tall, skinny black dude with kind of a southern drawl. He was the cashier, the server, the host, and the cook. The menu is kind of sad-looking. It's a science-project posterboard, with cheap lettering glued onto it, and prices written with a Sharpie.
My girlfriend and I kind of looked at each other, wondering how the food was gonna be. We ordered, and he told us to sit tight while he cooks up the chicken.
Soul music playing on a $15 Walmart portable stereo. Made me chuckle a little.
The food takes a while to cook, but that's because he preps, breads and fries everything to order.
And this stuff was WORTH THE WAIT. This guy can seriously fry up a chicken.
Plenty of sides to choose from too, but since this place is called "Fried Up Chicken & Scones," we wanted to try his fried up chicken, and his scones.
Ho. Lee. Crap. Those scones. They were like an orgasm for your mouth. I'm glad we ordered extra. They're huge, but you can't have just one. You could easily devour 6, and forget all about the chicken.
So yes. It's kind of sad looking on the outside, and kind of sad looking on the inside. But the food. OMG THE FOOD... it more than makes up for everything. This is some serious southern food.
Next time I go, I'm getting the catfish & okra. Damn.... just damn....
I'm tempted to talk to this guy and go "Look. Dude. Hook me up with some free lunches, and let me design you a to-go menu. Maybe even a proper sign." You know, help him get his business rollin. We'll see. Until then, I'm just gonna tell ALL my friends, coworkers etc up here to go and check it out.
4/15/11
Week in Review
Ho-lee-fudge people.
This has definitely been a rollercoaster week of ups and downs. I'll try to make this brief, because I have an ANIMAL demanding my attention.
(Gah, puppies. Who know? Oh yeah. Everyone.)
Girlfriend has been on-and-off icky feeling all week, so our time together has been 'meh' at best. Hoping this weekend is different.
Work has been productive at some points, teeth-pulling during other times. I have my first major presentation to a hospital forum in a few weeks, and preparation for this event is just plain fun. Not.
Looking for some side-work, to get a little extra income going. A local radio station is looking for freelance graphic design, so I sent them my portfolio. Hope something comes from it.
Thursday morning, I wake up to an email from adsense. "We think your site has potential for fraud, so we're shutting you down as a precaution." Wha-what? I'm appealing, and hopefully I get reinstated, but this made me grumpy. It's not like I'm making millions of dollars by having these ads on my site, but hey. Beer money. I like beer money...
Oh yeah, and I got a dog. A very loving, energetic, "ooh, cats! Let's play!" kind of dog. A 'whine through the night because I'm in a crate and not in your bed' kind of dog.
He will get better. I know. But sheesh.
Friday is here, and I'm stoked. Almost enough to sing Rebecca Black songs while eating cereal.
Almost. Still not gonna happen.
Tonight I'm gonna shoot some pool with work friends, and I'm hoping for a relaxing weekend where I can recharge my batteries.
Oh wait, I need to build a dog house.
...crud.
This has definitely been a rollercoaster week of ups and downs. I'll try to make this brief, because I have an ANIMAL demanding my attention.
(Gah, puppies. Who know? Oh yeah. Everyone.)
Girlfriend has been on-and-off icky feeling all week, so our time together has been 'meh' at best. Hoping this weekend is different.
Work has been productive at some points, teeth-pulling during other times. I have my first major presentation to a hospital forum in a few weeks, and preparation for this event is just plain fun. Not.
Looking for some side-work, to get a little extra income going. A local radio station is looking for freelance graphic design, so I sent them my portfolio. Hope something comes from it.
Thursday morning, I wake up to an email from adsense. "We think your site has potential for fraud, so we're shutting you down as a precaution." Wha-what? I'm appealing, and hopefully I get reinstated, but this made me grumpy. It's not like I'm making millions of dollars by having these ads on my site, but hey. Beer money. I like beer money...
Oh yeah, and I got a dog. A very loving, energetic, "ooh, cats! Let's play!" kind of dog. A 'whine through the night because I'm in a crate and not in your bed' kind of dog.
He will get better. I know. But sheesh.
Friday is here, and I'm stoked. Almost enough to sing Rebecca Black songs while eating cereal.
Almost. Still not gonna happen.
Tonight I'm gonna shoot some pool with work friends, and I'm hoping for a relaxing weekend where I can recharge my batteries.
 |
| Without the bewbs. You get the point. |
Oh wait, I need to build a dog house.
...crud.