Freaky Friday: Stupid Penis Tricks (PLUS Audience Participation!)

A man's member is often his favorite toy.  And I'm not just talking about masturbation, we men do some weird things with our willies.

For example, have you ever heard of Puppetry of the Penis?  It's a stage act involving men turning their peckers into entertaining shapes and forms.

Moves like "The Eiffel Tower" or "The Wristwatch," or even "The Loch Ness Monster" amuse crowds around the world.  Books are even available for those wanting to learn the humorous art of 'genital origami.'

And, when you're bored, you yourself wonder if you can do these moves, or maybe invent your own...

If turning your junk doesn't sound like a good time... what about using your penis for art?

Meet Tim Patch, also known in the art world as Pricasso.  He is a painter, but what sets him apart is his, um, paintbrush.

You see, he uses his... well... I'm sure you get the idea after seeing the picture.

Tim Pricasso has painted world figures as well as average people.  He charges about $150 for a single face portrait on his website, and he does pretty good work.  He also tours around the globe, and is currently in South Africa.

Also included on his site are testimonials and a few videos of the artist doing his thing....

...with his thing....

Can you identify the three pricks in this picture?

After stumbling upon Pricasso's site, I thought "I'm no artist, but I can do this..." so I'm willing to give it a shot.

And here's where the audience participation comes in.

Technically those are FINGER paints, but close enough.

I bought the canvas.

I bought the paints.

I was born with the brush.

Now, I need a muse.

What should I paint?

...any ideas??

Please leave a comment below, and let me know what I should paint.  I'll randomly choose a winner, and will feature the painting (as well as the process) on a future Freaky Friday post.

Who wants their portrait done?  Who wants to see me paint a picture of Idaho?  A political piece, maybe Michele Bachmann devouring a corndog?  Let me know what you think.  If you win, I'll make it happen.

Just keep in mind, I'm no Pricasso.  Just an average joe with an average johnson, doing the best he can for the name of entertainment.

...aaaaand GO!

Freaky Friday: Non-pornographic Pornography

Welcome to the internet.  If you didn't already know, the internet is for porn (thank you, Avenue Q).  And the interwebs are FILLED with it.

I should know... I'm a dude...

If you search "Freaky Friday" on my blog, you will see a wide variety of weird things that people are into.  I've covered amputee fetishes, balloons in the bedroom, online trysts, and even stuffed-animal loving.

Good times.

Today I'm going to share my favorite yet.  Why?  Because this is the first one I've found that I'm actually somewhat into.

Non-pornographic porn.  Specifically the type found at Beautiful Agony.  BA specializes in vids people record of them getting themselves off.  But there's a twist.

No nudity.  No graphic images.  You typically see the person (they have both men and women) from the shoulders up.

Like this.

No nipples, no penises, no X rating at all.  Just facial expressions, moans and the like.  You get to see people at their purest, having a no-frills and no-nonsense orgasm.

Most smut online is graphic.  Extremely graphic.  The reason I like this concept is because it's a little classier than the normal fare.  You get to see people doing their thing, and an orgasm is a beautiful thing.

I love having them.  I love giving them to others.  Orgasms rock.

Bonus points, for guys who watch way too many pornos, you get to see what an actual climax looks like.  This isn't a faked "oh baby, give it to me harder" ordeal.  This is the quivering, the gasping, the facial expressions and the release that make it feel oh so good.

It can also be educational for the sexually inexperienced.  No two O's are the same.  They're like sexual snowflakes.  Just because you don't hear "oh god, oh God, OH GOD" doesn't mean the bubble didn't burst.

I'm trying to keep this post semi-safe for work (as I do for most Freaky Friday posts) but if you want to see an actual video of this, click here.  The site is ultra-NSFW, so click at your own discretion.

The first time I saw it, I didn't blink.  And for someone who looks at dirty vids from time to time, that's saying something.

It's tame.  It's not X rated.  But it's still pornography, and it's outside what could be called the norm.  While not a true blue fetish, I think it classifies. Barely.

What say you?  Weird?  Hot?  Bland?

Freaky Friday: Plushies (Not to be confused with furries)

I first heard of this phenomena in college.  I was in the university's wind ensemble (BAAAND NERRRD) and was good friends with an Oboe player.  Mainly because she was HOT and I was, well, a teenage boy.

During her single moments, she, like most women, used toys.  Except... she didn't like holding a magic wand and diddling herself... she attached it to a stuffed animal... and went to town.

"It's not all that uncommon" she would say...  "I know a lot of people with a bear or a tiger, won at a carnival, that has become a love toy...  I mean, it's no different than a man using a blow-up doll, is it???"

Not only could I not disagree with her, I was surprised how many other women I'd meet in my lifetime that would admit to this.  It may just be personal perspective, but it seems to be more women than men who do this.  Not only with a toy, but sometimes without, just to enjoy the friction.

I mean, to each their own, but I don't think I could really do that to an inanimate object... with eyes.  I could take a fleshlight and put it into a My Little Pony plushie, but... I don't think... I'd... be able to...

Just because, in my mind, I'd be boofing a pony.  Or a bear.  Or a dolphin, like the girl in the picture.

I'm not attracted to flipper... I like women...

But again, to each their own, right?

Now, I want to point out this is DIFFERENT than Furries.  Furry sex is when people dress as animals and get it on.  Like so:

What happens when you cross Bambi, Mary Poppins, and a LOT of booze???

Still odd, but these are two people.  ...sort of... in the case of the plushies, one of the pair is an inanimate object.

Going back to my college friend, she had a party at her house one day.  After a lot of drinking and shenanigans, I asked her... "Can I see it?"

"See what?"

"You know... your stuffed lover..."

She was happy to oblige.  She used a strapon to make a gigantic Winnie the Pooh be an anatomically correct Pooh Bear... by the way, did you know Winnie is really black underneath that fur?  And HUNG?  Neither did I...

What's funny is my vivid imagination coupled with this fetish.  I think about Toy Story... what if the stuffed toys are really ALIVE?  Do they enjoy the bump and grind?  Do they crave a cigarette afterward?

I bet they would...

Was it good for you, baby??

Freaky Friday: Balloon Lovers a.k.a. Looners (squeaky squeak...)

I was reading a post last month over at Sex N Fries about these people, and I instantly had a new favorite fetish.

what a, erm, pair...

I'm talking about people who incorporate balloons into the bedroom.  Looners, as they like to be called, use balloons in various forms of coitus.  For example, using it as something to prop your partner on top of...

According to wikipedia as well as loonervision (warning, NSFW), the thrill of balloons can come in different ways.  Some people live for the 'pop' while others love the sounds the balloons make when rubbing up against other objects.

The 'poppers' like to inflate the balloon until it pops, or use a sexy object to pop the balloon during points of the sexual experience.  Stiletto heels, their lover, or just a needle can be used to pop the object.  Just as long as it's done in an erotic manner.  Non-poppers, however, keep the balloon inflated at all times during sex, and use it more as an environmental prop instead of directly involved in the act.

Wikipedia also mentions that most fetishes have a basis in phobias.  Psychologists have done some minor research in fetishes to see if they spawn from childhood fears.  For example, with Looners, the sound of a balloon's explosion may spark a sort of 'fight-or-flight' mentality, and that adrenaline rush is now seized as an orgasmic enhancement.

All I know is this:  If I'm in the bedroom with my girl, and I pop a balloon in her face when she's close to climax, I'm getting my ass kicked.  And I probably won't be getting any for a while...

Source: Loonervision

There may be benefits to using large inflatables like Yoga Balls or wedges in the bedroom (angles and such...) but balloons by themselves don't really do it for me.  Maybe if I were a part-time circus clown, things would be different.

I'd like to consider myself to be pretty open and adventurous when it comes to trying out new things, but I'm not getting a sexy vibe from balloons.  Roleplay?  Sure.  A little S&M?  When done right... Balloon animals?  Doesn't seem like the time or the place.  I understand the feeling of the rush people get when they hear the explosion, but there are other ways to get that same adrenaline kick.  Public places, for example...

What say you, oh peanut gallery?  While this subject fascinates me (from an outside perspective) I just don't see the sexual draw to this.  Do any of you see this as remotely sexy?  Do you like adding an adrenaline rush into your sexual escapades?  If so, how?  I always love hearing from you.

In the meantime, please enjoy this video from Durex condoms.  While not incredibly sexy, it's still a damn funny vid to watch.  PLUS it's full of 'sexy' balloon sounds...

Freaky Friday: Paraphilia

What a mouthful!

Today's topic of fun and freaky fetishes is Paraphilia, or, the fetish of being aroused by amputees.

Not that there's anything wrong with amputees.  This focuses on people who worship the stump.

I could see the logistical advantages to this, at times.  Sometimes limbs can just get in the way.  But I have never seen this as something "on my bucket list," you know?

Threesome?  Absolutely.

Little bit of Jungle Fever?  Sounds fun.

A stump-job?  Not so much...

I could see how this could
make masturbation a little difficult...

Those with amputee fetishes have a wide range of places to look on the internet.  This will include fetish sites, as well as dating websites such as datingamputees.com and amputeedate.com.

I consider myself to be an equal opportunity person.  I become attracted to the person as a whole: mind, body, personality, etc.  If you're missing a limb (or four), it won't change anything in my eyes.  I don't see it as a disadvantage.

But, on the other hand, I don't see it as an advantage either.

Would'ja look at the pears on her...

What are your thoughts?  Have you ever been with an amputee?  Was it better/worse/same?  Feel free to share...

Freaky Friday: Do You Want To @#&$ My Avatar?

I couldn't resist on this one, because this is a game I tried to get into at one point.

I'm talking about Second Life.

If you haven't played it, it's basically an online game where you socialize with other people.  You make a character "avatar," design him/her/it to look how you want him/her/it to look, and venture off into the world.

By the time I tried the game out, there were two main themes to the game:  Online moneymaking ideas, and online sex.

Today, I'm discussing the latter.

The game was originally designed so your dude had the "barbie" look.  Ie: No genitalia.  But because of the open-source theme of the game, people quickly designed "skins" with anatomically correct body parts, along with other designs.  Some were free, most you had to pay for.

One example is this:

Rawr?  Maybe?  No?  Ok.

If you want fur, ears and a tail, by all means have them.

At the same time, if you want to copulate with your, um, ilk...

You can do that too.

You can range from normal and mildly adventurous encounters....

...to something a little more extreme...

You get the idea.  It's basically a next-level form of cyber sex.  But, with most internet phenomenon, some people take things too far.  Some people have left their normal IRL (in real life) relationships to further pursue their online affairs.  Marriages were shattered.

But, as the old-style AOL and yahoo chat rooms taught us, be careful who you get freaky with....