It's about poop.
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| not completely related, but funny |
I was blocked up pretty bad. To the point where I was in a little pain.
I had never been in a position to have to buy a laxative before, so this is new territory for me. Luckily I'm near a Target, so I run over to get something to help.
Soooooo many choices...
I still haven't picked up dinner, so I'm reading the instructions at a red light.
"Take 1-2 pieces as needed, or daily for regular use."
I open the box.
It only has two bars in it.
What kind of a laxative box only comes with two pieces in it? (look at the picture. See '24?' I didn't...)
So I unwrap a bar, shove it in my mouth, and chew on the nastiest piece of chocolate I've ever had. "Wow, that's a lot of chocolate for just one dose" I think as I swallow...
After I park, I think about it some more. I look at the front of the box, and see '24.' I take out the other bar, and notice it has 12 little grooved pieces you're supposed to break apart.
I just had 12... and you're only supposed to have 1-2 at a time...
Oh crap. Literally.
I pick up dinner, sweating a little. This is going to be a bad night. Worried, I go back to the hotel, eat dinner, and wait.
...nothing.
Watch some TV, nothing.
Get tired, and go to bed... nothing...
Maybe it was a false alarm? Maybe I'll be ok?
And I was.
....until about 2am...
36 witty retorts:
HOLY FECK... I was yelling at you when I was reading it.
I knew what was about to happen.
24 pieces, IN-F*CKING-DEED.
lol.
Sorry about your raw intestines and bum hole.
there really are just no words for this...... just a sound....EWWWWWW!!!
I can't tell you how much I appreciated you using Vegeta as a representation of your exploding bowels.
I used to watch DBZ all the time and I always thought to myself how much it looked like they were shitting their pants when they were powering up.
I'm sorry. I'm giggling madly over here. That really blows O_o.
Even I am shitting after reading this.
At one point did you stand up just to see how far you could rocket it out? You know, for distance trials.
I thought I was the only blogger who needed adult supervision... Thanks for renewing my self-esteem.
Although unfortunate this is too funny. As I was reading I had a feeling where this was going. The look on Vegeta's face speaks volumes.
I feel for you, man. When I started college a few months ago, my diet drastically changed from home-cooked pasta meals every night to pop tarts, easy mac, ramen, and the occasional pizza. I think I had my first full week without pooping. I didn't take a laxative though, because apparently you can become dependent on them (not addicted - you literally start to need them to poop at all!) I can't imagine the kinds of things you felt that night.... I hope you're feeling better by now :D
hahahahahaha, I can't believe you didn't read the carton!
Oh no! But at least it wasn't an instant ex-lax. I can't imagine being stuck in a car when the molten lava starts to flow. Ouchies!
Holy crap, that was funny. (I'm sure it wasn't for you.)
That's why if I were you, I'd stick with more natural remedies. Cranberry juice or prune juice (both have to be all natural) helps my parents when they feel constipated. And in the long run, it cleans out your intestine. Eat a lot of spinach and fiber is another obvious one. Sorry about that!
lmfaoooo, badass! You're a trooper!
That is rather funny. You played the oldest trick in the book on yourself.
B, I can't stop laughing at this. The Mrs. is giving me the evil eye as she's trying to sleep while I'm giggling over here. I would have paid someone in college to do this as a dare and the fact that you did it unknowingly is funny as... well, you know.
I hope the gut grenades didn't hurt you too badly. I know that it didn't feel all that pleasant as you hollowed yourself out.
Be sure to take laxatives a little more seriously next time. LOL!
yummi reading sir
Holy shit man! Literally! On upside of this, I bet you lost some weight and felt like a million bucks when it was over!
Laxatives are tricky beasts. If nothing else, you never trust what you think is a just a simple fart.
Because you never know when you'll suffer an unscheduled bout of gastrointestinal distress.
Unless it happens in church.
Then you sit in your own pew.
(FULL DISCLOSURE: NOT my own joke. I just think it's funny. Because it's true).
On that note as I'm still laughing and my is looking at me like what the hell is he doing. I think to my self glad I'm not the maid at that hotel.
Let me guess. You had the screaming shits at 2am.
hahaha. Propeller shit.
We went to Atlanta coke factory and they had about 112 flavors or something. The guide warned us before hand, so I didnt try much. But my hubby wanted portapotty in every milestone.
And they asked everyone to reuse their cups. My 4 year old twin, after tasting every flavor, instead of reusing his cup, replaced the cup back. Oops!
Unless you've done a bowel prep for a colonoscopy, you have no idea.
http://www.livinginkelliesworld.com/2012/06/part-iii-of-my-colonoscopy-trilogy.html
Holy Shit! Cue the Immodium!
At least you probably had a little time to catch up on your reading.
Oh crap man! Hope you've recovered by now!
What a closing photo! It captured every nuance of the rest of your evening perfectly :)
Someone tried to feed me ex-lax brownies one time and were forever asking "if everything came out alright" which I never understood until someone confessed to me. Sadly, I use have eaten bananas and cheese with them because I never had anything less than solid.
I'm guessing you will never do that again... unless you have a really sick sense of humor. LOL
Michael A. Walker
Defying Procrastination
I have never had to take any laxative, my body produces it naturally....
I bet you could've launched yourself to the moon with the sheer force of the shit coming out your anus!
Fun post. In college we had a mooch who stole all our food. I had my girlfriend bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies using ex-lax for the chips. This guy showed up and , without asking, ate all the cookies, Later that evening the ex-lax worked---while he was on a date and parked at a lake. Sweet revenge.
This was an "explosive" story :)
Funny sidenote... I was LOLing after reading the story anyway, but when I read your labels, it sent me over the edge.
I almost included the label 'my apologies to the hotel housekeeping staff...'
"Sharing is caring!"
Why yes, yes it is.
Plumbing in order when you finished, because I'm sure it would have taken a hammering
LOL Bet you had the trots for a week. Found you on Dude Write btw
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