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7/30/12

Six Things Better Than #YOLO (and they all rhyme!)

Unless you've been living under an internet-free rock, you have probably seen the term YOLO bouncing around online, especially in social media.

Whether you blame Drake, Zach Efron, The Strokes or any of the other YOLO users over the last few years, YOLO is a popular term, meaning You Only Live Once.

It especially resonates with kids trying to look badass.  As Jack Black said, "I am fairly certain that 'YOLO' is 'Carpe Diem' for stupid people."

(now, with that correlation, imagine Robin Williams and the Dead Poets Society running around yelling "YOLO!  YOLO!"  I smell a remake...)

For those of you (like me) who think of YOLO as a lame acronym for people trying too hard, I present to you six things (that rhyme!) that are cooler than YOLO:

1)  Bolo Yeung, aka Chong Li from Bloodsport


Bolo is a martial arts badass, and plays the main antagonist in Bloodsport, the most awesomest horrible movie you'll ever see on network tv.  I grew up watching Bloodsport on Saturday afternoons, when no other programming was available (it usually started after Soul Train).  Chong Li is a scary mofo, and Bolo Yeung's face is one that will remain with me to my deathbed (that, and Jean Claude Van Damme's warcry:  BYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!)

2)  Solo, as in the famous Red Solo Cup


Oh memories...  from picnics to keggers, most everyone has used one of these bad boys in their lifetime.  It wasn't until recently that people noticed the measurement marks on the cup: ideal for pouring booze at just the right amounts.

Toby Keith, after running out of ideas for songs, decided to sing about this cup.  My guess is he was hammered.  But those cups are good for that, aren't they?

3)  Rolos


Chocolate.  Caramel.  Times ten.  Win.

4)  Olympic Athlete Lolo Jones


She's ripped.  She's an olympian.  She jumps hurdles like you wouldn't believe.  And she's a virgin.  As of August 5th, she'll be a 30 year old virgin (10 more years and they'll make a movie out of you, Lolo!).  Personally, I think this is cheating.  Think Lance Armstrong only having one testicle, thus being more aerodynamic.  Her hymen gives her an unfair advantage against the other sluts on the track.  Go Lolo!

5) Polo

It's a fun sport, whether on the field or in the pool, and it's a cologne that most people know.


I prefer Polo Explorer.  It's different enough where people don't go "oh, you wear Polo?" but has that same Polo "ooh, you smell yummy" reaction from the ladies.  A bro-lo shouting YOLO will only make the eyes roll (...o).

Barely making the cut is...

6)  Han Solo

I mean, everyone knows Han Solo is the quintessential badass from the Star Wars trilogy, and true fans know in their heart of hearts that Han Shot First.

I mean, who else would get away with answering an "I love you" with "I know?"  If I did that, my girlfriend would sack-tap me and try it again until I answered correctly...

The reason Han is #6 on this list and barely made the cut is because of George Lucas.  First, he made Han NOT shoot first.  Then he allowed THIS to be made...


Sorry Han, your man card has now been REVOKED.  But with that said, you're still cooler than Drake or YOLO.

Did I miss any?  Are there any other 'olo's' out there to be considered?  Or are you a part of Generation YOLO?  Feel free to share, leave a comment, and join in on the fun!

(PS - This post was inspired by this next entrant.  They're not on the list, because obviously...)


7/27/12

Oh Idaho, What The Hell?

Idaho and politics... man oh man...

Not only does Idaho boast a guy who attempted to assassinate the President, now you can find this sign in Caldwell.


Caldwell is about 20 miles west of Boise, Idaho's Capital.  The group that owns the sign says they're trying to draw attention to Obama's foreign policy and the countless soldiers that have died in the wars overseas...

...the wars Obama didn't start, and has been trying to end since getting in office.  For those of you that aren't guys, here's a clue:  The pull-out method doesn't work...

But hey, Bush started this economic landslide and Obama's getting blamed.  Why not blame him for Bush's wars too?  Also, 9/11 is somehow Obama's fault, as is Linday Lohan's drug addiction.

Thanks again Idaho, for making us the state noone else wants to deal with.  I know it's a free country and all, but if you're going to use your freedom of speech, can you at least speak accurately?