My first HNT - And Credit Woes

Expanding on my dabbling with blog memes, I'm taking a crack at HNT (click here to learn more).  I just upgraded to a new Motorola DEFY and wanted to play with my phone.  Here are the results:

*click to see the 2nd half*

Also, I want to rant about my divorce.  Yes, it was finalized a lil less than 2 years ago, but I'm still feeling the after-effects.

One of the last things we did as husband and wife was buy a home.  We split, she got the home.  No biggie.

Except my name stayed on it for WAY TOO LONG.  She lagged on payments, and my score suffered as well.

Now that I'm thinking about buying my own home, I'm kind of stuck in a bind.  I need to do some serious repair before I can get financed, so I'm grumbling a lot.

And the 1st time homebuyer tax break is coming to bite me in the butt.  Her home, she got the credit, but now the tax man is asking me why I'm not paying back the credit.

Growl...

Oh yeah, and VOTE FOR ME!!!  poll is on the post below.

Because I'm Competitive

I need your votes!

I'm in the Fav 4, in the STUNNER blogging tourney now, going up against a MAJOR heavy-hitter, Mr. Bob @ Squatlo Rant.

I have major props for this guy.  If you're not following his blog, you need to.  With that said, I want to win.  So please please PLEASE help me bury him.

His post is here...
My post is here...

Vote for your favorite!  Hopefully it's mine.



If you don't vote, I'mma send Diddy after you...

Wordless Wednesday: Vote for me

Nevermind this post, scroll down to the next one and go vote for me.

Trying out blogging memes this week, and wordless Wednesday always interested me.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, so why type?

From xkcd:


Also, there are no words to describe this music.  It's the theme to Jurassic Park, 1000% slower.

 Jurassic Park Theme (1000% Slower) by birdfeeder

Enjoy your wednesday.  Now vote for me.

Winter Madness

These past two weeks have been pretty nice in Idaho.  Snow was melting, temps in the 40's, and the sunshine felt good on my skin.

Ick.  But hey!  Brown is better than white!

This is my first 'post-snow' experience, so I was a little sad to see all the grass, leaves and stuff were a DEAD kind of brown.  But with time, the brown started to turn a little greener and greener.

My cat, the wonderful whimsical Weeble has enjoyed the sun and the lack of white-stuff on the ground.

I can haz suntan?

Most of all, I started looking at the majority of my wardrobe that was 'put away' for the winter.  Shorter sleeve shirts, hoodies instead of coats, etc.

Until Monday morning...

It's back... DUN DUN DUN...

WHAT???

"Oh, yeah.  This is March" says my girlfriend.  "March is the yoyo month.  Spring will be here in mid-April sometime..."

Grrrrr....

This winter is slowly driving me insane.  I'm getting cabin fever.  I want warmth, dammit.

I miss the beach.  I miss swimming around in a pool 9 months of the year...

So what's a boy, bordering on insanity to do?

Have some fun of course.

Fuck the snow.
I'm ready for fun in the sun!

What was seen cannot be unseen...

Sunday was a nice relaxing day for me.  I decided to go to Starbucks, because I wanted a change in the coffee shop scenery.  And you know me.  I looove me some people watching.

But I didn't expect this.  Not at all.

I'm sitting here, typing on my laptop and sipping in a macchiato, when a dude walks in.  He sits down, opens up a newspaper, and just starts chillin.

How is that blog-worthy?

He was wearing one of these...

Um...

It's called a morph suit.  You can see more (and even buy) at morphsuits.com.  They're basically head to toe spandex suits that you can not only see through, but drink through.

He scared the living bejeezus out of the baristas when they finally noticed him.  After a few seconds of awkward conversation his friends walk in.

All in all, there were about 7 people (men and women) in morphsuits in that starbucks, drinking water, chatting it up, and performing minor shenanigans.  Eventually one of the local news channels showed up and interviewed them.

I might actually be on tv.  If you see the confused looking patron in the corner, that was me.

After a few google searches, it looks like morphsuits are becoming mildly popular.  Weird, but popular.

It's like Blue Man Group.  But green.

For about 6 seconds, I even considered getting one.  It only lasted 6 seconds because of 2 really big reasons.

- I'm about 230lbs.  I'd look like Thundergut Johnson in one of those things...  Maybe once I drop this last bit of weight...

- These costumes leave nothing to the imagination.  You can see every bulge, bump, ridge etc on these people.  The girls were cold & pointy.  You could tell which guys were packing crayolas versus kielbasas in their pants.  I don't think the world really wants to see my junk...

Will this fad catch on?  Will we see legions of anons in morphsuits, doing flashmobs or committing various forms of shenanigans?  Only time will tell.

Sunday Silliness: Self-Reflection and Shocking Songs

I miss my dad, but I don't.

He and my mom divorced about 3 years back, and he became Mr. Grumpypants to the extreme.  But at the same time, he's my dad.  He is an out of work insulator, that probably has mesothelioma because of all the asbestos he's worked with over the years.  I haven't talked to him in over 2 years.

The last time we spoke a lot is when I was driving him to the hospital so he could have his radiation therapy done on some cancerous spots they found in his throat.  That was 2008.  Since then, he's moved in with his parents in AZ, and become a total recluse.  I speak with Grandma and Grandpa at times, but never hear about dad.  Is his cancer gone?  Does he have mesothelioma?  Did he contact those lawyers you see on TV?  Is he still an asshole?

Oh well.  I know he's not dead, because I'm his main beneficiary in his will.  I'd be informed of his death.  So that's good, at least.  I guess...


Ok, onto the lighter side of things.  I have a twitter account (@Spud_Slinger) and my blogging contest competition and I have been going back and forth with jokes and jabs.  We eventually started talking about "The shocker."

Don't knock it til you try it

Q, the MC of the blogging battle, had no idea what that was.  So I, um, popped his cherry by showing him this video.

Enjoy!

Hahahahahaha....

First drunken blog post, scripted on Friday night...

How YOU doin???

Just came from a bar, with my gf's sister.  She said "my friend's band is playing tonight at such-and-such bar... wanna come?"  Sure!

Turns out her friend is a coworker of mine.  "A, do you know B?  He works at the same place as you!"  We look at each other, and the smart-ass in both of us kicks in... "REALLY???  Nice to meet you!  I'm A!  I'm B!"  We had a good laugh about it.

Anyway, this guy rocks on the bass guitar, and I learned tonight that there are at least a small handful of cool people at my work.  My boss is a good person, and the chemistry is good, but she's not the type to go to the bar and shoot pool with a bloke like me.  Now I know of at least 2 people that fall into that category, thanks to tonight.

And Saturday is the craft fair for my gf.  I need to be up in 6 hours to help her prep, and to watch my nephew-in-law while her sister helps her out at the actual fair.

Will I survive?  I'll let you know Sunday.  Cheers!!

Freaky Friday: Do You Want To @#&$ My Avatar?

I couldn't resist on this one, because this is a game I tried to get into at one point.

I'm talking about Second Life.

If you haven't played it, it's basically an online game where you socialize with other people.  You make a character "avatar," design him/her/it to look how you want him/her/it to look, and venture off into the world.

By the time I tried the game out, there were two main themes to the game:  Online moneymaking ideas, and online sex.

Today, I'm discussing the latter.

The game was originally designed so your dude had the "barbie" look.  Ie: No genitalia.  But because of the open-source theme of the game, people quickly designed "skins" with anatomically correct body parts, along with other designs.  Some were free, most you had to pay for.

One example is this:

Rawr?  Maybe?  No?  Ok.

If you want fur, ears and a tail, by all means have them.

At the same time, if you want to copulate with your, um, ilk...

You can do that too.

You can range from normal and mildly adventurous encounters....

...to something a little more extreme...

You get the idea.  It's basically a next-level form of cyber sex.  But, with most internet phenomenon, some people take things too far.  Some people have left their normal IRL (in real life) relationships to further pursue their online affairs.  Marriages were shattered.

But, as the old-style AOL and yahoo chat rooms taught us, be careful who you get freaky with....

BYU and the Mormon Mastercard

**MAKE SURE TO READ THE COMMENTS AT THE BOTTOM!!  This conversation is an interesting one...**

I have been to the Idaho campus of BYU twice now, thanks to my new job.

The first time was for a guest lecture my boss was doing at one of the Social Worker classes.  This last time was for an intern fair, looking for the next crop of students looking for work experience (and us looking for some cheap labor).

Both times were so eye-opening, a blog had to be done.

And it has taken me a while to craft it into the shape I want it.  Is it epic?  Probably not.  But I like it.

Visit one, I was generally impressed.  All the students were well-dressed, orderly, and a lot of them were in study groups.  Nothing like when I went to college, where there was eye-candy galore, and studying was reserved for midterm and finals weeks only. 

Study hard, people.

It was only when I entered the classroom that the religious vibe kicked in.

Class started as normal, with one girl standing up to read a poem she had crafted about child abuse.  It was very moving, and the classroom (including myself) clapped.

Then all of a sudden… silence.

Heads were bowed.

The poem reader began saying a prayer.

…wha-what?

Keep in mind I went to public schools all my life.  I have never seen prayer in a classroom setting.  Minds were blown.

She prayed for my boss and I, and the hopes that we lead an upright life worthy of His blessing…

For the love of Me...
You really don't need to pray every 5 minutes...

…hokay…

The rest of the visit went like a normal college classroom, but that instance stuck in my head.  Weeks later, on my second trip to BYU, I wondered if I would experience the same thing.

Yes.  And moreso.

First off, before the intern fair, was a luncheon for the visiting agencies.  Kind of a mixer setting, sans-alcohol.  And coffee.  And any type of caffeine.  Before we ate, a prayer was said to bless the food and the staff/guests.  Drinks were lemonade and water.  Not even tea.  I guess, Mormon or not, if you’re at BYU your options are limited.

I wish I would have thought of this beforehand.  I would have stopped by a Starbucks and got a GIGANTIC latte, just for shock value.  Would I have been told to throw it away?  Or asked to leave?  If there is a visit #3, I’ll try this test and let you know.

After the luncheon, there was a training seminar on how to be better instructors/mentors for interns.  Another prayer was said, blessing the lecture, the staff and the guests (again). 

“Wow” I thought.  “Twice in less than an hour.  I feel super-blessed.”

After the lecture concluded, we prepped our tables for the fair to begin.  Students began to enter, but nobody was coming to the tables.  They were all congregating in the center area, looking at the lectern.

Why?  Well duh, we haven’t prayed yet.

Aww crap.  You guys AGAIN?

Everyone in the room was properly blessed, so we could finally begin the fair.  Things went nicely, and I found a few rockstars in the group that would work well for my company.  A few of them were the “high and mighty” types, but they really didn’t have a lot of good qualities to begin with.  Their smugness just helped seal their own grave faster.

I collected resumes, and kind of chuckled as to what these kids thought should go on a resume.   Almost all listed their mission as past experience.  A lot of them listed their availability status (single/engaged/married), which I will go into in a bit.  Some were well put-together, but most of them looked, well, like students have done them.

Times when I wandered were interesting:

-         -  I went to use the restroom at one point, and a group of 5 guys were in a group, telling dirty jokes about blacks and gays.  Since everyone at BYU (that I saw, at least) was white, and you can’t be gay & mormon, I guess it’s ok to tell these kinds of jokes?  Pfff…

-        - They didn’t have any refreshments for us during the fair, so I went to look for a soda machine for my partner and I.  When I finally found one, there was no soda to choose from.  Water, juice, milk, and other caffeine free drinks were available.  That’s it.  I was fine with water, but couldn’t buy it anyway.  The machine only took the dreaded “Mormon Mastercard”, the student cards that some universities use.  When I went to Cal State, they had the card as an option, but you could still use cash or any major credit card.  Not here.  Not Visa, not American Express.

Gas to get to BYU: $8.64

Breakfast on the go: $5.35

Gum to Prevent Death-Breath: $1.26

Being prayed for and overly scrutinized for 4 hours: Priceless

There are some things normal money can buy.  

If you’re at BYU, there’s Mormon Mastercard…

By the end of the trip, most of the faculty knew I wasn’t “a brother.”  Some of them were cool with it, including the professor I met a few weeks before.  Others gave smug looks, like I didn’t belong there.  Next time… coffee.  Maybe a fake piercing or two?  A Mike Tyson tattoo on my face?  We’ll see…

Speaking to my friends about the trip, the students, resumes, etc., they pointed out that BYU is well-known for girls going there simply to find a man.  That said, I would say about 90% of the girls I saw had rings on their left finger, either engagement or wedding-type.   During on-site interviews after the fair, I noticed it even more.  All the girls talked about their fiancée or husband during the interview, what he is going to school for, etc.

So my question to these girls would be this:  Why are you paying for a degree, when your ultimate goal is to get married, become a housewife, and have a boatload of babies?  Are you ever going to use that degree?  Or is it just viewed as a necessity when finding an ideal mate?

Suffice it to say, my views of the BYU campus, not only with my personal experiences but recent headlines in the news, is pretty amusing.  I worry about these students (amplified because of the naive little BYU intern currently in my office) when they get out into the real world and see that everyone isn’t like them.  Or worse, if they move to Vegas, Manhattan, San Diego or other majorly non-mormon spots in this country, where they’re not the majority anymore.  Are they being prepared for this? 

We better say a prayer, just in case…

*sigh*
Really?  Dude...

Edit:  This HAD to be shared at Dude Write...

Ooooooh... Sparkly....

I'm such a city boy.

Last night was mostly spent at my girl's parent's house.  Watching tv, having dinner, and just general hang-out stuff.

We leave there around 9:00, and I look up...

Not the actual picture of what I saw, but close enough.

Pretty pretty stars!  Thousands of them!

I'm from smoggy southern California, so I didn't get to see a lot of the twinkle twinkles in my life.  This was a sight to see.

Meanwhile, let me paint you a mental picture.  I'm awe-struck, looking straight up, while walking to my car.

I'm STUNNED that I didn't trip over, or run into anything.

But wow.  Seriously.  It's freaking gorgeous.

This August, when meteor-shower season hits, I'm not going to know what to do with myself...

Yes, I'm 30.  But I seriously looked like a little child on
Christmas morning...

Oh!  And before I forget, I need your help.  I'm up now for round 1 of Thank, Q's Stunner Tournament.  The link is HERE, and all I ask you to do is vote for the better of the two blog posts.  To vote, go to the polls on the left, and pick your person.  There are a few brackets going on right now, but you won't be able to miss mine.

Thanks in advance for the support!

There are conversations, and then there are OLD PEOPLE conversations

Today I was going to rant about my most recent trip to BYU, but this now takes precedence, because of my Monday.

OLD PEOPLE!   GAAAH!!!

GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

The subsection I'm referring to (and bitching about) today are the older people who 'aren't quite there' mentally anymore.  They're slow to process, slow to talk, but ALWAYS want to share every little detail of their lives with you.

My new job has me working with the Aged population.  Most of them are pretty sharp.  You can be in your nineties and still have your wits about you.  To you, if you fall into this category, my aggravation is not directed to you.

It IS, however, directed to the clientele AND THE COWORKERS who see me as the newest 'friend' of theirs, and I need to be caught up on everything I have missed in their lives.

One trip to a senior center, when I was newer and training with my boss, I had an old lady come up to me.  She stood next to me for about a minute, not making eye contact... just staring off into the distance.  All of a sudden she spins to look at me and asks, "Well?  What do you think?"

"About what?"

"About anything?"

I'm speechless... how do you answer that?  Me, in my smart-ass-ness, paused for a second and quipped "Well, I try not to think about anything."  She smiles at me, says "Me too, it makes my head hurt." and then walks away smiling.

....huh??

Let's move to coworker #1.  She works pretty close to me, so there is regular interaction.  She's good at what she does, and when she's focused on her clients, things are cool.  But when I interact with her, I apparently need explanation on everything.

She asks me to help her understand the new phone system, or fix the sound-output on her computer (as simple as turning the volume knob on the speakers...).  I help her, show her what I did, and then the dam bursts....

Her:  "Ok, thank you.  I really wasn't sure what to do, because .....30-45 seconds of fluff here...."

Me:  "That's ok, I'm just glad to help."

Her:  "I appreciate that.  You know my son usually helps me with these things... another 30-45 seconds of fluff..."

mhm.  really.  wow.  you don't say.

Trying to wrap up a conversation with her is damn near impossible.  I'm probably going to have to end up hiding my phone in my pocket, and having a ringtone similar to my office phone that I can set off when I want the conversation to end.

"Whoops, that's my line!  I have to go!"  It's a great idea.

Next is a field worker that I interact little with.  It's usually a simple "hello" and "how are you?" if anything.

Not this day.

I'm in training, and they want me to learn everything I can.  I'm basically the information hub for the agency, so I have to know everything, right?  Well Monday consisted of shadowing this lady into the field, and seeing what she does at the local senior centers.

This chick likes to talk.  A lot.

I'm hip!  I gave Clark Gable a bj on the backlot of Gone With the Wind!

During the brief car ride to the senior center, I learned these facts about her.

- She's agnostic
- She hates it when people get overly religious in front of her
- She's lived in all continental 48 states at some point in her life
- She likes to paint
- She has a fine arts degree and wants to be a museum curator someday (but today she's visiting people at the old folks home... go fig...)
- She doesn't like one of our interns because the intern talks too much (REALLY?  Coming from you that says something, sister).

I said three words that entire car ride:  "Really?"  "Wow."  And "California" (she asked me where I was from).  The rest of the one-sided gab-fest was filled with 'mmhmm's' and 'uh-huh's' on my part.

Oh, and it gets better.

She's as old as most of the people in the senior center, so she gets along just dandy with the residents.  We are officially here to visit one person, but "we're gonna check in on a few others, just to see if they need our services."  The visit with our actual client takes MAYBE 45 seconds.  Pleasantries, are exchanged, and she hands the frail old lady a business card.

At that point I'm thinking "ok, strictly business.  Get in, get out, get back.  I like her style."

Nope.

We start visiting other residents.

People in old folks homes are usually a combination of bored and lonely.  If you have a family member in one or know someone who does, you'll know you can easily get your ear talked off in one of those places.

Not this lady.  She's in her element.  The oldies like to talk, and so does she.

Somehow she has an anecdote to share with every single resident.

"Your last name is Miller?  I know a Miller, back when I lived in..."

"Oh, you have an artificial leg?  My uncle had a wooden leg, and my grandpa made it for him.  Grandpa had an eyepatch, and they used to play pirate all the time... and..."

"Oh, you used to live on the west side?  I bought a house on the west side built by such-and-such... did you know him?"

By conversation #5, I was thinking of creative ways to kill myself.
Bunny Suicides came to mind.  I love those poor bunnies...

What was originally planned to be a quick half hour trip took about 90 minutes.  By the time I got back to the office, my eyes were glazed over and my head was spinning.

Luckily it was lunchtime.  I should have made it a 3 martini lunch, but I settled on leftovers and a Dr. Pepper.

Mixing Business With Pleasure

I have been working on and of for the past two weeks on a website.  I have done this before, on occasion.  I've freelanced as a web designer for local small businesses that want a web presence, and I know how to slap one together.

Why is this one any different than the others, you may ask?

This wasn't for a client.  This was for... my girlfriend.

Do what I say, or I'll KIIIILL YOOOU!!!

Granted, she's not an ax-wielding psychopath ALL the time, but this picture seems relevant at the moment.

(babe, don't kill me)

She is going through the process of turning a hobby into a career.  She's a damn-good scrapbooker, and a lot of people have told her she should do this professionally.

See what I mean?  Gorgeous.  And this isn't even her best work...

Over the last year, that thought has grown and grown, and now she has a website.  This Saturday will be her first craft fair, where she is going to sell her wares, and get her name out there for some custom-made stuff (custom, not pre-made, is where the REAL money is, but you have to start somewhere...)

Cards for Sale, along with pre-made books and other stuff.

Don't get me wrong.  I love that she's doing this.  If she can turn her passion into a paying gig, she'll be doing what she loves and making money from it.  Ultimately, that's what everyone wants.

But the website building... well, that was... a peach.  Let's just leave it at that.

When doing websites for a client, they're usually not that bright, web-wise.  So when you use a domain hosting site (I use iPage) and it comes with templates, you use whatever shortcuts you have.  I can do a half-assed job and they'd still be thrilled.

(And believe me, when I use only half my ass, it still looks good.  Full-ass websites are fantastic even if they ARE based from a pre-existing template!)

Not my girl.  She's as much of a geek as I am.  (I met her on WoW, enough said)

She knew the font, the layout, the color scheme, the slideshows, backlinks, crosslinks, etc. that she wanted.  She came with a list.  Which means not only did I need to bring my A-game, but I had to learn a few new things to give her what she wanted.  Thank goodness for Dreamweaver and it's many tutorials.

The design changed 3-4 times.  The color palette changed about as often.  Fonts were tricky.  And all the time, her show this Saturday was looming.  She had already printed business cards, and watermarks on all the books and cards, heralding her new site.

It HAD to be done on time.

Well, not just on time.  It needed to be done a week early, so she and her friends could test it out, and I can fix any problems/bugs they found.  (THAT list is already growing too...)

On a regular basis, I was reminded it needed to be done.

"Is it done yet?"

"You told me it was gonna be done 3 days ago."

"You KNOW I NEED it to be done ASAP, right??"

This was my face at about 7:30 Saturday night...

The good news is it's done.  She didn't kill me, I didn't kill her, and we have 5 more days for testing and such. She has her crack team of friends, relatives, and scrappy associates playing with it, so I'm sure I'll have plenty more to work on during the week.

So long story short, mixing business with pleasure was... an experience.  The good news is, if this show is successful, and she gets her name out there, it will be smooth sailing for her business plans from here on out.

After all, she has a website now!!

Sunday Silliness: SEO and Super Mario

I didn't even have a lot of time to celebrate hitting my 400th follower, because all of a sudden I blinked and was at 403.  This latest milestone made me smile.

A few people ask how I do it.  Simple, I network, and I make sure my blog can easily be found.

I have had dozens find me through google alone.  If you look at my traffic referrals, google is easily my overall #1 source.

One thing that helps a lot are my images.  I make sure to name my image files with clear and easy to find names now.   It took me a while to start doing this.  If you look at my first post, the image files are names 'images' or 'idaho2newlarger.jpeg.'  Not exactly things people search for.

Now, if people look for Charlie Sheen pictures with his army of assassins, or funny meth pictures, or 'derp' faces, I'm there.  Taco trucks, dj's, evil kittehs, I'm there.  And every little bit helps. If you look at more recent stats, you can see specific images that people find, and the broad keyword searches they use to find me.

To my first 400+, I thank you.  I look forward to growing with you, and hope to grow to 1,000 and beyond with your support.

Almost as an afterthought, here is the mandatory goofiness for the weekend.  The song seems appropriate, and this vid combines one of my favorite bands with one of my favorite video games.  Enjoy the show!

Thanks again.  Much love.

So Why Am I Grumpy Today?

Something doesn't smell right in bloggerville.

And no, it's not because I haven't showered yet this morning...

A little over a month ago, I won a prize from a gaming website.  I blogged about it, and was really stoked.  It was my first time winning anything!

But, over a month later, it still hasn't arrived.

Which is weird, because according to Tristie @ WoW:  Win the Game the prize was mailed out about 30 days ago...

My question to the peanut gallery:  Do you think I was scammed?

There have been no updates to that blog since February 25.  She's not responding to my emails.  I try to think the best about people, but this is really starting to get under my skin.

I know what you're thinking, and I'm thinking it too.  It was free, and I'm not out on any costs or anything.  Maybe I shouldn't complain?

The thing is, it's a really nice prize.  It's a Razer Carcharias gaming headset.  It's an $80 Big-O for my ears.  Since I will be working on building a super-pc soon, this accessory will be a great addition to the rig.  And now I wants it.

So if this is indeed a hoax, and I didn't win this headset, eventually I'm going to want to buy it.  And THAT will cost me a chunk of change....

Tristie, if you're reading this.... halp.  Don't give me the Charlie Brown treatment...

No!  Really!  Cmon!  Kick the Football!   ...meh.

Fun With Facebook

Happy Birthday to me!

Or not.

Yaaay!

I saw this mentioned on a blog long ago (I'd link it, but the blog has since died.  Meh) and wanted to try this myself.

Tuesday was my birthday.  Yay!  Happy Birthday to me!

Wait, so was Wednesday.  Yay!  Happy Birthday to me!

Um, ok... so is today.  ...Yay!  Happy Bir--

But my real birthday is in January.

This fun social experiment took 3 days before people finally got the joke.  But during those 3 days, I got some fun statistics....

Day 1 - 20 people were fooled, including 2 family members and 1 guy who has known me since I was 6
Day 2 - 10 people still wished me a happy birthday, including 3 people who did it less than 24 hours ago.
Day 3 - The jig was up, people had figured it out.  Oh well!  You HAVE to forgive me!  It's my birthday!!!

I'd like to say that my FB friends are smarter than most.  They got the joke pretty quickly, and a handful of people knew something was up on day 1.

But still, it was a fun thing to try.  Too bad I didn't get any presents out of it...

Happy Green Beer Day

St. Patrick's Day.

Another religious holiday augmented by us heathens...

Some people are told that we celebrate St. Patty's day because of Saint Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland, but that's only partly true.  The 'snakes' actually refer to pagans, and St. P was responsible for bringing mainstream Christianity to the emerald isle.

Feel slightly more educated now?  Good.  I'm done with that.  ONTO THE BEER!

St. Patrick's day, along with Cinco de Mayo and New Year's eve, is one of the famous "trinity of drinking holiday" days in the US.  This is actually funny, because 2 of the 3 holidays is celebrating another country.  Even funnier is the fact that Cinco de Mayo isn't even celebrated in Mexico, but we will cover that topic in may.

I'm still under the weather, so I won't be participating in the festivities tonight.  However, if you're going out, drink one for me.  Pub crawls, "Kiss me I'm Irish" parties, etc are going to be a big to-do tonight.

A toast!  To Christianity!  For giving us yet another excuse to drink too much, make fools of ourselves, and hook up with strange bedfellows!

I'll drink to that!

Two-Part Thursday

I've been on and off sick for the past few days.  Because of this, I'm going to keep things short and sweet today.   Also, happy St. Patty's day!  I'm green because I'm ill, so no pinching.

I am asking all of you to do me a BIG favor and start following Thank, Q for Common Sense for two reasons...

1)  His posts are fantastic, and he is an amazing blogger.  Your wit will be sharpened, and your funny bone will be tickled.

2)  Selfish reason.  Remember that blogging contest I mentioned?  Well, it's on his site.  In order for me to win, I need votes.  Your votes.  Which means you need to be following his blog to know when the face-to-face matchups are.

I thank you in advance, my wonderful followers.



PART TWO of the post, and this is the obligatory sillyness.

I'm thinking of doing a recurring theme of "Fun Fetish Fridays."  Maybe not every week, but every once in a while.

Two things inspired this.  The music vid I posted a few weeks back from Grum:

It mocks fetish vids by creating a food fetish music video.  Girls gorge on donuts, beans, spaghetti etc in a 'bow-chicka-wow-wow' fashion.

The next thing that inspired me was this picture:

For some reason, the term 'pankakke' comes to mind when I see this.

So the first fun fetish I present to you (yes, I know it's not Friday) is Pankakke.  The gratification of wearing a pancake on your face.

Pankakke can be enjoyed in public, since no vital body parts are exposed.  However, pankakke can be transitioned into the bedroom.  Feel free to get creative with the maple syrup.

If your family is into it, you can easily have group pankakke sessions, without having to worry about doing anything illegal or immoral.

What do you think?  Is it worth doing something goofy like this to mix things up?  Let me know.

Oh, and don't forget to join Q's blog!  NAO!

Nice Guys: We are one. We don't turn into one.

Miss Falen over at Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista had a post earlier this week about hooking up two people on a date.

Quick gist, just in case you didn't click the link (click the damn link).  Her female friend complains about finding a good guy to love.  She's dated a lot of scum in the past, so Falen picks a good, well rounded guy to hook her up with.  She ends up not liking the dude because he doesn't have enough 'edge.'

And this is where I went off.

I have been in a few relationships, but two long-term ones.  I was married for 7 years, and I have been dating/living with my current female for over 2 years now.  One thing I have learned from my experiences with women:  They like projects.

My current girl scrapbooks.  That is her project.  I love her for this.  Why?  Because most of the other girls (including the ex wife) decided *I* make a good project.

I'm an overall nice guy, but I'm not perfect.  I have matured a lot in the past 10 years, but mostly on my own terms.  This is a point I'd love to get across to the 'superior gender.'  We change when we see fit.  You play less of a role in the process than you think.

Back to Falen's post.  This chick loves the bad boys, the edgy guys.  But she complains about the scum she's been with.  This sounds like, to me.  She wants a bad boy she can turn into a good man.  I'm sorry ladies.  We are what we are, and no amount of convincing or sexual favors is going to make us change the core of who we are.

My comment on the post was:

"There's a reason why the saying "nice guys finish last" is still around. Girls want bad boys, so there's some excitement and edge. But they also secretly want to tame them.

Ladies, you can't change us. We are who we are, and no amount of good sex is going to make us start wearing sweater-vests and watching Glee with you. If you want a guy like that, find a guy like that, and let me watch my basketball dammit.

Just for laughs, you should ask her to write down what she's looking for in a dude. Then count the contradictions. She wants a bad boy that is a good guy. Um...."

But it works both ways, gentlemen.  When you start dating a girl, and she doesn't like sports, you're not going to turn her into a football fan.  It's a penis, not a magic wand.

And guys... trying to be sneaky and thinking like women doesn't work either.  Too many times I see a guy (or even girl) try to move in and be friends first.  I'm sorry, but I have a handful of female friends.  When you're in the friend zone, it's hard to get out.  Only one has succeeded and been promoted to the next level.  All the others, it didn't happen.  It usually doesn't happen.  Now, if I were a girl, and a guy has been my friend for X amount of years, I'm gonna feel even more passionately about the friend zone.

Why?  For girls, it seems like non-threatening guy friends are hard to come by.  My gf sums it up pretty well:  "Every girl needs at least one gay guy friend.  So you can have a guy friend who doesn't want to sleep with you."  If a girl uses the line "You're such a good friend." I'm sorry, but you've now entered... the friend zone.  Of which, there is no escape.

Back to the ladies, and the topic of the day.  If you want a sweet guy who will buy you flowers, do romantic things for you, and be someone you can take home to mama, find that guy.  Don't take any stray off the street and try to change him into what you want him to be.

Haven't there been enough movies and "sex in the City" episodes to show my point on this?  Yet women keep trying.... thinking their magic vajayjay will tame the savage beast.

Sorry to drop the N word on y'all, but do you know what that makes you?

A Nag.

Today's moral of the story:  People mature.  People rarely change, especially when influenced (read: pressured) by others.  The tactic of "If you love me, you'll ________" does not work, so stop using it.  If you love us, you'll accept our flaws, and let us finish watching the basketball game.